We interrupt this solemn celebration of the passing of a legend to bring you this content, which is much more in keeping with our oeuvre. This post doubles as both a public service announcement and an assignment for our Director of Culinary Extremism (that's Marls, if you haven't checked the org chart recently).
The mad scientists at PepsiCo forgot to lock the door, and some ungodly rough beast slouched out, headed for Bethlehem and a whole lot of other places in Pennsylvania and elsewhere. Forget the Wuhan investigation - the Department of Justice needs to get to the bottom of this shit.
I love spicy food. Most of my meals have some form of hot peppers, Tabasco, zhug, chili paste, or other flavor-appropriate heater. And I subsisted on Mountain Dew for a large portion of my twenties, though it's probably been two decades since I tasted that sickly-sweet nectar. But together? The chills that just shot through my spine weren't the good kind.
Fortunately, I don't have to try it. That's why we have Marls. You'll recall his work in the seminal "I Have Seen the Future and It Is Not the Double Down", wherein he took one for science and ate KFC's Frankensammich. At Penn Station, no less.
When faced with a menace like this, we send our best. Good luck, Marls. We're all counting on you.
Posts
29 comments:
Marls has a young child. You can't ask him to do this. Someone a bit closer to having grown progeny should get this assignment.
even better, someone with teenage boys should get one of those close-to-grown progeny to take this on, given their iron guts and sense of invincibility.
this might kill Marls
I'm going to pass on requesting this of my teenagers. One has been dealing with stomach issues for a few days. The other just got word that there's a covid case on his soccer team, thereby shutting that down for 10 days.
My 8th grader loves soda, especially Mountain Dew. I could get him to try it. But neither he nor my younger one like hot food. I grilled a jalapeño with some steaks a few months back. They each tried a bit and essentially reacted like Harry and Lloyd during the restaurant scene in Dumb & Dumber. I like really spicy food and they can’t believe my tolerance.
I would volunteer but my cardiologist put the kibosh on all energy drinks for me. But I might be talk my wife's 24 year old nephew into to trying some. He's done the Paqui haunted ghost pepper one chip challenge. So this would be a walk in the park for him.
Excellent D&D reference by TR. D&D. Not D&D.
And why don't you guys all stop acting like a couple of pussies and we all drink it at the same time, huh?
I'll do it. I like hot stuff to a degree and I hate Mountain Dew. But I'm a bad ass.
Oh, dear lord.
A naked baby helped Nirvana sell millions of records. Now 30, he’s suing the band for ‘child pornography.’
Elden, who’s 30, on Tuesday filed a lawsuit in a Los Angeles federal court against a host of defendants tied to the album, alleging the cover is “sexual exploitation” that will hurt him — emotionally and physically — for the rest of his life.
What??
The suit alleges that all were involved in making child pornography and benefited from “the sex-trafficking venture and Spencer’s exploitation” that was the distribution of “Nevermind.”
What??
While Elden has struggled financially, he said, others have and are still making millions off something he helped create — even if he didn’t have a say in what was created. “It’s a trip. Everyone involved in the album has tons and tons of money. I feel like I’m the last little bit of grunge rock. I’m living in my mom’s house and driving a Honda Civic.”
There it is. [Old man style deep exhale.]
That guy has been threatening to sue for years. He probably screwed himself by taking money repeatedly to recreate the image over the years.
I bet he'd settle for a lock on his bedroom door, some blackout curtains, and getting that Civic tricked out fast and furious style.
and a case of mountain dew flamin' hot
/bringingthecomedyfullcircle
squeaky, wouldn't your wife's nephew also be your nephew? feels like you coulda saved yourself a couple of keystrokes there.
The Ready to Die kid wouldn’t do this. He luxuriates in the glory.
When I drove home solo in the wee hours from covering games, I occasionally nursed a Diet Mountain Dew. Between the caffeine and the lighter fluid taste, it helped me stay awake.
you know the worst part about drinking diet mountain dew?
wheelchair basketball is way entertaining
According to the interwebs, this quaff is available online only starting August 31. I have set a reminder to order some.
as have i
You know me, mister wordy.
Drive-By Truckers tonight. Giddyup.
This Kabul news is awful. I have no confidence in Biden, who will have a hard time erasing the “Jimmy Carter 2.0” stigma for the rest of his term.
He benefits from the fact this is Q1 and not Q4, but yeah
Other than being 69 years old Marsh Blackburn has zero redeeming qualities. She is a disgrace to the senate and that says a lot given the likes of Bobby Menendez and Teddy Cruz.
Trump is on Hannity. I am cringe-watching. But there’s lots of raw meat for those animals to devour right now.
there's so much bad faith in evidence. the withdrawal is a shitshow. it seems that most military withdrawals are. biden's been advocating for withdrawal for 12 years, but obama listened to the generals and called for a surge that kept us there long after we should have been. the yammering of the war-hungry establishment on both sides, including the media, is infuriating. at least there's no pandemic going on. that'd make things really bleak.
I also think the current shitshow is more reflective of a 20 year long failure than the current administration. The fact that 20 years of lives, effort, and enormous sums of money couldn't establish a military/govt capable of securing the country for our withdrawal is incredibly damning.
In happier news, I just convinced my one vaccine holdout employee to get the damn shot.
by chasing them and pinning them down while administering it?
Nah, just expressing concern for her husband who's disabled at home, and pondering what measures I need to ask her to take if she doesn't get vaxxed. Soft power.
Post a Comment