The Big Dumper

It's oft a dangerous game to anoint a new Gheorghie, especially if he's a baseball player, given that demographic's predilection for thinking America needs somehow to be made great again. But we're going to take a few tentative steps in the direction, for reasons that'll soon be obvious.

Cal Raleigh (just a terrific American athlete name) is a catcher for the Seattle Mariners. He grew up rooting for the Boston Red Sox and idolizing Jason Varitek (a plus!) in Cullowhee, North Carolina (hmmm - it's a college town, but it's in the middle of nowhere. could be a push.). Played his college ball at Florida State University (meh, but not disqualifying) and on Cape Cod for the Harwich Mariners (auspicious!).

After being drafted by Seattle in 2018, he made his major league debut in 2021. He's been with the big club ever since. This season, he leads the American League in homeruns with 23. He's second in the circuit in slugging and OPS, behind Aaron Judge's outrageous numbers.

All of this is interesting, even excellent. But we don't bring Cal Raleigh to your attention for his baseballing exploits, at least not entirely. No, we're here to celebrate something else about the M's backstop. You see, Cal Raleigh has a giant rear end. A prodigious posterior. A ridiculous rump.

If you Google "the big dumper", you're directed to Cal Raleigh's smiling mug, because that's the nickname teammate Jerred Kelenic bestowed upon him in 2020. Get a load of the bobblehead Seattle honored him with earlier this season:

Raleigh's Instagram is all baseball and family, and we're not gonna dig any deeper looking for trouble. We'll just celebrate the man and his giant ass, and hope he's not a fan of an entirely different giant ass. 

Husky Gameday, Part the Third

If you'd told me the Huskies would win the district tournament and be eliminated in the first round of the Region 4C playoffs before the season, I'd have signed for it with few regrets. I knew we were in a rebuilding year, and I definitely knew that our coach had a lot to learn. But now that we're actually facing the prospect of going home if we lose tonight at 6:00 pm, I would very much not sign for that outcome any longer. (Technically, we're going home regardless of what happens, but I think you get my point.)

Our opponent this evening brings a gaudy 16-0-2 record to the match (against our 8-6-4, though we're 5-1-1 in our last seven). They've scored 71 goals and allowed 5 (30 and 28 for the Huskies). They have five freshman starters, all of whom play for the same elite club team and have a lot of familiarity. They are fast, technical, and smart, and they're in good form - they won their district tournament final, 5-0.

We played them in the first game of our regular season. Gave up a goal off of a corner kick scramble in the first minute, then an own goal in the 53rd. Held our own, though we didn't exactly threaten them. We had kids playing different positions than we do now, and we know each other better. 

So you're tellin' me there's a chance! Up the Huskies!

zdaughter's Definitive Ranking of All Eight Mission: Impossible Movies

Everyone knows it's hard for me to pass on a request, so zdaughter and I sat down (at Whitney's request) to rank all eight Mission: Impossible movies.  It went like this.

zman: My friend Whitney asked us to do something.

zdaughter: Cool, what does she want?

zman: Whitney is a man.

zdaughter: Oh Whitney, right, he has a bad tattoo doesn't he?

zman: Several of my friends do but yes, he does.  He asked us to rank all eight Mission: Impossibles.

zdaughter: Yes!  I'll get a pencil and paper!

You may recall that she thinks of herself as a Mandalorian but she's also very much Hermione Granger--she's the kid who always raises her hand for every question just to keep the class moving along because she's paying exceedingly close attention and gets bored when things bog down.  She only got one question wrong on a math test so far this year and she's still pissed about it.  This is all her mother.  Outside of class she doesn't take herself too seriously.  She gets this from me.  Here's her spring school photo, for example.

I'm telling you all this to help frame up her approach to the M:I ranking.  She loves cold blooded killers, strong female characters, fast pacing, perfectionism, and a dollop of silliness.  And she's a zperson so she has no time for schmaltz, cheese, or maudlinism.

With that, here are her rankings:

8. Mission: Impossible 2 - Remarkably, an action movie directed by John Woo with Thandie Newton as the leading lady and Dougray Scott as the main villain is a dud.  zdaughter's take: "This is so cheesy.  He has long hair and he's always tossing it around.  The fight scenes are ridiculous, he's always flipping and spinning for no reason.  It's like he's trying to fight like a Jedi but he doesn't have a lightsaber."  I agree with all of this, I'm amazed that the franchise survived this cornball schlock.

7. Mission: Impossible 3 - Remarkably, an action movie directed by J.J. Abrams with Michelle Monaghan as the leading lady and Philip Seymour Hoffman as the main villain is a dud.  I sense a trend.  zdaughter's take: "This one's corny too.  His hair is short but now he's retired?  There's no way Ethan Hunt would retire.  And of course he has to come out of retirement to save his girlfriend.  I wasn't worried when he died, I knew they would bring him back to life.  Tom Cruise isn't going to die."  I agree with all of this too.  Blowing up a Lamborghini added insult to injury.

6. Mission: Impossible - The Final Reckoning - This is the eighth episode, currently in theaters near you.  zdaughter's take: "It's a good movie but it's too long and it's stressful.  It's a long time to be that stressed out.  Gabriel wasn't a great bad guy and it's hard to understand how the Entity works.  But there is lots of action and Grace is cool.  I wish they didn't kill [redacted]."  Grace is a thief, fyi, and zdaughter's favorite character in the franchise.  They could've lopped 45 minutes off this beast and told the exact same story.  At one point Cruise narrowly survives a crazy situation that drags on for half an hour and then he explains all the other stuff they need to do to accomplish the mission and I looked at my watch and exclaimed "Jesus Christ, we've been here for 90 minutes and they have more to do?!"  It's just too long.

5. Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation - This is the fifth episode and the first one directed by Christopher McQuarrie, who directed all the subsequent episodes.  I'm surprised she has it this low but her top four are her top four and she isn't budging for anyone.  zdaughter's take: "It's a good movie but it isn't as good as the ones I like better.  I don't like the color filter."  I have to agree on the color issue.  I don't know if we had a streaming problem on Prime but the colors were way over-saturated and muddy.  But it introduces Ilsa Faust, a world-class assassin and zdaughter's second favorite character in the franchise.

4. Mission: Impossible - Fallout - This is the sixth episode and it's also surprisingly low but this is zdaughter's list and I'm not messing with it.  "This one is good.  It has Walker [Henry Cavill] and the White Widow [Vanessa Kirby] and Ethan Hunt is John Lark."  That all makes sense if you've seen the movie.  It's a banger--this would've been in my top two if I wrote the list.

3. Mission: Impossible - This is the one that started it all.  zdaughter's take: "This is the one where he drops down from the ceiling and he can't touch the floor and the rope slips and he stops an inch away from the floor.  And he jumps off a helicopter just as it explodes and it throws him onto a train."  In other words it has iconic scenes that everyone remembers.  It's the OG, the Sean Connery of the franchise.  Number three is where I would place it too.

2. Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol - This is the fourth episode, where the franchise turns away from the soft dreck of episodes 2 and 3 into hard espionage stories.  Sort of how the James Bond franchise did a complete tonal change when they moved from Pierce Brosnan's "Die Another Day" to Daniel Craig's "Casino Royale."  zdaughter's take: "Ethan Hunt climbs on the outside of a building like a budget Spider-Man, there's a crazy chase scene in a sandstorm, the Kremlin explodes, Hawkeye is in it too."  The Avengers crossover likely boosted this one in her eyes but I agree that it's a ton of fun.  It would've been in the top two on my list.

1. Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning - This is the seventh episode and a bit of a surprise for the top spot.  But it makes sense when you hear zdaughter's take: "It has Agent Carter [Grace is played by Hayley Atwell, who played Agent Carter which I encourage you to watch on Disney+, zdaughter highly endorses it too] but it's weird to see her not in the 1940s.  It also has Ilsa and Paris [Paris is a female killing machine].  The best part is when Agent Carter tries to drive the Fiat but can only go in circles and Paris is just sitting there like what the hell.  It's the funniest of all of them."  This is all true, this is the episode that takes itself the least seriously, that occasionally puts tongue in cheek and humanizes the characters.  For example, there's a scene where Tom Cruise kills a bunch of people (this happens often) and Hayley Atwell (who met him a few hours ago) is comically shocked speechless and Cruise has to convince her that it's all ok.  In another scene, Atwell and Cruise are handcuffed together and hilarity ensues.  Cruise later ends up staggering around Rome, handcuffed to a steering wheel.  It's the only movie where Ethan Hunt gets goofed on and it has three badass female characters who help save the world, so that's why it's zdaughter's #1.

Filler for Teedge

zdaughter and I like to watch movies together and we recently polished off the first seven Mission: Impossible movies so we could go see the eighth in the theater.  Tom Cruise looks a helluva lot better than me but he still looks old.  He is older in this movie (62) than Jon Voight was in the first one (58).  His character's date of birth is shown at least twice and they don't hide the fact that he's 61, but it's still hard to suspend my disbelief at all the shit this old man does over the course of 170 (!) minutes.  And they're a tense 170 minutes!  Remarkably, neither of us had to pee during the movie and we both enjoyed it, and we got to do a few don't-tell-Mommy turns on the way to and from the theater in glorious weather.

But that's not the purpose of this post.  We sat through something like 26.9 minutes of trailers, one of which really jumped out at me.  This is for Teedge (and anyone who, like me, is stunned that KRS-One is involved).

Husky Gameday, Part Deux

I am nothing if not a superstitious fellow. I threw away a school-logoed polo shirt earlier this season after we played our worst game of the District season. There are things that are non-negotiable about gameday. For example, we always warm up on the same side of the field, even though it's the furthest from our bench. My goalkeepers get high tens, versus the high fives all the other starters get as they're announced pregame. You get the point.

And so on this District Final Husky Gameday, I'm running back the blogtheme that undoubtedly contributed to our win on Tuesday. We've beaten our opponent tonight twice this season, but each match was scoreless at halftime. I think we're a bit more talented, but they did just knock off the unbeaten regular season champs (and were the only team to hold them to at least a draw during the district campaign). That's got our kids' attention. I don't expect we'll be as disinterested as the regular season champs were.

Pretty simple equation: we play like we're capable, I like our chances. Kick's at 6:00 pm. Up the Huskies.

Husky Gameday

Playoff beard engaged. Roster (mostly) healthy. Game at home tonight at 6:00. Win and we live to fight another day. Lose and the season ends. 

A (Not So) Small Request for the Shield

The National Football League didn’t become an American sports colossus by hibernating in the offseason. The Shield manipulates the calendar and turns even innocuous goings-on into events: player draft; scouting combine; schedule release; free agency window; owners’ meetings; rule changes; Jerry Jones eyelid tucks. Factor individual team issues into the mix, and hardly a week goes by without some tackle football news. 

Team Pro-Pigpile

The NFL’s latest intrusion on our attention spans came courtesy of the recent Spring owners’ meetings in Minnesota and word that the Philadelphia Eagles could continue to torment defenses in short-yardage situations with their Tush Push, or in Philly parlance, the Brotherly Shove. By extension, other teams may also attempt to duplicate what the Eagles routinely pull off. That they will almost certainly be less successful is likely to cement positions in the pro- and con- pigpile camps. 

The Green Bay Packers submitted the anti-TP proposal this go ‘round. Word was that the Eagles’ signature play was doomed, that there were enough owners sufficiently cheesed off to vote to ban the play (75 percent, or 24 of 32, is required to implement or change legislation). In the end, however, only 22 owners voted to ban. So, the majority of league owners remain against the play, but not enough to outlaw it.

Commissioner Roger Goodell reportedly is not a fan of the play, as well, but since he serves at the pleasure of the owners, he is in no position to go all Putin as it pertains to on-field activities. One argument from various corners of the league against the Tush Push is that it’s a threat to player safety, which is a big, steaming pile of disingenuous. 

First, the NFL admits there’s no data supporting that claim. Former Eagles All-Pro center-turned-media celebrity Jason Kelce, who advocated for the play at the Spring meetings, has said elsewhere he believes injuries are less likely to occur during the TP because a coordinated group shove among a small crowd of large humans fully aware of what’s coming is less violent than random full speed collisions. Frankly, any time league mouthpieces trot out player safety arguments, your antennae should start to twitch. 

Recall that the Shield fought for years against concussion and brain trauma findings, despite mounting evidence and a string of high-profile deaths to former players. The league finally agreed to financial settlements for victims only because courts ordered it to do so. Hurdles and obstacles existed for players to receive payments, including conditions related to race that made it more difficult for black players to qualify for certain levels of payouts, a swell look for a league with a majority African-American labor force. 

The league also is so concerned with player safety that it added a 17th game in 2021 and is likely on the way to an 18-game schedule, as Goodell floated to ESPN bleating tank top Pat McAfee last April. Adding two games means that in a span of four years, players will be subjected to an extra half-season of potential injury, related to the long-time 16-game schedule, not counting the additional wear and tear of playoff appearances. “The key thing for us is looking at making sure we continue to do the things that make our game safer,” Goodell said later in a May 2024 piece on NFL.com. “Seventeen games is a long season, so we want to make sure we look at that and make sure that we continue the safety efforts.” 

The NFL’s “safety efforts” apparently don’t include in-season scheduling, either. Twenty-six teams will play games on short rest and recovery. Twenty teams will play three games over the course of 11, 12 or 13 days. Cincinnati, Detroit, Kansas City, Miami, Minnesota and Seattle each have two stretches in which they will play three games in 12 days. The Baltimore Ravens have a 3-in-12 stretch and another in which they will play two games in five days, as do the LA Rams. Buffalo has two stretches where it will play two games in five days. The Eagles will play three games in 11 days from late September into early October. Dallas will play three games in 11 days in November, and two games in five days in late December. 

The league self-congratulates for updated concussion protocols and penalties against head-hunting and outlawing chop-blocks and crackback blocks and altering the execution of kickoffs, all while increasing the number of games and limiting recovery time in pursuit of more money and even greater exposure. 

Mmm, omelette

One counter to the injury concern is that football is a violent game and players are well compensated. Everyone knows the risks and is free to pursue and follow less brutal endeavors. Fair enough. However, would a little more honesty kill anyone? Wait, maybe re-phrase that. A little more transparency wouldn’t hurt and probably wouldn’t change anyone’s mind, either. Something along the lines of: Look, we made a hash of brain trauma and CTE and we haven’t always been sympathetic to player concerns, but we’re trying to do better. We intend to fill your weeks and months with football because all the numbers and interest say you want it. Unfortunately, that means stretching the limits of player health and conditioning in some cases and could mean adverse results for your favorite players and teams. Omelettes and breaking eggs, and all that. Thank you for your consideration. 

How hard was that?