zbouillabaise is back

Here are a few interesting things I saw on the interwebs that aren't meaty enough to turn into a post, but if you stew them together they're meaty enough for a serving of zbouillabaise.

1. New Zealand parking lots are intense

A woman collapsed in a New World supermarket parking lot in Orewa, New Zealand.  Her heart stopped--she was dead--but a good Samaritan sprung into action and revived her with chest compressions, then disappeared into the crowd.  An ambulance took her to the hospital so the woman's car remained in the parking lot for about five-and-a-half hours.  You're only allowed 90 minutes in the New World lot so she got an $80 ticket.  Upon learning of her death, resurrection, and hospitalization, the supermarket relented ... by reducing the fine to $30.  Only upon facing public outrage did they withdraw the fine completely.  So if you're ever in New Zealand, make sure you're parked in a no-fee lot if you're planning on going to the hospital after temporarily dying.  Because New Zealand parking lots are intense.

via GIPHY

2. Dale Caldwell is insane

Mikie Sherrill, the governor of New Jersey, released an independent report confirming various improprieties committed by Dale Caldwell, her lieutenant governor, including trying to get a state job for his girlfriend and sexually harassing women on his staff.  The report confirmed that Caldwell asked one of his aides if her friend (who is much younger than him) was single and upon learning that the friend wasn't interested said that young women like them were ambitious and successful and needed a man who was in a position to help them, "but you young women are looking for young sperm."  As Johnny G once said, "I'm no Wilt Chamberlain," but in my experience women are looking for a man with nice eyes and a nice smile, or muscular arms and ripped abs, or a good sense of humor and a warm heart, or a well-paying job and his own place, or a strong sense of honesty and decency.  I've never heard a woman say "I'm looking for sperm" of any variety, let alone young.  Dale Caldwell is insane.  And twixt the time I started writing this and the time it posted, he resigned at Sherrill's request.

via GIPHY

3. Deshaun Watson does not provide good ROI

Deshaun Watson lamented the disrespect fans showed by booing him in the preseason.  "I think the whole world knows it has nothing to do about the performance," Watson said. "It's a little bit [more] personal than that. So I think it's a disrespectful thing. So yeah, I mean, I'm going to keep whatever I feel with me and my family internally on how I feel about that. And yeah, just move on."

I think it's perfectly fine to be disrespectful given his history of sexual assault, but there's also no reason to show him respect for what he's done on the field over the last four seasons.  Here are some numbers (you know I love numbers):

Allen has an asterisk because he played in 68 games but the Damar Hamlin game never finished and thus isn't included in his official stats.  In short, the Browns paid a shit-ton of money for not a lot of performance.  $183M for 19 games!  Here are more numbers:

Watson looks even worse on a dollars-per-stat basis.  $8M per touchdown!  I don't know how to put a dollar value on the picks Cleveland traded for him, including three first rounders, but it's safe to say they got a terrible return on their investment in Watson.  And twixt the time I started doing this math and the time it posted, he has a 112.9 passer rating and a fourth quarter comeback featuring a game-winning drive.

4. Caption this

I invite you to caption this photo of Donald Trump with Xi Jinping and their wives at Joint Base Andrews where Trump had US servicemen literally roll out the red carpet for China's genocidal communist dictator.

Take a Break

For the first time ever, the footballing world, men's division, is taking a three-week long break from club competition to provide time for international matches. FIFA chose to consolidate traditional September and October breaks into a single, longer period, which seems to be pretty sensible (and thus, very un-FIFA) - teams have more time to train together and gain more continuity, and the travel burden on players is halved. 

The nature of the matches in this window vary from the highly competitive UEFA Nations League and AFCON qualifiers to a bunch of friendlies between minnows (Dominica beat Anguilla, 1-0, on Monday, for example) and Lionel Messi's farewall match for Argentina on October 7. 

Here at home, USMNT skipper Mauricio Pochettino is using the extended break to integrate a number of youngsters into the senior national team setup. Of note, 16 year-old Philadelphia Union winger Cavan Sullivan, who's been tearing up MLS over the past month, is set to make his debut for the now aptly-nicknamed Baby Eagles. He's joined in the squad by fellow teenagers Neil Pierre (18 year-old center back), Mathis Albert (17, MF), Adri Mehmeti (17, MF), Julian Hall, (18, F), Peyton Miller, (18, D), Justin Ellis (19, F), and Zavier Gozo (19, MF). Cole Campbell (20, F) and Frankie Westfield (20, D) are relative codgers, comparatively. 

The U.S. play Peru, Chile, Mexico and Canada over the next several weeks. Grown-ass men on those first sides - the baptism could be a bit toasty.

The lengthy break gives club teams and their followers a chance to assess the season's first month and figure out what's gone well and what leaks need to be patched. It also gives me an opportunity to take a quick look at my preseason Premier League prognostications after five matches. It's too early to draw any conclusions (and thank the soccer gods, because if the season ended now I'd look like an idiot), but we can see some outlines of the story that'll play out over the remaining 33 matches.

So what have we learned?

The level is insanely high and the league is very deep. Among other evidence:

• Brighton walloped defending champs and previously unbeaten Arsenal, 3-0 in the last match before the break and has scored more goals than anyone else in the league.
• Bournemouth and Sunderland both had Manchester City dead to rights at the Etihad before the home side pulled off escapes.
• Leeds and Everton are both unbeaten (two wins and three draws)
• European results thus far are outstanding:
• EPL teams are 5-0 in the Champions League, 3-0 in the Europa League, and 1-1-0 (W-D-L) in the Conference League

Big names on either the front or back of a kit don't guarantee results. Tottenham Hotspur spent over $400m on new contracts this summer. At the time of this writing, and for at least the next three weeks, that entire roster has as many league goals as do the G:TB staff. Manchester United is off to the worst start in the club's 35-year Premier League history.

The G:TB Coaching Primacy Theorem offers mixed returns thus far. Andoni Iraola's Liverpool are unbeaten, but two wins and three draws in five have raised eyebrows at Anfield. Xabi Alonso's Chelsea team look exceptional going forward at times. They've also allowed more goals than any other squad. Spurs' Roberto de Zerbi has overseen a clusterfuck. Meanwhile, we scoffed at Enzo Maresca's potential at Manchester City, and the oddball Italian has his side top of the table with five wins in a row.

Enjoy the break and the opportunity for the young Americans to stake their claim to the future of the program. And maybe don't pay much attention to our preseason predictions.

Hubris!

You may have heard about Meta's $17.1 billion settlement with various school districts and Native American tribes who claimed that Meta knowingly hooked children on social media.  The "Perry Mason moment" precipitating this settlement was the trial judge's order to unseal a document that was partially redacted to obscure attorney-client privileged material.  This revealed information that damaged Meta's case and, more importantly, it showed that Meta's attorneys improperly over-redacted under a privilege fig leaf.  In other words Meta's craven lawyers lied that stuff was privileged in order to hide it from the other side.  You can't do that.

The judge appointed a special master to review all of Meta's privilege designations and along the way they learned that Instagram's legal team signed off on company swag hats embroidered with "a/c priv."  You can't make this up.

These fools are so crooked and so hubristic that they hubristically thought they could tout their crookedness!  But like a tragic Greek figure, their hubris did them in.  The judicial fallout isn't complete yet but I expect a hell of a bench slap on this.

None of this would've happened if these jackals watched The Wire.  If you do something bad, don't leave a paper trail.  Or an embroidery trail.

Hypocrisy in Lauren Boebert's Glass House

Rep. Lauren Boebert has been through some things.  She became a grandmother when she was 36 and her son was 17, which means she became a mother at 19.  Shortly thereafter she got divorced.  I don't know the logistical complications that required her to bring her grandson to her divorce hearing, but I suspect a 17-year-old dad isn't the most reliable, responsible dad so maybe this was an emergency child care situation.

Somewhere in between all that she was thrown out of a musical performance of Beetlejuice for some vaping and heavy petting with her date.

I can't relate to a lot of this.  I didn't have my first child until I was 37, and I cannot imagine zson convincing a woman to procreate with him now, in two years when he's 17, or even in 20 years.  Ever, really.  I don't know why there is a musical version of Beetlejuice or why anyone would want to see it.  But I have been divorced and I can tell you that some weird stuff happens.

I can also tell you that weird stuff passes relatively quickly and you settle back into normalcy, at least if you're healthy.  Boebert is still trying to find herself and it's getting surprising.

Someone recently filed a complaint against her with the Ethics Committee of the House of Representatives, accusing her of having sex with three of her staffers, including her Chief of Staff, and paying one of them $200,000 to secure their silence about these improper relationships.  The most surprising part of this story is that two of the people involved are women.  I say "surprising" because Boebert has a history of homophobia.

Predictably, she denies it.  I obviously don't have all the facts so I don't know the truth, but it seems unlikely that someone would go on the record with a complaint like this unless they have the receipts (and in fact the complaint attaches some literal receipts showing how much the staff members were paid).

I hope Boebert figures things out, finds happiness, fills whatever void she has in her soul.  But this whole situation irritates the daylights out of me for the rampant hypocrisy.  Not because of the homophobia, which is awful but could potentially arise from her own ill-placed self-loathing.  I'm talking about her reaction when two other representatives were recently accused of having sexual relations with staffers.  What those guys did was atrocious, don't get me wrong, but Boebert called for their pensions and provided this gem of a soundbite: 

#NEW: Rep. @laurenboebert talks sexual misconduct allegations on the Hill "Why is everybody so horny here?" She says people need to "go to church. Find Jesus." https://t.co/KASrfx7lkc

— Vinay Simlot (@VinaySimlot) April 16, 2026

Glass houses, my friends.  Or should I say glass houses of representatives?  I look forward to Boebert donating her pension to It Gets Better.

We'll Be Back After These Messages from Our Sponsors

Gheorghe: The Blog is now utilizing ads to help pay for upkeep around here.

They just happen to be ads from our youth...

Gheorghasbord, Fashion is Dumb Edition

We are truly spanning the globe to bring you...some wild-ass shit, man. We've got the intersection of sport and local culture, a truly inexplicable bit of high fashion, and the ongoing expansion of pickles into every corner of our lives.

Oktoberfest (Wiesn to locals) kicked off this week in Munich, and the local football club got into the action on and off the pitch. Bayern Munich is a commercial juggernaut, so it's only natural they'd get into the Wiesn merch game. First, a special one-off kit to celebrate the festive season:

The Bavarians smoked FC Union Berlin, 7-0, while wearing these over the weekend, so maybe it may be more than a one-kit wonder.

If you're into a more traditional getup for Wiesn and you still want to rep your favorite side, perhaps I can interest you in a pair of Bayern Munich lederhosen for a cool $800:

And if you're a completist, you'll need to add a traditional shirt to match for $115:

You'll likely want to wear something underneath that getup. Leather on bare privates seems uncomfortable. But you might not want to shop at Saks. If you do, though, $875 seems a fair price to pay for something versatile:

All of that stuff seems normal enough, I suppose. Let's see what our fashion-forward friends at KFC have been up to since we checked in on their pickle-inspired duds. Still riding the pickle, is what.

KFC Australia has swapped its famous red for pickle green in Picklecore, a fashion-inspired campaign by Special Australia that turns a limited-edition gherkin menu into an entire aesthetic.

The campaign borrows the logic of fashion micro-trends, treating pickle obsession less like a flavour preference and more like something people might wear. Teaser billboards feature imaginary pickle lipsticks, watches and trousers, while a 15-second film gives the range the full high-fashion treatment, complete with techno soundtrack and glossy styling.

It really seems like they're trying to make Picklecore happen, too. Check out this video, and think about what all of this says about the world we live in.

Hook 'Em: A Longhornucopia

University of Texas football is having a moment, or more accurately, a series of moments that might be called a mixed bag. The Longhorns staged a comeback for the ages last Saturday night in Austin, coming from behind to beat top-ranked Ohio State, a win that propelled them to No. 1 in this week’s poll. In the immediate afterglow, Coach Steve Sarkisian all but blew off ESPN sideline reporter Holly Rowe, offering a few words and a Hook ‘Em Horns hand signal to viewers before jogging off to the locker room. 

It was a mite rude and pissy, but hardly a serious transgression, given that those brief exchanges are uniformly value-less. But because nothing rude and pissy occurs that cannot be made worse, various creators fired up the AI meme machine and produced fake interviews between Sark and Rowe that made the rounds on social media. One has him flashing a middle finger at the camera while smoking a cigar and Rowe munching an oversized cupcake, while another has Sark violently slapping Rowe to the ground and running off. 

Longhorns quarterback Arch Manning, he of the House of Manning football dynasty, was asked at a Monday presser if he had seen any of the AI video interviews. With others off-camera laughing around him, Manning beamed and said that he had seen a couple and offered, “I saw an AI edit of Sark’s interview. Y’all seen that one? That’s a good one — of him slapping Holly Rowe. It’s hilarious.” 

What the actual hell? A man backhanding a woman upside the head and knocking her to the ground – even artificially created – is “a good one” and “hilarious?” Really? Maybe you chalk it up to Manning being a 21-year-old meathead and locker room bro culture. Hey Arch, remember way back in August about Good Good Golf’s bobsled run into the dumpster after their TV commercial that featured a man pushing a woman to the ground for touching his new driver? All fun and games, right? 

In any case, blowback was swift and Manning on Tuesday apologized on Instagram for his remarks. “There is nothing funny about it,” he wrote. “It’s easy to say I didn’t mean it, but I know my words and actions were hurtful to a lot of people. I do not take that lightly and am deeply sorry for that.” He apologized to Rowe specifically: “I have a ton of respect for her and appreciate her showing me grace in this moment. I need to do better and will be more thoughtful going forward.” 

Exchange “thoughtful” for “guarded” and “cautious” and we might be on to something. 

In the runup to Saturday’s game, ESPN’s GameDay was in Austin. One highlight was a UT freshman nailing a field goal for $1.2 million, followed by hugs and handshakes from Longhorn celeb-alum and regular sideline presence Matthew McConaughey and a pledge to donate half the money to charity. A less successful segment featured Texas Senator Ted Cruz, who droned on for almost ten minutes about the Protect College Sports Act and its importance in restoring order to college athletics. 

Cruz is one of the bill’s co-authors, though its language and provisions have changed repeatedly, so “sponsor” is probably a more accurate description. Regardless of the final version, which might come up for a Senate vote in the coming weeks, the upshot is a measure that will reduce the leverage that college athletes have gained through various court rulings and NCAA fecklessness. 

The PCSA has both bipartisan support and significant opposition. Some of the pushback might be due to Cruz himself. He was relentlessly booed and heckled during his segment, and it’s not a stretch to wonder if some people will reflexively oppose the bill, figuring that anything he lends his name to is worth resisting. 

Former Minnesota Senator Al Franken wrote in his autobiography: “I like Ted Cruz more than most of my other colleagues like Ted Cruz. And I hate Ted Cruz.” The late Senator Lindsey Graham once said in a speech at the Washington Press Club that, “If you killed Ted Cruz on the floor of the Senate, and the trial was in the Senate, nobody would convict you.” 

Cruz’s general prickliness was more than matched by a gent named Bo French, a Republican running for a seat on the Texas Railroad Commission. He was so inspired by the Longhorns’ victory that he posted a photo of a section of celebrating students whose skin tones suggested their ancestors didn’t arrive on the Mayflower. 

“I heard UT graduation this year looked like this,” he wrote on Elon Musk’s shitscape site. “I didn’t believe it. The problem is now obviously far worse than anyone imagined.” In case dogs didn’t hear the whistle, he continued, “I weep for the families in Texas who can’t get into UT because they prioritize foreigners over Texans” and added, “Like body-cams exposed criminals, social media is exposing how many Americans have been displaced by foreigners.” 

Hard to know where to start with this. First, French offered no evidence that those kids in the pic weren’t native Texans. Second, UT Austin doesn’t prioritize foreigners over Texans; state law requires that 90 percent of first-year students must be state residents, and 75 percent of those must be automatically admitted; as recently as 2023, applicants in the top six percent of their high school class were also automatically admitted. Foreigners also happen to pay higher tuition than in-state students, which helps Texas state schools maintain lower than average in-state tuition rates. 

It’s unclear if French is a true xenophobic twatwaffle or has simply made the calculation that going full bigot is a winning strategy with his base. Contemptible either way. Some within his own party have called him out, notably outgoing Texas Senator John Cornyn, who posted on X/Twitter: “Are other Republican elected officials going to condemn the intolerance and racism, or look the other way while it becomes normalized.” 

Predictably, Cornyn caught some gas from far right corners, including a TV host who blasted him for “liberal moralizing” and for criticizing “a Patriot acknowledging that Texans didn’t ask for their state to become a playground for the third world.” I might argue that Third World residents looking for a playground can find plenty more welcoming locations than Texas. 

So, as the top-ranked Longhorns prepare for a visit from overmatched Texas-San Antonio and set themselves up for a potential playoff berth, laughing off memes about violence against women, flawed legislation stumped by unpopular figures and outright racism by candidates for statewide office in an ethnically diverse country are episodes that even a roomful of McConaugheys can’t pretty up.