And boy oh boy did one FOGTB go big. Folks, I think Kato Kaelin and I are besties now.
Showing posts with label Doofus Overlord. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Doofus Overlord. Show all posts
Sunday, April 05, 2020
Pandemic Party FTW
Massive thanks to Team Gheorghe and all my friends who decided to celebrate this decrepit old man's birthday on a Zoom call yesterday. If you're gonna have a pandemic party, go big or go home.
And boy oh boy did one FOGTB go big. Folks, I think Kato Kaelin and I are besties now.
And boy oh boy did one FOGTB go big. Folks, I think Kato Kaelin and I are besties now.
Tuesday, December 03, 2019
The Twelve Days of Gheorghemas: Day 1
Gheorghemas Day 1 Procrastination, a tradition unlike any other.
The GTB editorial staff is chomping at the bit to spread some Gheorghemas cheer, and here I was holding up the fun. But no more. Onward to the most wonderful time of the year!
On the first day of Gheorghemas
Big Gheorghe gave to me
A British lass slingin' hot meat
Bonus Gheorghemas content, because my public demands it:
"A fat guy in a sweet T"
The GTB editorial staff is chomping at the bit to spread some Gheorghemas cheer, and here I was holding up the fun. But no more. Onward to the most wonderful time of the year!
On the first day of Gheorghemas
Big Gheorghe gave to me
A British lass slingin' hot meat
Bonus Gheorghemas content, because my public demands it:
"A fat guy in a sweet T"
Saturday, June 29, 2019
The Secret Lives of Men
Our man TJ has a lot going on in his life. Husband, social media maven, connoisseur of fine foods (and honestly, who saw that coming?), raconteur. So there are some reasons why we haven't seen all that much of him around these parts.
Turns out there's another reason.
He's about to release his third album.
As yet untitled, the new record features 'Heart's Eyes', which you can hear below.
And because I know you want to refresh yourselves on the Teej's earlier stuff, here's a link to his last album, 'On the Horizon'.
The video for his first hit single 'Anonymous', really makes him look thin. Nearly sickly, if you're asking me. I prefer a voluptuous Teej.
I'm sure he'll tell us when he's touring next. That's summit material, for certain.
Turns out there's another reason.
He's about to release his third album.
As yet untitled, the new record features 'Heart's Eyes', which you can hear below.
And because I know you want to refresh yourselves on the Teej's earlier stuff, here's a link to his last album, 'On the Horizon'.
The video for his first hit single 'Anonymous', really makes him look thin. Nearly sickly, if you're asking me. I prefer a voluptuous Teej.
I'm sure he'll tell us when he's touring next. That's summit material, for certain.
Monday, December 03, 2018
The Twelve Days of Gheorghemas: Day 1
It's a yearly tradition for me to both delay the start of Gheorghemas due to procrastination AND make it all about me, so here we are folks. Dig in for the most wonderful time of the year.
On the first day of Gheorghemas
Big Gheorghe gave to me
A fat guy in a sweet T
Happy Gheorghemas to you and yours...let's get this party started.
On the first day of Gheorghemas
Big Gheorghe gave to me
A fat guy in a sweet T
Happy Gheorghemas to you and yours...let's get this party started.
Saturday, September 14, 2013
TTP Week Three Pick 'Em: Back in Training
We are back once again, with our third installment of the "To The Pain" picks. This week, Mark not only delivered his selections well ahead of time, but he provided you, the loyal G:TB reader, with some bonus action. Danimal, fresh off his stint in China and an overnight at Casa de BaconTeej, provided the bare minimum in effort and prose, but maybe that will be the key in his quest to not get run out of the gym by the tattooed pick 'em savant.
Mark Picks
Tennessee @ Oregon: (-26.5): Another week and another huge line for the Ducks. And I'll happily take them again. On paper Tennessee seems like a more formidable foe than Virginia but a little deeper look tells you that might not be the case. First, this game is in Eugene, one of the best home environments in college football. Secondly, this is an extremely young Volunteer team. They have 18 freshman in their two deep and I don't think I'm breaking any news when I tell you that none of those freshman have ever played in an atmosphere like they'll see on Saturday. Finally, Tennessee's impressive 52-20 victory over Western Kentucky isn't as impressive you learn that the Hilltopper offense turned the ball over 5 times in the span of six offensive plays during the first half of last Saturday's game. You'd be hard pressed to turn the ball over that many times on Madden, even if you were trying (Western Kentucky turned the ball over 7 times total). The point is, I don't think Tennessee is very good. I also think Oregon might be the best team in the country. There's no doubt they're the most explosive (watch the video, Thomas' combination of speed, body control and awareness is otherworldly on his 59 yard jet sweep TD run). The Ducks win big.
Alabama (-7.5) @ Texas A&M: TJ's really letting his editorial power go to his head. First he calls me out for not being as prompt with my picks as he'd like last week and then he demands that Danimal and I pick the Bama-A&M game in this week's column. I thought this was about gambling, not TJ's own personal interests. As usual, I'm wrong. I won't' actually bet on this game because I don't have a strong enough feeling either way. However, if forced to pick (which I am) I'll go with Alabama. Not as much because of the whole tired "revenge" angle (Alabama still won the BCS Title, you know) but because of the second half adjustments that Nick Saban made during last year's loss to the Aggies. Alabama put CJ Mosley on Johnny Manziel as a spy and dropped a safety in the box for much of the second half which limited the rushing opportunities for John Football (h/t @notthefakeSVP) and forced him to beat Alabama's defense over the top. I have no reason to believe that Saban and Alabama DC Kirby Smart haven't come up with a few more defensive wrinkles to make things harder on A&M over the offseason. That, combined with my complete lack of faith in the Aggie defense means the Tide win and cover.
Louisville (-13.5) @ Kentucky: My love for Teddy Bridgewater is well documented. I've been singing his praises in the comments of this fair blog for the past 3 years now. Even his masterful performance in Louisville's Sugar Bowl whipping of my beloved alma mater can't keep me from loving Teddy B. I had the opportunity to see him play in a 7-on-7 passing camp between his junior and senior year of high school and was blown away. He was (to my untrained eye) so much more advanced as a passer than any other high school QB I'd seen. Because I live in Florida and Bridgewater played at one of the premier high school programs in South Florida (Miami Northwestern), I also had the chance to watch him play on TV numerous times during his senior year. I was no less impressed during that time either. Did I think he'd one day be a top candidate to be the first pick in the NFL Draft? I won't say that I projected that but I was very confident he'd be a top flight college QB. By this point, everyone knows about Teddy Bridgewater. And most people know about the schedule of cupcakes that Louisville has in 2013. The Kentucky game ranks as one of their biggest tests. No, really. With that said, I don't think it's going to be much of a test for more than a quarter or two. Kentucky lost to Western Kentucky a couple of weeks ago. The Wildcats are about to lose to another in-state rival, and lose big. Cardinals, Cardinals, Cardinals.
(Bonus picks)
Saints (-3) @ Bucs: The Bucs are a fucking mess. They had a MRSA breakout in their locker room which led to their kicker's wife calling out the organization on Twitter. Their coach may or may not have rigged a team vote to strip the captaincy of their starting QB. That same starting QB missed the team picture two weeks ago. And they lost their first game to the Jets. A game which saw them penalized 13 times (Wasn't Greg Schiano supposed to be all about discipline?), the last of which directly led to the game winning FG for New York and, oh yeah, the offense was openly fighting on the sidelines during the game. Things are just great in Tampa Bay. With all of this going on, the Saints come to town. Did I mention that they Bucs had the worst pass defense in the league last season? No? Well, they did and it doesn't look a whole lot better this year. I fully expect the Saints to throw the ball all over the field on Sunday and drop at least 30 on Tampa. Take your kid's college fund and bet it on the Saints.
Floyd Mayweather (-200) v. Canelo Alvarez: Mayhugh is probably the only other regular G:TB reader who actually cares about this fight. I'm sure he and I care enough for the rest of you guys though. This is the biggest fight in at least the last 5 years. And I'm pumped for it. Not many people are very big Floyd Mayweather fans. He's obnoxious, materialistic and arrogant. He's also a once in a generation talent and, perhaps, the greatest defensive fighter in history. Canelo Alvarez is boxing's young rising star as well as the rare red headed Mexican (I don't now that red heads are rare in Mexico. I just assume as much). This fight has all the makings of a classic. The young up and comer taking on the established superstar near the end of his hall of fame career. I can't wait. I'll take Mayweather in a split decision.
Terrible Sunday Morning Hangover (-250) @ Me: It's a bye week for Florida so I'm taking advantage and heading off to Tampa with some friends to see Depeche Mode. As someone who grew up listening to his sister's Depeche Mode tapes, this is a pretty cool thing. I'm super excited to see a band I've been listening to for over 20 years but have never had the chance to see live. The show doesn't start until Saturday night so we'll be pre gaming with Bama-A&M. Then after the show, we'll be heading over to the Seminole Hard Rock Casino (3 miles from the concert venue and our hotel) for some ill advised gambling and to watch the Mayweather-Canelo fight. All in all, a pretty nice little Saturday (we have even hit Home Depot. I don't know. I don't know if we'll have enough time). Of course, I'll pay the price Sunday morning. This old guy doesn't recover like he once did. The booze will win. It always does.
Danimal Picks
Apologies for the shortness here. It’s been a whirlwind of a week which as you know included a wonderful evening at the Doylestown Inn & Club. If you have the means, I highly recommend a visit.
I actually tried to get ahead of the game on this by looking at the games this Monday, but it didn’t quite work out as planned. If you’re counting at home, you know that Mark is a very impressive 5-1 on the year; Danimal not so much at 2-4. (2-1 on money bets!)
So let’s hop to it.
BC +13.5 vs USC: USC got shellacked last week which brings pure joy to most here. Lane’s a d-bag for sure, one of the biggest. I’m going to give him some benefit of doubt this week though and predict an adjustment of sorts. Throw in a little jet lag and time difference and I’m gonna say USC whacks the inferior athletes of BC. Love me some TROJANS!
Akron +37 vs Michigan: I saw Michigan play last week. And I followed the Akron game too. They played JMU and barely eked out a doubya. Michigan kinda sorta impressed me…the QB is someone I wish was on my team. Michigan scored 41 on ND’s average defense, but I gotta think 100X better than Akron’s right?! Sure it is! I’m taking the Wolverines and givin the points baby!
Bama -7.5 vs A&M: Oh boy! It’s so hard to bet against ‘Bama but as Lee Corso would say, “ah fuck it!” Hell, I think we might even see another V by the good guys (A&M). You heard it here first.
Peace.
OH MY GOD...IS THAT...WAIT, IT'S THE GREAT MASKED GUEST PICKER'S MUSIC!!!!
(This was authored prior to this game's postponement. No matter! Read it!)
Fresno State (-7.5) at Colorado: Flash flooding is hitting Boulder and causing deaths. It’s worst in Lyons, Colorado, which as you know is the home of Dale’s Pale Ale. (Thank goodness for the new Brevard brewery.) The Buffs have bigger things to worry about than football and smoking weed, for once. And the Bulldogs don’t care. Ask Trent Dilfer. Beastie lyric that lets you know who to bet on: Got busy in Frisco, fooled around in Fresno / Got over on your girlie cause you know she never says no. Bulldogs
Stanford (-30) at Army: The Black Knight. The Cardinal. Kind of where Holy Grail meets Spanish Inquisition. Black and red. Like a checkers game. Also, I have done wonderfully dirty things with the Army coach’s niece. Beastie lyric that lets you know who to bet on: Elvis shaved his head when he went to the Army / That’s right y’all his name is Johnny. Kick it. Black Knights
Wagner (+28) at Syracuse: Wagner will attempt to ride the Valkyries and create some magic fire music. Syracuse will manhandle them. But the oracle of the Beasties says 28 is enough. Beastie lyric that lets you know who to bet on: Dropping science like Galileo dropped the Orange. Seahawks
Delaware (+16) at Navy: In the Navy, you can sail the seven seas. Also, I have done wonderfully dirty things with an Admiral’s daughter.
Beastie lyric that lets you know who to bet on: My man MCA’s got a beard like Billy the goat, Navy’s mascot (live version). Midshipmen
Nicholls State (+25.5) at Louisiana-Lafayette: Ragin’ Cajun chicken at Popeyes is good. But wait . . . Beastie lyric that lets you know who to bet on: Got the girlies in the Coupe like the Colonels’ got the chickens. Colonels
Alabama (-7.5) at Texas A&M: For real insight, check with Mark or Dan. Here, you can just know that I have done wonderfully dirty things with girls on the crimson tide. Beastie lyric that lets you know who to bet on: Who shall inherit the earth the meek shall / And yo, I think I'm starting to peak now Al . . . (abama). Crimson Tide
Mark Picks
Tennessee @ Oregon: (-26.5): Another week and another huge line for the Ducks. And I'll happily take them again. On paper Tennessee seems like a more formidable foe than Virginia but a little deeper look tells you that might not be the case. First, this game is in Eugene, one of the best home environments in college football. Secondly, this is an extremely young Volunteer team. They have 18 freshman in their two deep and I don't think I'm breaking any news when I tell you that none of those freshman have ever played in an atmosphere like they'll see on Saturday. Finally, Tennessee's impressive 52-20 victory over Western Kentucky isn't as impressive you learn that the Hilltopper offense turned the ball over 5 times in the span of six offensive plays during the first half of last Saturday's game. You'd be hard pressed to turn the ball over that many times on Madden, even if you were trying (Western Kentucky turned the ball over 7 times total). The point is, I don't think Tennessee is very good. I also think Oregon might be the best team in the country. There's no doubt they're the most explosive (watch the video, Thomas' combination of speed, body control and awareness is otherworldly on his 59 yard jet sweep TD run). The Ducks win big.
Alabama (-7.5) @ Texas A&M: TJ's really letting his editorial power go to his head. First he calls me out for not being as prompt with my picks as he'd like last week and then he demands that Danimal and I pick the Bama-A&M game in this week's column. I thought this was about gambling, not TJ's own personal interests. As usual, I'm wrong. I won't' actually bet on this game because I don't have a strong enough feeling either way. However, if forced to pick (which I am) I'll go with Alabama. Not as much because of the whole tired "revenge" angle (Alabama still won the BCS Title, you know) but because of the second half adjustments that Nick Saban made during last year's loss to the Aggies. Alabama put CJ Mosley on Johnny Manziel as a spy and dropped a safety in the box for much of the second half which limited the rushing opportunities for John Football (h/t @notthefakeSVP) and forced him to beat Alabama's defense over the top. I have no reason to believe that Saban and Alabama DC Kirby Smart haven't come up with a few more defensive wrinkles to make things harder on A&M over the offseason. That, combined with my complete lack of faith in the Aggie defense means the Tide win and cover.
Louisville (-13.5) @ Kentucky: My love for Teddy Bridgewater is well documented. I've been singing his praises in the comments of this fair blog for the past 3 years now. Even his masterful performance in Louisville's Sugar Bowl whipping of my beloved alma mater can't keep me from loving Teddy B. I had the opportunity to see him play in a 7-on-7 passing camp between his junior and senior year of high school and was blown away. He was (to my untrained eye) so much more advanced as a passer than any other high school QB I'd seen. Because I live in Florida and Bridgewater played at one of the premier high school programs in South Florida (Miami Northwestern), I also had the chance to watch him play on TV numerous times during his senior year. I was no less impressed during that time either. Did I think he'd one day be a top candidate to be the first pick in the NFL Draft? I won't say that I projected that but I was very confident he'd be a top flight college QB. By this point, everyone knows about Teddy Bridgewater. And most people know about the schedule of cupcakes that Louisville has in 2013. The Kentucky game ranks as one of their biggest tests. No, really. With that said, I don't think it's going to be much of a test for more than a quarter or two. Kentucky lost to Western Kentucky a couple of weeks ago. The Wildcats are about to lose to another in-state rival, and lose big. Cardinals, Cardinals, Cardinals.
(Bonus picks)
Saints (-3) @ Bucs: The Bucs are a fucking mess. They had a MRSA breakout in their locker room which led to their kicker's wife calling out the organization on Twitter. Their coach may or may not have rigged a team vote to strip the captaincy of their starting QB. That same starting QB missed the team picture two weeks ago. And they lost their first game to the Jets. A game which saw them penalized 13 times (Wasn't Greg Schiano supposed to be all about discipline?), the last of which directly led to the game winning FG for New York and, oh yeah, the offense was openly fighting on the sidelines during the game. Things are just great in Tampa Bay. With all of this going on, the Saints come to town. Did I mention that they Bucs had the worst pass defense in the league last season? No? Well, they did and it doesn't look a whole lot better this year. I fully expect the Saints to throw the ball all over the field on Sunday and drop at least 30 on Tampa. Take your kid's college fund and bet it on the Saints.
Floyd Mayweather (-200) v. Canelo Alvarez: Mayhugh is probably the only other regular G:TB reader who actually cares about this fight. I'm sure he and I care enough for the rest of you guys though. This is the biggest fight in at least the last 5 years. And I'm pumped for it. Not many people are very big Floyd Mayweather fans. He's obnoxious, materialistic and arrogant. He's also a once in a generation talent and, perhaps, the greatest defensive fighter in history. Canelo Alvarez is boxing's young rising star as well as the rare red headed Mexican (I don't now that red heads are rare in Mexico. I just assume as much). This fight has all the makings of a classic. The young up and comer taking on the established superstar near the end of his hall of fame career. I can't wait. I'll take Mayweather in a split decision.
Terrible Sunday Morning Hangover (-250) @ Me: It's a bye week for Florida so I'm taking advantage and heading off to Tampa with some friends to see Depeche Mode. As someone who grew up listening to his sister's Depeche Mode tapes, this is a pretty cool thing. I'm super excited to see a band I've been listening to for over 20 years but have never had the chance to see live. The show doesn't start until Saturday night so we'll be pre gaming with Bama-A&M. Then after the show, we'll be heading over to the Seminole Hard Rock Casino (3 miles from the concert venue and our hotel) for some ill advised gambling and to watch the Mayweather-Canelo fight. All in all, a pretty nice little Saturday (we have even hit Home Depot. I don't know. I don't know if we'll have enough time). Of course, I'll pay the price Sunday morning. This old guy doesn't recover like he once did. The booze will win. It always does.
Danimal Picks
 |
| Hmmm, that guy on the far left looks vaguely familiar... |
I actually tried to get ahead of the game on this by looking at the games this Monday, but it didn’t quite work out as planned. If you’re counting at home, you know that Mark is a very impressive 5-1 on the year; Danimal not so much at 2-4. (2-1 on money bets!)
So let’s hop to it.
BC +13.5 vs USC: USC got shellacked last week which brings pure joy to most here. Lane’s a d-bag for sure, one of the biggest. I’m going to give him some benefit of doubt this week though and predict an adjustment of sorts. Throw in a little jet lag and time difference and I’m gonna say USC whacks the inferior athletes of BC. Love me some TROJANS!
Akron +37 vs Michigan: I saw Michigan play last week. And I followed the Akron game too. They played JMU and barely eked out a doubya. Michigan kinda sorta impressed me…the QB is someone I wish was on my team. Michigan scored 41 on ND’s average defense, but I gotta think 100X better than Akron’s right?! Sure it is! I’m taking the Wolverines and givin the points baby!
 |
| Paul William "Pug" Bryant |
Peace.
OH MY GOD...IS THAT...WAIT, IT'S THE GREAT MASKED GUEST PICKER'S MUSIC!!!!
(This was authored prior to this game's postponement. No matter! Read it!)
Fresno State (-7.5) at Colorado: Flash flooding is hitting Boulder and causing deaths. It’s worst in Lyons, Colorado, which as you know is the home of Dale’s Pale Ale. (Thank goodness for the new Brevard brewery.) The Buffs have bigger things to worry about than football and smoking weed, for once. And the Bulldogs don’t care. Ask Trent Dilfer. Beastie lyric that lets you know who to bet on: Got busy in Frisco, fooled around in Fresno / Got over on your girlie cause you know she never says no. Bulldogs
Stanford (-30) at Army: The Black Knight. The Cardinal. Kind of where Holy Grail meets Spanish Inquisition. Black and red. Like a checkers game. Also, I have done wonderfully dirty things with the Army coach’s niece. Beastie lyric that lets you know who to bet on: Elvis shaved his head when he went to the Army / That’s right y’all his name is Johnny. Kick it. Black Knights
Wagner (+28) at Syracuse: Wagner will attempt to ride the Valkyries and create some magic fire music. Syracuse will manhandle them. But the oracle of the Beasties says 28 is enough. Beastie lyric that lets you know who to bet on: Dropping science like Galileo dropped the Orange. Seahawks
Nicholls State (+25.5) at Louisiana-Lafayette: Ragin’ Cajun chicken at Popeyes is good. But wait . . . Beastie lyric that lets you know who to bet on: Got the girlies in the Coupe like the Colonels’ got the chickens. Colonels
Alabama (-7.5) at Texas A&M: For real insight, check with Mark or Dan. Here, you can just know that I have done wonderfully dirty things with girls on the crimson tide. Beastie lyric that lets you know who to bet on: Who shall inherit the earth the meek shall / And yo, I think I'm starting to peak now Al . . . (abama). Crimson Tide
Monday, March 12, 2012
Last Chance to Pay for Free Beer
Tickets are still available for tonight's Pints to Help Half Pints charity beer dinner at Birch & Barley in D.C. Join me, the Teej, the future Mrs. Teej, and Shlara for an evening of great suds and killer food. If this menu doesn't entice you, I fear you might not be human:
Apéritif:
Victoria
2011 - Allagash Brewing - Maine
First:
Crudo
of Hamachi
Pickled
Fennel, Pomelo Beads & Mint
Beersel
Mattina - Birrificio Del Ducato & Drie Fonteinen - Italy
Second:
Red
Fife Ravioli
Housemade
Bacon, Toasted Walnuts, Arugula & Green Peppercorns
Collaboration
Not Litigation Ale - Avery Brewing & Russian River Brewing - Colorado
Third:
Grilled
Ribeye of Beef
Confit
Fingerlings, Black Trumpet Mushrooms & Butter-Braised Turnips
Smoke
- Surly Brewing - Minnesota
Cheese:
Cave-Aged
Valencay with Bergamot Marmalade
Without
You I’m Nothing - Evil Twin (at Amager Bryghus) - Denmark
Pastore
with Port-Glazed Figs
More
Brown Than Black - Stone Brewing, The Alchemist & Ninkasi Brewing -
California
Cave-Aged
Colston Bassett Stilton with Honeyed Walnuts
Calva
Reserva 2010 – Brouwerij ‘t Smisje - Belgium
Dessert:
Chocolate
Peanut Butter Parfait, peanut crunch ice cream, chocolate curl
Backwoods
Bastard 2011 – Founders Brewing Company – Michigan
Digestif:
Idjit!
- Dugges Ale & Porterbryggeri - Sweden
Executive
Chef – Kyle Bailey
Pastry
Chef – Tiffany MacIsaac
Beer
Director – Greg Engert
Monday, December 05, 2011
The Twelve Days of Gheorghe-mas are back
That's right, our highly successful faux holiday has returned. Though this year more than ever it seems destined to not make it a full twelve days. Sit back, relax, throw on some "Christmas Shoes"...and let your Gheorghe-mas begin:
On the first day of Gheorghe-mas, Big Gheorghe gave to me...
One Doofus on a Fake Pony
Can someone start working on a Day 2 now? Thanks.
On the first day of Gheorghe-mas, Big Gheorghe gave to me...
One Doofus on a Fake Pony
Can someone start working on a Day 2 now? Thanks.
Friday, December 31, 2010
The Twelve Days of Gheorghe-mas: Day Eleven
On the Eleventh Day of Gheorghe-mas, Big Gheorghe gave to me an 11 point comparison of U2's guitarist vs. G:TB's Doofus Overlord
(More than) ten past-year memories...
Nine Clips You Tubin'
Eight Wren-based Nuggets...
A Seven Point Loss;
Six games worth watching (and picking);
Five Combined Wins;
Four Compliments For T.J.;
Three French Hens;
Two Dope-ass Rhymes (and a whole mess of sub-par ones as well);
And a Doofus Dancing (Amidst a Really Long and Grumpy Analysis of the New Kanye West Album).
TJ has lots of nicknames. Doofus Overlord. TeeJay. The Teej. DJ Toil. Big Pasty. Greazy Bacon. Baby Peanitz. I like to call him Teedge. I don't think Teedge has ever done H, but if you put H in Teedge you get The Edge. Or a pale tweeked-out doofus with needle tracks and an empty bank account.
Maybe it would be better to say that if you take the H out of The Edge you get Teedge. Which is not to say that H is altogether bad -- it gave us "White Light White Heat" and "Waiting for the Man."
I don't know why I spend so much time thinking about Teedge, but I guess he's my muse as he inspired the 11th Day of Gheorghemas 2010. On Day 11, Big Gheorghe gave to me an 11 point comparison of U2's guitarist vs. G:TB's Doofus Overlord.
Musical talent
We have to get this out of the way. I'm not much of a U2 fan, but The Edge manages to make hundreds of millions of dollars selling his music. Rolling Stone put him at #24 on their list of the top 100 guitarists of all time. Hardcore G:TB readers know how I feel about RS and their ranking systems, but this accolade has to count for something.
Teedge makes tens of guys groan in disapproval with his musical stylings at OBFT. Even when Teedge limits himself to playing the radio his performance is subpar.
Advantage: The Edge
Coolness
The Edge is a goddamn rock star. He's the guitarist for the biggest rock band on the planet. His band is so big that they have their own stamp. He's married to some much younger belly dancer. He's actively involved with numerous charities, and he contributed songs for the stage adaption of "A Clockwork Orange."
Teedge is ... I'm not sure what he is. His job involves sending lots of emails and attending lots of meetings, and it requires a Blackberry and pleated-front khakis. He holds the title of Doofus Overlord at what is at best the fourth-biggest Gheorghe Muresan-inspired blog on the planet. He went to William & Mary, where he hung out with me.
This isn't even close.
Advantage: The Edge
Dancing ability
Advantage: Teedge, all day
Irish taxi driving
Teedge is an accomplished Irish taxi driver, but The Edge is actually from Ireland.
Advantage: tie
Sekshul prowess
As previously stated, The Edge is a goddamn rock star married to an underaged belly dancer. Chances are he gets it done with more ease and aplomb than Tiger Woods.
Teedge is surprisingly successful with the ladies, given his physical limitations. And by that I'm not referring to his bizarre head-to-shoulder-width ratio, ghostly complexion, Shaquesque feet, or beachball belly. I refer instead to his ample supply of slim-fit condoms.
It's likely that both Teedge and The Edge suffer from the Irish Curse so rockstardom carries the day here.
Advantage: The Edge
Sartorial splendor
Teedge likes to rock a Bills jersey over festive attire. The Edge likes to wear a skully over all-black clothes.
Advantage: Teedge (the Bills jersey is an unfair advantage, even if it's an OJ jersey)
Humor
I can't find a single image of The Edge where he's trying to be funny. Teedge is always trying to be funny and typically succeeds. For instance:
Advantage: Teedge
Drinking ability and overall tolerance for inebriating substances
The Edge is a goddamn rockstar and rockstars party like, well, rockstars. But have you ever partied with Teedge? I remember the time Teedge vomitted blood and then drank a beer to settle his stomach. Even now as an old man he puts on otherworldly performances at OBFT. Even when he doesn't get the dosages right and he can't form sentences, Teedge is always up late, hanging out, in it to win it, hoping someone else will order the pizza, looking for cornhole, and losing at poker.
Advantage: Teedge
Mustache
Advantage: Teedge (all day)
Sports Knowledge
Teedge knows lots about sports. It has been said of Teedge that he:
1) Is phenomenal.
2) Knows his stuff.
3) Knows Everything.
4) Nails it.
"Nails it" could also apply to the "sekshul prowess" category above, I'm not sure, but I'm including it in this category and if you don't like it go to hell, this is my Day 11 Gheorghemas post. Go get your own.
Teedge appeared on sports talk radio three times (look under "What is Gheorghe" on the right). He is Le (Petit) Coq Sportif.
The Edge appears on the radio but only on crap stations that play pop music and he doesn't actually say anything. He's Irish so he probably only knows about soccer, which is a crap sport. Gaelic football and hurling are Irish too, but I have no idea what they entail. But one sounds like a lewd act and the other is a euphamism for vomitting. All of this means that The Edge doesn't know shit about sports.
Advantage: Teedge
Gheorgheness
The Edge is 49 years old and he calls himself The Edge. It appears that he only wears black. He hides his balding pate under a wool beanie. He doesn't smile. He takes himself very very seriously.
Teedge is a preposterous mess. He writes and Doofus Overlords for Gheorghe: The Blog. He knows Gheorghe.
Advantage: Teedge
Final score: Teedge 7.5, The Edge 3.5
And thus we have scientific proof that Teedge is better than The Edge (in fact he's twice as good, mathematically speaking), which means that under the transitive property G:TB is better than U2. Pretty soon we'll be raking in hundreds of millions of dollars and we'll have our own Romanian stamp.
A joyous Eleventh Day of Gheorghemas and happy new year to you all.
(More than) ten past-year memories...
Nine Clips You Tubin'
Eight Wren-based Nuggets...
A Seven Point Loss;
Six games worth watching (and picking);
Five Combined Wins;
Four Compliments For T.J.;
Three French Hens;
Two Dope-ass Rhymes (and a whole mess of sub-par ones as well);
And a Doofus Dancing (Amidst a Really Long and Grumpy Analysis of the New Kanye West Album).
TJ has lots of nicknames. Doofus Overlord. TeeJay. The Teej. DJ Toil. Big Pasty. Greazy Bacon. Baby Peanitz. I like to call him Teedge. I don't think Teedge has ever done H, but if you put H in Teedge you get The Edge. Or a pale tweeked-out doofus with needle tracks and an empty bank account.
Maybe it would be better to say that if you take the H out of The Edge you get Teedge. Which is not to say that H is altogether bad -- it gave us "White Light White Heat" and "Waiting for the Man."
I don't know why I spend so much time thinking about Teedge, but I guess he's my muse as he inspired the 11th Day of Gheorghemas 2010. On Day 11, Big Gheorghe gave to me an 11 point comparison of U2's guitarist vs. G:TB's Doofus Overlord.
Musical talent
We have to get this out of the way. I'm not much of a U2 fan, but The Edge manages to make hundreds of millions of dollars selling his music. Rolling Stone put him at #24 on their list of the top 100 guitarists of all time. Hardcore G:TB readers know how I feel about RS and their ranking systems, but this accolade has to count for something.
Teedge makes tens of guys groan in disapproval with his musical stylings at OBFT. Even when Teedge limits himself to playing the radio his performance is subpar.
Advantage: The Edge
Coolness
The Edge is a goddamn rock star. He's the guitarist for the biggest rock band on the planet. His band is so big that they have their own stamp. He's married to some much younger belly dancer. He's actively involved with numerous charities, and he contributed songs for the stage adaption of "A Clockwork Orange."
Teedge is ... I'm not sure what he is. His job involves sending lots of emails and attending lots of meetings, and it requires a Blackberry and pleated-front khakis. He holds the title of Doofus Overlord at what is at best the fourth-biggest Gheorghe Muresan-inspired blog on the planet. He went to William & Mary, where he hung out with me.
This isn't even close.
Advantage: The Edge
Dancing ability
Advantage: Teedge, all day
Irish taxi driving
Teedge is an accomplished Irish taxi driver, but The Edge is actually from Ireland.
Advantage: tie
Sekshul prowess
As previously stated, The Edge is a goddamn rock star married to an underaged belly dancer. Chances are he gets it done with more ease and aplomb than Tiger Woods.
Teedge is surprisingly successful with the ladies, given his physical limitations. And by that I'm not referring to his bizarre head-to-shoulder-width ratio, ghostly complexion, Shaquesque feet, or beachball belly. I refer instead to his ample supply of slim-fit condoms.
It's likely that both Teedge and The Edge suffer from the Irish Curse so rockstardom carries the day here.
Advantage: The Edge
Sartorial splendor
Teedge likes to rock a Bills jersey over festive attire. The Edge likes to wear a skully over all-black clothes.
Advantage: Teedge (the Bills jersey is an unfair advantage, even if it's an OJ jersey)
Humor
I can't find a single image of The Edge where he's trying to be funny. Teedge is always trying to be funny and typically succeeds. For instance:
Advantage: Teedge
Drinking ability and overall tolerance for inebriating substances
The Edge is a goddamn rockstar and rockstars party like, well, rockstars. But have you ever partied with Teedge? I remember the time Teedge vomitted blood and then drank a beer to settle his stomach. Even now as an old man he puts on otherworldly performances at OBFT. Even when he doesn't get the dosages right and he can't form sentences, Teedge is always up late, hanging out, in it to win it, hoping someone else will order the pizza, looking for cornhole, and losing at poker.
Advantage: Teedge
Mustache
Advantage: Teedge (all day)
Sports Knowledge
Teedge knows lots about sports. It has been said of Teedge that he:
1) Is phenomenal.
2) Knows his stuff.
3) Knows Everything.
4) Nails it.
"Nails it" could also apply to the "sekshul prowess" category above, I'm not sure, but I'm including it in this category and if you don't like it go to hell, this is my Day 11 Gheorghemas post. Go get your own.
Teedge appeared on sports talk radio three times (look under "What is Gheorghe" on the right). He is Le (Petit) Coq Sportif.
The Edge appears on the radio but only on crap stations that play pop music and he doesn't actually say anything. He's Irish so he probably only knows about soccer, which is a crap sport. Gaelic football and hurling are Irish too, but I have no idea what they entail. But one sounds like a lewd act and the other is a euphamism for vomitting. All of this means that The Edge doesn't know shit about sports.
Advantage: Teedge
Gheorgheness
The Edge is 49 years old and he calls himself The Edge. It appears that he only wears black. He hides his balding pate under a wool beanie. He doesn't smile. He takes himself very very seriously.
Teedge is a preposterous mess. He writes and Doofus Overlords for Gheorghe: The Blog. He knows Gheorghe.
Advantage: Teedge
Final score: Teedge 7.5, The Edge 3.5
And thus we have scientific proof that Teedge is better than The Edge (in fact he's twice as good, mathematically speaking), which means that under the transitive property G:TB is better than U2. Pretty soon we'll be raking in hundreds of millions of dollars and we'll have our own Romanian stamp.
A joyous Eleventh Day of Gheorghemas and happy new year to you all.
Friday, December 17, 2010
The Twelve Days of Gheorghe-mas: Day Four
On the Fourth Day of Gheorghe-mas, Big Gheorghe gave to me . . .
Four Compliments For T.J.
Three French HensTwo Dope-Ass Rhymes (and a whole mess of sub-par ones as well).
And A Doofus Dancing (Amidst a Really Long and Grumpy Analysis of the New Kanye West Album).
That's right, four-- count them-- four compliments for our Doofus Overlordwhen Chris Lingebach introduces him on his radio show "Down the Line." Go to 13:28 to hear it yourself, but Lingebach says the Teej:
1) Is phenomenal.
2) Knows his stuff.
3) Knows Everything.
4) Nails it.
Is this some weird parallel universe where T.J. is an actual Overlord and not merely our Doofus Overlord? Where people watch YouTube instead of television? Where no one eats seafood? I don't know, but it's quite a splendid Xmas present from Big Gheorghe.
Amidst the compliments, there are also some good plugs for the blog, but there is still the spelling problem (if you Google "George: The Blog" then this is what you get . . . but we've been over this problem before). I give Chris Lingeback props for doing his best to get across the spelling and web address to his audience, but can your average radio listener-- who is probably driving a car or painting a shed-- follow this explanation?Doubtful.
Anyway . . . Merry Gheorghe-mas Teej! You "pack a power punch." You are "tremendous." You may not get an introduction this kind until you "merge with the infinite."
Someday, perhaps you will be as famous as me.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Walking in Produce
OK, well, this is apparently a race to post. David is still on vacation and attempting to steal my brain in some sort of "Inception" way...so let's see who hits PUBLISH POST first.
[Wow. Dave technically beat me by minutes. But, he is on vacation and I am the Doofus Overlord. Enjoy my post for two hours. Dave's will appear at 3:53pm]
Basically, this stems from my visit to Starbucks this morning. I saw them pimping a Marc Cohn CD...and I thought, Marc Cohn, why do I know that-
Mother f'er, that's the "Walking in Memphis" guy. I love that guy. Wait, why do I love that guy?
And then I remembered. My high school/college vacations and summer part-time job was working at a Shop 'n Save (nee Hannaford) supermarket. As any good supermarket does, we had music. One repetitive loop of music. One endlessly repetitive loop of looping music. 95% of it sucked. The one song I actually got a kick out of was Cohn's "Walking in Memphis".
I'm not even lowering myself to a clip. I need to hold out on the clip long enough to make Dave wonder if HE actually wrote this post.
There were two other songs from my Days of Produce ("...as sands through the mango...") that I (sadly) can never forget. They are nowhere near as good as Memphis...but the do effectively end my typing for this post, for which I am thankful.
I give you the two other songs that haunted my part-time work life from 1994-1997:
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