Weekstart Wisdom

If you're like me and still a little bit baffled about the state of the world, or at least our corner of it, and wondering about what comes next, you could do worse than reflect on this from Jeff Goldblum.

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May your splendid torches outshine the selfish little clods ascendant.

Dildos Abound!

I am wildly out of touch with life in modern America.  I remember a time when certain things were kept under wraps, were only available at shady stores on highway stripmalls or sketchy mail order catalogs, or in the back of the bodega behind swinging saloon doors, when they weren't talked about in polite society.  Not anymore.  To wit, dildos are popping up everywhere.

First, I was out doing some shopping for zmom and I went into CVS to get her some TP and baby wipes.  This wasn't my local CVS, I was one town over, so I had to stagger around to find what I needed.  I stumbled across this.

I'm out here shopping for my mother and they have a whole aisle of dildos, lubes and dick sprays?  What if I was with my 10-year-old daughter?  How the hell do I explain "buzzy butt, a vibrating toy for backside play"?  They sell dildos at CVS?!  

Second, the New York Times, The Gray Lady, the purveyor of all the news that's fit to print, emailed me a link to a Wirecutter article titled "The 13 Best Self-Care Gifts to Buy Yourself."  I could use some self-care right about now so I clicked on it.  As I scrolled down, the second item on the list is, you guessed it, a dildo.

You can get it at Amazon ... for $119?!  Inflation is real.  Again, what if my 10-year-old daughter was reading the New York Times?  How am I supposed to explain "A suction vibrator is meant to simulate oral sex, and the Dame Aer is our pick of its type."  They review dildos at the Times?!

Third, I have voted in nine presidential elections and my pick won only three times.  Joe Biden was on all three of those ballots so maybe he shouldn't have dropped out this time.  I say this because, as you may have heard, Donald Trump won on Tuesday.  He even won a majority of the popular vote!  How am I supposed to explain this to my 10-year-old daughter?  They put this fucking dildo back in the White House?!

Have a Drink with Gheorghe: The Blog (Legally)

That's right, your favorite blogospheric stopping point, Gheorghe: The Blog, turns 21 today!

Booze it up with the Gheorghies. And watch this -- which rob and I cannot believe we've never posted here:

Today we celebrate 21 years of formally celebrating Gheorghe Mureșan with a namesake blog. And, wow, does this quote from that very first post hit home at the moment: "Gheorghe's spirit and the joy with which he appears to approach life offer lessons for all of us about the important things. This space will celebrate those in sports and elsewhere that live with Gheorgheness, and skewer those that think they are more important than the game - be it sports or life."

Just in case you don't have anything else to drink about this week, have one now.

Fin

We are what our record says we are.

Gheorghe Explains: An Election Prediction

I don't know if this is wishcasting or manifesting or some sort of masochistic tempting of fate (though I suspect my actions will have no impact on the results of the election - I only have the power to affect Red Sox games), but I'm going to go forth regardless.

As you'll cast your memory back a ways, you'll remember that we called the 2016 election for That Fucking Guy well before nearly anyone else did. I'm accustomed to being right. Just not used to hating myself for it.

In 2020, I was fairly confident that Uncle Joe would win, but that didn't stop me from stress-drinking on election night. And the next several nights until the election was called officially on Saturday. At which point I celebration-drank. 

Given these bona fides, I suppose I owe you my take on the 2024 U.S. Presidential Election. I've crunched the numbers. Read the tea leaves. Consulted the oracle. And here's the headline.

Righteously Pissed Off Women Carry Kamala Harris to the Presidency.

I'm not gonna spend a ton of pixels on detailed analysis. I'm not qualified, there are better outlets for that, and I'm notoriously lazy. But recall that Democrats have nearly universally outperformed polls and historical performance in major elections since the Dobbs decision overturned Roe v. Wade. Understand that the gender gap being reported in early voting is substantial. Know that the Harris campaign has run a broad, disciplined, thoughtful (and not cocky - I still blame you, Robby Mook) race in a short amount of time. Recognize the electoral truism that the campaign that seems to have momentum often wins, that the end-of-race vibes matter, and watch the GOP ticket flailing about defending a squirrel-porn enthusiast and simulating fellatio* at a late-campaign rally. Add to that mix a handful of really wild polls (including Iowa's most trusted pollster finding Harris +3 in their final analysis - I don't think she wins Iowa, but if it's even -3 in Iowa, it's a rout where it matters), and I think there's a comprehensive body of evidence supporting at least a modicum of confidence in the Vice President's chances.

* I swear to God both of those things have happened within the past week.

I do believe that it's a very tight race. As much as it makes me sick to my stomach, the MAGA standard bearer could win. And if he doesn't, I expect nasty shit to go down across the nation. But as God is my witness, I think it goes the other way. From my keyboard to the electoral deity's ears, for my kids and yours.

Distraction

Lots to report on from our trip to Nashville, which lived up to the hype in terms of food, music, and revelry, and in my wife's case, profligate spending of money on clothes. Since I've got to actually do some work today, I'll share a video in honor of our friend Erin getting us kicked out of Tootsie's on Broadway. 

Here's hoping the law wins tomorrow, too.

Wrenball: A Preview

They’ve endured mostly lean times at William and Mary World Basketball Headquarters since She Who Shall Not Be Named blew up the competitive structure at the end of the last decade and went the entry-level route, with predictably dismal results. A change in leadership and a group of returning players intrigued by the new guy created a different vibe and the notion that Tribe hoops may be more than an innocuous winter diversion. 

School brass finally pulled the plug on the Dane Fischer Experiment and landed Cornell Big Whistle Brian Earl, whose Kaplan Arena debut is Nov. 4 against Dickinson College. A coach with a sub-.500 career record probably doesn’t qualify as a home run hire, but for William and Mary it’s inarguably an extra-base hit. 

Earl built and ran a solid program at a school with a comparable footprint. His last three years at Cornell produced a 54-30 overall record, 25-17 in the Ivy League. Last season’s Big Red won 22 games and earned the program’s first NIT invite. He seemed to have hit upon a formula, or at least assembled a quality group, which makes his decision to jump to a struggling program with limited success over the years curious. 

I’m generally loath to speculate without actual reporting and informed conversations, but I suspect that he thought the Big Red had approached its ceiling, while William and Mary has ample room above. Resources at any Ivy program not named Princeton, Harvard or Yale are limited. The Ivy does not permit redshirting. The transfer portal throughout the league is more egress than ingress. Earl now has a honeymoon with a supportive administration and greater roster flexibility, coupled with an attractive style of play that doesn’t require supreme size or athleticism. 

His teams play quickly, attempt to force the pace with pressure defense, and shoot a lot of 3-pointers. Cornell last season was sixth nationally in 3-point attempts per game (29.7), 10th in 3-pointers made per game (10.3), sixth in assists (18.1) and 16th in scoring (82.1 ppg). The Big Red ranked in the top 25 in adjusted tempo the past three seasons, according to stats guru Ken Pomeroy, and last season had the sixth-shortest average possession time (15 seconds) in Division I; conversely, the Tribe was No. 299 in possession time. 

Earl, a Princeton grad and Ivy League Player of the Year in 1999, has said that he does not aim to duplicate what his Cornell teams did – different personnel and all that – but that the style of play at W&M will rhyme with what they did in Ithaca. Players have spoken positively in preseason about goosed tempo and playing faster. The Tribe has nine new players – five transfers, four freshmen – but it’s a core group of upperclass returnees that likely will dictate results. 

Five players with a combined 156 career starts and that accounted for 60 percent of last season’s scoring output give Earl more experience and built-in camaraderie than many new coaches inherit. Start with brothers Gabe and Caleb Dorsey and Chase Lowe. Gabe Dorsey (14 ppg) is a versatile 6-6 wing whose 113 3-pointers last season ranked fourth nationally and was named preseason first-team all-conference. Brother Caleb (7 ppg, 6 rpg) is a 6-8, 235-pound forward who started 27 games last season. Lowe, a 6-5 junior, averaged 12.5 points and team highs in both rebounding (7.3) and assists (3.2). Noah Collier, a 6-8 senior, is healthy again after his last season-and-a-half was scuttled by injuries. He averaged 9.0 ppg and 8.2 rpg two seasons ago. Senior 6-5 wing Matteus Case (6.8 ppg, 4 rpg) averaged 27 minutes per game last season. 

The transfer class is heavy on versatility and 3-point shooting. Keller Boothby, a 6-7 grad student who accompanied Earl from Cornell, averaged 5.5 ppg and shot 41 percent from 3-point range. Kyle Pulliam, a 6-5 junior, averaged 14.3 ppg and shot 44 percent from 3 at D2 St. Thomas Aquinas, while 6-3 junior Kyle Frazier (10.1 ppg) shot 39 percent from 3 at D2 Belmont Abbey. Malachi Ndur, a 6-8, 225-pound grad student from Brown, averaged 4 points and 3 rebounds per game and shot 35 percent from 3. Finn Lally, a 6-9 native of New Zealand, averaged 9 points and 5.3 rebounds per game at regional junior college power Trinidad State in Colorado. 

Overall, there is sufficient length to be at least a nuisance defensively. The Tribe was picked to finish seventh out of 14 teams in the distended conglomerate that’s now the Coastal Athletic Association, which seems equal parts acknowledgement of returning production and healthy skepticism due to recent lower-tier finishes and a new coach. The non-conference schedule is largely state and regional schools (Old Dominion, VCU, Richmond, Radford, Norfolk State, Appalachian State, Navy, a tournament at Winthrop) and a marquee step up versus 2024 Final Four party crasher N.C. State, followed by the 18-game CAA slate. 

No telling what to expect from the Tribe other than a fresh look and a slew of new faces, including a coach with a vision who appears to know what he’s doing. After four grim seasons, that’s a healthy start.