Gheorghemas: Day Nine

On the Ninth Day of Gheorghemas, Big Gheorghe gave to me: 

Nine college coaching vacancies* 
Eight Films Explaining

Seven Books for Reading

Six random time-wasting recommendations

Five (Green and) Golden Things

Four songs by “the Chairman of the Board” on his birthday

Three Beauties

Two Types of Stories

A Bald Guy with two Pupp-ies

*There’s more than that, but we’re focusing on mid-season firings. Work with me here. 

The college football coaching carousel spun earlier and faster this season, thanks in no small part to the confluence of an expanded playoff format, increasing eight-figure payouts from television revenue, and administrators and fanbases with the patience and judgment of meth addicts. A handful of big names suddenly found themselves looking for their next gig before Halloween, while their former employers got a head start on searches and buyout clause structures for successors. 

The biggest names to get turfed early were James Franklin at Penn State and Brian Kelly at LSU, who were owed a combined $104 million in buyout settlements. Mike Gundy lasted only three games into his 21st season at Oklahoma State, where he was the school’s winningest coach. DeShaun Foster at UCLA and Brent Pry at Virginia Tech also were canned just three games into the season. Twenty-five percent of the Southeastern Conference had mid-season coach openings, with Billy Napier at Florida, Hugh Freeze at Auburn and Sam Pittman at Arkansas joining Kelly in the unemployment line. Alabama Birmingham demonstrated that lower tier D1 programs can be just as trigger happy, firing Trent Dilfer after a 9-21 record over just two-plus seasons. 

Now, that’s not to say that any of the pink slips were without merit. Several coaches underperformed relative to their surroundings. A couple reached their sell-by dates. Some were poor fits that weren’t evident until they were on the job. All tried to navigate a shifting landscape at schools whose aims rest somewhere between aspirational and delusional. 

It brings to mind a line from former Florida athletic director Jeremy Foley – he cribbed it from Secretary of State and President Whisperer Henry Kissinger – about the proper time to fire a coach: What must be done eventually should be done immediately. 

The culprits, in many ways, were money and opportunity. The money that schools receive from massive TV and media rights deals, along with out-in-the-open salaries and expenditures for players and roster makeup, and the exposure and accompanying riches from a playoff format that’s 12 teams on its way to 16, have accelerated the demand for immediate results. Even schools that don’t have access to Power 4 Conference resources get swept up in the wave. Factor in what might be called The Cignetti Effect and here we are. 

It’s simplistic to say that Curt Cignetti ruined coaching hires for everybody else, but it’s not entirely inaccurate. He immediately transformed Indiana from one of the dispirited programs in the history of college football to national relevance and back-to-back playoff appearances. Every other administration and fanbase with an itch says, “Why can’t we have that?” and now grades on an even more demanding curve. 

The current cycle also further deepens the fiction of major college football as amateur undertaking, where plenty still argue that players should not be compensated beyond scholarships and meager stipends. Hundreds of millions of dollars are part of the equation, however, for facilities, salaries, players and sometimes for coaches given the heave-ho. When the Darjalians from the nearby Canis Major galaxy take over our decaying planet, they’ll look at American sports and emit a series of grunts and squeals that roughly translate to: “Christ on a bike, your species can be astonishingly shallow and petty. You devoted more time and resources to *that* shit than taking care of fellow humans? It’s a miracle you ever climbed out of caves and trees.” 

This year’s coaching churn swept up both well known and more obscure figures. Franklin is viewed by many of his peers, according to acquaintances in the coaching profession, a bit like a cryptocurrency hawker. He’s an able recruiter who would have trouble constructing a ham-and-cheese sandwich while standing behind a deli counter. He was successful by many metrics, going 104-45 with major bowl appearances and helped lift the Nittany Lions program from the hangover of the Jerry Sandusky scandal, as well as a near miraculous stint at Vanderbilt where he made the Commodores competitive. Coming off a semifinal appearance in last year’s playoff, they began the season 3-0 and ranked No. 2, with national championship aspirations. But a double-overtime loss to No. 6 Oregon dropped Franklin’s record to 4-21 vs. top-10 teams, and successive losses to UCLA and its own interim head coach and Northwestern prompted the Big Hats to pull the plug. Penn State brass decided that a $48-million buyout and a search for the Next Guy was preferable to the status quo (Franklin and the school negotiated a buyout settlement of $9 million, just before he was hired at Virginia Tech). 

Kelly was shown the door after a 49-25 dump trucking at home to Texas A&M dropped the Tigers’ record to 5-3 and concluded a four-year mismatch of coach and program. When he bolted Notre Dame, he was lured by a program that he believed had a better path toward a national championship, while LSU was attracted by a guy who succeeded at another blue blood program. But Kelly was a poor fit from the start, witness the Massachusetts native and career Midwesterner affecting a Southern accent in one of his first public appearances that matched Kevin Costner’s English accent in “Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves” on the cringe-o-meter. After losing three of four, culminating with the A&M beatdown, his overall record of 34-14, 19-10 in the SEC, wasn’t good enough for a program that believes, justifiably, that it should compete for nattys. 

Napier never gained traction at another program with championship pedigree in one of the most fertile recruiting areas in the country. Likewise Pry, who was unable to approach the success of Hokies’ icon Frank Beamer’s heyday. Auburn overlooked Freeze’s sketchy past as it attempted to keep up with Alabama and the SEC’s expanded upper tier. He and Pittman and Foster were in over their heads. UCLA’s athletic director even admitted that Foster, a former Bruins star, was in an untenable position with the school’s entry into the Big Ten Conference, yet wasn’t even given two full seasons. It's all confirmation that choosing a coach is at best inexact. Sometimes you get a Kiffin, sometimes you get a Charlie Weis, and once in a blue moon you get a Cignetti. As schools chase success, expect the present rate of turnover to continue, if not accelerate. After all, you can’t get to the next mistake without moving on from the current one.

The Twelve Days of Gheorgemas: Day 9

On the ninth day of Gheorghemas, Big Gheorghe gave to me . . . 

Nine Games Worth Notice

A Moment of Rest

Seven Things for Reading

Six old and new musical experiences

Five roadsters you can and should buy right now

FORE! An overdue update on LIV & the PGA Tour

Three Ways of Coping

Stories from two three strokes

And much needed hip mo-bili-ty

College football is in the midst of a sea change that includes mega-conferences and greater player empowerment in the form of approved payments and the transfer portal. Add to that the first year of the 12-team FBS playoff, and this season has been unlike any other. 

I’m old enough to remember when discussion of a playoff of any sort was off the table. A playoff would somehow devalue the regular season. It would be onerous for the, ahem, student-athletes, because it would require several more games and extra physical and perhaps academic burdens. This was always transparent nonsense, since FCS and D2 and D3 football and every other NCAA sport conduct playoffs; it was simply a way to preserve the FBS bowl structure, a patronage setup that enriched a select few and has long been indefensibly quaint or quaintly indefensible -- whichever you prefer. 

As in most areas, however, concerns and resistance magically melt away when the amount of money available usurps that of the old regime. A two-team selection became four and now 12 as TV contracts worth billions will be distributed mostly among the power conferences and schools. As for a devalued regular season, viewership and interest appear to be just fine. 

Anyone who has checked out on college football due to the present money grab is 1) rare and 2) hasn’t paid attention for quite some time. All that said, here are nine games for perusing that helped define a compelling season: 

Memphis 20, Florida State 12. Sept. 14. Florida State’s preseason No. 10 ranking was already a memory, after losses to Georgia Tech and Boston College to begin the year. Coach Mike Norvell’s loss to his former program, the one that landed him the FSU gig, and a drop to 0-3 cemented the fact that there are structural problems in Tallahassee. Memphis limited the Seminoles to 37 yards rushing and less than 250 total yards, this after both Ga. Tech and BC controlled the line of scrimmage. Florida State finished 2-10, its only victories against Cal and FCS Charleston Southern, while Memphis of the AAC went 10-2. The Seminoles’ notoriously entitled and impatient booster base would like to make a change, but Norvell signed a contract extension after winning the ACC last season. His buyout is $64 million if he leaves, according to USA Today, and he would be owed 85 percent of that if he is fired. Expensive lesson. 

James Madison 70, North Carolina 50. Sept. 21. Most power conference programs have unsightly losses in their history. Goes with the territory. Some, however, are more damaging and telling than others. Venerable coach Mack Brown’s second stint at Carolina featured both successes and hiccups. But the Tar Heels’ performance against JMU, just two years into its status as an FBS program, was irredeemable. The Dukes hung 53 points on Carolina in the first half, with receivers running lonesome open for big plays, and totaled 611 yards. Brown himself called it “embarrassing.” Fast forward a couple months and as the Heels prepared for their finale against rival N.C. State, Brown said he planned to coach next season. UNC administration responded with ‘no thanks’ and said it would look elsewhere. Brown coached the finale, a disappointing 35-30 loss that again displayed the 6-6 Heels’ inability to finish, along with the harsh truth of major college coaching, that the Reaper eventually comes for them all. And when a school that made its athletic bones with basketball then went out and spent money to hire Bill Belichick, it conveys all you need to know about which sport calls the shots in college athletics. 

Vanderbilt 40, Alabama 35. Oct. 5. If you wanted a Sign of the Apocalypse, or simply an indication that college football has changed, you could do worse than this result. One of the biggest upsets in SEC history caused a scramble through the record books and made a folk hero of Vandy QB Diego Pavia, who had 309 yards of total offense and stared down the No. 1-ranked Crimson Tide’s every challenge. It was Vandy’s first win against ‘Bama in 40 years and first ever against a top-five team. The Commodores were 0-60 against the top five previously, with 50 of those losses by double figures. Nick Saban said prior to the game that Vandy Stadium was the easiest road venue in the SEC, which successor Kalen DeBoer might dispute. Turned out that three losses, including the loss to Vandy and especially the late thump job to Oklahoma cost the Tide a playoff berth. 

Oregon 32, Ohio State 31, Oct. 12. Terrific showdown in the newly distended, geographically incongruous conference membership world. No. 2 vs No. 3. Seven lead changes, 963 yards of offense, big plays from primo players. Outcome wasn’t decided until Ohio State QB Will Howard, trying to get his team in position for a potential winning field goal, took off on a run in the final seconds but slid down as time expired. Howard passed for 336 yards and two TDs, while Oregon’s Dillon Gabriel, an Oklahoma transfer who replaced NFL draft pick Bo Nix, threw for 341 yards and two touchdowns and ran for another. The Ducks used that game as a springboard to an unbeaten regular season and No. 1 ranking, and moderated coach Dan Lanning’s tendencies to go for two, go for it on fourth down and let his imagination run untethered. 

Indiana 56, Nebraska 7. Oct. 19. The Hoosiers opened eyes with a 6-0 start and top-25 ranking under new coach Curt Cignetti but the schedule was tame. Nebraska was supposed to provide a test. They resemble the Cornhuskers of old in name only, though they entered 5-1 overall. They had some quality pieces, and were the only program in the nation not to have allowed a rushing touchdown. Indiana notched five rushing TDs, 215 yards on the ground, and forced five Nebraska turnovers. Cignetti has overseen an amazing turnaround with the program’s first 11-win season and a berth in the playoff after being picked to finish 17th in the 18-team Big Ten. The former JMU coach and one-time Nick Saban assistant doesn't lack confidence and provided one of the great press conference sound bites, at his intro presser. A reporter asked why he thought he could transform the Hoosiers’ dismal fortunes. He responded, “I win. Google me.” 

Colorado 34, Cincinnati 23. Oct. 26. Not a hugely dramatic result, more a sign of progress from the most visible guy in college football. The Buffs cleanly dispatched Cincy for their sixth win, making them bowl eligible for the first time since 2016 – not counting the COVID season of 2020. Coach Prime’s second-favorite child, or wherever Shedeur Sanders ranks in Dad’s present hierarchy, completed his first 15 passes and was 25 for 30 for 323 yards and two scores. Two-way star and future Heisman winner Travis Hunter had nine catches for 153 yards and a TD, and broke up four passes on defense. The Cincy win was part of a finishing stretch of five wins in their last six games and a 9-3 overall record. A year ago, Colorado
started quickly in Deion’s first season but faded to 4-8, prompting some to wonder if he was all sizzle and no substance. He’ll have to replace Shedeur and Hunter, though it’s increasingly apparent that he wants to and is able to build a program. 

SMU 48, Pitt 25. Nov. 3. Who better to navigate the terrain of conference realignment, payments to players and easy player transfer than a Texas school with deep-pocketed donors who’ve had their noses pressed up against the window of Big Boy college football for 30 years? SMU took advantage of ACC discomfit, talked their way into the league and ran through it on their first lap. The Mustangs figured to be immediate contenders but their deconstruction of previously unbeaten and 18th-ranked Pitt confirmed that they are going to be a chore. They led 31-3 at halftime and cruised. Their transfer-heavy and presumably well compensated roster is upper tier, and head coach and offensive tinkerer Rhett Lashlee has a name that sounds like he could be the wealthy heir to a Memphis real estate fortune or a successful attorney with a dark secret on “Days of Our Lives.” 

Arizona State 28, BYU 23. Nov. 23. The Sun Devils’ march to the Big 12 Conference title game in their first year in the league featured this resume’ builder against 14th-ranked BYU. Coach Kenny Dillingham inherited a mess two years ago in the wake of the Herm Edwards failed experiment. After going 3-9 in the last year of the Pac-12 as we knew it, ASU was picked to finish last in the Big 12 but went 10-2, its best record in 25 years. The Sun Devils were led by all-purpose back and Super Mario Bros. character Cam Skattebo and a roster dotted with transfers. A Phoenix native, Dillingham (34) is one of the youngest head coaches in D1 and was previously offensive coordinator and QB coach at Oregon, Florida State and Auburn before landing his hometown gig. 

Michigan 13, Ohio State 10. Nov 30. We live in interesting times, when a coach who has won 87 percent of his games and 90 percent of his conference games is vilified because he is 1-4 against one particular opponent. Of course, it makes no sense. Sports, man. That it was a mind-blowing result in one of the nastiest, most heated rivalries in football is gas on the fire. The second-ranked Buckeyes face-planted, at home, in a game in which they were 21-point faves. Michigan entered 6-5 and had mostly scuffled along after losing coach Jim Harbaugh to the NFL and a slew of players from their national championship team. The Buckeyes and their $20 million roster couldn’t much run or pass and missed a couple of makeable field goals. Michigan threw for a grand total of 62 yards and two picks, yet won. The post-game dust-up at midfield, complete with pepper spray, wasn’t a good look, either. The only thing that might redeem OSU coach Ryan Day – emphasis on “might” – is a natty. No pressure. 

Honorable Mention: Several Miami games, which highlight the value of a top-shelf quarterback, even just a one-year rental. Washington State transfer Cam Ward, whose NIL deal was reportedly in the $2 million range, elevated Miami back into the national discussion. Texas-Texas A&M, which drove home the absurdity of shelving rivalry games because of competing conference interests. And for the Longhorns, even in an era of transfers and roster overhaul, there is still great value in continuity, development and an emphasis on line play. Texas' offensive and defensive lines are veteran groups that have been together for a few years and the cornerstone of what may be the nation's best overall roster. Boise State-Washington State, in which the Broncos and primo back Ashton Jeanty (259 yards, 4 TD) dusted the former Pac-12 member near the start of an 11-game win streak that landed them in the playoffs. The bar is higher for non-power conference schools to make the playoffs, but the expanded field provides an avenue if the stars align.

College Football's Next Chapter

As we put a bow on the Scrappin’ Harbaughs’ kneecapping of Washington for the national championship, we might also bid a fond farewell to major college football as we know it. They’ll still play the games, we’ll still watch, and the circus will continue. Given the changes afoot, however, the 2023 season feels like the end of an era as the sport lumbers toward whatever’s next. 

Megafootballfauna!

Mega-conferences [NOTE FROM YOUR TINY DICTATOR, WHO MAY OR MAY NOT BE A BIT TIPSY: I prefer to read this as megafauna, which I find an excellent word], the 12-team playoff, and players profiting from their abilities are upon us. Any of those measures alone create a seismic shift. That all three arrive together while college athletics’ leadership essentially draws “HELP” in super-sized letters on the beach in hopes of a rescue flyover is its own level of entertainment. 

Athletes making money from their name, image and likeness (NIL) has been in place for a couple of years now, as schools figure out how to use it as recruiting tool and oversee it without calling their new assistant athletic directors “bagmen.” If anything, NIL has been bolstered by the other two components. 

When the Southeastern Conference poached Texas and Oklahoma from the Big 12, and the Big Ten countered by grabbing Southern Cal and UCLA from the Pac-12, it kicked off a round of realignment that exposed the lie that major college athletics’ primary concern is the welfare of the athletes, unless frequent-flier miles and Marriott points are now considered benefits. The Big Ten is about to be an 18-team coast-to-coast league, the SEC a 16-team outfit that stretches from central Texas and Oklahoma to Florida. The two wealthiest conferences, in terms of TV contracts and interest, are about to become even wealthier once the upcoming round of TV negotiations is complete. Meanwhile, the Big 12 is up to 16 schools after cherry-picking from the underserved and then snatching a quartet of Pac-12 refugees, and the last-at-the-table ACC is also up to 18 schools and bi-coastal. 

Couple that movement with the 12-team playoff, and it makes for a dandy cash grab. The four-team playoff structure was worth $400-600 million per year for the decade it was in place. The new, expanded setup is estimated to be worth approximately $1-1.2 billion per year. Under the old system, conferences received $6 million for each semifinalist and $4 million for each team in one of the rotating non-playoff major bowls (Cotton, Fiesta, Peach). Expect those payouts to increase substantially under the 12-team field. 

All that lettuce, and still there are plenty of folks who want to restrict the kids who attract the eyeballs and cash. At this point, arguments for the traditional model of college athletics should come with a laugh track, though it does provide a valuable lesson for the kids: that the adults who control the means and venues and distribution won’t cede a dime without a hissy fit, and they won’t hesitate to use any tool in the shed. 

Education and nostalgia and sports can make for darn fine cover, which Eugene Debs and Mother Jones and Marvin Miller would recognize. But we digress. The combination of conference consolidation and the fact that an actual playoff field was imminent made this season feel a little like a missed opportunity. Consider what the 12-team field would have looked like this season: three SEC teams (Alabama, Georgia, Missouri), three Big Ten teams (Michigan, Ohio State, Penn State), two from the Pac-12 (Washington, Oregon), champs from the Big 12 (Texas) and ACC (Florida State), and the Group of Five choice (Liberty). Argue among yourselves about the 12th team. 

A potentially terrific tournament strictly from a competitive standpoint, but also a fairly broad representation of the sport. Future tournaments may be similarly competitive but something will be lost. One of the beauties of college football, of college athletics in general, is its unique fingerprint, both individually and regionally. It’s what separates the game from the more homogenized NFL. 

Going forward, programs will still have their own personalities and loyalties, but consolidation and the elimination of an entire conference (RIP, Pac-12) erodes some of the individuality. When programs are grouped under increasingly large umbrellas, it begins to feel like watching branch offices of Amazon and Microsoft rather than pure athletic competition (if the West Coast programs are somehow cowed into an Iowafication of their style of play, the Big Ten offices will receive a sternly worded letter; just sayin’).  

Now, if all this nudges college football toward separate governance and scheduling and permits athletic departments to return to more regionally sensible schedules for all other sports, then the upheaval may have been worth it. Good or bad in total no one can say. Though the fact that in this revolution no skulls were cracked probably counts as a win.

The Twelve Days of Gheorghemas: Day Four

On the fourth day of Gheorghemas, big Gheorghe gave to me:

Four Teams for Bitching

Three Tiny Scrappers
Two books for your Gheorghemas wish list
And a doofus to lead this country

And here you thought it was fair, or at least an attempt at fair. Or maybe that merit counted for something. College football again demonstrated that it is and it does, provided you reside in the right neighborhood and pass the eyeball test. 

The College Football Playoff announced its four-team field, and the outrage was equal parts predictable and naïve. We get Michigan, Washington, Texas and Alabama – all heavy hitters, all deserving of spots, all appointment watching, the latter quality carrying extra weight in an endeavor partnered with TV and its wheelbarrows of cash. But it's an affront to the game, a traveshamockery! To which we say, Settle down, Beavis. 

The CFP is a football tournament that doubles as a TV show. Or vice versa. Florida State has a legitimate beef after being snubbed. The Seminoles are the first unbeaten team from a Power Five conference to be left out in the 10-year history of the current format. The ACC champs will watch from distance as one-loss Texas and one-loss Alabama compete in semifinals. 

The ‘Noles are victims because of two things out of their control: their league; and injury/injuries to their quarterback(s). To the first point: Florida State was fourth in the penultimate CFP rankings heading into conference championship weekend. The Seminoles beat Louisville in the ACC title game to finish 13-0. Elsewhere, Michigan (No. 2) and Washington (No. 3) had already clinched two spots in the field with wins. 

Texas (No. 7) dump trucked Oklahoma State in the Big 12 championship game. Then, Alabama (No. 8) upset top-ranked Georgia in the SEC title game, creating what many believed would be chaos for the selection committee. Nos. 2, 3, and 4 won their games, while No. 1 lost. How would the committee separate Georgia, which lost to ‘Bama, which lost to Texas? 

But SEC commish Greg Sankey reminded everyone, inadvertently or not, of who’s who and what’s what. Asked prior to last Saturday’s games about the possibility of the SEC getting left out of the playoff field should ‘Bama beat Georgia, he responded, “That’s not the real world of college football. Let’s go back to Sesame Street to make it real basic, because one of these things is not like the other, and that is the Southeastern Conference. We have five of the top 15 teams.” Sankey continued: “… the reality is that no one has experienced the success that we have in the playoff. So when you actually put us against the teams rather than in committee rooms, we stand alone.” 

In other words, the SEC was going to have a seat at the table, regardless. As would the Big Ten. Bonus points if you realized that all four semifinalists are current or future members of the SEC and Big Ten. 

Which brings us to the second point: Florida State was without starting quarterback and offensive rainmaker Jordan Travis. Its backup QB missed the ACC championship game in concussion protocol, forcing the Seminoles to use their third-string quarterback, a true freshman who looked the part. The ‘Noles’ top-shelf defense smothered Louisville, but their offense toggled between meh and unwatchable for 3½ hours in a 16-6 slog. 

After Florida State was left out, several committee members remarked that the Seminoles were a different team without Travis, a fairly thin justification. Now, choosing the playoff field based on which teams look best or are playing best at the end of the season or on championship weekend isn’t an unreasonable gauge. The problem is that there’s no hard and fast selection criteria. Sometimes it’s season-long accomplishment, other times it’s how a team appears when everyone’s watching. It can be tailored to desired outcomes or whenever the check clears. Were Travis healthy and had the Seminoles bounced Louisville 30-6, the committee likely would have had to do some hair-splitting. As it was, members didn’t have to separate Alabama and Texas; they defaulted by separating Florida State altogether. 

All of this year’s outrage will be moot a year from now when the 12-team field begins. Florida State would get in, as would Georgia, Ohio State, Oregon and several others. It would be a helluva tournament. That’s little consolation right now. 

Truth is, there are going to be gripes no matter the size of a playoff field. The No. 5 team gripes when there’s a four-team field. The 69th team gripes when it’s left out of the 68-team NCAA basketball tournament field – or to be more accurate, the 37th-rated at-large team. Next year, the 13th team will wail at being omitted from the football playoff. The difference is that the smaller the field, generally the more legit the complaint. 

Remember, too, that college football's postseason, if not the entire sport, has always been about money. Historically, the bowl system and its civic graft controlled postseason. If the No. 1 team's conference was tied to the Rose Bowl and No. 2's to the Orange Bowl, well, that's the way it was. A playoff would supposedly devalue the regular season, and split national champions were simply part of the "charm" of major college football. Never mind that basketball, baseball, soccer, volleyball, heck, even lower level college football, staged tournaments to decide national champions. 

When TV money surpassed bowl money, with a side of public demand, suddenly championship matchups were more palatable. We had 1 vs. 2, then the four-team field and now a dozen teams playing for a title, with mega football conferences led by the Big Ten and SEC here and in the near future. College football is an attractive, lucrative pastime. On its way to the next phase of world domination, it couldn’t resist reminding everyone who and what call the shots.

Requiem For a Conference

As we approach the midpoint of the college football season and sample sizes increase, it’s worth highlighting the Pac-12 Conference amid one of the great exit interviews in the history of American sports. It’s equal parts series finale of “Breaking Bad” and the homecoming parade in “Animal House.”  

For the better part of the past decade the league was often an afterthought, with a few interesting figures and teams, and telecast windows tailored to insomniacs. Now, with the league preparing to splinter and members scattering like dandelion seeds, it’s in the middle of a glorious, flawed, entertaining mess of a season that drives home the question: how did they f*ck this up? 

The short answer is Michelin star-rated mismanagement and a level of greed that would make Jeff Bezos go, “Daaayum.” All that’s left is to revel in the here and now, and hope they can keep it up. This week six Pac-12 teams are ranked in the AP Top 25, down from seven the week prior. 

As recently as two years ago, the league finished the season with the same number of ranked teams (two) as the American Athletic Conference. Washington and Oregon remain in the top 10 after their sublime taffy pull last Saturday, and Oregon State and Utah are in the top 14. Southern Cal and UCLA, the schools that kicked the realignment carousel into gear, are also ranked even after losses, and Washington State is among those receiving votes. 

And that doesn’t even take into account Colorado, the combination fireworks factory and blowtorch manufacturer that owned the first month of the season, thanks to Coach Wallflower and his made-over roster and a series of unlikely, dramatic results.

The Pac-12 has reigning Heisman Trophy winner and draftnik darling Caleb Williams of USC. It has three of the top six scoring offenses nationally and four in the top 12. It has two of the top three offenses in total yards per game and five of the top 25. It has the top two quarterbacks in passing yards per game – Michael Penix Jr. of Washington and Coach Prime’s second-favorite child or wherever Shedeur ranks this week – and five of the top 15. Three of the top four touchdown passers and five of the top 14 are in the conference. Four of the top 10 quarterbacks in total offense and five of the top 15 work in the league. 

Washington State QB Cameron Ward is 12th in the nation in passing yards per game (296.3); he is merely fourth in his own league, just ahead of Williams, by the way. And Utah’s dynamic playmaker Cam Rising isn’t even in the picture, still recovering after knee surgery. Washington and its No. 3 offense are currently atop the heap under second-year head coach Kalen DeBoer. Huskies’ offensive coordinator Ryan Grubb turned down a job offer from Nick Saban last winter, choosing to return to a room that includes Heisman candidate Penix, the nation’s passing yards leader (383.5 ypg) and deliverer of a lovely ball, and three quality receivers. Oregon has the nation’s No. 1 offense, its own Heisman darkhorse in former Auburn QB Bo Nix, a stable of skill position folks, and a head coach, Dan Lanning, who goes for it on fourth down as if it’s a contract incentive. 

Utah has been the best program in recent years, largely because the Utes play defense (No. 5 scoring, No. 9 total) and are consistently as ruthless as a Russian bookie. USC, on the other hand, might be the college football equivalent of the Stones’ “Emotional Rescue” or “Voodoo Lounge,” brilliant moments on offense coupled with a ghastly allergy toward tackling and defense. Oregon State and Washington State, the two schools left without a chair when the realignment music stopped, are making plenty of noise – the Cougars with an offense averaging 431 yards per game, the Beavers with the No. 12 scoring offense (38.1 ppg) led by QB and former Clemson pinata D.J. Uiagalelei. 

Even the league’s lower-tier programs are in on the mayhem. Arizona took USC to triple overtime before falling, then last Saturday dump-trucked Washington State in Pullman, 44-6. Stanford authored one of the season’s signature moments, erasing a 29-point halftime deficit to Colorado in a 46-43 win aided greatly by the Buffs’ players and coaches. 

With half the season still ahead, it’s likely that there will be cannibalization within the conference. Here’s hoping that the college football overlords recognize that one or two losses in a deep quality league shouldn’t disqualify teams from playoff and major bowl consideration. For years, we’ve been subjected to the tautology that multiple-loss teams from the Southeastern Conference are better than undefeated and one-loss teams from other leagues because of the SEC’s overall strength. Well, since the SEC appears a little down this season, why can’t another conference fill the void, or at least receive the benefit of the doubt? 

Regardless, may Pac-12 football’s final chapter produce an avalanche of yards and points and drama and chaos. Enjoy it while it lasts. Memos to departing members from their new conference homes will come soon enough about the best places to visit in Stillwater, Okla., and the beauty of the punt.

Week TA- WELVE!!! Whaaaa?

Hello Friends.

What would the sports talk radio douche nozzles discuss if the CFB Playoff didn't exist? Any idea?
We enter into the 12th week and Danimal still holds a pretty comfortable lead over Bad News Hughes. I was able to significantly diminish the pain of my 2nd half bad beat in the ND/ASU game last week by getting a little aggressive with the Buckeyes. But still, bad beats linger.

Okay, this week we're starting with...

Nebraska +6.5 at Wiscaaansin
Sorry. This is my lazy pick of the week. I'll try and make it up to you.
Nebraska

Virginia Tech +4 at Duke
Maybe a predictable pick here I admit. Mark & I have a tendency, understandably so, to pick teams we have an interest in, or have success with from a betting perspective. It's a combination here. Betting against VaTech usually means a W with a 3-6 ATS record. Duke, conversely, is 7-2 and 5-0 at home. I believe my old h.s. pal and AD in Blacksburg is going to sooner than later be in the uncomfortable spot of having to shitcan Frank Beamer. Few if any coaches in the land deserve more credit than he for what he has done with that program. But his time is done. My prediction is they go into Durham as a listless bunch due to his inability to get them motivated when things aren't going their way. And should I be wrong, Duke is an exceptionally coached, 7-1 team. Their schedule leaves a bit to be desired but they've beaten who they were supposed to beat and few they were underdogs to. Tech doesn't do that.
Duke

South Carolina +7 at Florida
Who's 2-5 in the conference you ask? It's the Cawwwcks! No kidding. The Gators are 4-3! Mark has to be prettttty pleased with that considering where things were leading a short while ago. Okay, "pleased" might be too strong of a word. These two are almost mirror images of each other imo. SC has lost a few very close ones including an OT loss to UT, a 1-score loss to AUB, a 1-score loss to UK, and a 1-point loss to the SEC East winner, Missouri. On the flip side, UF has won the their close ones, 2 of the 3 anyway (losing to LSU by a Figgie). What we've got is two underperforming teams here, the difference being one has a better coach and a 7-point head start.
Gamecocks (I think they win too for what that is worth)

Mark

This is a sad time of year. The Oktoberfest beers are becoming harder to find on tap at our local pub. The leaves are beginning to fall from the trees (at least that's what I told happens up north) and you realize we don't have much time left in the College Football season. It's a sad time. But it's not time to sit around and cry into your beer. Make the most of it and wager recklessly. That's what I do. Actually that's what I do all season long but it fit well with the intro.

Auburn +2.5 at Georgia- Auburn's season blew up on them at home last week. They let an average Texas A&M team come into their place and jump all over them early. Then they fumbled away their chance at redemption (twice) near the end to seal a defeat to the Aggies. Auburn could come into this game downtrodden and unfocused. I doubt it. Not when they're taking on their second biggest rival. Furthermore, despite the return of Todd Gurley, I believe Auburn is a much better team than UGA. Gus Malzahn and the Tigers run the ball as well as any team in America and Florida showed us that the Bulldogs struggle badly to stop the run, especially on the perimeter. 2.5 points is gift. Take the gift, Clark. War Eagle.

Arizona State at Oregon State +10.5- Arizona State is coming off a woodshedding of Notre Dame and has unexpectedly pushed their name into the College Football Playoff discussion. That ends tonight in the snake pit that is Corvallis. The Sun Devils thrive on forcing turnovers and the Beavers are tight (with the ball). Further, ASU has lost on 4 of their last 6 trips to the house that Mike Riley Built. ASU wins a close one. Beavers cover.

Mississippi State +10 at Alabama- This line was one of the week's biggest movers. It opened at MSU+6 and reached 10 yesterday and has since held steady. Both the public and the sharps seem to believe in Alabama. I don't blame them. The Bulldogs haven't been especially impressive in their last few wins and the Tide have rounded into form since their loss to Ole Miss. I'm playing the emotions card here and guessing that Alabama will have trouble getting themselves all the way up for this game after a physically and emotionally draining win in Baton Rouge last Saturday night. The Tide starts slow and the Bulldogs don't. Mississippi State and the points.

Week 7: It's All Cream Cheese From Here

Here are mine. I titled a post but couldn't type in it. Blogger hates me. (ed. note: fixed it)
  

Mark's Picks are coming to you live from PGA National in beautiful West Palm Beach Florida

Last week finally put me back on the right side of things. Of course, things could’ve turned our better had Michigan State not taken a 4^th Quarter nap and allowed a Nebraska team they were dominating to come roaring back late and cover. That’s why they call it gambling though kids. Actually, I’m not exactly clear on the origin of the word gambling but Geoff once told me to just act like you know what you’re talking about and 95% of people will buy it. And it’s worked out pretty good for that guy so why not?

Michigan State -20.5 at Purdue- Speaking of Michigan State, Sparty has been a great bet this year. Outside of two bad 4^th quarters against Oregon and Nebraska, they’ve covered all their games and done so by a wide margin.  This week they take on a Purdue team that might be the Big Ten’s worst. Even though Sparty has to travel to the hornet’s nest that is West Lafayette, IN (Is it the House that Mike Alstott or Drew Brees built? I always get confused.), I’m confident that Michigan State gets back to the dominating form they displayed in the first 3 quarters of last Saturday night’s game. Sparty. 

LSU at Florida (Over/Under- 47)- Outside of Vanderbilt, these might be the SEC’s two most pedestrian offenses. Honestly, even calling them pedestrian is probably too far. They’re terrible, plain and simple. LSU will play two QBs. First, a sophomore who lost his starting job last week to a true freshman. And that same true freshman who performed so poorly that he relinquished the QB job by mid game last week at Auburn. Both QBs will play, and both will be underwhelming. Florida has QB problems of it’s own. Starting QB Jeff Driskel reached new lows last week by throwing for 59 yards and 3 interceptions before being yanked in favor of true freshman Treon Harris who led Florida to a comeback victory at Tennessee. Harris is now indefinitely suspended from the Florida Football team while the target of a sexual assault investigation. So, Driskel is back as a starter by default and should continue to make Gator fans mad with his poor decision making and even worse accuracy. The O/U could be 37 and and I’ll probably still take the under.

Ole Miss at Texas A&M (-2)- Ole Miss is coming off the biggest win in the program’s last 50 years and the best night in Oxford possibly even. A&M is still licking their wounds after being trounced by Mississippi State. This is nothing more than a bet on both teams coming back to the middle. A&M is still an average team defensively but they’ll be better in a wild atmosphere at Kyle Field. Ole Miss will have trouble getting back up to their peak for this game (at least early) and Dr. Bo Wallace won’t play the game of his life for the second straight week. The SEC West is impossibly tough and it shows this week. Aggies.

Danimal' Picks:

Hi there. On the yearly trip w/the Incesterians in Pinevegas, NC so my apologies for the effort here.

Some of Winchester's finest lining up a putt

Florida State -24 at ‘Cuse

Winston in the news again. That’s weird huh? As Mark said last week, if you bet against FSU in every game this year you’d be 4-1. Not today though.  ‘Noles

BC +3 at NC State

NC State (ed. note: nice effort Dan)

Miami (OH) +14 at Akron

Huh? Really? Yes. Really. Keeping my eyes on the team from Oxford is common practice with my wife being an alum and many of her friends and family still there. Have you ever been there? It’s quite a nice campus. The town ain’t all that bad either. Now, the team from Miami travels yonder to Akron this weekend to take on the Zips squad, coached by one Terry Bowden of the Bowden Clan. His Defensive Coordinator is Chuck Amato, former D Coord from FSU/Bobby Bowden days and former NC State Head Coach. I think he’s a huge tool, Amato that is, but there’s no denying he builds nice squads. Another tidbit you might not have been aware of is that Miami’s QB is ND transfer Andrew Hendrix. Andy isn’t a very good quarterback. His accuracy is lacking. It isn’t entirely his fault though as his team isn’t blessed with weapons. Or an offensive line. Or a good defense.  And though he hasn’t thrown any INT’s in the last few games, that’s going to change this week. Akron is go all sneaky squirrel on the Re*!awks and and beat ‘em handily. Akron stock – moving upward. Miami stock – staying where it has been for a while – in the cellar.  ZIPS

Week 3 CFB Pick 'Em: Mark vs. Danimal vs. Blogger Editing Window

For the first time ever, Danimal has a lead on Mark. Please don’t misinterpret that as being cocky as having the lead for the first time in 18 weeks or so of picks is nothing to brag about, awwight? Robert, you have been Jones’ing (can someone enlighten us on the origination of this word?) to know what we are up or down financially. Well, last week I didn’t place one bet down for dollahs, unfortunately. So I believe I’m still 1-2 on the year on money picks, or maybe 2-3. Regardless, I’m down. I’ll get you a qtly recap at the end of the month, just simmer down.

A quick word on the Jags. I saw a funny tweet last weekend describing their game against the Iggles…I’m paraphrasing here – “The game was exactly like their helmets. One half simply glorious and the other an abomination.” I liked that. It stuck with me. And he was spot on. Henne was Foles in the 1st half supported by a defense that had their best half in years. Annnnnnd then Henne became Henne. A prediction on this week against the Washington Professional Football Team – If Henne plays nearly as poorly as last week’s second half, we’ll see Bortles. I also predict a Jags win.

And a quick word on the Hokies/OSU game. I’m happy for the Hokies, I am. But calm the fuck down Blacksburg. TR pointed out last week that OSU won’t be ranked in 6 weeks. He was way too kind. I’m no procrastinator, but if I had to guess I’d say OSU would be “pretty decent” without their QB injury, at best. With it, they are a big red & silver turd. So Hokie town, don’t get too confident.

Sorry…onto the picks.

West Virginia +3 at Maryland
12:00 p.m.


I’d be a fool to say that WVU “has it figured out”, so I won’t. But they are undoubtedly a much-improved team from last year’s clown car. QB Clint Trickett (2 T’s) has 700+ yards passing in his first two starts of the season. You might recall that their first game was against Alabama where the Mountaineers held them close, and not for a couple of dropped passes and a questionable call or two, who knows? Trickster actually threw for MORE yards against the Tide in that loss than he did in last week’s 54-0 drubbing of Towson. My one concern is that Maryland skunked this team last year, badly. Regardless, I’m saying WVU gets all up in the Terps’ shell and cracks them open.
‘Eers

Georgia -6 at South Carolina
3:30 p.m.
Whooa Nelly! Joe-Ja. South Carralaana. CBS. Verne Lundquist. Yessir! Three weeks in and we still have a whole lot of shit in terms of ball games today. This could end up being one. It COULD. Will it? Who the hell knows? It’s a big rivalry game obviously with the ‘ole baw coach at 1-1 and as a few here have pointed out, they haven’t looked especially impressive. BTW, they are 123rd in the nation in total defense. Georgia on the other hand….interesting. Veddy interesting. Could this finally be their year? I’m bullish on the dawgs. They’ve gone too long with too much talent not to make a run at it. This year’s talent starts in the backfield. Gurley as everyone knows is a beast and will probably be in the Heisman conversation. But take him out, and you got Nick Chubb, aka Chubby/Chubbstein/Chubbarino. Who’s that? Oh, just some frosh who has carried the ball 4 times thus far…..for 70 yards. And while running over and through people. Big people. Big athletic fast people that play in the SEC. These two guys are going to cause probs for the Cawwwcks’ D, which will open up the passing game. This line started at -2.5. I think Georgia wins convincingly. (I’d probably put down a BIG side bet that Hughes takes the ‘Dawgs here too)
Bulldogs

Purdue vs ND
Over/Under 57.5
7:30 p.m.
Purdue scored 17 points against Central Michigan (who scored 38 points against Purdue). That’s 55 points. I don’t see Purdue scoring more than 7 against ND. We could and SHOULD see another goose egg here, right? So, I gotta take the under. ND 48 – Purdue 3
Under

Not an ideal start for me this year. I'm down overall and coming off consecutive 1-2 weeks. Last week saw me suffer at the hands of a few relatively bad beats in the Michigan State-Oregon game and BYU-Texas. I need to get my mojo back.  I cheated a little and read Dan's picks as he posted before me this week so I'll take this time to say while I'm not officially picking the South Carolina-Georgia game I'm taking South Carolina +7  (my book is giving the extra half). South Carolina's defense has been awful but it's largely a result of atrocious pass defense. I say the Gamecocks stack the box and dare the extremely average Hutson Mason and Georgia's banged up wideouts to beat them on a regular basis. Georgia probably still wins but it's a close one.  (So you should probably take Georgia)

Baylor (-33.5) at Buffalo- Baylor has become a top tier Big 12 program in recent years. However, tonight's game AT Buffalo is your reminder of how long ago (not long) it was that Baylor was absolute shite. Can you imagine Oklahoma or Texas having to agree to a home and home series with the University at Buffalo (what the fuck is up with the "at"?). Baylor stud QB Bryce Petty is back tonight playing with a couple of broken bones in his back (WHAT?!!?) but I doubt he plays more than the first half. It won't matter. Baylor will score easily and often. Sic 'Em Bears.

Purdue-Notre Dame (-27.5) at Lucas Oil Stadium - This is pretty simple. Purdue sucks. I mean Purdue really, really sucks. They've given up 34 and 38 points to Western and Central Michigan, respectively. Notre Dame, on the other hand has scored 48 and 31 points in their first two games. Will the Irish suffer a let down after pasting Michigan? Maybe. Will that letdown allow Purdue to play Notre Dame closely? No way. I hate Notre Dame but I love money so give me the Irish. One last note: Do you know who Purdue passed over to hire current Head Coach Darrell Hazell? Former Purdue LB Kevin Sumlin. Yeah, that smarts.

Kentucky at Florida (-17.5) - Despite a losing week, all was right in my world last Saturday night. A 65-0 shutout by your Alma Mater's football team will do that for you. Yes, I know it was Eastern Michigan. I also know 65 points was about a month's worth of scoring for Florida last year. Kentucky is a program on the upswing ever since Mark Stoops came to town but they're still Kentucky and they're walking into The Swamp for a night game. Florida still has much to prove to me (we'll find out quite a bit about them next week in Tuscaloosa...I'm scared. So scared) but I truly believe they're better offensively in terms of personnel and scheme than they've been in at least four years. As I've recently taught my daughter to say Come on Gators! Get up and go!

The Season Starts Now

Why does the season start this week, you ask? Because I sat around for three hours last week waiting for my alma mater to begin their football season, only to watch the opening kickoff quickly be followed by what seemed like the night's 35th lightning delay. This, eventually, led to the game's cancellation. So, that's my excuse for my 1-2 week. Now, back to some shit you (mildly) care about.

Danimal and I are back for another week of ill advised financial decisions. These picks aren't neccesarily ill advised, the wagers placed later in the day often are though. Whether it's trying to get back money you've lost or just trying to maximize a hot streak, wagers made in the moment are usually...who am I kidding, always a bad idea, results be damned. Will that stop me (or Danimal) from throwing down a few extras today? Highly doubtful. I hope you don't read this column expecting good advice.

It wasn't a great start for your boy last week. Officially I'm 1-2 though I did manage to come out a bit ahead overall due to some solid work on Thursday night and a few other plays (USC, Oklahoma State) during the day. Things could've turned out quite well had I not suffered at the hands of a last minute TD in the Ohio State-Navy game. Hope that helped out your heartburn, Urbs.

East Carolina (+17) at South Carolina- The line had dropped to +15 since I put my money in this morning so I'm not the only one who threw some money on the Pirates. Besides my affection for the state of North Carolina's official safety school (it was an hour away from my first college and we partied there quite a bit), the South Carolina defense looked like utter shit last Thursday. While some of that can be attributed to Texas A&M's stellar passing attack and the apparent fact that Kevin Sumlin is a god damn wizard, I believe just as much of that is due to the massive losses South Carolina suffered on defense. Beyond the loss of the NFL's overall #1 pick, the Gamecocks also lost two other starters on the defensive line to graduation. On top of that, South Carolina trotted out three first time starters (two true freshman among them) in the defensive backfield. Defensive Coordinator Lorenzo Ward is making changes and replacing three defensive starters this week. Maybe this solves all of South Carolina's defensive issues. Or maybe East Carolina QB Shane Carden (4,139 yards and 33 TDs passing in 2013) will chuck the ball all over the field. ECU won't win but they won't get blown out either.

Kansas State (-12) at Iowa State- Iowa State lost last week's season opener by 20 to an FCS school last week. Granted, that FCS school was the juggernaut known as North Dakota State and someone in the Iowa State athletic department should be fired for agreeing to play the Bison but a loss like that doesn't bode well for the Cyclones as they prepare to take on Kansas State this week. In the last game summary, I referred to Kevin Sumlin as a wizard. Well, if Sumlin's a wizard then Bill Snyder is a Super Wizard or a Grand Wiz...wait that's not what I meant. Anywho, Snyder is amazing. He built a powerful football program out of nothing and did it in the middle of nowhere. Then when his successor (RON PRINCE MOTHERFUCKER!) failed and the Kansas State program was falling apart, Snyder decided to come out of retirement and almost immediately turn the Wildcats back in to a program of national relevance. On top of all that, Snyder gave the world Darren Sproles. For that alone he should be knighted. Do they have knights in Kansas? Oh, who gives a fuck. None of us are ever going to Kansas anyway. SNYDERCATS.

BYU at Texas (O/U 46- Under) - Last year BYU ran for over 500 yards on Texas. The next day Texas DC Manny Diaz was fired. This didn't fix Texas' defensive issues and eventually the rest of the Texas staff was fired including long time Head Coach Mack Brown. Charlie Strong is the man in charge in Austin now and I, for one, have no doubt that he'll turn things around. This turn around is going to take some time though and now is now that time. Complicating matter this week is the news that Texas will be without starting QB David Ash and both starting Offensive Tackles when the Cougars come to town. This game wasn't shaping up as a high scoring affair before these injuries. Now, I wouldn't be shocked if neither team broke 20 points. Take the under.

Take it away, Danimal.

Missouri -3.5 at Toledo - One of those goofy lines you look at and think, huh? “Huh” cuz you have Missouri traveling to Toledo and also cuz it’s almost a pick’em. This is one of those lines that you should simply trust and probably go with the homer dawg. Which I. Am going. To do. Missouri has the coach in Pinkel (who coached at Toledo for a decade) and Mauk the QB who in looking at the stats, did a whole lot of nothing against South Dakota State. Yeah, I guess they have a football team. Having been to Toledo a couple of times in the last year and with several of their students who are technically coworkers, I’ve become a bit of a follower of the Rockets. This line opened up at -5.5 fyi. I’m going to go ahead and take Toledo to win in the Glass Bowl where they have a history of taking down seemingly more worthy opponents.

10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1 Blast OFF!!!!!!

Old Dominion +17 at NC State- NC State has been horrific the last year or two. Before last week they lost 8 in a row before coming back down 10 in the 4^th against Georgia Southern. It looks as if they’ve got a QB in Jacoby Brissett who is large and in charge and if not mistaken a Gator transfer, but other than that the cupboard is Googling is not in my interest at the moment as I have a Big Brother episode to watch. Val & I love us some Big Brother.  I think ODU travels to Raleigh with an eye on a big win here while the Wolfpack goes in as the shoddy team they are. Throw in a little bit of Clarence mojo and it’s pretty much a lay-up. Or is it Whitney? Whatever Russ.

Team from Virginia

Virginia Tech +12 at Ohio State- Sorry Buckles….can’t do the same for you. I wish this game wasn’t on at 8:00 because I’d like to watch it. I expect this to be a very close one with the Hokie’s D giving OSU’s frosh QB JT Barrett some problems. It’s a game Tech can win because no one expects them to. Plus, new A.D. and old pal of the Danimal has brought some pixie dust to Blacksburg that everyone is shoving up their asses. They feel good about themselves. They look good. They’re happy, positive. Another in depth analysis from yours truly.

Tech Tech VPI Hokie Hokie Hokie High!

The Mark and Danimal Pickarama Returns

Those first few Saturdays in February are hard, sobering. Reality sets in. It starts in early January when the bowl games docket thins. The long-term forecast?  Really Dark. Depressing. You yearn for that FBS game cuz it’s gonna be a good one, yet you don’t want it to arrive because of the inevitable. It’s probably exactly like the walk to the chamber, but way different, ya know, with not as much finality or the death thing. You hear me though. You know what I’m sayin. With that one final whistle goes your hope and dreams, your Saturday mornings filled with giddiness and afternoons of burrrbins. What are those replaced with? Dread motherfuckers, that’s what. So unfair. EIGHT (8) MONTHS is the length of the college football off-season.  Technically it’s a hair under 8 months, but we are still talking about days that number well into the 200’s. Twoooooo……………hundreds.

Well it has finally returned and it will be welcomed indeed. And best of all, it brings with it locked at the elbows the weekly football picks by Bad News Hughes and yours, Danimal. We weren’t going to let you down. You had faith in us, right? Many of you likely thought otherwise with so many unanswered letters and autograph requests during our little respite. Apologies, but we are pretty busy guys. Lots of stuff going on up in here. Well, you can simmer your asses down now. Grab a seat and relax. Systems are a go.

The inaugural season of “Mark & Dan’s College Football Picks,” (catchy name) finished with a Mark dubwa. By week 5 and down 6 games it was going to be a grind, but very doable. The headwind couldn’t contain me forever though, could it? Ultimately, yes, it could, and it did. Some old fashioned grinding however got me within one game about halfway through the bowl schedule before the Hughester shut me down permanently. Effer.  Well, another season begins….now.   And p.s., if you’ve never read Wright Thompson’s piece on CFB, get after it.

Danimal’s Picks

Penn State +2 vs Central Florida (Dooblin, Ireland!)

Like my other picks, I don’t know much about these teams. Here is what I do know:

1) CFU is without 2 of its studs from last year, Storm Johnson and Blake Bortles. How do I know that? Because they play for my Jags now stupid! Not too late to jump on the Bortles bus! Come on over to Jaguar Town!

2) It’s in Ireland.

3) George O’LEARY coaches CFU. He’s Irish – his last name could be Pewterschmidt but you’d still know he’s Irish just by looking at him. The map of Ireland is drawn on his face for the love of Pete. At tis writing, it’s dinnertime over in the motherland and George, sources tell me, is knee deep into da corned beef and a bottle of Paddy’s. He’s pissed drunk and enjoyin da craic! As he should be for chrissakes! He’ll finish his session at half midnight and get up with a bit of da pressure and as a result make a poor decision or two and lose the match!

Penn State wins by tree!

These dudes are the f'ing worst.

UCLA -21 vs YOU! VEE! Meh.

12:00 PM EST

The Bruins travel east to take on a team from Charlottesville that spent all year getting made fun of after an abysmal showing in 2013. What’d they win, like, two games last year? They blew. Mike London – how’s that swamp ass treating you from the heat on your seat? UCLA can’t possibly travel east and play a game at a time they are normally kicking tan-legged blondes out of their bed and cover a 21 point spread can they? And UVa is supposed to be a much improved team this year with lots and lots of returning players. So what’s that mean? 6-6? 7-5? UCLA is a Top-10 team with not one but possibly 2 Heisman candidates on the squad, one on either side of the ball. You UVa boys better place a kerchief in those blazer pockets.

Bruins Ruin!

Rice +21 vs ND

3:30 pm

Ha ha ha!  Just kidding! New Rule: No betting on ND in 2014 under ANY circumstances.

FSU -17.5 vs Oklahoma State (Arlington, TX)

I made the mistake of betting against the ‘Noles last year a couple of times due to the many a points they were always giving. Not this year pal. Do I think they’re going to be as good this year? Yes, yes I do. Who doesn’t? I’m just going by what every pundit out there is saying, that they will be as good and maybe even better than last year.  Despite that, I REALLY believe they will falter at some point and hopefully against the cheating Irish. But they won’t falter this week toughy. No siree.  Though Gundy is even more so of  “a man!” …he’s got a little less spring in his step and more webs in the old noggin.

Seminoles

MARK PICKS


Since Danimal did all the heavy lifting and crafted a nice little intro to welcome he and I back this year I'll keep it simple and say that I too am overjoyed at the return of College Football. My Saturdays once again have meaning. Well, a meaning besides yard work and home improvement followed by thinking of an excuse to go have a few beers by myself at the bar late in the afternoon. Don't judge me. There's nothing but women/girls in my house. A man needs a break. Said man may have a bit of a drinking problem as well but we're not here to discuss that. We're here to pick winners.

UCLA (-21) @ Virginia- UCLA is this year's trendy pick to make the College Football's Final Four. For that reason alone I see them slipping up at least once and maybe twice this season. That will happen during their run in the PAC-12 though, certainly not in Charlottesville against Mike London's bunch (he's, somehow, still the coach their, right?). Virginia's best offensive player, Jake McGee, is now starting at TE for Florida (he should be a significant upgrade over either of the two converted DE's who started for Florida last year...) and Virginia hasnt exactly been bringing a load of 4 and 5 star skill position players over the past few years. UCLA can score in bunches. Brett Hundley might be the best NFL QB prospect in College Football and two-way wonderbeast Myles Jack is poised for a monster season after breaking out midway through his freshman season last year. Three TDs is a bunch of points to give up. Less so when you're giving it up to an ACC team that sucks out loud. UCLA.

Arkansas @ Auburn (-19.5)- Once again, I'm giving up a bunch of points. Once again, I don't GIVEAFUCK (Smokey Voice). Bret Bielema's first year in Fayetteville was a disaster and while he's starting to recruit well he can't make up for the lack of talent left to him by Bobby Petrino. Petrino is a hell of a coach but he's a dick with a bad reputation. Not a great recipe for competing with the rest of the SEC West in recruiting. Arkansas, quite simply, doesn't have the horses to run with Auburn. The Tigers are now in Year 2 of running Gus Malzahn's system and should be even more explosive than they were the second half of last year. Nick Marshall's weed arrest means he won't start the home opener but he'll play plenty. Writers who've been down on the Plains to see Auburn practice say they might be the most athletic team in the SEC. Auburn is going to score early and often. I'd advise you to bet the first half line for Auburn and this line. There's no rule against making too much money.  War Eagle.

Utah State (+5.5) at Tennessee- After the disastrous Derek Dooley Era (read some of the quotes on Dooley from former Vols), Tennessee showed some legitimate signs of life last year. Losing to Georgia at home by a FG and then knocking off South Carolina a couple weeks later. Butch Jones followed that up by bringing in a top 10 recruiting class to Knoxville. The Volunteers, much to my chagrin, are on the rise. There's one (actually two) big problem though. Tennessee is the only FBS school replacing every starter on it's Offensive AND Defensive lines this season. That's, um, bad. Meanwhile, Utah State gets the one man show known as Chuckie Keeton back after tearing and ACL last season. If you're not familiar with Mr. Keeton's work, take a few minutes.


I think there's a shot that Utah State wins outright in Knoxville tomorrow night and few things would make me happier. That doesn't matter for these purposes though. Vegas is giving us 5.5 points, so take them and root for the Fighting Chuckie Keetons.

Sweet Jeebus it's nice to have football back.