I bet rob could've lived here for 4 more years

Tiny Dictator demanded some filler while he is attending a middle school graduation for one of his daughters (non-parent question: is there a graduation after EVERY grade in middle school?). He left this rather interesting link in drafts, and since I am a lazy second banana, we're just going to run with it.

Apparently some "artists" in providence, RI not only built a secret apartment in a mall, but lived there for the last four years.

The apartment had no running water (they used mall bathrooms), but it did include “a sectional sofa and love seat, coffee and breakfast tables, chairs, lamps, rugs, paintings, a hutch filled with china, a waffle iron, TV and Sony Playstation 2,” according to the Boston Globe.

I think this is supposed to be what the "secret" apartment looked like. Hard to say, given the Zapruder-esque quality of this image.

Pretty cool, I guess. I mean, it's not the real-life visualization of Geico's "Tiny House" that I have been wanting for years, but this'll do.

Also, Providence Paul Blart, your detective skills are an insult to Lenny Briscoe.

Asswipe

Michael Dubin is trying to fuck with one of the refuges we men have left. Dubin, the founder of Dollar Shave Club, recently introduced One Wipe Charlies, a sanitary wipe for men designed to speed the, um, asswiping process.

As Dubin explains, "Everybody wipes their ass." (To which we reply, no shit, dude. Literally.) The aloe vera and chamomile infused wipes are designed to allow men to speed their post-kid-dropoff routines and improve their hygiene at the same time. We'll let him tell you more in his own words.



I don't know about the rest of you, but I cherish the 10 minutes I get every evening after I walk in the door, kiss the wife and kids, and head upstairs to remove my workaday clothes and enter the throne room. I take my time in there, reading Sports Illustrated or Wired or Gheorghe: The Blog. I decompress. When I'm good and ready, I wipe as many times as I goddamn please. And then I return to my family a calm, happy, relaxed husband and father.

Michael Dubin wants to take my me time away. And I won't have it. Wipe your own ass once, Dubin. Leave mine alone.

RIP Deacon Jones

David "Deacon" Jones, likely owner of a BAMF wallet, passed away on Monday at the age of 74 from natural causes. During his Hall of Fame career, the "Secretary of Defense" terrorized quarterbacks as a member of the Rams' "Fearsome Foursome" defensive line. Simply put, the guy was one of the greatest defensive players in the history of the (cue Ron Jaworksi voice) National Football League.

He was also also quite the pitchman:

 

Farewell, Deacon. Here's hoping you and Merlin Olsen caught up at the pearly gates to take down St. Peter on a blindside rush.

Fashion is Dumb: Double Dip

While we mourn the end of Tribe Baseball's run in the 2013 NCAA Tournament, let's all admire these two submissions to the "Fashion is Dumb" Hall of Fame selection committee:

First up comes this ensemble, which honestly may be more offensive to Native Americans than the Redskins team name...

And, not to be outdone, this bit of sartorial splendor from the Myron Floren Collection...

It's do or die for the Pantsless Griffins today

The William and Mary baseball team lost a tough one yesterday, falling 1-0 to No. 7 North Carolina State and star pitcher Carlos Rodon. The loss throws the Tribe into the losers bracket of the Raleigh Regional, meaning the Pantsless Griffins need to defeat Ole Miss at 1 pm today, then take down NC State at 6pm tonight. Oh yeah, W&M would then also need to defeat the Wolfpack again tomorrow. So, yeah, it's gonna be dicey.

I have no idea who is pitching for either team in the 1pm game, but first pitch occurs in 18 minutes so rather than do any research I will just toss this preview up as a Sunday open thread. Here's hoping the Tribesters take down Ole Miss for the second time in three days, at the bare minimum, and that they somehow pull a win out of their behinds against NC State tonight to force a game tomorrow as well.

Roll stupid colonial mythological creature thing...

#PantslessGriffins NCAA Baseball Previewgasm, Part 2: El Beisbol Boogaloo

HOLY SHIT, THEY DID IT. After scoring an at-large bid to the 2013 NCAA Baseball Tournament, the William and Mary Tribe defeated 23rd-ranked Ole Miss 4-2 in a first round regional game yesterday, earning the first tournament victory in school history. So, yeah, they're kind of a big deal (tho zman doesn't think so, because he's a zdick). The win also gave the team 38 victories on the year, setting a school record.

Jason Inghram (9-6) was huge on the hill for the Fightin' Tribesters, allowing just two runs and eight hits in eight innings of work, striking out three Rebels and walking one on the day. Senior lefty Matt Wainman (eventually) closed the door in the ninth, tying a Tribe record with his ninth save of the season.

The Pantsless Griffins scored all four of their runs against Ole Miss in the fifth inning, rather unconventionally I might add. To w(h)it:

That's four runs on zero hits, folks. Oh yeah - they did that all with two outs. Pretty freakin' hard to do. Anyhoo, as is the norm with Tribe sports teams, the Rebels eventually began to chip away at the 4-0 lead, and in fact had All American catcher Stuart Turner at the plate as the tying run in the bottom of the ninth with two outs before Wainman sealed the deal on the historic victory.

So, guess we need to briefly preview today's game, right? And we sure as hell aren't going to let rob write the preview, because for a guy that small he is a huge jinx. Which means you get a few more useless words from this guy.

I need to stop googling "Pantsless Griffins"

Tonight, 7pm at Doak Field, William and Mary will take on the top seed in the Raleigh Regional, N.C. State, on their home field. The Wolfpack are ranked seventh in the country entering the tournament, and probably got hosed out of being one of the top eight national seeds. (N.C. State head coach Elliott Avent certainly seems to think so)

Making matters even tougher for the Tribe, they will face N.C. State ace Carlos Rodon this evening. The All-American sophomore is 8-2 this season, and in the ACC tournament last weekend broke the single-season strikeout record (he now has 151 on the year). The Wolfpack defeated Binghamton yesterday 4-1 courtesy of home runs from Tarran Seanay and Trea Turner to set up Saturday's matchup with the Tribe. Also, if you have not seen the catch NC State's Jake Fincher made in yesterday's contest, enjoy it now.

  

The good news for the Pantsless Griffin faithful is the boys from the Burg will be sending their best pitcher to the hill tonight as well, in All-CAA performer John Farrell. (He is good. And stoic.) He has been discussed a few times on GTB, and hopefully will keep the Wolfpack bats in check long enough for W&M to get a run or two across the plate against Rodon. Hell, the Tribe don't even need hits to score, so how hard can it be?

Earning a victory will be a tall order, Nordberg, but us FUTILE SUPERFANS have faith. In the immortal words of noted thespian Rob Schneider, YOU CAN DO IT.

Compare, Contrast

Former Hootie and the Blowfish frontman Darius Rucker is well into his second musical incarnation, recently releasing his third country album, True Believers. The first single from the record is a cover of Old Crow Medicine Show's Wagon Wheel, chorus and melody by Bob Dylan, lyrics by Old Crow's Keith Secor.

I actually wasn't aware of Rucker's version until Wilmington StarNews sportswriter Brian Mull tweeted this earlier today:

And so I went looking for the new recording. I like it, but it's an awesome tune, so it'd be hard to really mess it up. It's cleaner and maybe a bit more refined than Old Crow's version, a little more radio-ready. See what you think:



Here's the original version. As Mull later said, it's got a raunchy quality that's been smoothed over in Rucker's cover. Secor's 'rock me, Mama' has an edge to it that the erstwhile Hootie's never approaches.



Enjoy a little Saturday morning missin' your lady music while you wait for the Teej to preview the Tribe's baseball game. Good for your soul.

Futile Superfans Pantsless Griffins Uber NCAA Baseball Previewgasm

I was told to write a Tribe NCAA baseball tourney game preview. Well, here you go...(warning, this post is going to be a disaster)

For only the third time in school history, and the first as an at-large bid, the William and Mary Tribe have made the NCAA baseball tournament, despite a lackluster showing in last weekend's CAASe7en tourney (went 2-2, losing to academic bastion Towson in the championship round). The Tribe take the field today at 2pm as the #3 seed in The Raleigh Regional, facing #2 seed Ole Miss. You know what they say, throw our the records when these two get together (no one in their right mind says this). Also in this regional: top-seed NC State and soon-to-be-CAA member Binghamton (I think. conference realignment scares and frightens me. much like an elliptical machine). Regional play is double-elimination, with the pod winner advancing to the Super-Regional. For the hell of it, here's who the Tribe will face after they win the pod (FUTILE SUPERFANS UNITE):



Fun fact: William and Mary has ZERO wins in the NCAA baseball tourney. ZERO. I even checked with twitter to confirm what I think I thought I already knew (I sound like FUPA Peter King now). But hey, unlike the Burg hardcourt denizens, at least these guys have made the dance...

The Pantsless Griffins have made the NCAA tourney two times prior to the 2013 at-large selection, in 2001 as CAA champions and in 1983 as ECAC South champs (now you're just making up conferences). In 2001, Clemson and South Alabama took down the Tribesters. In '83, North Carolina destroyed W&M 11-0 in the first game and then the Tribe lost 13-8 to the scholars of JMU.

Quick aside: You might have heard the (god awful) mascot for William and Mary is a Griffin, a Griffin who lacks a particular piece of clothing. Well, today I learned there is an actual f'ing website called "Dress The Griffin". Seriously. It even has an app. Who are the ad wizards who came up with this one?

Killer chain, bro

Please keep the mythological Greek creature away from the children.

Game preview: Oh, right, the actual contest at hand. W&M enters the game with a record of 37-22, one victory shy of the school record for wins (their 17 CAA victories did set a record). Ole Miss, after beginning the season 19-1, also enters the game with a 37-22 mark. At their highwater mark this season, the Rebels were ranked No. 6 in the nation.

The Tribe will send sophomore Jason Inghram (8-6, 3.46 ERA) to the mound this afternoon, opposed by Ole Miss junior Mike Mayers (5-5, 2.98 ERA). W&M star pitcher John Farrell, a 1st team all-CAA performer, is the likely regional Game 2 starter. I think rob delved a bit into Farrell's outstanding season in a previous post, but since I don't read anything on here, I'll add a few nuggets on the best pitcher the Burg has seen since before WWII. Farrell was 11-2 on the year, with a 2.80 ERA and 86 strikeouts against just 13 walks. The kid is a neuroscience major, and three grafs into this profile of Farrell we get a Marcus Aurelius name drop. Stoicism, for the win.

Moving on...at the dish, the non-pants-wearing Griffins are led by 1B Michael Katz, who is hitting .365 with 5 HRs and 47 RBI entering Friday's action. His plate work is complemented by 2B Ryan Lindemuth, who has a nearly identical offensive line (.363, 4 HR, 47 RBI). As a team, the Tribe hit .296 on the year with 17 home runs, 330 runs batted in and 367 runs scored.

Not to be ignored, Ole Miss has a hitting superstar as well, catcher Stuart Turner. The junior backstop is hitting .381 with five dingers, 44 runs scored and 50 RBI. On Thursday Turner was named to the Collegiate Baseball's All-American team.

TJ, how do I follow along with the action, you may (not) be asking? Hunker down in your cube with TribeAthletics.com (@TribeAthletics) open in your non-porn browser window for live stats and audio, provided by Wes Kempton and new FOG:TB Kris Sears (@kasear). It seems ESPN3 will also be streaming action from all 16 regionals this season, so hit that up if you get it.

Important youtube clip inclusion:

Are you pointing to the sky? Are you #1? Or do you just want everyone to watch the Lloyd Christmas clip again?

Go git 'em, Tribesters. Do it Bill Bray, Brendan Harris and Will Rhymes, fellas.

For more details on today's matchup, and the squad in general, be sure to check out this legitimate game preview, not the schlock I provided above.

Full NCAA tourney bracket can be found here.

Action Bronson is Very Gheorghe

I briefly mentioned Action Bronson here once before and I again encourage you to listen to his music. Here's the cover to his upcoming album, Saaab Stories (which should not be confused with Leaders of the New School's "Sobb Story"):




Despite this very misogynistic but musically traditional woman-as-object cover art, Action Bronson is very Gheorghe. Seriously, he must have watched yesterday's cottage-cheese infused post before he put this gem together.

Squeaky sends a link

Everyone once in awhile, I will receive a twitter direct message from Squeaks with an interesting link that he wants me to post. Sometimes, it will be a dick shot, Weiner-style, but those I just print out and frame. The useful links, I post here, such as the video below.

This is apparently a band called Major Lazer, who sadly I am barely familiar with (I do see that they have a label, and have therefore been featured on GTB before, but alas, I suck at the music). In fact, I know more about the folks featured on this track than the actual band, but that is neither here nor there. Enjoy this doozy, folks:

 

 And yes, I realize we are days behind the internet hivemind in posting this. But I don't care.

Roll Your Own

For more than 200 years, a hardy band of Britons met each May at the top of Cooper's Hill and chased an 8-pound wheel of Double Gloucester cheese (a full-fat, hard cow's milk cheese, for the uninitiated) to the bottom.The winner of the race has traditionally been awarded the wheel of cheese for his or her efforts (men's and women's events are run separately).

In 2010, however, bowing to pressure from authorities increasingly concerned about the number and severity of injuries resulting from several dozen bodies tumbling pellmell down an extremely steep and uneven hill, organizers replaced the actual cheese with "a wheel of cheese-resembling foam". (Basically, Velveeta in the Round, as I understand it.)

Enjoy the footage below from the 2012 event. There's a particularly spectacular pileup beginning at about the 1:45 mark.



This Monday, in what we believe to be a first, American Army Veteran Kenny Rackers made his Memorial Day, um, memorable, winning the first race of the 2013 Cooper's Hill Cheese-Rolling and Wake. America (and cheese), Fuck Yeah.

I believe we have a new contender for hosting an international G:TB Summit.

Pugbraham Lincoln

We had a guest over the weekend, and put him to work prior to his important parade duties:

Also, if you have not checked out the clip zman placed in the post below, I urge you to go watch it.

This One's for Teedge and the Ghooghles

If you're too impatient to watch the whole thing then fast-forward to 3:30. This will surely show up in our next edition of the Ghooghles with some sort of shirtless tag ... and Rollergirl is involved.

Happy Sunday

Happy Sunday gents. Recovering slowly after an inpromptu mini-Lammie gathering Saturday night at the casa de Juan Carlos. Wife threw a 40th birthday party. Both brothers were in attendance, as well as Zman. I was able to stay and drink until my 3 y/o collapsed in exhaustion on their kitchen floor and ended our night.

A big Jersey night ahead for this guy. Trekking to the tremendous outside stage at the Stone Pony in Asbury Park to see Gaslight Anthem. The "Bruce is coming" rumor hovers over every rock show in the place, from Steve Earle to the Black Crowes. Not sure we'll get him tonight with these guys, but it's been known to happen before. I may be there in a sweater and skullie tonight, given the sub-50 degree lows forecasted and the venue's location a block from the beach, but should be a good time. 

Memorial Day Weekend, the Official Start of Summer**

Happy Friday, Gheorghies. Tiny Dictator demanded some holiday weekend filler, so here's a random sampling of shit about summer (kinda, sorta)...

(Literal) Summertime jam:



Welcome to the O.C.

 

Look, an Olympian

 

A good summer-related song used in the opening to that movie with the "Snakes on a Plane" guy and the "Moonlighting" dude

 

**I have no idea if that still holds true. Maybe summer starts May 11th, what the fuck do I know?

Official G:TB Stock Market Meltdown Anthem

Buy the dip, my friends.

Happy Belated Birthday Biggie

Yesterday I realized that zsister and Chris Wallace, aka The Notorious B.I.G. share a birthday (May 21), and I've previously noted that zson was born on the anniversary of Biggie's death (March 9). zsister said this was meta. I think it's gully.

But not as gully as Biggie's 21st birthday party which was captured in part in this preposterously NSFW video:



This is exactly like my 21st birthday party, except I didn't have three hiphop icons performing at Unit M.

The Ballad of Rosy Waugh

This is @rosiexwaugh. Best I Could Do.

In 1938, colorfully named William & Mary pitcher Rosy Waugh won 10 games for the Tribe's nine. Until this month, nobody else in Green and Gold baseball history had matched him.

Last Thursday, John Farrell (not THAT John Farrell) gave up two earned runs in six innings at home against Georgia State, and his teammates backed him with 15 runs to give the senior righthander his tenth win on the season. Farrell's 10-2 mark and 2.42 ERA earned him first-team All-CAA honors, making him only the sixth pitcher in school history to make the league's top team. Farrell tied for the CAA lead in wins and finished second in ERA.

First-year Head Coach Jamie Pinzino earned CAA Coach of the Year honors as the Tribe finished with a 35-20 mark, including a school-record 17 conference wins. W&M finished second in the CAA, better than all but two seasons in the 320 years in which Tribesmen have played baseball. Or rounders. Or other ball and stick games. The Tribe was second in the league in both 2001 and 2002, as well.

Actual John Farrell Here.

While W&M was last in the league in homeruns and at the bottom of the conference in most offensive categories, Pinzino's squad won on the strength of a dominant pitching staff. The Tribe led the league in ERA, had twice as many shutouts as any other team in the conference, and allowed 55 fewer bases on balls than any other league foe.

Farrell and sophomore Jason Inghram (2.53) both finished in the top five in ERA, with Ingrham recording the league's best opponent's batting average (.219) and finishing second in strikeouts with 94.

That 2001 team earned the second of W&M's only two NCAA Tournament appearances, defeating JMU, 6-5, in the final game of the CAA Tournament. W&M opens the 2013 CAA Tournament tomorrow against the winner of the Delaware/JMU opener. Only seven teams are eligible for the championship in this, the year of the CAA's discontent.

So you're sayin' there's a chance. The Ghost of Rosy Waugh is sitting up and taking notice.

High Finance

I don't know precisely how Marissa Mayer intends to deliver a return on the $1.1B Yahoo! is investing in Tumblr, but I think it's a pretty short path from monetizing puns to profit.

(h/t, Gheorghe: The Tumblr. Obviously.)

Footy Filler

In typical Gheorghian fashion, we've waited until the final day of the Barclays Premier League season to bother writing about soccer. We'll make up for it with a mishmash of semi-related footie items.

In Paris yesterday, David Beckham played what will likely be the final match of his storied career, as Paris Saint Germain topped Brest, 3-1. While his international celebrity outpaced his on-pitch performance, Becks will go down as one of England's all-time greats. Very few in the history of the sport can match the accuracy of his service and his ability on set pieces. Check out arguably the most famous goal of his career, the 2002 strike against Greece that sent England to the World Cup and inspired the movie, 'Bend It Like Beckham':


David Beckham goal - England v Greece 2002 by fatv

If you're reading this before 11:00 you've still got time to turn on Fox Soccer Channel to catch Tottenham Hotspur taking on Sunderland in a final bid to overtake Arsenal and snare the BPL's Champions League berth. The Gunners play at Newcastle at the same time, needing a win to ensure the all-important 4th place finish.

Matheson's late goal gave Canada bronze at the 2012 Olympics

Closer to home, the Washington Spirit beat the Seattle Reign, 4-2, earlier in the week to capture the franchise's first-ever National Women's Soccer League win and improve to 1-2-3 on the season (combined with DC United, local professional soccer squads are a dismal 2-11-4 in league play this year). Canadian national team stalwart Diana Matheson scored the Spirit's first goal, her league-leading 4th of the season. Matheson also paces the NWSL with 10 points. More importantly, she's also my daughter's favorite player. We've attended two Spirit games this season, and the 5'1" Matheson was, by far, the smallest woman on the field. Nonetheless, she tallied goals in each of those games, inspiring my little one, who will be lucky if she makes it to 5'1". You can have 'Bend It Like Beckham' - we're Driven Like Diana up in here.

Finally, if you want an entertaining (and far more knowledgeable) take on all things footie, check out FOG:TB John Day's stylings over at Dangerman Futbol. Maybe next season, anyway.