Another Gheorghemas Interlude

Our pocket emperor demanded another Gheorghemas interlude while he works on Day 11, so a Gheorghemas interlude he shall have.  Few musicians are as Gheorghe as Action Bronson so here's a new-ish Bronsoline joint to tide you over while waiting for a different fat man to slide down your chimney.

Trump's Next Pick to Run the VA Will Be ...

As you likely know by now, President Trump (I shake my head every time I type that) picked Ronny Jackson to run the VA but Ronny had to bow out due to a penchant for drinking himself into a state of unconsciousness and giving out prescription drugs like candy--so much so that he was called the Candy Man around the White House. Some might say this sounds like something out of a frat house, while to others it's unprofessional and unethical. Either way, it sounds like Dr. Ronny fit right in with the crew in Trump's White House.

Who will DJ Trump tap next to head up the VA? I have a few predictions.

1. Ronnie Coleman

Ronnie Coleman sounds a lot like Ronnie Jackson so Trump might not even realize it's a different guy. Coleman was Mr. Olympia eight times in a row, so he's a real winner. Trump likes that. Coleman also broke Arnold Schwarzaneggar's record of seven consecutive Mr. Olympia titles. Trump probably likes that too--anyone who beats Schwarzaneggar in anything is okay in Trump's book. Coleman never served as an administrator in a hospital before, but I'm sure he served as an administrator of steroids in his keister. Coleman's best qualification, in my view, is that he served as the inspiration for an Action Bronson song.



2. Stoney Jackson

Stoney Jackson also sounds a lot like Ronny Jackson which makes him an easy choice for our fearless leader. Stoney Jackson is an actor you might remember from the Beat It video (I do not but I trust Wikipedia). Trump loved Michael Jackson so much that Jackson was the only person he and Ivana would let babysit their kids. I'm telling you, Trump's judgment is infallible. The more I learn about him the more I'm convinced that we are in wise hands. More importantly, as you can see from the photo at left, Stoney has one of the all-time-great Jheri curls. Trump admires a man who takes risks with his coiffure and owns the look no matter how insane it may be. Stoney has absolutely no government experience but he apparently works for some media company as a producer ... so he basically has the exact same background as Trump and the Trump presidency is turning out great! MAGA! Stoney MAGA! Stoney also played Jesse Mitchell on The White Shadow. I've never seen the show but I assume the title is a play on race, and no one loves to play on race like Trump. Stoney's best qualification is that he served as the inspiration for a Kool Keith song ("Stoney Jackson") and an entire Strong Arm Steady Album ("In Search Of Stoney Jackson"). Those are remarkably strong qualifications, certainly as strong as anyone else Trump nominated for anything so far.





3. Ben Carson

Shockingly, this might make sense, or it at least might pass for what is considered sensible since Election Day 2016. Trump knows who he is, which helps right off the bat. Carson spent the past 12 months running HUD, which might not be as big as the VA but it's still a major undertaking. So he has some legitimate administrative experience at the Secretary level. And he actually worked at one of the world's best hospitals--he was Director of Pediatric Neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins Hospital. Although he isn't actually a veteran, Dr. Carson repeatedly lied about getting into West Point. That's the kind of military service Donald Trump can get behind. Carson even has his own special handshake with Trump. This pick makes sense from all angles.

via GIPHY

Also considered: Ronny Turiaf, Randy Jackson, Jackson Avery, Ronny Cedeño, Ronnie Spector, Jordan Spector, Carl Weathers

Sunday Filler: Action Bronson and Dan Auerbach (of Black Keys) Make Sonic Love

I'm not the hip hop aficionados some of you clowns are, but I know a fat beat when I hear it. So I was pleasantly surprised to hear the collaboration between the Black Keys' Dan Auerbach, Action Bronson and producer Mark Ronson is pretty good. Check it out. It's likely better than the shit sandwich movie Suicide Squad, whose soundtrack features the tune.

Cauc Hop Revisited

It's been just over six years since G:TB's 1st Annual Caucasian Hip-Hop Artist Invitational. Perhaps unsurprisingly we never revisited this topic, and I'm too lazy to do so fully. But I posit that there are two artists who deserve to be seeded in the top half of the draw: Action Bronson and El-P.

Action Bronson continues to come up large. He's at the point where he even dominates his cameo appearances. He merely gets a "featuring" credit on "Driving Gloves," a new track from Gangrene (i.e., the Alchemist and Oh No) but it's pretty clear he's the star of the show.



If you made it to the end of that video you saw the reference to Meow the Jewels, a Run the Jewels spinoff project in which El-P remixed RTJ2 using only cat sounds. We've mentioned this lunacy here before and I wasn't sure if it was a joke or not. It appears to be real, based on the following from SoundCloud.



I'm not much of a prognosticator, but if these guys couldn't pull off at least 7 or 8 seeds then the legitimacy of the Cauc Hop undertaking has to be called into question.

Action Bronson is Actin' Crazy, Ridin' Easy, Mr. Wonderful

It's no secret that I'm an Action Bronson fan. He is the latest in a long line of brilliant emcees who don't take themselves too seriously. Biz Markie, Kool Keith, the Beastie Boys, Del the Funky Homosapien, MF Doom, and Ghostface Killah turn their rapier wit inwards and poke fun of themselves from time to time. Doom and Ghost have long been rumored to have a collaboration album in the works. They recently released a song "Ray Gun" which is not from said hypothetical album, but from the upcoming "Sour Soul" collaboration between GFK and something called BADBADNOTGOOD. It's funky as hell.



Ghostface and Doom's brand of unseriousness is my favorite. The spread a layer of grime over the farcical, the cover the antic in grit, and they do so in a stream of consciousness fashion that often blows my mind.

Action Bronson has been called a Ghostface knockoff because their voices are remarkably alike, and because Bronsoline uses similar preposterous wordplay. While Ghostdini's recent sonic experiments turned songs into chapters of a book (similar to how episodes of "prestige" TV are used to tell a fragment of the series' story), Action Bronson delves into the psychodelic. Here's the artwork for his new single, "Actin Crazy," from his upcoming album "Mr. Wonderful":

For the record, that's a 300+ pound Albanian redhead wearing 3D goggles, a brown track suit, and weightlifting gloves, shooting a laser gun in outer space while riding a shark that shoots laser beams out of its head and missiles from its gills, and is held aloft by clouds in its fins/armpits while being supported by a flotilla of missile-laden fish that appear to have nasty dispositions. And the song sounds as crazy as that picture looks.



This trippy lunacy is not limited to "Actin Crazy." Check out the video for "Easy Rider," another song from "Mr. Wonderful."



If you're not excited for this album then we probably shouldn't talk music. But if you want talk about this album you're going to have to wait until March 24.

Action Bronson Brings Something for Everyone

The latest episode of Action Bronson's "Fuck That's Delicious" series has something for everyone. To wit, it has:

- At least 340 pounds of very stoned Action Bronson
- Unflattering impersonations of Guy Fieri
- A 1967 Pontiac Firebird convertible
- Homemade Albanian baklava made in the home of a real Albanian aunt
- A baklava and bacon milkshake made with the aforementioned homemade Albanian baklava and Benton's Tennessee bacon by a cute hipster milkshake proprietress
- Ritz Cracker cookies
- Fat kid jokes
- Subtle sexual "hit it" jokes
- Blatant fat-kid-eating-baklava-and-bacon-milkshake game on the aforementioned cute hipster milkshake proprietress
- Kew Gardens, original home of zfather and FOGTB JP
- Dick jokes
- A glass rubber ducky bong
- Tattoos
- An obscenely obese, insanely high guy getting a tattoo
- Discussion of bad dap
- Korean chicken and dumplings
- White Castle
- White Castle topped with Korean chicken and dumplings
- Poop jokes
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle jokes

If you can't find something you like in this episode then you're watching it wrong. I just hope Bronsaline lives long enough to complete the next episode from ... wait for it ... New Orleans. IGOR!!

Here's the latest NSFW episode.

This might be a first...

Here is G:TB favorite Action Bronson not letting the need to use the bathroom disrupt his performance:

 

If You Want Something Done Right (or at all), You'll Need to Do It Yourself

Queens-based rapper Action Bronson has been featured in this space before, lauded for his Gheorgheness. His new online food show on Vice only serves to reinforce our impression.

Entitled Fuck, That's Delicious, Bronson's show is part profane Anthony Bourdain travelogue, part tour diary, and part love letter to his favorite foods. In the first episode, posted below, he riffs on everything from his swan diving technique, to the perfect malted milkshake, to lamentations on getting old (as evidenced by his increasingly wrinkled testicles), to South African grilled meats. All with a twinkle in his eye, and the same generosity of spirit we've seen here before.

Check out Episode One, and keep the volume down if you're in the office.

Whimsy Trumps Venom

My flight to OBFT was canceled so I will miss this evening's festivities. rob encouraged me to write a venomous post about my stewing hatred for the airline, but instead I will make like Action Bronson and post some whimsy.

Speaking of travel, Bam Bam recently took a trip to the UK and visited St. Hilda's East Community Centre, an old folks' home in London. Whimsy ensued.

Action Bronson is Very Gheorghe

I briefly mentioned Action Bronson here once before and I again encourage you to listen to his music. Here's the cover to his upcoming album, Saaab Stories (which should not be confused with Leaders of the New School's "Sobb Story"):




Despite this very misogynistic but musically traditional woman-as-object cover art, Action Bronson is very Gheorghe. Seriously, he must have watched yesterday's cottage-cheese infused post before he put this gem together.