College 20 Year Reunions Mean Custom Coozies

Clarence mentioned it was time to return to our regular dipshittery (though NY and NJ guys please keep us apprised of home things are going) so I am pasting below two images texted to me by GTBer Shlara from the 20th reunion of some of our chums at Pantsless Griffin HQ a weekend ago.

I must say, tiny dictator looks good in that outfit:

2012-13 Wizards Preview

Our staff has been preoccupied with Frankenstorm preparation/drinking, Homecoming events, and pointless political arguments, so we've asked one of our more prominent celebrity friends to help us preview the Washington Wizards upcoming season. The Wiz open their 2012-13 campaign tonight against the Cleveland Cavaliers, as Bradley Beal makes his pro debut without John Wall and Nene alongside.

On to the preview:


I'm fairly sure he's pretty bullish on Chris Singleton, but doesn't see the Wizards getting out of the conference's basement this season.

Doofus Overlord Afteroon Update: No preview of the 2012-13 Wizards season would be complete without this fantastic GIF from Amin Vafa of Bullets Forever:

A Wake, Not a Funeral

Michael Litos was one of the first real, live, non-imaginary people we met through this humble haven of dipshittery. As first the author of Cinderella: Inside the Rise of Mid-Major College Basketball*, and then the proprietor of caahoops.com, he found common cause with our futile W&M hoops superfandom, even as his alma mater, VCU, ascended to the game's highest heights.

Through caahoops.com, Litos kept us up to date on the conference's doings, while illuminating the details that let us know we had it better, and entertaining insiders with a plethora of nicknames (some that we even invented - see, Beasthoven), predictions, and phrases turned just right (see, rockfight, Drexel University version). Beyond that, he introduced us to characters near and far, ensured we were taken care of at CAA Tournaments, and even dropped our name once or twice, which brought Eric Angevine, Jerry Beach, Gary Moore, and a number of other great hoops bloggers into our orbit. Hell, I think he got the Teej a job.

Recently, our man MGL reached one of those Frostian forks in the road. His knowledge of CAA basketball is second to none, and so is his love for the league, its history, and its characters. So when VCU headed to the A-10, we ribbed him good-naturedly about remembering the little guys on his way to fame and fortune with atlantic10hoops.com, even as he assured us he'd still be keeping the lights on in his online home.

And then the Rams made him an offer he couldn't refuse. As VCU begins its inaugural season in the A-10, Litos will be along for the ride, serving as the Rams' radio analyst. As a writer with a knack for a story, sitting shotgun as Shaka Smart's team steps up in weight class is an opportunity too good to pass up. We're impossibly jealous, happy for our friend, and a tiny bit bummed out that our gateway to CAA information is changing.

Changing, but not going away. Litos calls his new gig a sabbatical, so instead of shuttering the site, he's turned the reins of caahoops.com over to Kevin Warner, the basketball SID at JMU. Warner also teaches a sports communications class, and caahoops.com is a terrific vehicle for his students, and hopefully for those of other schools in the CAA. We've made sure they know where to go for insights into the travails of W&M fandom.

In his farewell (for now) post, Litos ponders what's next:

What does the future hold? I don’t know. Six months ago VCU, ODU, and Georgia State were part of the Colonial Athletic Association and that took about three months to change. But I’ll tell you what doesn’t change: the CAA has the best damn community in college basketball. I’ll put you up against anyone.

You haven’t heard the last of me. Too many relationships and friends in this community. I’ll still write a weekly column for collegechalktalk.com that is CAA-specific this year. After that, who knows?

We know. Terrific work on A-10 hoops and VCU's 2012-13 season, at the very least. And the occasional nugget about our very own Wrens that makes us smile. Start the damn games already, and godspeed, MGL. Thanks for being one of the big reasons we have it better.

* If you haven't read this yet, we're not going to give you the password when we turn G:TB into a pay site.

Stormy Sunday Filler

A triad of pertinently titled music videos for your perusal as we hunker down and wait for Sandy to bring it.

Enjoy NFL Sunday. Zman and I will be grilling in the drizzle in East Rutherford, drinking and convincing our wives we wouldn't be foolish enough to day-drink as the storm of a century barrels down on us.

Robert Downey Jr. got dap from the real Toney Starks

Not only does Robert Downey Jr. get paid lots of money to pretend to be a super-hero version of himself, he gets to hang with GFK. I'm jealous.

Get More:
Movie Trailers, Movies Blog

Luckily for us, Pretty Tone lends credence to our conclusion that he made Iron Man a hot joint. Luckily for Jack Urbont, Cocaine Biceps also notes that the old Iron Man cartoon was much better than the comic books.

TR comes through with a "Caption This" filler post

Email received moments ago:
"This one's a gem."
And he's right:

OK folks, do your worst in the comments.

Now it's time for our regularly scheduled angry Bills-related rant

It's time for me to let loose a profanity laden barrage about the Buffalo Bills' wretchedness. It will be generally the same as all my previous tirades. Simply put, they have no run defense whatsoever and until they fix that problem they will continue to watch the playoffs from the comforts of the Niagara Falls area.

Through 7 games the Bills have allowed 1238 rushing yards (204 more than the second-worst team, TR's Jest) which projects to 2830 over a full season, good for 12th most of all time. The Bills allow defenders to rush for 6.0 yards at a clip (0.8 more than the second-worst team, the Falcons), which is the 2nd most of all time (among the 70 teams that allowed >2500 yards in a season -- there's some weird glitch with pro-football-reference.com's database of WWII-era teams that makes it look like they gave up 40+ ypc so I just limited my search to teams that allowed over 2500 yards which is just over 150 yards per game in a 16 game season, i.e., teams with shitty run defenses). They are historically bad at stopping the run. Indeed, the last time a team allowed >2500 yards on the season and 6 or more yards per carry for a full season was 1950. Their historic incompetence in this regard is remarkable when put in context: the 1950 Baltimore Colts allowed 6.22 yards per carry over 12 games, and the next worst team over a full season is the 1961 Minnesota Vikings at 5.41. So the Bills are over 0.5 yards per carry worse than the second worst team in the history of the NFL in this particular metric. That means that the Bills' opponents gain over one-and-a-half-feet -- two Hungarian peckerlengths! -- per carry more than they would if they faced the second-worst run defense of all time.

Maybe it isn't fair to compare the 2012 Bills to teams from the past. Pro-football-reference.com provides EXP statistics to illustrate the number of points contributed by an offense or defense, and they break it down further by pass and run. Only 10 teams this season have a negative run defense EXP, probably because it's so easy to throw these days that everyone eschews the ground game (by contrast, only 6 teams have a positive EXP against the pass). Only two teams with negative run defense EXP are in the double digits: the Colts (-11.99) and the Bills (-52.65). So the Bills' run defense is responsible for giving up more than 40 points compared to the second worst run defense in the league. They're awful.

The defense gave up 1201 yards of offense over a two game span against the Patriots and Niners. The Bills D popped Brandon Bolden's 100-yard cherry, and gave up another 100+ rushing yards to Stevan Ridley. They even gave up a rushing TD to Tom Brady. In short, Buffalo's rushing defense gave it up so easy to the Patriots that Belichick now refers to the Bills as "house box." Pretty crass I think.

At least they were balanced against San Fran, giving up 310 through the air and 311 on the ground. Alex Smith passed for 303 yards, his third-highest single game total and only the third 300-yard game of his career. His passer rating (a near-perfect 156.2) and yards per attempt (12.63) were career bests.

Just this weekend, they gave up 195 yards on 18 carries to whatever's left of Chris Johnson. That's 10.83 yards per carry, the second highest single-game average of his career! Hell, that's the third most rushing yardage he's ever garnered in one game! And he's all washed up!

So I reiterate that the Bills' rush defense is awful.

And it will continue to be awful in two weeks after they get off the bye. First they face Arian Foster in Houston, Stevan Ridley in Foxboro, then Reggie Bush in Buffalo on a Thursday. After that they get a marginal respite -- Donald Brown in Indy -- before facing MJD (if he's healthy), Steven Jackson, and Marshawn "Beast Mode" Lynch all in Buffalo. By then they should be 5-9 and ready to pack it in for some more Bush in Miami and Tim Tebow/Shonn Greene at home.

I have no solutions to this problem. The Bills stocked up on defense in the draft and free agency, bringing in 8 new starters since 2010 including Marcell Dareus in last year's draft and Mario Williams in this past offseason's free agency period. I thought they would have a top 5 defensive line. They drafted a corner this year and all the talking heads loved the pick, making me believe that the pass defense would improve. They brought in Dave Wannstedt who despite his lopsided stache has presided over many respectible, and a few excellent, defenses over a 17 year NFL career. They did many of the things one would think to do when looking to improve a defense. When discussing the Bills' chances with TR this past preseason, I ticked through my laundry list of all the positive changes the team made, but cut myself mid-sentence before drawing a conclusion. TR looked at me and said "It's ok, you can say it." And then I said "I think the Bills will be good this year."



Accordingly, I'm resigned to another season of double-digit losses. And I've decided to look for a silver lining. I could declare myself a free agent fan and start rooting for the Redskins, but I fear that I would lose my identity without all a Bills fan's self-loathing. Instead I'm going to root for a new level of Billsian futility: over the past three years Buffalo gave up 7,439 rushing yards. Throw in this year's 1,238 and they are only 1,323 yards away from 10,000 in 4 years ... with 9 games left! That's only 147 yards/game, well below their 176.9 yards/game average to date this year! They could improveby 30 yards a game and still get to 10,000 yards surrendered during Obama's first term! I don't know if any defense has allowed an average of 2,500 rushing yards over 4 years but it has to be a record. Who else but the Bills would allow themselves to maintain such a glaring deficiency for such a long period of time?

So that's what I'm rooting for -- another 1,323 yards on the ground. That and a funny, grammatically accurate picture for this post. I guess I'll have to take what I can get.

Trampoline Bridge Filler

rob wanted filler, so in one of my laziest moves yet I found something he had left in draft, and will now post for you, the denizens of G:TB.

It appears the French have taken Mr. Bouncy Bounce to a whole new level, creating this trampoline bridge across the Seine River in Paris. Why? Who the hell knows, read the article if you want that level of detail. I enjoy that rob grabbed this from the NPR tumblr, while I saw it once or twice on tumblr blogs with naked chicks and endless memes (which reminds me, TR, you would enjoy tumblr):

Of course, I fully expect the French to cede this bridge to the first batch of rowdy German tourists who cross over it.

Shlara on Lance

Yesterday evening brought the news that the International Cycling Union has stripped Lance Armstrong of all seven of his Tour de France titles. On the heels of USADA's damning investigative report and the subsequent mass exodus of Armstrong's sponsors, the ICU's decision is the capper of what's been a very bad few weeks for Lance. But Armstrong's legacy is a complicated thing. Our own Shlara weighs in on that aspect of this story:

LIVESTRONG is so much more than Lance Armstrong

I’ve never been a big fan of Lance Armstrong, the athlete.

He’s like the New York Yankees of cycling, and I prefer an underdog.

But Lance Armstrong, the cancer survivor, is an inspiration to me.

And I would bet that hundreds of thousands of cancer patients and fellow survivors agree.

I’ve pontificated several times in the blogosphere about the impact Lance Armstrong’s steroid use would/could/should have on the foundation he started, LIVESTRONG. I’ve been following the series of announcements over the last few days—Nike and Radio Shack discontinuing sponsorships of Lance, Anheuser-Busch stating it will not renew at the end of its 2012 contract and Lance himself stepping down as the Chair of the LIVESTRONG board of directors.

As a communications professional, I agree that Lance did the right and responsible thing for the organization. His personal drama was causing a distraction for LIVESTRONG and taking important attention and resources away from mission-focused work. He is giving the Foundation space to distance itself from the doping conversation and helping protect it from future damage. Reputationally, I still do not believe that the Foundation will take a big hit.

LIVESTRONG is preparing to celebrate a 15th anniversary and in that time has proven to be a valuable resource and advocate for cancer patients and their families. It’s a massive grassroots network of people sharing advice and experiences. It’s the most comprehensive, yet easy-to-use collection of practical resources for patients navigating treatment (test, doctors, options, insurance, etc.) It’s collaboration across silos for research. It’s a focus on living your life during and after treatment. The organization is substantive, well-managed and has a well-known and well-respected brand that does not rely on Lance.

The foundation’s financial health, however, may take a hit from Lance’s personal and professional decisions. About 30 percent of revenue for LIVESTRONG comes from cause-marketing and licensing (read: deals with Lance’s sponsors). Now that many of those relationships have been discontinued, LIVESTRONG needs to identify other streams of revenue. Hopefully the leadership has been considering how to diversify the funding pool and can take the necessary steps to shift funding sources with minimal disruption to the programs.

Personally, I’m rooting for LIVESTRONG. They, and Lance, have inspired me to stay tough and positive in my own battle with cancer and I know their support and message is invaluable to others (See: LIVESTRONG manifesto).  LIVESTRONG CEO Doug Ulman said it best in a November 2010 Fast Company article: “In the sports world, [Lance] is a very polarizing figure. In cancer, he’s not.”

LIVESTRONG is approachable, empowering and innovative.

It’s an incredible force in the cancer universe and health care writ large.

And people like me will continue to wear a yellow LIVESTRONG bracelet and support the foundation with time and money because it is a source of hope, strength and determination.

Brother of FOGTB KQ, TJ Quinn, has been covering the Lance/steroid story since it started. In one of his ESPN segments yesterday, Quinn said, “I can’t tell you how many people I know that wear those yellow wristbands…people wanted so badly to believe in this guy.” Count me in that camp. Still. Despite all of the information that has been uncovered about the steroids. And, one of TJ’s twitter followers (Tim Clough, @coopersam), so perfectly captured the reason why on Twitter: “blame me or not but [my] head is going in the sand. He inspired my mom to fight cancer. The rest means nothing.”

Lance started this, but the rest of us fighters and survivors make it go now.

Guestie: Electoral College Fantasy Game

In 18 days, droves of low information voters will drag their knuckles to the polls to determine if we want to continue our death-march towards the nanny state, or if we'd like to be winners who believe in personal responsibility again.

TR, Danimal and Rob have expressed an interest in an election prognostication contest, so let's have at it. First off, you can go here (CNN electoral map), fill out your map giving each state to one of the candidates and then post your electoral votes for each candidate in the comments, by the end of the day.

As a tie breaker, pick the net change in the Senate and the House - as in D+6 or R+4.

The Ghlorious Return of the Ghoogles

By now, you folks know the drill: Teej need filler, Teej go and look up what search terms have led folks to G:TB over the past few months/weeks/whatever. I'm at work way too early on this Wednesday, so I have culled through hundreds and hundreds of entries (no, seriously, I have) to provide you with the best of the best (non-Eric Roberts edition).

Before we get to the full list, would just like to point out we might be the internet's #1 destination for all things (homoerotic) Alfonso Ribeiro:

• alfonso ribeiro
• alfonso ribeiro bulge
• alfonso ribeiro dead
• alfonso ribeiro fat
• alfonso ribeiro no shirt
• alfonso ribeiro shirt off
• alfonso ribeiro strong
• alfonso ribiero shirtless

Now, without further freddy adu, your Ghoogles...

The Great Ones Never Rest On Their Laurels

You may have heard this music news tidbit in the last month, and when you did, you may have thought of me.  I've made no secret of my opinion of this "man."  But he just keeps doing things to reaffirm that I'm right.  (And I'm not alone.)

Just over three years ago, Beach Boy Mike Love won the title of Biggest Douche in Rock and Roll.  In a landslide, amazingly.  Earlier this summer, I took in the Beach Boys' 50th Anniversary Tour stop in Virginia Beach, and afterwards, I conceded that I enjoyed every bit of it, even the parts that Mike Love sang.  But we couldn't just end on that high note, could we?

About a month ago, it was reported that after the completion of the current slate of tour dates, Mike Love would be sacking original B-Boys Brian Wilson, Al Jardine, as well as longtime BB musician David Marks.  He will be going back to his usual touring band . . . the one he's toured with for years under the name The Beach Boys . . . you know, the one with Mike Love, Bruce Johnston, some other guys, and no Wilsons. 

The incendiary headlines that followed weren't overstatements, though.  I mean . . . Mike Love fired Brian Wilson and Al Jardine.  It's actually difficult to find a parallel.  It's like Ringo firing Paul and George and touring with his All-Starr Band under the moniker The Beatles.  That's not a stretch.  It's Dan Quayle dumping GHWB for the '92 run.  It's me ousting Teej and Rob and insisting that I am Gheorghe: The Blog. It's outrageous, egregious, preposterous.

Naturally, the ballcapped one, having seen the backlash from the public, tried to justify what he did.  And this is why, after having taken the high road, I'm chiming in after the fact. From the letter he took the time to publish in the Los Angeles Times:

"I did not fire Brian Wilson from the Beach Boys. I am not his employer. I do not have such authority. And even if I did, I would never fire Brian Wilson from the Beach Boys. I love Brian Wilson. We are partners. He's my cousin by birth and my brother in music."

Blah blah blah.  Of course you did.  But here's the best part.  The fans loved seeing everyone back together, according to Rolling Stone...

"But Love says an ongoing reunion tour is 'impossible' because of other Beach Boys shows he had already booked that started to bump up against the reunion dates."

Are you kidding me???  Which iteration would the venues rather have on stage??? Which would the fans rather see??? 

"Look, man, I know David Lee Roth is back with the band, but I bought a ticket to see Gary Cherone, and that's what I want to see!"  "Hey, it's great that Steve Perry has agreed to tour with you guys, but I don't think you understand.  We booked the guy from American Idol, and that's who we want."

I understand that Mike Love might have existing contracts with the stiffs who have been portraying Beach Boys for years in what amounts to the best publicized cover band in America, but here's the deal: buy out their contracts, you money-grubbing asshole.  You, the bald, bearded, scumbag who was too stingy to shell out money for your daughter's transplant and she died as a result, need to defy all odds and past performance and do the right thing, even if it costs you.  The 50th Anniversary Tour is the last chance you have to engender some will that's not hideously ill.  Some karma that isn't soul-eroding.  This is all you've got.  If you fuck this up, you may well die soon . . . and neither quickly nor painlessly.

Clarence has spoken.

Brian Wilson has, too.  He wrote a great letter as a form of reply, worth a quick read in its entirety to see how a man who's been called genius since 1966 can be humble, grateful, reflective, conciliatory, and earnest . . . and how the same man who's been called crazy since 1969 can be articulate, level-headed, and reasonable.  We should all be so crazy.

As far as I know I can't be fired--that wouldn't be cool. The negativity surrounding all the comments bummed me out. What's confusing is that by Mike not wanting or letting Al, David and me tour with the band, it sort of feels like we're being fired.

It's Al and my opinion that all of us together makes for a great representation of the Beach Boys. While I appreciate the nice cool things Mike said about me in his letter, and I do and always will love him as my cousin and bandmate, at the same time I'm still left wondering why he doesn't want to continue this great trip we're on. Al and I want to keep going because we believe we owe it to the music. In any case happy anniversary, I loved it and I think we knocked it out of the park for what it's worth.

Amen, brother.  God only knows what that dipshit would be without you.

CA6 Drops Fratty Science Regarding the Proper Use of Photos from Wet T-Shirt Contests

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Metapostal

It's been a struggle, friends. I've had the best of intentions lately, but the least of motivation. So in an effort to break things free, I offer you a sample of the posts that I've begun and failed to finish in hopes that a) one you decides to finish them, b) seeing the words on the e-page inspires me to do it myself, or c) postcount!

1. A preview of the new sports documentary Knuckleball, which features one of my favorite athletes, Tim Wakefield, and the terrific story of R.A. Dickey. I got as far as placing the link to the trailer in a draft.

2. A zman-like new music preview, featuring work by Bob Mould, Cat Power, Divine Fits, Ben Gibbard, Doomtree, and a half-dozen other acts. I made a list of new bands I liked. Didn't get much further. (But seriously, the new Cat Power is sublime.)

3. A CAA Hoops preview, in honor of tonight's Midnight Madness season-opening practice. Talked about this one on Twitter, but didn't spill any electronic ink in Blogger.

4. A compilation of the new (again) rumors of a forthcoming Smiths reunion. I got to see the Police when I never thought I would. Caught Bob Mould live when I thought he was done touring. Saw Crowded House on their reunion tour. I'd pay really good money to see Morrissey and Marr live. Got a title on this post in the drafts, and not much else.

5. A post based on a picture of Joe Biden from last night's debate that made me laugh. I probably won't do much with this one.

Feel free to take any of these and blog away. Or tell me what else you'd like us to start and not finish in the comments.

Friday Strategery - My Yankees line-up for Game 5

TR, delegating via email while goatating:

I have no ability to post, read or comment from work. A draft is in the attached Word doc. Pls paste it in and garnish with photos of Yankees. And heavy-chested women. Gracias.

Clicks.

1 – Jeter (SS, R)
2 – Ichiro (LF, L)
3 – Teixeira (1B, S)
4 – Cano (2B, L)
5 – Swisher (RF, S)
6 – Ibanez (DH, L)
7 – Chavez (3B, L)
8 – Martin (C, R)
9 – Granderson (CF, L)

Two switch-hitters and two right-handed hitters means you can’t help but have back-to-back-lefties at some point, but we’ll likely be seeing match-up relievers by the third go-round in the lineup, which gives Girardi the opportunity to find a low-pressure pinch-hit opportunity for A-Rod in place of Ibanez or Chavez.

Yes, the team’s top HR hitter is batting ninth. And yes, Jeter is back at SS. I don’t care if Jeter can’t move well. Ibanez’ bat is sorely needed in this deciding game. Same for Eric Chavez, who has hit well all year against righties. Jeter will have to find a way to turn DPs with one good leg. The elephant in the room remains the “how the hell do you bench A-Rod in a deciding game” question, but the fact of the matter is that this lineup gives the team the best chance to win, and A-Rod’s porcelain confidence is clearly cracked.

Both teams have other issues to consider, including severely depleted bullpens. Rafael Soriano has pitched 3.1 innings in the last two days (although only 39 pitches). It’s also worth noting that while A-Rod and his .125 average have been the face of the Yankees’ hitting woes, Nick Swisher (.133 average) Ichiro (.200 average), Robinson Cano (.111 average) and Curtis Granderson (.063 average) have been equally horrendous.

Thankfully, the 5:07 PM start time means I won’t hear any insufferable yapping on sports talk radio about the lineup. Whatever Girardi does, he deserves some slack, based on the big stones he whipped out in Game 3 by pinch-hitting for A-Rod.

Prediction: Yankees win 6-2. CC shakes off a shaky first couple innings and goes 7+ strong innings. Teixeira gets the big hits early to put the game away.

Cougars in the Outfield

Shlara went to Nats/Cards Game 3 on Wednesday. We asked her for a brief recap. Enjoy.

The cougars are 1-1 at Nats Park. And the loss was poorly timed. #Saditude

We had excellent seats -- a table right above center field (Bryce!!). We consumed beers and NAT-chos. There were balloon sculptures, bunting and a massive American flag greeting fans as they walked into the park. It was about 70 degrees and sunny -- I even got a sunburn. Really great atmosphere for the first five innings -- almost everyone wearing red, standing & cheering unprompted, waving the Nats version of a Terrible Towel, singing along to Ah-ha's "Take on Me".

Then Morse flied out with bases loaded and the air went out of the ballpark -- cue the Pacman dying sound. Stranding runners has been a problem for the Nats all season and I'm afraid the playoff pressure is making the guys too tense to get out of the jam.

The fans then seemed to lose patience and the ability to pay attention. People started leaving to beat the rush on the Metro. One of my coworkers was sitting a few sections over and sent me this note in the seventh: "There is some serious unrest in the cheap seats. Nearby child just asks her dad, "what's douchebag mean??"

Tomorrow is do-or-die. I’m sure the fans will bring their passion and refreshed Natitude back to the park for the 4:07pm start. I have complete confidence in Davey to get the team ready for Game 4. Teej & Jess will be in the VIP seats -- maybe they will bring us luck! And, I'll be back on the Red Porch (without the cougars) to see the Nats even things up.

Ghostface Fillah returns!

As the song goes, don't fuck with Ghost you'll feel sorry!

zMusic Review

Everyone at G:TB thanks and salutes rob for carrying the team for several months. Although I haven't done much posting I've been doing a bunch of listening. Here are some suggestions to add to your catalog in Q&A format.

Father John Misty, "Fear Fun"
What is it? A solo album from one of the guys from Fleet Foxes.

What does it sound like? Your typical indie folk harmony album in the vein of Fleet Foxes/Bon Iver/Band of Horses, if those guys ate a bunch of uppers and listened to a little end-of-the-century Neil Young, some rockabilly, and maybe a bit of disco. The lyrics are great throughout and many tracks have a completely unexpected groove that keeps me coming back to the album. I still can't believe how much I enjoy this one.

Who would like it? rob. All day. Shlara and Squeaky too.

If I cop just one song which one should it be? "Writing A Novel." Phenomenally fun lyrics. The first line sets the stage for the whole shebang.



Any other notable tracks? Only Son of the Ladies' Man; Tee-Pee's 1-12; Nancy from Now On - video is NSFW (not because of the toe-thumbs); Hollywood Forever Cemetery Sings.

Kanye West, "Cruel Summer"
What is it? A vehicle for Kanye West to showcase the talent signed to his G.O.O.D. Music record label.

What does it sound like? Straightforward hiphop. I think this album is less self-indulgent than MBDTF and much better lyrially than Watch The Throne. I wish Kanye didn't abandon his signature sped-up-soul-hooks for synth tinkles and bottomless computer bass, but the overall product is worth your $9.99. Almost every track is a posse cut, perhaps inspired by the magnificence of Kanye's BET Cypher performance. There's at least one big name on every track (e.g., Common, Raekwon, Kid Cudi, GFK) but no two feature the same artists. Several songs were made available for free download but I bought the whole album to support this type of project. Because no one artist is featured everyone made the most of their verse and generally killed it. Kanye appears in about half the songs and, unsurprisingly, is the cleverest lyricist on the album. The production is impeccable although there's too much autotune.

Who would like it? Mark, maybe Dave, TR after I force it down his throat at a tailgate. Any other beatnerds who dig really smart lyrics.

If I cop just one song which one should it be? New God Flow. Ghostface! Mighty Healthy samples! What more do you need? If you need more, then listen to the song and tell me how the hell Kanye worked that piano in with the Synthetic Substitution sample.



Any other notable tracks? Mercy is my biggest guilty pleasure of the year. It's remarkably ig'nant, kind of like N****s in Paris only dumber. Also fun and ig'nant: the beat to The Morning. Kanye even addresses the ig'nance. Creepers is good too.

A Place to Bury Strangers, "Worship"
What is it? Another album from A Place to Bury Strangers.

What does it sound like? An album by A Place to Bury Strangers. Which is to say it sounds really fucking loud and weird and forceful without being overly angry or hostile. Sort of like a cross between Nine Inch Nails and Joy Division only more instrumental and punctuated with a touch of New Order. Jeez, I'm an old man.

Who would like it? Squeaky, Clarence, probably TR.

If I cop just one song which one should it be? No one track stands out for me, but Why I Can't Cry Anymore is classic APTBS.



Any other notable tracks? And I'm Up; Dissolved; Worship.

Alabama Shakes, "Boys & Girls"
What is it? You already know that they're a blues rock band from Athens signed to Dave Matthews' label with connections to Jack White.

What does it sound like? You already know that it sounds like blues rock.

Who would like it? Everyone who reads this blog already likes it.

If I cop just one song which one should it be? You've probably picked a fave already, but I love the Billie Holliday qualities of "Rise to the Sun."



Any other notable tracks? You already have the album.

Animal Collective, "Centipede Hz"
What is it? Another album from Animal Collective.

What does it sound like? An Animal Collective album. It's not as good as Merriweather Post Pavillion, but what is? The music is very dense -- there are no holes anywhere in the sound and it's entirely possible that every noise on the album was generated electronically. It's the opposite of The Meters in these regards but just as rhythmic. The vocals are often always distorted and layered, and generally address insane subject matter. If you were to consume this album through headphones while sitting on a beanbag chair in a dimly lit room under the influence of psychadelics you would probably lose your shit. In short, it sounds like something from Greasetruck Studios.

Who would like it? Mr. Truck, Almighty Yojo, Dave. Probably Clarence.

If I cop just one song which one should it be? "Today's Supernatural."



Doesn't this video remind you of the famous Greasetruck joint "On the Range"?

Any other notable tracks? Applesauce; Wide Eyed.

I'll stop with these five and save some others for later.

Fashion is Dumb: French Fashionista Friday Filler

I was instructed by Wheelhouse Jerome to write a blog post today, while at the same time being informed by the tiny dictator that filler was needed. Jer, I will have to get back to the Top Turkish Basketball Players of All Time post...a "Fashion is Dumb" link that simply cannot be passed up just floated by me on the tubes of the internet.

It was apparently Fashion Week in Paris over the past few days, and here are just a few of the atrocious gems culled from the photo gallery. My god are these awful.

Apparently the beekeeper look is in.

This purse seems practical.

Hold up...is that Annie Lennox? Or David Bowie?

Oh COME ON

I urge you to view the entire gallery - it is a shitshow of epic proportions.

So That's What Would Happen

I've long harbored an irrational intellectual curiosity about what would happen if, rather than drifting down in tiny, unique little flakes, snow fell upon the ground as a single blanket. If nothing else, the resounding 'whoomp' of a good 8-inch single-event snowfall strikes me as something I'd like to witness.

As it turns out, this may be a case of 'careful what you wish for'.

According to the physics website 'What If?', a scattered rainstorm that would normally drop 6 cm over a 100 km/sq area would, if consolidated into a single large drop would demolish all structures in a 20-30km radius.


 Sure, a consolidated raindrop isn't the same thing as a fluffy blanket of snow, but I'm not prepared to take the chance of being flattened by a metric fuckton of snow. Consider my curiosity slaked.

Bite Me, Randy Newman: Filling Rob's Size 6 Shoes

Stepping in for my diminutive friend as he explores America's left coast in search of windmills against which to tilt and hoppy ales to savor.  This story reeks of Rob's recurring segment involving a 1977 great song (seriously, it's overplayed and underrated) and his championing of the littl'uns among us.  Sports fans likely heard all about it in the last 48 hours, but just in case you haven't . . .

Adam Greenberg is a 5'9" outfielder who came up with the Chicago Cubs in 2005.  The very first big-league pitch he saw hit him in the head.  It derailed more than his prospects for remaining in the bigs, it gave him blurred vision, migraines, and vertigo.  Baseball was long forgotten.

In a tale equal parts Roy Hobbs, Moonlight Graham, and Casey, the kid (now 31) has gotten another turn at bat seven years later.  Say what you will about Ozzie Guillen, but if he's got some karma to mend after his verbal pants-wettings of the past, he's trying.  The Miami Marlins (Greenberg got beaned in Miami) saw to it that Adam Greenberg got an AB last night against the Mets.  Just one more chance to knock some dirt off his spikes, step in, and eyeball a Cy Young contender.

R.A. Dickey, an inspirational story himself, did what he said he would, and refused to condescend to Greenberg.  He respectfully treated him like a big league hitter, threw him three knuckleballs, and struck him out without fanfare.  The fanfare came in the dugout, as more back-pats and high-fives were issued for a whiff than than I can ever recall.

Some nice little tidbits, as reported by ESPN:

"The Topps Co. announced via Twitter on Tuesday night that it is issuing an Adam Greenberg Marlins baseball card as part of its 2013 set."

and

"For seven years, Greenberg was one of only two players to be hit by a pitch in his lone big league appearance and never take the field. The other was Fred van Dusen with the Philadelphia Phillies in 1955. Van Dusen flew down from his home in Franklin, Tenn., to attend Tuesday's game. He threw out the first pitch and joined the rest of the crowd applauding Greenberg's comeback."

Finally:

"Life throws you curveballs," Greenberg said. "Mine threw me a fastball at 92, and it hit me in the back of the head. I got up from it, and my life is great."

Pretty damn Gheorghey.  Bite Rob, Randy Newman.

*  *  *  *  *

In other new romantic comeback stories, I am going to see Adam Ant tonight at the Norva.  Rob can attest to my curious fandom of Adam and the Ants and its suave leader.  Looking for pirate / Native American attire to don tonight.  I hope to stand and deliver good news about the comeback tour tomorrow. . .