More (losing) hoops picks

It's reached the point in the season where I've watched enough college basketball that I should not be going 4-4 every week... at least that's what you would think. Time to put all those hours in front of the TV to good use. The goal is 6-2 or better each week for the rest of the year:

Marquette at Georgetown
Georgetown. Let's start the ball rolling by choosing the Hoyas to win Saturday's matinee against a very good Marquette team. I do love Dominic James and his other backcourt cohorts, but I'm giving JT3's team the edge at home tomorrow. Hibbert, Green and a few timely bombs from Wallace or Sapp should do it.

UCLA at West Virginia
UCLA. Has anyone noticed the two teams from last year's Finals also just happen to be the two best teams this year as well? (yes, I am putting UCLA and Florida above Wisconsin and North Carolina) That doesn't happen too much anymore. By the way, this is not the WVU team you remember - yes, they still take a ton of threes, run precise offensive sets and have goofy white dudes, but it's mainly underclassman and they're terribly inconsistent.

Illinois at Indiana
Indiana. The Hoosiers are a perfect 12-0 at home, Illinois is 2-4 on the road, and most importantly Indiana wants to avenge their 51-43 loss two weeks ago to the Illini. Indiana wins this game and the schedule really opens up for a strong February.

Creighton at Southern Illinois
Southern Illinois. MVC powers clash...and since I still don't know enough about a conference that might send 4 or 5 teams to the Dance, I'll take the home team (who apparently have a 6 game winning streak...niiiiiice). Go Salukis.

Texas Tech at Oklahoma State
Oklahoma State. Time for JamesOn to get the Cowboys back OnTrack. As with any Texas Tech game, there is always a possibility Bob Knight will go insane and potentially punch someone in the face, in this case poor Sean Sutton.

Florida at Kentucky
Florida. See love for UCLA above. Who cares if the Gators are on the road, they have the better team. Randolph Morris is going to get battered and abused by Noah and Horford. By the way, Lee Humphrey is making 70% of his threes in conference play. That is not a typo.

Xavier at Gheorghe Washington
GW. I don't know why I'm taking Gheorghe Washington in this "battle" for (sucky) conference supremacy. Let's see...GW is 9-0 at home, Xavier is 2-5 on the road. Good enough for me.

Duke at Maryland
Maryland. My lack of love for Duke has me taking the tumbling Terps. If this game is at Cameron I have Duke winning by double digits, but I'm taking a chance here that Gary finally gets through to his kids prior to this season-defining game. It's time for the seniors to step up (Strawberry, Ibekwe and Jones).

Gheorghe Stand-In: Reach for the Stars

In the hopes of someday dunking a basketball or perhaps riding Space Mountain without the attendant hassling you, myself and Gheorghe: The Blog contributors Rob and Whitney (Dennis, you are welcome too of course) are entering into a height gain wager. There will be weekly stand-ins, the results of which will be updated here at Gheorghe: The Blog HQ.

The details...
Timeline: The bet began with last night's stand-in (February 6th for those scoring at home), and since this country measures its winners by gross means (stupid anti-aesthetes), the tallest contestant as of April 20, 2007 is the winner.

Execution: Inspired by the seminal Val Kilmer comedy, Real Genius, we'll be using laser technology to measure the contestants most weeks. If by some chance the contestants find themselves in the same location (unlikely, but possible), we'll use a chain of chewing gum wrappers to take the weekly measurement.

Rules: We measure together every Tuesday, rain or shine. Well, not actually rain, because that'll fuck up the laser. Shine only. The results of the stand-ins will be posted weekly at Gheorghe: The Blog, and likely on any number of blogs and websites that get swept up in the phenomenon.

Penalty: If either one of us “quits” the bet, there is a $15 penalty for each week of the bet given up on, with the minimum penalty of $50 and a maximum of $150. Also, Rob will continue to pay the societal penalty of being nearly 6 inches shorter than the average American male.

Stakes: The winner will purchase a round of adult beverages for each of the other contestants, as he has already received substantial benefit from the world at large on account of his superior height. Frankly, he owes us.

THE AFOREMENTIONED UPDATE:
The first official stand-in took place last night using Gheorghe: The Blog's experimental new laser measurement technology. After some initial glitches (Whit, those eyebrows will likely grow back relatively quickly), the LED readout gave us the following starting heights:

Rob: 5'5"
Whit: 6'6"
TJ: 6'2"
(Note: the most difficult part of the measuring process was getting someone to stand still long enough to get a reading. That someone spent most of the time trying to light a fatty with the laser.)

The next stand-in will take place Tuesday, February 13 at approximately 7pm. Rob will be driving back from Philadelphia, so his reading may be impacted by the earth's curvature.

I think this is called closure

So, the second half Sunday night gave us Peyton as Champion AND Goulet as Spiderman...what a night.

"With great power comes great responsibility...GOULET"

Remind me again why today isn't a national holiday?

This is a fluid list - you lose two in a week like Virginia Tech and George Washington and look what happens…

1. Virginia Commonwealth (20-4, 12-1)
They weren’t going undefeated in a tough CAA, so the loss AT second place Hofstra isn’t a killer. They still have a 1 game lead on the Pride and a 2 game lead on ODU…plus they’re 20-4. You see any other 20 win teams on this list? Didn't think so. [Thanks to Mark for pointing out this Anthony Grant article on SI.com]

2. Virginia (15-6, 7-2)
Solid week for Dave Leitao and the Singletary/Reynolds backcourt (combined 38 ppg). They keep this up and I might actually be able to spell Leitao's without having to look it up first. Winners of six straight, UVA can pretty much ruin Maryland's season tomorrow night.

3. Georgetown (16-5, 6-2)
They've won five in a row, but against complete Big East donkeys - Rutgers, Cincy, Seton Hall, St. Johns and Depaul. Four of those teams will be missing the Big East tourney at Madison Square Garden. However, they've crept to #3 on this list because they might be the most dangerous team come the Madness - that offense, Green's athleticism and Gigantor Roy Hibbert make them an extremely tough match-up.

4. Virginia Tech (16-7, 6-3)
Seth, buddy, what happened? Right the ship before you're .500 in the ACC...and staring at a NIT bid. Since when did the hoops team adopt the football team's strategy of "Early Season Success, Late Season Collapse"?

5. Loyola (Md.) (13-9, 9-3)
First place team in the MAAC, still. MAAC tourney this year in Bridgeport, CT should be a doozy. In other MAAC news, Iona got it's first W Saturday, and now stands at 1-22 on the year. I think GTB played a vital role in that first win.

6. Old Dominion (17-7, 10-3)
Winners of 5 in a row, they are making a surge at the right time, AND they have the non-conference road win over Georgetown to show the Committee in March. And yes, they're ahead of GW, because the CAA is a better conference than the A-10.

7. George Washington (15-6, 6-3)
The A-10 sucks, GW just lost both conference games this week, and they’re now in 3rd place. Hey, at least they’re ahead of Marlyand.

8. Maryland (17-6, 3-5)
I asked Whit to chime in again on Gary and the boys:
"Nothing pithy today. MD is cooked."
Thanks Whit, we now go live to Ollie Williams with the Blackuweather Report...

9. George Mason (13-10, 7-6)
The bottom of this list is stretching it thin...not much about George Mason or Towson below scream Top 10. So, when is the Disney movie coming out about the magical Final Four run last year? And who is playing Larranaga?

10. Towson (12-12, 6-7)
When in doubt, add another CAA team (just not my awful alma mater). American and Navy are stinking up the Patriot league, JMU is a nightmare and I'm not casting novelty votes for some guy named Rory. So Towson and my boy Gary Neal it is.

Have I mentioned I hate the new blogger?

Ugh...so, the Iona Gaels of the MAAC lost yet again last night, this time in excruciating fashion to the Landlords of Loudonville, the Siena Saints. Siena guard Kenny Hasbrouck hit a shot with 0.5 left to bury Iona. The Gaels are now 0-12 in conference play, 0-22 overall. They've lost 5 conference games by either a point or in overtime. But I come here this morning not to pour dirt on their grave, rather to cheer up Iona and their downtrodden fanbase. Sure, the Gaels are the only winless D-1 school in the country, but they have some company in conference play futility, folks they might just want to drunk dial or IM late night next time they're feeling blue...

North Florida, Atlantic Sun
0-11, 2-20
Well, William and Mary beat these guys by 17, and the only slightly more talented Florida Gators beat them by 46. I must admit I am not much of an Atlantic Sun buff, but I think their only chance for a conference W is two weeks from now at Stetson.

UC Riverside, Big West
0-7, 4-17
I believe Ice Cube said it best - "Y'all from Compton but you moved to Riverside..." Sure, that has nothing to do with this, but "No Vaseline" is one of the Top 10 rap songs of all time. Is UC Riverside the school that Travolta has on his t-shirt in Pulp Fiction? Or is that the UC Santa Barbara Banana Slugs? I wish there was a device that allowed me to figure these things out...anyway, bad news for Iona, UC Riverside has plenty of time to get a win.

East Carolina, Conference USA
0-7, 5-15
Jeff Blake went here. Conference USA is not very good to begin with, which either means ECU can steal a W or two, or their first seven losses are an indication they suck alot worse than the rest of the bunch. The losses to UNC-Wilmington and Richmond are particularly egregious. Their leading scorer pours in 12 a game...these guys might be headed for 0-16.

They don't count, but Princeton in the Ivy League
0-2, 9-7
These clowns have only played 2 conference games on February 2nd. Knock them off the list. And no, I'm not bitter at all they rejected me.

Close to home, Maryland-Eastern Shore of the MEAC
0-9, 3-18
The MEAC, much like the Ukraine, is historically weak. That's why it's even more impressive how bad MD-Eastern Shore appears to be. They almost beat Bethune-Cookman last time they met, so if they're gonna get a win at all it will be February 19 at Bethune-Cookman. Now, back to ignoring the MEAC completely.

And our bigtyme conference "stars", Arizona State of the Pac-10
0-10, 6-15
Things are not going well for Herb Sendek in the desert. Losing 71-47 to your in-state rival a week ago is not good. Having the bad luck to play in a very tough, competitive Pac-10 this year is not good. Herb, in your last 8 games you face 4 ranked opponents. Can we get an 0-18 out of the Sun Devils?

I just couldn't resist

I read it here first, and he read it here first and it looks like we can all thank the Columbus Dispatch for such stellar reporting...however, it doesn't matter where I read it, it just matters that I laughed...and laughed. Alot.

There's always room for "Greased Up Deaf Guy":

A classic Media Day interview...

VCU is legit

I’ll keep this brief…same 10 teams, slightly different order…and a new #1:

1. Virginia Commonwealth (18-3, 10-0)
I watched this team go on the road Saturday afternoon and defeat the 2nd place team in the CAA (Drexel) 75-68. The three guard attack of B.A. Walker, Jesse Pellot-Rosa and Eric Maynor is damn impressive. It kind of makes me wonder why Jeff Capel didn't stay at least one more year?

2. Virginia Tech (16-5, 6-1)
The Hokies did nothing to warrant the drop, it's just VCU is too impressive not to be #1 this week. Va Tech continues to win on the road in the ACC and needs to do it again at BC this week (and not slip up against a hurting NC State club).

3. George Washington (15-4, 6-1)
I still think the A-10 blows. But GW appears to be the best of all those crappy teams. One of which is coached by Travis Ford. UMass I think. Terrible UMass/Charlotte game on yesterday afternoon.

4. Georgetown (15-5, 5-2)
Winning the games they are supposed to win, they now need to go on the road and beat St. John's and Louisville. Did you know Roy Hibbert is shooting 71% from the floor this year? 71%?

5. Virginia (13-6, 5-2)
I mean, did Clemson press the big red button yesterday or what? Oliver Purnell might have officially lost his kids after the second straight brutal loss. Virginia improves to 5-2 in the ACC, and they get the Dukies at home this week.

6. Maryland (16-5, 2-4)
I think Whit has a handle on the Terps:

"Meanwhile in Terp Town, things are looking bleak. Currently 2-4 in the ACC with some bad losses, they probably need to go at least 7-3 down the stretch and make some noise in the ACC tourney to get into the big'un. That 7-3 might need to include wins over Duke and UNC.

Uh, good luck with all that, Gary."

7. Loyola (Md.) (12-8, 8-2)
Still in first place in the MAAC...and they just beat Iona, making the Gaels 0-20. I just have a bad feeling Loyola's season is going downhill from here.

8. Old Dominion (14-7, 7-3)
Needs to go on the road and beat Drexel this week to have any chance of catching VCU (though it's not happening).

9. George Mason (12-8, 6-4)
Grasping...but they do get the dregs of the CAA in their next two, Delaware and UNC-Wilmington (where are you Brett Blizzard?).

10. Towson (10-11, 4-6)
Can't put the Tribe back in this slot, so I will continue to promote Gary Neal in this space. He's still 5th in the country in scoring (25.9 ppg). He has six 30 point games this year and a 40 point game. But, this is Towson we're talking about, so nobody cares.

The Smallest Demographic in College Sports

Because I know 8-10 people care about this, your William and Mary Tribe faces a season-defining stretch of games beginning this weekend against Georgia State. By all rights, the Green and Gold really should win 5 of their next 6. I'm fairly certain that sentence has never been written in connection with W&M hoops. Here's the schedule:

Georgia State
@ VCU
JMU
UNC-Wilmington
@ JMU
@UNC-Wilmington

After that stretch, the Tribe closes with back-to-back games against Drexel and a home finale against ODU. If Tony Shaver's boys play to their potential, an 8-10 conference record (15-13 overall) is a reasonable expectation.

Of course, this being William and Mary basketball we're discussing, I expect to close the season on a 14-game losing streak.

In honor of tonight's NHL All-Star Game

GTB's Local Hoops Top 10

Last week's #1 holds serve, beating Sweaty McG and his Terps last night in overtime (though Pats/Colts distracted me from much of the collegiate action). Some legit shuffling has occurred in the soft underbelly of these rankings, where the CAA leader and a previously ignored team (by me and everyone in the greater DC area) jump up...

1. Virginia Tech (14-5, 4-1) - The loss at FSU wasn't great, but ask the Florida Gators how much fun it is to play at The Donald (L. Tucker Center). Taking Maryland down last night to get to 4-1 in the ACC is impressive, and I almost believe in these guys. Dowdell and Gordon are a pretty lethal backcourt.

2. Virginia Commonwealth (16-3, 8-0) - Seven straight Ws and an unblemished conference mark get you to #2 in this poll. VCU's next two games (at George Mason, at Drexel) could very well decide the regular season CAA champ.

3. George Washington (13-4, 4-1) - I'll admit it, I pay no attention to GW, even after their recent successes, mainly because the A-10 has sucked ever since Lamar Odom left. But GW has put themselves right in the NCAA mix again this year, and you could argue all 4 losses are quality losses (if such a thing exists).

4. Georgetown (13-5, 3-2) – Win both games last week to climb above .500 in the Big East, which is where they should be (and they SHOULD beat Rutgers and Cincy this week). Big East teams are going to kill each other all year long, but this Georgetown team has significantly underachieved and should end up a Top 3 team when the buses head to MSG.

5. Virginia (11-6, 3-2) – Nice bounceback this week, beating stumbling MD and then having RJ Reynolds "smoke" Wake for 40 yesterday. Who would've thought UVA and Va Tech would have two of the more potent backcourts in the country?

6. Maryland (15-5, 1-4) - Lucky to be #6, quite frankly. They either turn it around in the next four games, or the season is over by the time the Duke game rolls around. I really hope Gary recruits a "Padilla" to Greivis Vasquez's "Travieso".

7. Loyola (Md.) (11-7, 7-1) – Still in first place in the MAAC, which is unbelievable, since this team was 1-27 three years ago and 6-22 two years ago. And Gerald Brown continues to "score the ball" (Hi Jay Bilas!) like a madman (23.3 ppg, good for 11th in the country).

8. George Mason (11-7, 5-3) – That’s 5 straight wins now…Thomas and Campbell have really picked up their games.

9. Old Dominion (12-7, 5-3) – Two game skid drops them behind GMU…huge matchup against William and Mary Wednesday night.

10. Towson (9-10, 3-5) – Sacrificial #10 this week, as my placement of the Tribe in this spot has led to four straight losses. Plus, if I'm gonna throw love Gerald Brown's way, this poll needs to recognize Gary Neal, who is actually 4th in the nation in scoring at 25.2 ppg.

A Painful Read

The SportGuy has produced one of the whiniest columns in recent memory, even for him. It's not enough to have your favorite team win, the rest of us have to really get excited with you to validate it? The world doesn't hate the Patriots, as he attests, they're just tired of them winning. It's not exciting. Get over it. Unbelievably annoying piece.

Okay, here's the game: what column will we get out of him on Monday?

- Pats lose, and we are assured to get an "it's about time" article that mentions a whole lot about how many times New England thumped Indy before.

- Pats win, and IF the Saints win we get an article about how the world wants the Saints, including the NFL and the refs, and based on that, the Patriots are the real underdogs despite what we know about the NFC.

- Pats win, Bears win, revenge for 1986, blah blah blah.

Hell, he might as well just write the articles now.

Prediction: (With a tip of the cap to the formerly funny Guy himself, does anyone else say "My prediction?...Pain." any time some asks for a prediction? I did this at work and nobody got it, naturally -- you gotta be prepared to dig yourself out with a digression really quickly. Speaking of digressions...)

Prediction: Indy 24, Pats 20
Prediction: Saints 16, Bears 9 (on a defensive touchdown)
Prediction: My prediction?...Pain.

Try it, it's fun.

GTB Friday All Skate

Wanted to pop in early this morning and thank Dan over at the DC Sports Bog for sending along my latest cubicle decoration, the Gilbert Arenas Donut poster. It replaces a 2004 wall calendar my predecessor left up and I was simply too lazy to take down. So the Agent Zero poster joins the Gheorghe autograph, the Mia Hamm autograph, the Jets coffee mug and the Khalil Greene booblehead as the only sports paraphernalia in my cube.
**********

And here are my Brandon Lang winners this week (from yesterday's comments):
Chicago (-1) vs. New Orleans
God wants them to win. And maybe Spike Lee too. Saints.
Indy (-3) vs. New England
I'd like to see Manning win this game. Which of course means he won't. Patriots.
**********

There is a new scourge of FM radio...an unbelievable plague infecting Top 40 stations and VH1's Top 20 countdown. I know you've encountered it, because it's impossible to avoid. It is prevalent in the work of various douchebag bands, with Hinder and The Fray being the current leaders in the clubhouse. It's what I now call "Whiny Rock", and it's highlighted (of course) by that whiny-ass tone to the song, the whiny-ass lyrics and the complete disregard for enunciating anything while you whine for 4 straight minutes. You know what I mean...roll the clips (damn it YouTube):
- Horrible, rotten whiny Fray
-- Suck-ass Hinder
I don't want to give the impression these are the only two offenders, let's also recognize these clowns:
- Nickelback
-- The All-American Rejects
I blame Grey's Anatomy for this.
**********

REVERSE SKATE
**********

This is bound to entertain Whit - I have some weekend college hoops picks for you to scrutinize, as part of my Battle for the Aggro-Crag (Full disclosure: I had never heard of this Nickelodeon show GUTS or this crazy Aggro-Crag thing before - I thought Double Dare was the only money game show on Nickelodeon). I am, however, happy to get involved in any pick 'em league run by a guy who has met OJ Simpson. Proving once again I am a terrible gambler, I went 4-4 last week, putting me squarely in the cellar...the Week 2 picks:

Saturday
*LSU at Arkansas - Big Baby Davis. 28 and 14. Four fried chickens and a Coke. LSU.
*Texas at Villanova - Kevin Durant really is as good as you've heard. It's not a stretch to think he will cause Curtis Sumpter to blow out his knee for the 11th time. Texas.
*Wisconsin at Illinois - Lando Tucker will own the Illini tomorrow. Wisconsin.
*Arizona at UCLA - How have we not cannonized this Chase Buddinger kid yet? Arizona.
*Oklahoma State at Texas A&M - I hated A&M last year. Nothing's changed. Okie St.
*Boston College at Clemson - BC just had to kick two donkeys off their team, one of them being the 3rd leading shot blocker in the country. Clemson needs this win more. Clemson.

Sunday
*Maryland at Virginia Tech - Maryland, consistently inconsistent. Va Tech has another solid home win in them. Va Tech.
*Marquette at Pitt - Pitt is the king of the Big East. Aaron Gray is a really big, really goofy white dude. Pitt.
**********

Rob: The Founder of Gheorghe: The Blog here to make a cameo appearance. Since Teejay's bound and determined to get more people to come to this remote outpost, I figure it's a decent time to tell our new visitors why Gheorghe: The Blog exists. The text below is from the very first entry in these pages, born from my extremely bored mind in November 2003. Still rings true today:

"Mission Statement, or What's a Gheorghe, and Why Should I Care?

I don't trust anyone that can't laugh at himself. I think that Crash Davis was dead on, right up until he started talking about Susan Sontag, at which point I tuned out. I'm hopelessly addicted to the Boston Red Sox, even though I know it's not good for me. I believe that sports, like society at large, is full of self-important, egomaniacal windbags at all levels, and I intend to use this space to tilt at the windmills that threaten to suck all of the joy out of the things that I love.

This space is named, with love, for the most fun athlete ever to draw a paycheck from a professional franchise. Gheorghe Muresan, late of the Washington Bullets and New Jersey Nets, stood 7'7" and weighed 330+ pounds. He shuffled around a basketball court like a slightly more mobile version of Frankenstein's monster, with a splay-footed gait and elbows and knees that flailed about as if independently operated. His elongated, comically expressive face conveyed the unmistakable glee and amazement with which he viewed his place in the NBA’s firmament, even as he made the often numbing journey from rookie to veteran. He played a handful of NBA seasons with a modicum of success, being honored as the NBA's Most Improved Player in 1997-98. Most importantly, though, he played basketball and approached life with a pure, unadulterated joy that was, and is, unmatched by any other professional athlete.

Gheorghe's spirit and the joy with which he appears to approach life offer lessons for all of us about the important things. This space will celebrate those in sports and elsewhere that live with Gheorgheness, and skewer those that think they are more important than the game - be it sports or life. Gheorghe: The Internet Magazine, had a brief, meteoric run several years ago, flaming to earth in a blaze of apathy amidst rampant rumors of financial mismanagement. Gheorghe: The Blog rises like a phoenix from the ashes, or at least like a Weeble, to carry on the Gheorghian mission."

Because I'm already sick of the Brady/Manning Slurpfest

Just 29 days until pitchers and catchers report...



Morning Update: This week's local hoops Top 10

1. Virginia Tech (13-4, 3-0) - You beat Carolina and Duke in the same week, you get to be the new local #1. Plus, Deron Washington's hair is awesome.

2. Maryland (15-3, 1-2) - Look miserable against Miami, be the first team to beat Clemson this year. I'll say one thing about Gary's team - it's consistently inconsistent.

3. Georgetown (11-5, 1-2) - Not a good week for Hoya nation. The home loss to Villanova was a real killer. Someone tell Jeff Green it's OK to show up for two games in a row.

4. Virginia Commonwealth (14-3, 6-0) - Honestly, VCU should probably be ahead of Georgetown, but I guess I have some sort of "mid-major" bias. Just don't tell Jay Bilas.

5. George Washington (11-4, 2-1) - Man, the A-10 is a joke...but at least GW always has several candidates for the all-name team.

6. Virginia (9-6, 1-2) - Let the freefall in Charlottesville begin.

7. Old Dominion (12-5, 5-1) - CAA owns this poll. VCU, ODU, William and Mary and George Mason all staying in the Top 10 this week. And ODU happens to have as many Big East wins as Georgetown.

8. Loyola (Md.) (9-7, 5-1) - Gotta be the surprise of the MAAC, right? Guard Gerald Brown is 11th nationally in scoring at 23.4 ppg.

9. William and Mary (10-6, 3-3) - Barely hanging on to their spot in the Top 10 after reverting to the Tribe of old this week. But you're nuts if you think I'm dropping my alma mater off this list.

10. George Mason (9-7, 3-3) - Winners of three in a row, Mason looks to finish the CAA schedule strong and make some noise in Richmond.

GTB's NFL Divisional Playoff Picks

Thank goodness for 4:30 games...and a work laptop that steals my neighbors' wireless...and of course YouTube, without which I could not get my Bronson Pinchot fix (spreads courtesy of covers.com).

Baltimore (-4) vs. Indianapolis:
"They're not saying Boo, they're saying Moovers." Actually Peyton, they're saying both today. And despite the fact that I am actually a Manning apologist and think he gets way too much blame for their playoff failings (yes, he deserves some blame, but take a look, it's not as atrocious as some may have you believe), I simply can't pick his Colts to win the game today. And frankly, that's a killer (no pun...fuck it, pun intended), because I hate Ray Lewis and hence hate the Ravens (like the fine fans below). Unfortunately for Peyton, there will be no ground game to help him, he's bound to get picked by Ed Reed at least once, and Steve McNair/Jamal Lewis are just healthy and competent enough to put 20+ points on the board. RAVENS.


New Orleans (-5) vs. Philadelphia:
Ah yes, do I pick based on the media story I am most excited to see, namely Jeff "Serge" Garcia leading the Eagles to the Super Bowl (failing to win of course), causing Mrs. McNabb to attempt a hit and run on him with the Chunky Soup promotional bus? Or do I make the pick the media is dying to see, namely the Saints making the Super Bowl, thus "saving" the city? Well, I'm taking the Saints in this one, but don't put me in the "football can save a city" camp. I was in NO not too long ago, and I don't care if Drew Brees and the Saints won the next 5 Super Bowls, that town is still a fucking mess. A well-rested, multi-dimensional Saints offense duplicates the regular season result, with a major hat tip to the most excited/emotional crowd of the weekend. At least Garcia made himself a ton of money in the last 2 months, and can pretend the Cleveland and Detroit stints never happened. SAINTS.


Chicago (-9.5) vs. Seattle:
I think we all know where I stand on this one (or at least what a gay I am for liking "Chicago the Musical"). Rex Grossman and the Bears have a cakewalk tomorrow afternoon, facing a Seahawks team that shouldn't even be in this game, save for Tony Romo and some slick balls (that reminds me, I'm really gonna miss Drew B's contributions on tonyhomo.com). I realize the Bears haven't won a home playoff game in 17 years, but that drought ends today, and there ain't nothing Hasselback or Alexander can do about it. Plus, I'm pretty sure the Seahawks D couldn't stop Balki and Cousin Larry at this point. BEARS.


San Diego (-5) vs. New England:
I realize it ALMOST seems insane to bet against Brady and Belichick in the playoffs, especially after their strong performance against a feisty Jets team last week, but that's the way I'm leaning. Factor in Marty and the "Rivers against a Belichick defense" variables, and this pick might make it seem like I'm already drinking, but I haven't cracked a cerveza yet. I simply think the Chargers D (sorry, no "juiced up" jokes from me) and LdT will overpower a suspect NE offensive line and average defense. And before you jump on me for questioning the Pats D, realize Chadwick and that Jets offense went up and down the field last week in NE, and the Chargers offense leaves the Jets' facedown in the gutter (but it's OK Marty, we still think your boy Brian did a good job with what he had). I don't know if this is the year Marty actually sheds the playoff choker label, but he's one game closer after this week. CHARGERS.

Bears/Seahawks Preview, brought to you by Kander and Ebb

The name on everybody's lips
Is gonna be...REXY

The QB raking in the chips
Is gonna be...REXY

I'm gonna be a celebrity
That means
Somebody everyone knows

They're gonna recognize my eyes
My hair my teeth my internet booze pics

From just some dumb Florida QB
I'm gonna be...REXY
Who says that QBing's not an art?

And who in case he doesn't hang
Can say he started with a bang?
REXY G!

Bears...

They're gonna wait outside in line
To get to see...REXY

Think of those autographs
I'll sign,
"Good luck to ya,"...REXY

And I'll appear
In a game that goes
All the way down to the wire

Here a pass,
There a pass,
Everywhere a-screen-pass

But always in the best of taste!

[Mmmm, I'm a star
And the fans love me
And I love them
And they love me for loving them
And I love them for loving me
And we love each other
And that's because none of us
Got enough love in our childhoods
And that's football
Nichols]

He's given up his hum drum life

I'm gonna be sing it...REXY

He made a scandal every start

And Tom Brady will shit
I know
To see his name get billed below
REXY G

REXY...
REXY...
REXY...
REXY...
REX-Y...
REXY...
REXY...

I hope it's a cut off Coconut Banger's Ball

Best. Super Bowl Ad. Ever. Looks like Emerald Nuts is the leader for best (and most anticipated) 2007 Super Bowl ad (at least around this blogosphere - Hi Greg!). Diamond Foods has paid $2 million dollars to inject professionally trained voiceman Robert Goulet into our lives on Super Bowl Sunday, if only for 30 seconds. Maybe we'll be getting his brothers involved for a stirring rendition of "Red Ships of Spain"?

"Hello, I'm Robert Goulet...I know one thing we can agree on...when a professional gets his mitts on a Super Bowl ad that's when it really takes off... "

Fun Facts About Our Hero

Some Gheorghe trivia:

"Although Gheorghe Muresan is, to date, the tallest player in the history of the NBA, his record was at risk in the late 1990's, when North Korean player Michael Ri (7'8") was attempting to make it to the NBA. Ri's attempts were eventually stifled by the Trading with the Enemy Act, and Ri never played basketball in the NBA."

How about that? Just like My Giant ruined our pal Ghiţă, a Julia Roberts movie ruined his North Korean nemesis.

Extra! Extra!

Baseball Hall of Fame to Mark McGwire: "How would you like to suck our balls, Mr. McGwire?"

A little late to the party...

Each week, the DC Sports Bog has been doing a local college hoops poll, and each week I simply forget to turn in my ballot by the noon Monday deadline. Well not this week folks - the William and Mary Tribe have inspired me to get my votes in this week, mainly because W&M never gets any hoops pub but deserves some love this week (more on that in a moment). On to this week's rankings...

1. Maryland (14-2, 0-1)
Apparently, the Terps have joined the MAAC, beating Siena and Iona in their last two games. Quick, most famous Iona alum? Jeff Ruland. The Terps are #1 by default this week, but another key win or two by the Hoyas or the Hokies (yes, the Hokies) and Maryland drops. By my count, they've beaten two decent teams and lost to the two best teams they've played. They're the Notre Dame of college hoops - though I'm sure Strawberry and Vasquez could've covered LSU's wide receivers better.

2. Georgetown (11-3, 1-0)
Saturday's thrashing of Notre Dame at the phone booth is a good start for this team, but the three early season losses keep them from claiming the #1 slot. For teams that miss out on Greg Oden in next year's draft, I would take a long hard look at Roy Hibbert. He's really starting to display an all-around game fit for the next level. I will be at the Georgetown/Villanova game tonight courtesy of Dennis and his employer, and the Hoyas should win this one handily. I look forward to berating Mike Nardi all night.

3. Virginia Tech (11-4, 2-0)
Huge win, huge win, for Seth Greenberg's crew over Duke Saturday. Makes up for that Sean Dockery traveshamockery last year. And forget the Duke lacrosse case - I think Greg Paulus should press assault charges after that posterization by Deron Washington (plus Washington blocked his game-winning attempt). The wins over Iowa and ODU help the Hokies' cause, and their game in a week against Carolina could get VT the #1 slot.

4. Virginia (9-4, 1-0)
Yikes, crushing loss at home to Stanford yesterday. The wins over Arizona to start the year and Gonzaga a week ago had the Cavs primed for a jump before yesterday. Good luck playing at soon-to-be-#1 UNC Wednesday night. By the way, is it a rule that Stanford must always have a set of twins on their team (this year it's 7' twins Brook and Robin Lopez)?

5. Virginia Commonwealth (11-3, 3-0)
CAA represent in this week's rankings. Not exactly a glowing resume for VCU, but they are tied atop the competitive CAA, and honestly, who the hell has George Washington beaten to be ahead of them? No one, that's who.

6. George Washington (10-3, 1-0)
Again, this team has beaten absolutely no one. I'm not even sure they should stay in the Top 10, but when you look at the dregs left (sorry Howard, Richmond, VMI, etc.) I guess I'll cut Karl and his boys some slack. By the way, Carl Elliot is the Jess Settles of the A-10.

7. Old Dominion (10-4, 3-0)
Solid team so far this year, with all 4 losses being what Jay Bilas would consider "quality losses". I think we're looking at the CAA winner (over VCU and Drexel) and potential 1st round sleeper come March. I like the inside-out combination of Lithuanian Valdas Vasylius and guards Brian Henderson and Drew Williamson.

8. William and Mary (9-4, 2-1)
Ah yes, the darlings of this week's ranking. From NR to 8th today...that's what six straight wins will do for you, including a road defeat of George Mason in that span. This is the best team Williamsburg has seen since my senior year. That team went on to win 20, and of course lost in the 1st round of the CAA tourney. Beat Georgia State tonight and it's the second best CAA start in school history. It's a shame MASN or Comcast don't air more Tribe games, because the whitewash that is their starting line-up is startling. There's enough gangly white kids on the floor at all times you'd think you were watching a YMCA pick-up game. One other thing...William and Mary coach Tony Shaver: Hitler, Craig Escherick or state trooper?

9. Loyola (Md.) (7-6, 3-1)
A little more love for the MAAC. Beat Siena tomorrow night and Loyola is in first place in the MAAC, which I think is shocking. Plus, Navy, American and Towson belong nowhere near a list of Top 10. Loyola gets bonus points for housing my brother for part of his college education.

10. George Mason (6-7, 0-3)
I think it's very safe to say the shine is off last year's Cinderella story. If the loss to my Tribe didn't do it, the loss Saturday to ODU certainly did. In fact, they only remain on this list because I saw Jim Larranaga at last week's Dematha/St. John's game.

The McSorley assault obviously affected his acting skills

Well, I've got to hand it to the local news...they apparently figured out YouTube existed, and then unleashed this gem on an unsuspecting public. The spot below "stars" a pretty odd pair - WUSA 9 sports anchor Brett Haber* and current Washington Capitals enforcer Donald Brashear**. Haber long ago worked at SportsCenter and unsuccessfully hosted Z104's morning show a few years back. Brashear of course is well known for taking McSorley's stick to his skull and bouncing off the ice a bit. Donald also happens to rank 35th on the all-time penalty minutes list (McSorley is 4th on that list and Swint's boy and public menace Bob Probert is 5th). The real crime in this poor imitation of an ESPN promo or Terry Tate commercial is NOT the acting (hard to believe I know) - it's the fact WUSA and Haber have another promo, a much better promo, starring who else but Gheorghe Muresan. Let's get that baby on YouTube.

* Brett Haber does not enjoy being handed dollar bills for touchscreen video trivia games at an empty sports bar, especially not when he is conversing with fellow local sports anchor Dave Feldman.
**Donald Brashear is an accomplished pianist.

Merry Christmas from GTB

"The owner of the Seattle Supersonic-ahs...celebrates Hanukkah..."

Boycott, A to Z

The Jim Bowden bashing in the comments of the last post has GTB thinking...

Okay, you get to boycott one person from entering the metropolitan region ever again (presumably severing all ties with the city).

Is it:
(a) Jim Bowden
(b) Daniel Snyder
(c) Marion Barry
(d) Dick Cheney
(e) Gregg Williams
(f) my boss
(g) George Michael (the one who wasn't in Wham!)
(h) Tony Kornheiser
(i) Steve Buckhantz
(j) Linda Cropp
(k) Jerry & Geoff's friend Reed
(l) Brendan Haywood
(m) Mark Brunell
(n) Wes Unseld
(o) John Thompson
(p) Hillary Clinton
(q) Vinny Cerrato
(r) Abe Pollin
(s) the heads of Infinity Broadcasting
(t) Al Sharpton
(u) Kenny Wright
(v) everyone who grew up in the area yet is a Cowboys fan
(x) write-in politician of your choice
(y) write-in anyone
(z) the writers of Gheorghe: The Blog

There's fruitless litigation...

...and then there's this. On Monday, a judge in Jeannette, PA dismissed a harassment charge against a teenager charged with repeatedly meowing at his geriatric neighbor. The unnamed 14 year old hooligan apparently "tortured" 78 year old neighbor Alexandra Carasia and caused her "emotional harm", meowing every time he saw her. Luckily, Judge Joe Brown realized the case had no merit and dismissed it, but not before reprimanding the little rascal for his immature behavior. Our crack research staff has uncovered this footage...

Goodbye to a legend

RIP Peter Boyle...

Death to "It's Christmas Eve in Washington"

**FRIDAY MORNING UPDATE**

The ball is rolling...hat tip to Dan at DC Sports Bog for spreading the word, and now you can continue this jolly jihad by visiting the online petition. Sign early, sign often.
**FRIDAY MORNING UPDATE**

I know, you've heard the ranting before, but it's reached Gladwell's tipping point now. Those of you not in the DC Metro area have no idea the musical nightmare you are missing. "It's Christmas Eve in Washington" by Maura Sullivan is absolutely, positively the worst holiday tune of all time (amazingly, in this day of the interweb, I had a very tough time finding the artist to "credit" this song too...perhaps she wants to curl up and die every time she hears it, like me?). There can be no argument.

The insanity has to stop. You know what the #1 search is right now for GTB? Some combination of "christmas eve in washington song" and either "sucks" or "worst song ever". I need all the haters out there to band together and fight this monstrosity. I have already begged Dan at DC Sports Bog to get the word out about this plague, and I have emailed Program Director Bill Hess at 97.1 WASH FM numerous times begging him to put this tune to sleep (and put the listening public out of its misery). You should do the same (WASH FM of course is the soft rock station that begins playing Christmas songs in July).

I know you think I'm nuts, or simply an old curmudgeon, but I'll let the song speak for itself (speak = vomit syrupy sweet nothingness). If anyone can find an MP3 of this, please send it along. For now, try not to slit your wrists as you enjoy "It's Christmas Eve in Washington"...

It's snowing tonight in the Blue Ridge
There's a hush on the Chesapeake Bay
The chimneys are smoking in Georgetown,
And tomorrow is Christmas Day.

The Tidal Basin lies quiet
The tourists have found their way home
Mr. Jefferson's standing the mid-watch
And there's a star on the Capitol Dome.

It's Christmas Eve in Washington,
America's hometown
It's here that freedom lives,
And peace can stand her ground,

It's Christmas Eve in Washington
Our joyous wish to you
Is for peace, love & laughter,
To last the whole year through.

Snowmen peeking through the windows
It's warm with love inside
'Round the tree the children gather
Awaiting Santa's midnight ride.

Mom and Dad are counting their blessings,
Reflecting on all they've done
So thankful for another
Christmas Eve in Washington.

It's Christmas Eve in Washington,
America's hometown
For it's here that freedom lives,
And peace can stand her ground.

7th Heaven

The Cincinnati Bengals are the gift that just keeps on giving. Sunday, WR Reggie McNeal was arrested for trying to enter a club in Houston after closing time. Reggie was charged with resisting arrest after becoming aggressive when an off-duty cop (working security) told him he couldn't enter (you see, Reggie had just bet Cates that all it took was bullshit and experience, and...oh, never mind...)

In case you forgot (and with so many of these clowns getting pinched, who can blame you?), McNeal also happened to be a passenger in LB Odell Thurman's vomit-filled SUV when Thurman got tagged for DWI (the other saint in that car? Chris Henry of course). Odell, already suspended 4 games at that time for violating the league's substance abuse policy, was given the reat of the year off following the arrest.

Amazingly, McNeal is the seventh Bengal to be arrested since December 15, 2005. The others on this prestigious list:
OL Eric Steinbach - We'll call him the Odell of the Sea. Steinbach got arrested for boating under the influence.
WR Chris Henry - King of the Hill. The Marcus Vick Charm School charge of getting underage chicks wasted, the DWI AND the gun charge. This guy is unbelievable.
DT Matthias Askew - This genius had to be Tasered after resisting arrest (over a parking violation).
LB A.J. Nicholson - Burglary (of a former Florida State teammate), grand theft, vandalism...all that's missing is a #2 in someone's clothes hamper.
DE Frostee Rucker - Spousal battery and vandalism in Los Angeles. I blame his parents for shackling him with that absurd first name.

Christ, Henry and Jimmy would've been better off hiring these guys for the Lufthansa heist...

At first I was confused...

...I knew Andy MacPhail was gone, I knew the Tribune Co. is traditionally know for being thrifty, and yet who so far has been the biggest spender in the annually overhyped Hot Stove season? The Chicago Cubs, that's who. It's almost like GM Jim Hendry HAS to spend this money...

$1,500,000 for SP Wade Miller
$1,750,000 for RP Kerry Wood
$5,250,000 for C Henry Blanco
$13,000,000 for 2B/SS/3B/OF Mark DeRosa
$75,000,000 for 3B Aramis Ramirez
$136,000,000 for LF Alfonso Soriano

That's $232,500,000 right there. I couldn't quite figure it out. Was Hendry really behind this tremendous cash outlay? Was the Tribune Co. finally going to sell the Cubs, meaning the penny pinching was over? Finally, it came to me...there is only one man truly capable of blowing that much cash that fast. I give you the REAL man behind the Chicago Cubs offseason:

"Gentlemen, do you think I'm a lowlife?"

Just for the hell of it

Barbara Billingsley has never been better...

Questioning the Raiders Organization

In a shocking development, the Oakland Raiders decided a dude that ran a bed-and-breakfast for the last decade was not qualified to run an NFL offense (be prepared for multiple comments from SportsGuy on this in Friday's pick column). The Tom Walsh era is over, about 11 weeks too late. How bad is Oakland's offense? A quick look at the stats:

Dead Last (32nd) in Points per Game - 12.0 (the Raiders have only scored 13 TDs this year)
Dead Last in Yards per Game - 239.8
Dead Last in First Downs per Game - 14.4
28th in Time of Possession - 28:22
28th in 3rd Down Completion Percentage - 33.6%
Commit the 3rd Most Penalties in the League - 77

So, how do you save this moribund offense? Obviously, you grab the best Ocean Front High has to offer and let him run the show:

Good luck Mr. Shoop. By the way, Wondermutt could ably play the part of Art Shell or Randy Moss in this exercise. I'll let you decide.

It's better than doing real work

A bunch of stuff, in no particular order, and perhaps of very little interest to you...

Currently, the best football team in New York (well, New Jersey) is the Jets. The EPIC collapse by the Giants on Sunday clinched it. Despite no discernible running game and a QB with Juan Pierre's arm, the 6-5 Jets are very much in the AFC playoff hunt (jumbled in with Herm's Chiefs, Cutler's Broncos, the Bengals, a Jacksonville team incapable of winning a road game, the Joey Harrington-led Dolphins, the Bills and the West Canaan Coyotes). However, just like the Browns game before the bye, the Jets need to win this week's game against the Packers. They can't be giving away a game with red-hot Miami and Buffalo coming up in Weeks 13 and 15 (by the way, the AFC East is now the toughest division in football). Come to think of it, that 41-0 loss to Jacksonville in Week 5 isn't going to be very helpful.

I know I railed against hyperbole and overstatement throughout the NFL season, but I said this to Geoffrey last night, and I firmly believe it: Vince Young is a better NFL QB than Michael Vick. Mock me all you want, but in 8 games Vince Young has shown me more as a pro QB than Vick has over the last 3 years. Yes, Young is completing a pedestrian 49% of his passes, and has thrown as many picks as TDs in his 8 starts, but the guy is 4-4 (3-1 against the NFC East) and all of a sudden the Titans don't look like the Raiders. I don't want to hear about Vick's playoff win in Green Bay 4 years ago. Since Atlanta lost to Philly in the NFC Title Game two and a half years ago he has been mediocre at best. He is one of the worst PASSERS at the position in the league (Chadwick and his candyass arm still get it done better than Vick). Basically, I love me some Vince Young, and DX has two words for Mike Vick...

I saw the new Bond flick Casino Royale over the weekend, and it was awesome. Terrific performance from Daniel Craig, and an extremely well-done film in the mold of Batman Begins (the re-invention of a tired franchise, highlighted by that ridiculous invisible car in Die Another Day). I highly recommend it.

Apparently, it pays to be a middling middle reliever this offseason. Today alone the Orioles threw 31M bucks at Danys Baez and Chad Bradford. This after throwing 12M at Jamie Walker last week. I realize the Orioles suck terribly, and the bullpen is an area of need, but this is a tad excessive. Not to be outdone, the Dodgers just gave Randy Wolf a 1 yr/8M deal and of course proved they are completely nuts with the 5 yr/44M deal for Juan Pierre. Man, Barry Zito is going to be one very rich dude.

Nevada and Nick Fazekas are 5-0 (Nick is averaging 25 and 15 right now). There are plenty of seats available on the bus right now, but don't wait too long...the Butler bus is already full and by February the Wolf Pack Wagon might not have room for you.

I know it's pretty early in the NBA season, but I thought everyone might get a chuckle out of the NBA's Atlantic Division standings:
New Jersey Nets, 5-8 (Losers of 5 straight)
Boston Celtics, 5-8 (Coach being run out of town)
Philadelphia 76ers, 5-9 (Webber whining once again)
New York Knicks, 5-10 (Even Isiah hates Starbury now)
Toronto Raptors, 4-9 (Drafted a chick with the #1 pick)
Can that even be considered parity?

GTB's "DVR Death Watch" - As chronicled in the comments of many past posts, DVRd TV shows are dropping like flies in the GTB household. Just today we have had to temporarily add ABC's "The Nine" to the grave (the network claims it's just on hiatus...we will see). Now, the vast amount of dropped shows can partly be attributed to the large quantity of TV DVRd in the GTB household...the more shows we commit too, the more chances we have to lose a show. However, our luck/skill in choosing shows sure seems to be sucking this season. I liken it to my rare ability to never, EVER, pick the right toll booth lane on the highway (I know, get an EZ Pass). Here's the death toll so far...
Smith - CBS Ray Liotta vehicle that lasted THREE episodes. Yikes.
Kidnapped - Sometimes I can't sleep at night, wondering what happened to Leopold.
Vanished - Fox seriously expects me to watch the last 4 episodes on MySpace.
Six Degrees - Supposedly "on hiatus" as well. Come on ABC, you can tell us the truth. We can handle it.
The Nine - Keep killing me...

What does GTB give thanks for on this day before Thanksgiving?

YouTube, that's what. At this time last year I could only describe in words what I considered the greatest Thanksgiving episode in all of television history. Now, thanks to that glorious website, I can actually provide the clip to prove it...I give you five minutes and forty seconds from WKRP in Cincinnati's "Turkeys Away" episode. Gordon Jump's last line is a priceless moment in sitcom history.

Afternoon Update: I just realized Gheorghe: The Blog has never properly spotlighted Gheorghe: The Dancer, so here you go:

Beating TJ to the Punch Again

TJ and I discussed this last night over a couple of libations...

Honestly -- look at the title. The "IF" fades into his suit a bit, leaving . . . yes . . . I DID IT. I think TJ is losing his mind on this matter.

Unbelievable brass ones.

EDITOR'S NOTE: First of all, I was all over this weeks ago, just scroll down this page. Don't ever think a piece of OJ news slipped through my google "Juice" filter. Secondly, I never thought this day would come, but OJ's latest PR move/stunt, this fucking book, is the last straw for me. The day has finally come - I'm over my whole OJ thing. I seriously hope Fred Goldman runs him over with his car. Fuck you Juice...

The Bruce Chen Hall of Fame

With the MLB Hot Stove season warming up, I thought we'd let baseball get a little love here at GTB. This morning we have gained exclusive access to the inaugural BC HoF nominations (we narrowly beat out Versus by adding a cracked button to our opening bid of half a can of Mountain Dew and a Boba Fett Pez dispenser). From what Chen HoF HQ tells me, they will choose to honor the most nomadic of baseball players, those who are good enough to stay in the league yet get discarded regularly by their teams. Originally, thought had gone to naming the HoF after Reggie Sanders, but the founders decided it was much funnier to name their HoF after a doughy, soft-tossing Asian left-hander who someday might end up having played for every major league franchise. All nominations below are for current players only (with a healthy mix of pitchers and position players), with the only requirement being they've been in the league longer than 5 years and have played for more than 5 teams...

Bruce Chen - It's just a formality putting Bruce on the ballot, given this is the first year of the Hall. Chen is obviously the class of the 2007 nominations, and frankly, he most likely could be the class of the 2008-2020 nominations as well, given he is still only 29 years old, left-handed and will be pitching well into his 40s. So far, 9 seasons for Bruce Chen, 9 different teams. He's talented enough teams want to give him a shot, but mediocre enough he never quite works out. A perfect combination...hence a Hall of Fame being named after him. Hell, supposed pitching guru Leo Mazzone can't even fix him...and he's had TWO shots at him (first in Atlanta and now in Baltimore). Bruce, here's hoping the Orioles give up on you sometime in Spring Training, so you can keep the impressive 1 team per year ratio going.

Reggie Sanders - The offensive equivalent of Chen, with the added bonus that he has actually contributed to playoff teams in his run. A little long in the tooth, Sanders has played for 8 different teams in his 16 seasons. I actually thought Sanders had been on more teams in his career, so I'm a little disappointed. Don't worry, I'll get over it.

Neifi Perez - Rob Neyer's favorite player and the guy many on the internet call the worst player in the history of baseball sneaks onto this list, having joined his 5th team last year in his 11th season. I guess he didn't really aid the Tigers in their quest for a World Series title. By the way, if you do look at his numbers (which I'm doing right now), they guy really does blow. Nice .298 career OBP Neifi.

Sal Fasano - You've gotta have a catcher on the nomination list, and it only makes sense for it to be the poster boy for backup backstops. 9 seasons in the bigs, 8 teams (the Royals twice...torture), a whopping 46 career HRs. But for 30 games a year he's the cadaver you can throw behind the plate to rest your main guy. And man, can that guy grow some facial hair...

Roberto Hernandez - An ancient reliever who, after early career success and stability saving games for the White Sox, has found his way onto 8 different teams over his 16 seasons (twice with Mets). He has 326 career saves, but at 41 years old his days might be numbered. Too bad he ain't left-handed, which gets us to...

Mike Myers - With Jesse Orosco long gone, Myers is one of MLB's lefties looking to take the reins as best "barely-used but never out of a job" pitcher in the bigs. 8 teams in 12 years, and as long as their are still left-handed batters in baseball (I don't want to give Bud and the boys any ideas) Myers will have a job, even if it requires a walker to get to the mound. He hasn't thrown more than 46 innings in any of the last 8 years (he even has a World Series ring with that one team, you know, that team that hadn't won in awhile, but then did, and it was a big deal or something...the White Sox maybe...I really can't remember).

John Mabry - This list wouldn't be complete without a consummate pinch hitter (I wanted to put Lenny Harris on here but apparently he retired...who knew?). As long as Mabry can manage to sit on his ass for 8 innings every night and then still get a hit when called upon, he will have a job in the bigs, as his 10 teams in 13 years shows (he's been on St. Louis THREE times and Seattle twice). Last seen in a Cubs uniform, the 35 year old Mabry is sure to be around for awhile.

Veteran's Committee Nominations: Ruben Sierra and Julio Franco
Julio "Lazarus" Franco has played for 8 teams over 22 seasons (two tours in Cleveland), and Ruben Sierra has played for 12 teams over 20 seasons. Sierra's been on the Texas Rangers 3 different times and the New York Yankees twice. These two guys just won't go away. I'm worried that if at some point in the future these two are on the field at the same time the world might implode.

Notable omissions (that I can think of right now...I'm sure there are others you will point out to me): Terry Mulholland, Kenny Lofton and Ron Villone.

We are...Marshall

Maybe it's the brain damage incurred the last few days in New Orleans, maybe it's the spell that dreamy Matthew McConaughey has cast on me (yes, I did just link to perezhilton.com), but for some reason I feel like throwing some love this morning the way of the Marshall Thundering Herd...

Chad Pennington - James Chadwick Pennington (seriously, that's his name) is of course the starting QB for the New York Jets, and despite having a throwing shoulder held together by paper mache and silly string, he has been an efficient and effective NFL QB, after being a superstar at Marshall (by my fuzzy math he's 26-20 in the regular season and 2-2 in the postseason). Pennington's emergence (along with the fellas below) helped put the MAC Conference on the map in the late 1990s. He won three MAC titles while at Marshall, and his 123 TDs and 14,098 passing yards established school career records. While at Marshall, Pennington threw quite a few TDs to a guy further down the page, and actually finished 5th in the 1999 Heisman Trophy voting. Along with new head coach Eric Mangini, Pennington has led a 2006 Jet-aissance, capped by last week's 17-14 win over New England which puts the Jets at 5-4, only a game back of the AFC-East leading Patriots (6-3, and a split against the Jets). That loss to the Browns going into the bye continues to kill me, though it looks like Cleveland isn't as terrible as once thought. Man, if the Jets could ever upset the Bears in the Meadowlands this weekend...

Byron Leftwich - Big Boi Byron (his middle name is Anton...what's up with these Marshall QBs?) is probably best remembered for being carried down the field by his offensive lineman in that Akron game in 2002 after breaking his shin...but there's also that epic 64-61 GMAC Bowl comeback win over East Carolina (they were down 30), in which Leftwich threw for 576 yards and 4 TDs (he also rushed for a TD). He's second to Pennington in most of the major school passing categories. Though Jacksonville head coach Jack Del Rio recently replaced Leftwich as the starter with David "Don't Call Me Jean-Luc" Garrad, Garrad's four picks last week against the woeful Texans might have Byron starting again soon. Leftwich is a D.C. native, and if Jacksonville truly doesn't want him, I'll throw this possibility out there - Danny Snyder will try to bring in Leftwich in two years if the Jason Campbell era turns out to be a major disaster for the Redskins.

Randy Moss - Ah yes, how can we forget Randy...even though he has faded to Bolivia in Oakland the last two years. But don't worry, this week's Moss outburst will certainly put him back on the front page (that is, as long as the media can let the Bobby Knight story go...settle down fellas, it's not like Knight choked a guy or anything). After catching 26 TD passes from Chaz Sexington in 1997 (at that time an NCAA single-season record), Moss was 4th in Heisman voting (that's the year Swint's boy Charles Woodson took home the trophy). Moss finished up his career at Marshall (only two seasons) first in TD receptions (53), third in receptions (174) and second in yards (3,529 yards). Oh yeah, back to his big mouth - the other day Moss said he's dropping passes and struggling because he's feeling down. "Maybe because I'm unhappy, and I'm not too much excited about what's going on, so my concentration and focus level tends to go down when I'm in a bad mood. So all I can say is, if you put me in a good situation and make me happy, man, you get good results." Yep, Randy Moss, continuing to define class and professionalism.

Billy Crystal - I had absolutely no idea Billy Crystal went to Marshall. It's a crying shame he didn't go down in that plane crash. Then he and Jack Palance could write City Slickers 3 while traipsing around hell.

There is a house in New Orleans...

Whitney and I just wanted to wish you all well...we will be headed to New Orleans tomorrow and Friday, respectively, and I hope to still be gainfully employed when I return. Whitney hopes to still have a liver. You'd think it would be easier to find a YouTube clip for a trip to New Orleans, but I got sick of sifting through 9th Ward videos, so I settled on these two beauties, one a music video I think Geoffrey might've used in a Wheelhouse Picks post, and the other a clip from the Van Damme classic "Hard Target" (you remember, the one with Wilford Brimley and tons of John Woo slow motion). Enjoy these, and try not to miss us too much...

Rock the Vote People

It's Election Day...get off your ass and vote, and remember, your choice pretty much always boils down to two candidates, The Giant Douche or The Turd Sandwich (sorry, you know how much I hate to recycle material). Choose wisely, or Puffy will kill you.

In honor of election day, a few races you might not have known about, but are important nonetheless:

Harry Callahan vs. John McLean
It's "Dirty" Harry vs. the Cowboy McLean. As you can imagine, the race has been extremely tight, with the younger crowd strongly supporting McLean and older voters backing Callahan. What voters need to realize is there would be no John McLean without Det. Harry Callahan. Show respect for the man who reinvented the (anti)hero role in action movies. A vote for Callahan is a vote for the most powerful handgun in the world.

Richard Dawson vs. Bob Barker
One of the toughest races to call on the ballot, this battle of geriatric game show gropers might come down to the recent Barker retirement announcement, which could lead to a swarm of sympathy votes at the polls. Personally, I think Richard's blatant sexual advances on the Feud are far more impressive than Barker's off-screen trysts with the Beauties. Barker does garner some bonus points for his role in Happy Gilmore, which was only a tad bit better than Dawson's role as Killian in The Running Man.

Peyton Manning vs. Tom Brady
Gee, haven't heard alot about this one...

Foreigner vs. Boston
Two staples of Classic Rock Shoot Out face off today, with the winner likely to dominate Two for Tuesdays and Rock-toberfests for years to come. I expect a landslide victory for Foreigner, as their plethora of hits propel them to the top over Boston's less distinctive collection. I mean, just look at this sampling of Foreigner's work product: "Feels Like The First Time", "Cold as Ice", "Hot Blooded", "Double Vision", "Dirty White Boy", "Head Games", "Urgent", "Waiting for a Girl Like You", "Juke Box Hero" and of course "I Want to Know What Love Is". True, Boston gave us "More Than a Feeling" and "Foreplay/Long Time" off their self-titled debut album, but the rest of their platform is weak.

Jane Roe vs. Henry Wade
Are you kidding me? You think I'd touch this one? I'd rather talk about the Manning/Brady race.

Paper vs. Plastic
As a veteran of the glorious supermarket industry, this issue seems to be hotly contested every term, with the result always up for grabs until the 11th hour (Full Disclosure: I never once worked as a cashier - I was a Produce guy...I would've killed someone if I was a cashier). Stupid crunchy granola hippies think Paper bags are the devil's work, but they may be too busy making hemp necklaces to rock the vote. If you are some sort of bag snob and simply MUST have paper bags, get to the polling station today, lest you be stuck with plastic bags that are guaranteed to shred the minute you step out of the store. If you hate dolphins, vote for plastic, as plastic bags can apparently be thrown in the ocean and choke the little bastards.

John Daly vs. The Institution of Marriage
I don't normally encourage people not to vote, but this thing will be a landslide victory for Daly. Forget racing to your nearest polling station - just stay home, kick off your shoes and down a dozen beers (you know John would do the same). Marriage never stood a chance. It was the "Dukakis" to Daly's "Herbert Walker Bush". Daly will soon have ex-wife #4 after filing for divorce from class act Sherrie Miller Daly October 18th, four months after she finished serving a federal sentence for alleged drug and gambling ring wrongdoings. Daly of course wrote about his other three Exes in his autobiography "My Life In & Out of the Rough". The chapter on the previous election losers was entitled "All My Exes Wear Rolexes."

A Good Weekend for the Hometown Boys

I'd like to consider myself a neutral observer of the DC sports scene, able to take in the likes of the Skins, Wizards, and Terps without knee-jerk reactions (the Caps and Georgetown count as hometown teams too, but I've got nothing on them...yet). With that said, a few observations about the local sports franchises while you wait for the Nintendo Wii to be released...

The Washington Redskins are some lucky S.O.B.s...So, two teams had their seasons on the line yesterday, playing at home, against solid teams: the Skins (vs. Dallas) and the Steelers (vs. Denver). And go figure, it's Washington that manages to save their season, at least for a week (Pittsburgh is D-U-N). Even the most devout Redskins fan has to admit the big man was smiling down on them yesterday afternoon. Dallas should've won that game on the T.O. bomb (nice hands pal) and REALLY should've won the game on Vanderjagt's 35-yard FG. Heck, you can't take anything away from the Skins effort on the block (Troy Vincent I believe), and Vanderjagt should be pummeled for his terribly low kick, but the 15-yard face mask call that set up Novak's game winner? A gift. Kudos to Nicky though for sacking up after pushing the 49-yarder wide right and (barely) nailing the 47-yard game winner. Yesterday in the NFL once again proved that no game is a gimme (seriously, did ANYONE have the Dolphins?), and fans of Dallas can bitch and moan all week about the couldas wouldas and shouldas, but the final tally is all that matters. I really cannot wait for Parcells to punch T.O. in the face on the sidelines during Week 13. A win is a win, and a 3-5 Redskins team going into Philly next week has this town once again thinking playoffs, which at least provides me more asinine sports radio to listen to for another week.

Gilbert Arenas is a godsend...I really hope the people of Washington realize what they have in Gilbert Arenas. He's an enigma wrapped in a riddle who just happens to be one of the best players in the NBA. He's the 2006 version of World B. Free (but better). I had the good fortune to see the Wiz home opener Saturday night against the Celtics, and the raucous pre-game intros were highlighted by Gilbert coming out in a Apollo Creed-esque robe, hoodie up...the Verizon Center went nuts. It didn't hurt that Arenas then proceeded to pour in 44 (with 6 assists) in the Wizards 124-117 victory over Boston. You could actually tell he wanted to make up for the Paul Pierce game from a year ago...which when you think about it is awesome. The guy takes every perceived slight or slap in the face and uses it as motivation...several times in the game a Celtics player hit a big bucket (there was ZERO defense played in this game), and it didn't matter if it was Gil's man or not, he proceeded to come back down the court and absolutely drill a DAGGER three or hit a twisting lay-up in the lane (always with contact). He would not be stopped. The Wizards are playoff-bound once again, and Whitney, I'm happy to win another case of beer off you if you think differently. One other game note: The retro jersey of the night goes to the 6'6", 250 lb. black guy in the Alabama Joe Namath "12" jersey. Well played sir.

Don't look now, but that really fat guy has his team in contention for a BCS bowl game (no, not Charlie Weis)...Sure, the ACC appears to be having a down year (a vast understatement I know), but I'm still impressed by the turnaround Ralph Friedgen has engineered at Maryland this season. 3-2 following a loss at Georgia Tech, the Terps appeared destined for another 5-6 non-bowl season. Now winners of 4 straight games (albeit by a total of 12 points), the Terps (7-2, 4-1) technically control their own destiny, as they face Miami, Boston College and Wake Forest in their last 3 games. The ACC Atlantic is theirs for the taking, and they can thank kicker Dan Ennis for keeping the dream alive. His 31-yard game winner against Clemson Saturday allowed Maryland to escape Death Valley with a 13-12 victory, and it was surely the inspiration for Terp alum Nick Novak's kick 24 hours later. Fridge celebrated by downing three pints of Chunky Monkey.

And finally, I'm all for hanging the bastard, but this is also a fantastic way to end his miserable life...

GTB Friday Morning Request

For loyal reader BC of Norwalk, CT we've got Dee and the Boys, in what I consider one of the Top 5 videos of all time. Man, that Neidermeyer is a dick in everything isn't he?

It has been brought to my attention that the local soft rock station, 97.1 WASH-FM, has really gone off the deep end. Apparently, they are already playing Christmas tunes, as the FFMD heard "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" on Wednesday. Wednesday was November 1st. I mean, you've got to be kidding me right? Why don't we just start playing the Christmas tunes after Labor Day. That seems appropriate. The worst part of all this - the horrendous musical tagteam of "Christmas Shoes" and "Christmas Eve in Washington" is right around the corner. My strong dislike of those two tunes has been mentioned here before, but it needs to be said again: Worst Christmas Songs Ever.

This new "Stop Your Whining, Rasheed" rule in the NBA is going to be fascinating to watch. The rule's namesake already got tossed in his first game of the year, and last night Carmelo got booted from the Nuggets/Clippers game. Are these guys so immature and unprofessional that they physically cannot stop bitching and moaning, to the point they're costing their teams games? If so, the Pistons in particular are in serious trouble. I'm putting the over/under on Rasheed technical fouls at 50. That guy is a nightmare.

Perhaps its just me, but the MLB Rawlings Gold Glove Award voters just might be the laziest of all sports award voters (Gee, couldn't have anything to do with the fact that the voters are the league's coaches and managers, right?) The process seems to work like this:

Stage 1: Look at who won the previous year

Stage 2: If that guy still has a pulse, vote for him again this year

Stage 3: Profit

I'm thinking Rob has an opinion on this, especially since all 4 of the excellent 2006 Red Sox infielders were shut out for Gold Gloves. And why the hell are OF positions not differentiated?