Another Gheorghe Muresan?

Who knew?



That's some fly accordionism right there. And no, I'm not the first to use the "accordion" tag.

Worlds Collide, You Write the Caption

Official G:TB muse (Gheorghe Muresan) meets official G:TB punter (Zoltan Mesko) and official G:TB tiny dictator (rob). Or something like that. I'll let you write the caption.

Where's Waldo, Gheorghe Style

Can you find Gheorghe? Alternatively, can you caption this?

Friday Filler: Gheorghe in Film

With tsunami-related damage, destruction, terror, and mayhem on the newsreel at the moment (fingers crossed for my aunt and uncle in Hawaii, among many others), it's time for something pertinent and appropriate. Filler!

What's your favorite Gheorghe video?

(1) All-time Romanian footballer Gheorghe Hagi, scoring and advancing...



(2) Elena Gheorghe, "Disco Romancing"...



(3) Gheorghe Zamfir, needs a pantsing...



(4) Gheorghe Muresan, just dancing...

Gheorghe Muresan Dancing - For more funny movies, click here

Cast your votes in the comments. There's a chance the ballot box may be stuffed on this one.

A Late Christmas Present From Gheorghe Himself

Courtesy of Oakley & Allen. Enjoy.

Shaq was not always as Gheorghe as he appears today.

These days everyone thinks of Shaq as a lovable cockeyed mountain of a man who doesn't take himself too seriously, who is a jovial Twitterer, who clowns around in front of Out Of Town News with the smartest college kids in America, who, dare I say it, is not insignificantly Gheorghe, but we forget that he was quite a cockeyed jerk when he was younger.

And you thought we were all out of Gheorghe clips...

It's already a long, dreadful Friday morning. So nothing could have made me happier than to open an email containing this interview with our Romanian overlord (try to ignore the doucheyness that is Tim Brant):

[Tremendous hat tip to Deuce of Davenport for sending us this clip. Especially since it's the first time I've ever received an email from "Chimpanzee Rage"]

Pic of the Week

Many thanks to Agent Steinz for directing us to this picture hidden in Andrew Rosen's All-Star Game post on the Wizards blog:

"But just remember, my name is ROGER MURDOCK. I'm an airline pilot. "

I Can't Stand the Waiting

Breath bated. Check.

Hair neatly combed. Well, to the best of his ability, check.

Tie clipped in place. Check.

Chris Farley interview impersonation honed. Check.

Sometime this week, intrepid G:TB proprietor T. Coraghessen Boyle is scheduled to meet, live and in person, the inspirational foundation for all things Gheorghe. As our man will be "working" at a professional function during the course of this interaction, discretion and poise will be at a premium. If he's gonna keep his job and we're gonna keep this blog going, we'll need your help.

In that light, we ask you, the G:TB community, to provide your helpful hints for getting our guy through this occasion, fraught as it is with both peril and opportunity. Advise away in the comments section below.

The Madness of King Gheorghe: South Regional

This thing has been giving me fits for days...I have no clue who is making the Final Four....

First Round
1 Ohio St vs. 16 C Conn St
Ohio St. I hope Gus Johnson is doing this game just so he can retell the "made-for-TV" story of Javier Mohica. You couldn't make that one up. The other Blue Devils are gonna lose this game by 25, but at least you can watch Howie Dickenman work the sidelines. What a sweaty mess he is.

8 BYU vs. 9 Xavier
BYU. Come on, they have Ainge's kid on the team. And the head coach even runs his nephew out there. I think very little of the A-10, have all year, so there is no way I can pick Xavier. Plus, I don't really care if Xavier/OSU in Round 2 would give us a coach/mentor game. Thad Matta bores me to tears.

5 Tennessee vs. 12 L Beach St
Tennessee. I really wanted to pick Long Beach so I could roll the Snoop video, but I've gotta go with the SEC's Herb Tarlek, Bruce Pearl, and sharpshooter Chris Lofton in this one. I might like Tennessee a tad to much (you'll see below).

4 Virginia vs. 13 Albany
Albany. Of course I'm taking the Great Danes. I think UVA is overrated, and if I'm not picking Long Beach I'm definitely talking Sm-Albany. Jamar Wilson is a 2,000 point scorer who is averaging 18 ppg, 6 rpg and 5 apg on the season. Go Danes.

6 Louisville vs. 11 Stanford
Stanford. If you have twins who grow to be 7 footers, they must attend Stanford. Brook and Robin Lopez are the PAC-10's answer to Tomax and Xamot (Brook is the good one). Plus, I think a Louisville team that has shown no ability to play defense late or hold leads is ripe for a first round upset.

3 Texas A&M vs. 14 Penn
A&M. Who's got the biggest balls of them all? Acie Law IV of course. Best clutch player in the country right now. A year ago, I was flabbergasted these guys even made the Dance. Today, I am pumping them as THE team to beat in this regional. Roll that AC/DC "Big Balls" clip...damn YouTube. How can that song/video not be on there?

7 Nevada vs. 10 Creighton
Nevada. Aside from VCU, I was touting Nevada early, and despite some late season stumbles I still think Nick Fazekas and the Wolf Pack can cause some damage. Dana Altman's bunch is always a tough out, and this is the game I am least certain about. Fazekas gets help from junior PG Ramon Session and Marcelus Kemp, so Nevada is the pick. Plus, I get to roll this Neil Diamond clip in honor of injured Nevada guard Kyle Shiloh...

2 Memphis vs. 15 N Texas
Memphis. They haven't lost since December, but then again, they play in Conference USA, a league that is so bereft of talent that I don't think a single team other than Memphis made the postseason (quick, where is my NIT bracket). Calipari doesn't pay these guys for nothing.

Second Round
1 Ohio St vs. 8 BYU
OSU. Oden has a triple-double. BYU is sacrificed.

5 Tennessee vs. 13 Albany
Tennessee. A valiant effort by the Great Danes is shot down by another terrific Vols performance from behind the arc. Bruce Pearl wears orange kimono for game.

3 Texas A&M vs. 11 Stanford
Texas A&M. Team of destiny. Lopez boys are neutralized by underrated bigs of A&M, Joseph Jones and Antanas Kavaliauskas.

2 Memphis vs. 7 Nevada
Memphis. The athleticism of Memphis is simply too much for Nevada.

Regional Semifinals
1 Ohio St vs. 5 Tennessee
Tennessee. They almost beat OSU two months ago in Columbus, and I say they get it done this time around. Chris Lofton and the gunning Smith boys (JaJuan and Ramar) knock Mike Conley Jr. and Greg Oden out of the madness.

2 Memphis vs. 3 Texas A&M
Texas A&M. Have I mentioned the set of brass cajones on Mr. Law? Memphis finally faces a real opponent, and they lose. Not their fault, but they simply do not get enough quality tune-ups before March.

Regional Final
5 Tennessee vs. 3 Texas A&M
Texas A&M. That's right folks, Acie and Company are going to the Final IV.

The West: No way, San Jose!

[Dennis managed this West preview in between 3am feedings and 24/7 diaper duty]

Round 1 - Moving from the top of the draw to the bottom…

Kansas walks over the Play-In winner; no discussion necessary (although, I believe Whit has awarded me a bonus point for the play-in game because I’ve been in a time machine for 2 weeks – Socrates loves San Dimas…).

In the Cats production, I like the Nova variety. My boy Scottie Reynolds from Herndon High has proven he can win on a big stage as evident in his 29-point performance in his first trip to the Big Apple and the Garden last week. He will shame the NCAA for letting Kentucky in the dance just so Tubby Dickface can keep his job (really selection committee??…really??). Veteran guard Mike Nardi will be back from injury to give the squad some poise and experience, while Curtis Sumpter will use his all around game to shred the KU defense.

In the “bizarro” seeded game of the region, #5 seed Va Tech takes on #12 seed Illinois?? Strange, but this isn’t 1996 anymore when your William & Mary Tribe could hang with Ace Custis and Co. No, this Hokie team has elite and experienced guard play in Dowdell and Gordon that can control tempo against anyone. Playing in hostile environments doesn’t phase this bunch either - they have wins AT Duke and AT UNC!! Meanwhile, Illinois lacks experience and any true quality wins this season (and need I mention they almost lost to Penn State in the first round of the Big 10 tourney – yikes). No 12-5 upset here - Gobblers roll.

Southern Illinois pretty much rolled through the now-highly regarded MVC this year…til the conference tourney, where Creighton slipped one past them. Still, the Salukis have a load of quality wins and a power ranking of 12. Too much for Holy Cross, who comes out of a wimpy Patriot League…

Duke-VCU. This game gives me gas. If ever there was a year when Duke is vulnerable and primed to get bounced in the first round, this is it. The VCU Rams controlled a frisky CAA from start to finish winning their first 10 conference games with authority; and then held off last year’s Cinderella in the conference championship game. They are a balanced team with good chemistry, who most folks would love to see make a George Mason-like run this year….Howeva, let’s not start shining their balls just yet. This Duke team has come a long way since Greg Paulus looked like a high school Freshman against Ga Tech early in the season. He has emerged as a true leader on a team on the verge of a breakthrough. I think you’ll see Josh McRoberts assert himself like most thought he would earlier in the season, and you’ll see players like Scheyer and Nelson keep teams honest enough to give McRoberts room to work. Oh, and let’s not forget that Coach K is still the master of tournament preparation. Devils in a tough one.

I believe Aaron Gray has something to prove after his performance in Pitt’s loss in the Big East tourney. The Panthers go against a Wright St. team that won the Horizon in an unbelievable performance by DeShaun Wood. The truth here is that the Raiders are too one-dimensional to survive against a good defensive team as athletic and experienced as Pittsburgh. Panthers by a dozen.

Hoosiers and Zags…..I have much man-love for these programs, making this game more interesting to me that most. Kelvin Sampson takes his first IU team to the dance, and Mark Few wins the WCC to keep the committee’s mitts off his season. Gonzaga’s off-court issues appeared to be a serious dagger to the team, when Heytfelt went shrooming about town. Who shrooms and drives, anyway? Isn’t it more fun just to stare at a pool table til you actually see the shot angles rise up off the table and disappear into the chandelier above it? Anyway, the team made a statement by winning the conference tournament, and Derek Raivio has rallied the troops to give the team new life. Jeremy Pargo will look to elevate his game to Spokane white-boy status, as Matt Bouldin emerges as the next floppy-haired hero in the great state of Washington. Oh, and were you watching when this team took down North Carolina early in the year?? Go Zags!

UCLA annihilates Weber State.

Round 2 – Same drill as before…

Kansas-Villanova: The Jayhawks’ defensive acumen on the perimeter will be key in this matchup - not to mention their balanced scoring attack on the offensive side of the ball. They get up and down the court as quickly as anyone – yes, even Scottie Reynolds. KU eeks it out.

Virginia Tech will avenge it’s early season loss to the Salukis, and move into the Sweet 16 for the first time since 1967. Their up-tempo style will force a bundle of turnovers (they are 27^th in the nation in total steals, so not sure if that argument really holds water, but that seems pretty good), which historically means points for the Hokies at the other end.

Duke’s string of 9 straight sweet 16’s ends this year at the hands of the Panthers. Pitt’s experience and defensive prowess will have Coach K’s worst offensive team in years struggling to reach 50 points. I will weep (and wipe my tears with Miles’ Blue Devil bib) as the Devils get drilled…

UCLA forgets all about its late season troubles and takes down Gonzaga here. Too much talent from the Bruins…

Round 3 – Sweeeeeet 16

Kansas breaks its recent curse and takes down a feisty Va Tech squad to move into the regional final. In doing so, Bill Self proves he’s worthy of running a big time program. Va Tech goes home feeling cheated/held down by the man, and each team member takes a tug on the hookah for every missed free throw down the stretch…off season misdemeanors ensue the moment the bus rolls into Blacksburg.

UCLA wins!

Round 4: Regional Championship

UCLA! I think the Bruin silky blue is much sexier than the Jayhawk royal...

The Midwest: Masses of Ignorance

Okay, it’s time to throw in my two cents, or wooden nickel, or Susan B. Anthony dollar, or whatever I can find in last week’s pants pockets. Rob’s East breakdown was filled with pertinent, possibly sage information. That crap has got to stop, and it stops right here.

In actuality, I have compiled a good deal of information for you on the 16 schools in the Midwest bracket – just not any that will help you make well-informed decisions in your office pool. Instead, it will give you a few nuggets to tuck away for use while watching Jeopardy, or perhaps even to slip into casual conversation as a surprising “Did you know . . . ?” I stole most of my data from Wikipedia, Google, the IMDB, and Whataburger.com.

As the erstwhile Stanley Burrell once demanded, “Break it down!”

Your 2007 Midwest Region

First Round

The University of Florida
Established: 1853
Motto: “The welfare of the state depends upon the morals of its citizens”
Mascot: Albert E. Gator
Notable Alums: Faye Dunaway, Cris Collinsworth, Erin Andrews, Bob Vila, Andrew DeClercq, Mark Calcavecchia, Steve Spurrier, David Eckstein, Buddy Ebsen, Emmitt Smith, Stephen Stills, Chris DiMarco, Darrell Hammond, Jason Williams, Lawton Chiles, Wilber Marshall, Carl Hiaasen, Jonathan Demme, Stephen Root, Jevon Kearse, Red Barber, Brad Wilkerson, Vernon Maxwell, Malcolm Gets, Rex Grossman, Melinda Lou “Wendy” Thomas (namesake of Wendy's Restaurants and daughter of Wendy's founder Dave Thomas)
Interesting Fact: Gatorade was developed at the University of Florida. Elvis Presley loved Gatorade long before it was popular. There’s a Wendy’s down the street from Graceland. And Wendy herself went to UF. Odd, huh?

versus

Jackson State University
Established: 1877
Motto: “You shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free”
Mascot: The Blue Bengal
Notable Alums: Oil Can Boyd, Lindsey Hunter, Lem Barney, Rod Paige, Jackie Slater, Jimmy Smith, Walter Payton
Interesting Fact: Walter Payton’s brother Eddie coaches the golf team.

Whitney’s Pick: Sweetness is a nice claim, but I’ll go with some “Dark Star,” Bonnie & Clyde, and a double with cheese, no onions, and biggie fries. Florida.

The University of Arizona
Established: 1885
Motto: “Bear Down!”
Mascot: Wilbur the Wildcat; Wilma the Wildcat (coming soon: Webster the Out-of-Wedlock Wildcat)
Notable Alums: Gilbert Arenas, Bob Dole, Terry Francona, Geraldo Rivera, Jennie Finch, Amanda Beard, Barry Goldwater, Sean Elliott, Harrison Ford, Garry Shandling, Denise Austin, Kenny Lofton, Jerry Bruckheimer, Annika Sörenstam, Greg Kinnear, Linda McCartney, Craig T. Nelson, Richard Russo, Ron Shelton, Arte Moreno, Jim Furyk, Steve Kerr
Interesting Fact: The film Revenge of the Nerds was filmed at the University of Arizona, many students appeared as extras, and many nerds scored.
Other Interesting Fact: A University of Arizona study indicated that psilocybin mushrooms help reduce the symptoms of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder victims. (Presumably to offset the angst that that crazy, Type A motto instills.)

versus

Purdue University
Established: 1869
Motto: “Education, Research, Service”
Mascot: The Boilermaker Special (Catch him at your local pub.)
Notable Alums: George Peppard, Neil Armstrong, Glenn Robinson, John Wooden, Orville Redenbacher (or is John Wooden actually Orville Redenbacher?), Amelia Earhart, Len Dawson, Hank Stram, Drew Brees, Bob Griese, and Jim Everett (most beloved for bludgeoning Jim Rome)
Interesting Fact: From the 1970’s into the 1990’s, Purdue was the site of the Nude Olympics. It was apparently halted by a rash of sudden and permanent blindness in onlookers.

Whitney’s Pick: Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! We’ll go with the shrooms, Jennie Finch, and the dry heat, just edging out an otherwise appealing display of naked people beating up Jim Rome. Arizona.

Old Dominion University
Established: 1930
Motto: “Changing Lives” (formerly “Changing Tires”)
Mascot: Big Blue the Monarch
Notable Alums: Mark West, Chris Gatling, Justin Verlander, Mills E. Godwin Jr., Oliver Purnell, Nancy Lieberman, Anne Donovan, Kenny Gattison, Cal Bowdler (ouch), Adm. William J. Fallon
Interesting Fact: ODU was established in 1930 as the Norfolk Division of the College of William & Mary, becoming an independent institution in 1962.
Other Interesting Fact: The Monarchs play in the recently built Ted Constant Convocation Center, a gorgeous, state-of-the-art facility. Back in my high school days, however, that land featured – among other holes in the wall – Speedy Gonzalez’s Tacos, a place smaller than half-court that served 39-cent tacos on Wednesdays. I mean, come on, thirty-nine cents? And they served beer to absolutely anyone. Ah, yesteryear.

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Butler University
Established: 1855
Motto: “Education, Research, Service” (Uh oh - someone at Purdue has some ‘splaining to do...)
Mascot: Shimmy the Bulldog
Notable Alums: Jim Jones (yes, that Jim Jones), Thad Matta, Hyapatia Lee
Interesting Fact: The state championship scene of Hoosiers was filmed in Butler’s fieldhouse. The game that Hoosiers was based on was actually played there as well.

Whitney’s Pick: Scrumptious 39-cent tacos and cheap pitchers or cyanide Kool-Aid? Hmmm. ODU.

The University of Maryland
Established: 1856
Motto: “Fatti Maschii, Parole Femine: Manly Deeds, Womanly Words.” (I am aware that you think I am kidding. Think again.)
Mascot: Testudo the Terrapin
Notable Alums: Larry David, Len Bias, Jim Henson, Boomer Esiason, Connie Chung, Fred Funk, Dianne Wiest, Len Elmore, the Bernsteins (Bonnie & Carl), the Williams Boys (Gary, Buck, & Walt), Dominique Dawes, Bert Sugar, Gene Shue, Karen Allen, Albert King, Tom McMillen, Norman Chad, John Lucas, Frank Ryan, Tim Kurkjian, Renaldo Nehemiah, Joe Smith, Randy White, Shawne Merriman, Tim Brant, Scott Van Pelt
Interesting Fact: The Point of Failure is the intersection of lines marked in concrete leading to the center of all the UMD buildings that burned during the Great Fire of 1912. Tradition holds that a student who steps on this point will never graduate . . . and instead go to work for the Federal Government.

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Davidson College
Established: 1837
Motto: “Let Learning Be Cherished Where Liberty Has Arisen”
Mascot: Mr. Cat the Wildcat
Notable Alums: Patricia Cornwell, Dean Rusk, Tony Snow, Vincent Foster, Bob Faw, Woodrow Wilson (attended but transferred to Princeton)
Interesting Fact: Basketball coach Larry Brown's first head coaching job was at Davidson. Unfortunately, it would only last during the summer off-season, and he never coached a game.

Whitney’s Pick: That ridiculous MD motto makes this a much closer contest than it should have been. Honestly, I am still kind of on the fence. But the Terps squeak it out thanks to Testudo kicking the crap out of Mr. Cat. (Mr. Cat? Is that the best they could do?) Maryland.

The University of Notre Dame
Established: 1842
Motto: “(Mary, our) Life, Sweetness, and Hope”
Mascot: The Leprechaun
Notable Alums: Joe Montana, Phil Donahue, George "The Gipper" Gipp, Regis Philbin, Hannah Storm, Rocky Bleier, Paul Hornung, Carl Yastrzemski, Adrian Dantley, George Wendt, Alan Page, Condoleezza Rice, Cap Anson, Mike Golic, Bill Laimbeer, Tim Brown, Don Ohlmeyer, Ted Robinson, Larry Dolan, Jerome Bettis, Don Criqui, Aaron Heilman, Nick Buoniconti, Kelly Tripucka, Knute Rockne, Jed Bartlett, "Rudy" Ruettiger, Steve Bartman, Joe Theismann (listed in order of football talent)
Interesting Fact: The Leprechaun wasn't always the official mascot of Notre Dame - for years the team was represented by a series of Irish terrier dogs. The Leprechaun was named the official mascot in 1965.
Other Interesting Fact: Note Dame was ranked last by Trojan, the condom company, in terms of access to sexual information it provides its students.

versus

Winthrop University
Established: 1886
Motto: “Truth with Liberty”
Mascot: Big Stuff the Eagle
Notable Alums: Frances Patton Statham (romance novelist), Dr. Mary Gaulden Jagger (one of the founding members of the National Organization for Women). Andie MacDowell attended Winthrop in 1977 but dropped out as a sophomore in 1978 to sign with Elite Model Management.
Interesting Fact: Part of The Rage: Carrie 2 was filmed at Winthrop. Also, Winthrop was a women’s college until 1972.

Whitney’s Pick: Winthrop is the sexy pick, of course, what with that vixen Andie MacDowell. Especially when compared to Condoleezza Rice. But the revelation that Norm was an Irishman seals the deal for this tippler. ND.

The University of Oregon
Established: 1876
Motto: “Minds Move Mountains”
Mascot: Puddles the Duck
Notable Alums: Ken Kesey, Norv Turner, Phil Knight, Dan Fouts, Paul Simon (the Senator), Ahmad Rashad, John McKay, Reuben Droughns, Chuck Palahniuk, Peter Jacobsen, Stu Jackson, Stephen J. Cannell, Alberto Salazar, Mike Nolan, Norm Van Brocklin, Terrell Brandon, Colin Meloy, Joey Harrington, Blair Rasmussen, David Ogden Stiers (attended), Howard Hesseman (attended), Russ Francis
Interesting Fact: The film Animal House was filmed on the campus and the surrounding area, although the building used as the exterior of the Delta House was demolished in 1986. (A sacrilege, says I.)

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Miami University
Established: 1809
Motto: “To Accomplish Rather Than To Be Conspicuous” (also the motto of organized crime)
Mascot: Swoop the RedHawk
Notable Alums: President Benjamin Harrison, Nick Lachey, Ron Zook, Mojo Nixon, Ben Roethlisberger, Tina Louise, Scott Sauerbeck, Marvin Miller, Wally Szczerbiak, Walter Alston, Weeb Ewbank, Ara Parseghian, Bo Schembechler
Interesting Fact: On the Miami campus, the Hefner Zoology Museum is adjacent to the Limper Geology Museum. Seems unlikely, doesn’t it?

Whitney’s Pick: The minds that created Randle P. McMurphy, B.A. Baracus, and Tyler Durden against the Cradle of Coaches. Although I generally believe the quote that “if you don’t have Mojo Nixon, then your [school] could use some fixin’,” I think the Ducks’ accomplishments will be rather conspicuous in this game. Oregon.

The Georgia Institute of Technology
Established: 1885
Motto: “Progress and Service”
Mascot: Buzz the Yellow Jacket
Notable Alums: Jimmy Carter, Jason Varitek, Jeff Foxworthy, (the) Bobby Jones, Mark Price, Kevin Brown, Sam Nunn, Ken Whisenhunt, Vern Yip, Stewart Cink, Nomar Garciaparra, Ed Dodd, John Salley, Keith Brooking, Kenny Anderson, Stephon Marbury, Dennis Scott, Mark Teixeira, David Duval
Interesting Fact: Tech's fight song “I'm a Ramblin' Wreck from Georgia Tech” is known worldwide. It was adapted from an old drinking song (“Son of a Gambolier”), and embellished with trumpet flourishes by Frank Roman. In 1959, then VP Richard Nixon and Nikita Khrushchev sang it together when they had their famous cold war confrontation in Moscow, to reduce the tension. Nixon didn't know any Russian songs, but Khrushchev knew that one American one. It was sung on the Ed Sullivan show; it was played in space; Gregory Peck sang it while strumming a ukulele in The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit; John Wayne whistled it in The High and the Mighty. It is played after every Georgia Tech score in a football game.

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University of Nevada, Las Vegas
Established: 1957
Motto: “What happens at UNLV stays at UNLV” (I don’t know; they don’t seem to have one.)
Mascot: Hey Reb the Rebel
Notable Alums: Ickey Woods, Jimmy Kimmel, Larry Johnson, Suge Knight, Randall Cunningham, Todd Stottlemyre, Ashlyn Gere, Adam Scott, J.R. Rider, Reggie Theus, Kenny Mayne, Shawn Marion, Keenan McCardell, Anthony E. Zuiker
Interesting Fact: In 2003, Gladys Knight recorded the majority of her recent Grammy-winning album on the UNLV campus.

Whitney’s Pick: 50 years of history, no motto, a nonsensical mascot name, Suge Knight, and J.R. Rider. Jerry Tarkanian was a friggin’ genius. Georgia Tech.

The University of Wisconsin
Established: 1848
Motto: “The divine within the universe, however manifested, is my light or God, our light.”
Mascot: Buckingham U. Badger, or “Bucky” for short
Notable Alums: Charles Lindbergh, Joyce Carol Oates, Frank Lloyd Wright, Brooks Bollinger, Bud Selig, Boz Scaggs, Michael Mann, Chris Chelios, Tom Wopat, both Zucker brothers, Ron Dayne, Jeff Greenfield, Michael Finley, Eudora Welty, Dany Heatley, Dale Chihuly, Harvey Kuenn, Daniel J. Travanti, Paul Quantrill, Fredric March, Steve Miller, Mike Richter, Jim Lovell, Leonard Shapiro, Troy Vincent, Russ Feingold, Joan Cusack, Chris Chambers, Dick Cheney, (attended as doctoral candidate; failed to graduate)
Trivia Question: Wisconsin is NOT known as: (a) America's Dairyland (b) the Badger State (c) the Cheese State (d) the Snowy Land of Plump, Pasty Swedish-Canadians in Flannel

versus

Texas Agricultural and Mechanical University – Corpus Christi
Established: 1947
Motto: “Corpus Christi – not just for Spring Break any more” (Again, I can’t find one.)
Mascot: Izzy the Islander
Notable Alums: None, that I can tell. Corpus Christi, however, is or was home to Farrah Fawcett, Lou Diamond Phillips, Burt Hooton, Marshall Applewhite, the Labonte brothers, Selena, and Whataburger.
Interesting Fact: The school was formerly known by the following three names: Corpus Christi State University (CCSU), Texas A&I University at Corpus Christi, and University of Corpus Christi. Rejected names include The University of Texas A&M - Corpus Christi Architectural Division and Adult Learning Annex for the Specially-Abled and Arguably Mexican, Christ Almighty, and Whataburger U.

Whitney’s Pick: A no-brainer. The Zuckers have brought me hours upon hours of enjoyment, and Miami Vice is still one of the best shows in syndication. Plus, who can bother writing out some cockamamie abbreviation for the other school. Whatapainintheass. Wisconsin.

Second Round

Florida vs. Arizona
This game will come down to one simple match-up: Jonathan Demme against Jerry Bruckheimer. Director against Producer. Silence of the Lambs against Top Gun. Stop Making Sense against Coyote Ugly. Florida.

ODU vs. Maryland
Changing Lives or Womanly Words? Changing Lives. ODU.

Notre Dame vs. Oregon
“Win one for the Gipper” or “Wormer, he's a dead man! Marmalard, dead! Niedermeyer... dead!” Chalk one up for the Senator. Oregon.

Georgia Tech vs. Wisconsin
Who’s had a greater fall from glory, David Duval or Dick Cheney? Gotta go with Cheney. Georgia Tech.

Regional Semifinals

UF vs. ODU
Sadly, Speedy Gonzalez and his cheap tortillas can’t match the Spicy Chicken Sandwich and the one-time home of the SuperBar. “¡Arriba!” Gators.

Oregon vs. Ga. Tech
“Minds Move Mountains?” All right then. “Progress and Service?” Yawn. Way to nerd it up, Tech. Oregon.

Regional Final

Florida vs. Oregon
Steve Spurrier vs. Norv Turner. Rex Grossman vs. Joey Harrington. Cris Collinsworth vs. Ahmad Rashad. All pretty much equally inept, annoying, or both. Malcolm Gets, gay actor vs. Russ Francis, gay footballer. Jed Clampett vs. Johnny Fever. It’s a wash throughout, and the game itself should be a barn-burner. What’s it going to come down to? Here’s the way I see it playing out. David Ogden Stiers played a real pain in the ass on TV. David Eckstein actually is one. Case closed. Oregon.

Really? Really??? I just picked Oregon to win this region and go to the Final Four? Man, I’d better start saving for lunch.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Welcome to G:TB’s First Annual Regional Bracket Wager. TJ, Whitney, Dennis, and I were each assigned a region to break down in our usual uninformed style. TJ’s handicapped by his complete lack of attention to detail - he'll spend much more time trying to find a suitable picture for his entry than on picking the games. Dennis’ wife just had a baby and he’s trying to figure out how he can work his kid’s name into every game capsule (hint: think Miles Simon), Whitney is going to spend way too much time trying to derive clever pop cultural associations for each school, and I’m not really all that bright.

The least successful contestant will purchase lunch for all other contestants at an eatery chosen by the most successful contestant. Points will be awarded based on choosing winners correctly with a risk/reward nod given to successful underdog selection. The point system follows:

Round # 1: 1 point + seed# = score (so, if the 8 seed is correctly selected as the winner of the 8/9 game, the contestant receives 9 points for that game. All games are tallied and the contestant with the highest total score wins. More importantly, the contestant with the lowest total score loses.)
Round # 2: 4 points + seed# = score
Round # 3: 8 points + seed# = score
Round # 4: 16 points + seed# = score

The G:TB Height Laser was reconfigured to generate random regional assignments, and I drew the East. Predictions follow, with all statistical information stolen from Ken Pomeroy’s awesome college basketball site. Efficiency and tempo numbers represent rankings among all 336 Division I teams.

First Round

Winston-Salem, NC
1) UNC
Offensive Efficiency: 2
Defensive Efficiency: 2
Tempo (Average Number of Possessions/Game): 9 (Very High)

16) Eastern Kentucky
Offensive Efficiency: 211
Defensive Efficiency: 179
Tempo: 312 (Very Low)

In the history of the NCAA Tournament as a 64-team event, no 1 seed has fallen to a 16. Not earthshaking analysis here, but it’s not gonna happen in this game. Carolina’s too athletic, too deep, and playing too well right now for this one even to be close. The Colonels will try to take the air out of the ball and get open looks from beyond the arc, but they’ll succumb to Carolina’s vastly superior weaponry. Brandan Wright will have at least 2 breathtaking throwdowns, and UNC will be up by 15+ at halftime, and by 30 when the final buzzer sounds.

Line: Carolina -26.5 - Usually hate to give that many, but the Heels will cover easily.

8) Marquette
Offensive Efficiency: 41
Defensive Efficiency: 28
Tempo: 90 (Above Average)

9) Michigan State
Offensive Efficiency: 42
Defensive Efficiency: 13
Tempo: 310 (Very Low)

I’m tempted to wave Marquette through because Dominic James is quicker and stronger than Drew Neitzel, but then I remember that I watched James lay a total egg against Gheorghetown and witnessed Neitzel as the second coming of Gerry McNamara against Wisconsin and Indiana. Jerel McNeal is back for Marquette to play defensive stopper on Neitzel after missing the Big East tourney – that matchup will be key. The teams will display contrasting styles, as the Spartans look to stretch the game out with a controlled offense in comparison to the Golden Eagles’ more aggressive tendencies. Though both events happened years ago, we still harbor residual anger at Marquette for getting rid of those killer patchwork uniforms and ditching the Warriors moniker in the name of political correctness. G:TB says that the master handles his apprentice as Tom Izzo’s Spartans move on at Tom Crean’s expense.

Line: Marquette -1.5 – MSU wins outright.

Spokane, WA
5) USC
Offensive Efficiency: 57
Defensive Efficiency: 35
Tempo: 121 (Slightly Above Average)

12) Arkansas
Offensive Efficiency: 64
Defensive Efficiency: 20
Tempo: 133 (Slightly Above Average)

Let’s state for the record that G:TB deplores the inclusion of Arkansas in this tournament, and submits this pick under protest. We’re backing USC purely on principle, and will do so even if the Trojans’ team plane drops into the Pacific Ocean while traveling to lovely Spokane. That said, this is a matchup of two evenly matched squads that are more than capable on the defensive end of the floor.

Line: USC -1.5. Trojans cover and the horse stomps on Stan Heath just to make a point.

4) Texas
Offensive Efficiency: 4
Defensive Efficiency: 59
Tempo: 99 (Above Average)

13) New Mexico State
Offensive Efficiency: 99
Defensive Efficiency: 115
Tempo: 42 (High)

I could dig deep into the analysis on this one, but it’s really pretty simple. The Aggies and Reggie Theus’ post-Hang Time resurrection are a nice story, but Texas has Kevin Durant. Point, and win, Texas.

Line: Texas -9. Lay the lumber, Danny.

Sacramento, CA
6) Vanderbilt
Offensive Efficiency: 22
Defensive Efficiency: 81
Tempo: 128 (Slightly Above Average)

11) Gheorghe Washington
Offensive Efficiency: 121
Defensive Efficiency: 58
Tempo: 123 (Slightly Above Average)

Like most of the G:TB gang (think Seinfeld’s Van Buren Boys, only less Jewish), I think very little of the Atlantic 10, and was prepared to hold my nose and go with Vandy here. But a little bit of nose-to-the-grindstone analysis (I clicked on a hyperlink) revealed that Vanderbilt’s last 2 games have been…losses to G:TB nemesis Arkansas. Applying the transitive property of G:TB Sporting Scorn, and considering the fact that the hometown Colonials have won 8 straight games and possess a significant edge in terms of athleticism, we’re going with GW.

Vandy -3.5 – hard to play with a line this small (cue rimshot), but the instinct gambler in G:TB says take the points and go with the Colonials in this close one. Point of relevant information: the instinct gambler in G:TB is several thousand dollars shy of break-even over his career.

3) Washington State
Offensive Efficiency: 61
Defensive Efficiency: 22
Tempo: 322 (Very Low)

14) Oral Roberts
Offensive Efficiency: 115
Defensive Efficiency: 91
Tempo: 139 (Slightly Above Average)

Wazzu’s one of those happy-to-be-here high seeds, unaccustomed to their lofty perch. ORU knocked off Kansas early this season and has some legit game. The Golden Eagles’ Caleb Green is better than any of WSU’s big men by a long-shot. Call it a hunch, but G:TB likes God’s Chosen Team here – and if you don’t root for them, a 700-foot statue of the school’s founder and namesake will haunt you until you repent.

Line: WSU -6.5 – G:TB’s feeling very Christ-like in this matchup, giving until it hurts. And ducking lightning bolts.

Winston-Salem, NC
7) Boston College
Offensive Efficiency: 11
Defensive Efficiency: 92
Tempo: 246 (Below Average)

10) Texas Tech
Offensive Efficiency: 58
Defensive Efficiency: 82
Tempo: 206 (Below Average)

This is a crap game, and will most likely be crap to watch, and the result won’t matter, as the winner will be drilled in the 2nd round. Boston College has been the very definition of mediocre since Sean Williams was lost for the season to suspension in January. Also, Al Skinner has one of college basketball’s most bizarre hairlines – Lou Henson makes fun of him. Texas Tech’s not been particularly consistent themselves, winning 4 straight to effectively clinch a tournament berth before laying an egg against Kansas State in the Big 12 tourney. BC’s Jared Dudley is a legitimate player with inside/outside skills, but G:TB is following the hoary dictum (be real careful with that phrase) assigned to these games and choosing quality guards over quality big men. Bob Knight and the Red Raiders move on in a deliberate affair.

Line: BC -3. Knowing the BC student body’s history of loose interpretations of Federal gambling statutes, G:TB is taking this game off the books.

2) Gheorghetown
Offensive Efficiency: 1
Defensive Efficiency: 17
Tempo: 327 (Very Low)

15) Belmont
Offensive Efficiency: 141
Defensive Efficiency: 119
Tempo: 132 (Above Average)

The nation’s hottest team and the most efficient offense in the land against…well, against the very definition of bracket fodder. I think Belmont’s located in Nashville, TN, but it doesn’t really matter. By the time I look it up, they’ll be roadkill.

Line: GU -16.5 – The Hoyas just beat Pitt by 23. I think the Panthers are slightly better than Belmont (though not if Aaron Gray continues his John Leone impression – there’s an inside joke for maybe 2 or 3 people).

Second Round
1) UNC vs. 9) Michigan State
These 2 teams thought they’d be matching up in the 2nd round last year, before Jim Larranaga’s boys made Billy Packer’s brain explode. This is a bit of a trap game for the Tar Heels, as they’ll almost certainly be looking ahead to a potential Sweet 16 matchup with Texas. Michigan State will try to control tempo, and have more success than Eastern Kentucky – they may even get out to a 10-12 point lead – but as in round 1, Carolina’s too deep and too fast for a team that’s used to the Big 10’s more limited athleticism. This is a dream game for Tyler Hansbrough – he gets to bang inside with guys who are willing to trade paint. I think he’ll get more ornery as the game goes on. Prepare to be either really annoyed with him or really fired up by the end of the contest, depending on your tolerance for Psycho-T.

5) USC vs. 4) Texas
In the lesser-touted rematch between two schools with recent college football national championship experience, Texas rubs Southern Cal’s nose in it one more time. My only real concern is where Matthew McConaghey plans to score chicks in Spokane – I don’t think John Stockton’s dad’s bar is the kind of place that Wooderson likes.

11) Gheorghe Washington vs. 14) Oral Roberts
In all honesty, this subregional is one of the lamest I can remember, with weak 3 and 6 seeds and a sketchy 11. Though I’m going the semi-cautious route and picking GW to stretch its winning streak to 10, it wouldn’t surprise me in the least to see ORU sneak out of here and be lauded as “This Year’s Gheorghe Mason”. (Note: If that happens, I’ll be petitioning for partial credit in our wager.)

10) Texas Tech vs. 2) Gheorghetown
The Red Raiders have a chance if they can unsettle the suspect Hoya guards, as Jarrius Jackson will be the best perimeter player on the court. In the end, though, Gheorghetown’s got too much of what counts: size, discipline, teamwork, patience, and Jeff Green.

Regional Semifinals
East Rutherford, NJ

1) UNC vs. 4) Texas
This may well be the tournament’s most exciting game, with two young, up-tempo, extremely athletic squads matching up. Texas’ inability to close out good teams concerns me considerably, as does the Longhorns’ lack of quality interior depth. Sometimes, though, at this stage in the tournament, players of destiny step up and make their bones. Kevin Durant may be the best college player I’ve ever seen (I say “may” as I hesitate to make sweeping generalizations of that nature because the alcohol has taken many of the brain cells devoted to memory). On a hunch, a whim, a flyer, I’m going with Texas.

11) Gheorghe Washington vs. 2) Gheorghetown
I swear to Oral Roberts that I didn’t plan this as a nod to local rooting interests. The fairytale ends for the Colonials, and it doesn’t end pretty. GW’s speed may negate Roy Hibbert slightly, but they have no answers for the Hoyas' offense and rebounding.

Regional Final

4) Texas vs. 2) Gheorghetown
I’ve watched a whole mess of college basketball this year, and especially over the past few weeks, and nobody’s measured up to the Hoyas in terms of teamwork, execution, and poise. That’s not changing in the Regional Final as JT3’s boys put together another workmanlike effort to hold off the Flying Durants.

Fun Facts About Our Hero

Some Gheorghe trivia:

"Although Gheorghe Muresan is, to date, the tallest player in the history of the NBA, his record was at risk in the late 1990's, when North Korean player Michael Ri (7'8") was attempting to make it to the NBA. Ri's attempts were eventually stifled by the Trading with the Enemy Act, and Ri never played basketball in the NBA."

How about that? Just like My Giant ruined our pal Ghiţă, a Julia Roberts movie ruined his North Korean nemesis.