WCSAGD Returns! With Regional Flair! And Shlara!

I don't get a lot of positive feedback in life, so the generally warm reception you gave to my What Car Should A Gheorghie Drive series was greatly appreciated.  It's been all downhill since then so I'm firing it back up.  This time I'm identifying cars physically near the Gheorghie at issue to make acquisitions that much more tempting.

Speaking of tempting, Shlara gets the first edition of this reboot because (a) she responded enthusiastically when I asked for her zip code, and (b) there are some legitimately cool cars near her.

Shlara's original WCSAGD car was a Fiat Dino, so it only makes sense that her local car should also be a Fiat: this 2017 Fiat 124 Abarth in Alexandria.  The original Fiat 124 from the 1970's was very cool and very unreliable--it spawned the joke that Fiat stands for "Fix It Again Tony."  The modern 124 is a Mazda Miata with a different body and engine.  So it's reliable, but has the heart and look of an Italian sports car.  These are legitimately cool cars and the Abarth versions are the fastest.  This one is an automatic, but I don't know if Shlara can or wants to drive a stick, and it's more practical in DMV area traffic.

KBB says this is worth around $16,000.  Let's hope Shlara wants a toy car!

But maybe she doesn't.  She's a practical sort and I can envision her saying "What the hell am I supposed to do with that tiny car!  I have stuff to haul!"  I get it.  Luckily for Shlara, there's a 1970 Ford Ranchero for sale in Rockville.

I don't need to tell you why Shlara needs one of these, just look at it.  I have no idea what this will sell for but it's under $13k with only a day of bidding left, and $20k seems like all the money based on historical BaT sales.

Perhaps this whip is a little too salt-of-the earth for Shlara, and like the Fiat it only seats two people so Shlara might decry "I have friends!  I need more seats!"  Fortunately for her, a guy in Springfield is selling a 1964 Cadillac Coupe DeVille with a 6.0 liter Vortec V8 swapped under the hood.  Oh, it has flames painted on it too.

Hopefully the fuzzy dice are included in the sale.  I think this is the perfect ride for Shlara, it's as if someone turned her into a car.  But if she thinks this is too loud (literally and figuratively), I have one more great option for her.

There's a 2019 VW Golf Type R in Herndon.  The Type R is one of those perfect cars that appeals only to people like me and is thus doomed to go extinct in the US.  It handles like a dream (it's a Golf, after all), can be maintained by any decent mechanic anywhere in the country (again, it's a Golf), comfortably seats four people and a holds lot of cargo (more Golf), and gets over 30 MPG (Golf!!) while simultaneously churning out 288 horsepower to all four wheels so it goes like stink and handles snow well too.  The Golf R is essentially an Audi S3 in a more convenient, stealthier package.  Everyone should want one but no one does because most people are knuckleheads.  But not Shlara!  She's ready to Uber out to Herndon to pick this up.

That's all for now.  Send me your zip code if you want your own list of regional, attainable cars curated just for you.

They're Tearin' the Buick City Complex Down

The Gheorghian calendar, influenced as it always is by a combination of lunar position, grain harvest, and Romanian weather, extends this year into the early days of the new Gregorian year. Which gives me an opportunity to highlight the best opening line of any song in the modern era. 

In turn, that song, "Buick City Complex" by Old 97's, in all its wistful longing for an era that won't return, is the soundtrack for today's interlude.

Even when I visited her for the first time in 1997, Conneaut Lake Park had seen much better days. The resort/amusement park opened in 1892, and in her day, she attracted Pittsburgh's upwardly mobile families, who rode her rides, played on the beach, and stayed in the grand Hotel Conneaut. A gorgeous carousel opened in 1899, and in 1938, the park's signature roller coaster, The Blue Streak, opened in 1938. It was one of the largest wooden coasters in America at the time.

I had occasion to visit the park because of my wife's family's long and winding history with the place. Her grandfather was the original owner of The Blue Streak, among several other amusements within the park's boundaries. Her father's uncle owned the carousel, which is a source of long-standing inter-familial jealousy. That's not what this story is about.

When I visited with my then-girlfriend in July 1997, the park and hotel had slid towards the seedy side. Most rides were in various states of disrepair. The Pittsburgh scenesters had long ago found more modern and sophisticated places to vacation. The hotel air conditioning went out one night, which would've been manageable but for the 95 degree temperatures and high humidity.

But a roller coaster is a roller coaster, especially a wooden one that was likely rickety on its very best day. The Blue Streak was a bone-rattling out and back, and honest, fast, and loud coaster that relied on gravity and tight turns and none of that fancy stuff. It was simple fun.

We went back a couple more times after that first visit. During the last one, my eldest daughter got terrified on the kiddie coaster and several of our party got marooned in the lake when the pontoon boat we rented blew an engine. In retrospect, these were omens.

After years of steady decline, which included several convenient fires that claimed different buildings and attractions, the property was sold in bankruptcy for $1.2m. The buyer is trying hard to quash rumors that they intend to shitcan the park and develop homes on the land. 

That got harder today when a "controlled burn" near The Blue Streak got out of hand and badly damaged the legendary coaster. It's now scheduled for demolition. My wife let out an audible gasp when she saw the news on the interwebs. 

Our chronicles of the decline of American institutions are usually limited to the news media and William & Mary hoops. But in every domain, time marches on, taking with it the temporary that our ancestors thought permanent. I think we're the only people left in town.

The Twelve Days of Gheorghemas: Day 8.5 - Three Genetic Tests

There normally isn't an eight-and-a-halfth day of Gheorghemas but much like Biggie I got a story to tell.  Three stories to tell, in fact, about genetic tests.   

zwoman wanted to find out what breeds are in her dog so I got her Embark for Christmas.  It was $30 off on Amazon so the scam was less painful.  And it's clearly a scam.  I guarantee Embark is run by a couple of guys like FOG:TB Pip who bullshit their way through the test.  They make you send a picture of your dog, where you live, where the dog came from, and the organization that sold you the dog.  With that information anyone could come up with a believable profile.

Here's the photo she gave them:

She's clearly part lab.  The shape of her head and the fact that she was a stray dog found in Crawfordville, GA make it likely that she's part pitbull (and not, say, Nova Scotia Duck Toller).  I thought she might be part foxhound because she makes some goofy noises and has a houndish tail.

The jamokes at Embark did the same analysis.  

Jamoke 1:  "Oh!  Look at dis fuggin mutt!  It's a fuggin lab and a fuggin pitbull!" 

Jamoke 2: "Yeah, the fuggin thing is from Jorja, what else could it be?  But we gotta trow in sumdin else ta spice it up.  Where's this chooch owner from?"

Jamoke 1: "Lessee ... ooooh, Chaddim New Jerzy!  Dey don't wanna hear dey have a Presa Canario, das for Newark.  Let's trow in some Jermin Sheppid."

Jamoke 2: "Done.  Let's fuck wit em and trow in some bullshit.  How about Supermutt?"

Jamoke 1: "Hahahaha.  Dis job is great.  I can't buhleev deez stoonads in Morris Cowney pay us to do dis shit!"

And here's what we got:

Our apparent lab/pitbull is indeed a lab/pitbull, with a 15% grab-bag of canine bullshit mixed in.  The story at our local dog park is the same--people with obvious mixes will tell you "We did Embark and we got [obvious mix] but she's also 5% Chow!"  Or Chihuahua or Dalmatian or whatever.  Sir Viv (named after a cricketer) across the street is also 10% Supermutt.  It's a blatant scam.

I knew we would get what we expected, with perhaps a minor twist, because zmom took a genetic test a little while ago.  She is English, Irish, Scottish, and Dutch and her father was from North Carolina, and 23andMe told her she is English, Irish, Scottish, and Dutch with relatives who settled in North Carolina.  The surprise was a small percentage of German--apparently the Browns were Brauns a few hundred years ago.  A surprise for zmom, but not for me, is that she is not Native American.  Much like Elizabeth Warren, my mother claims that her great-great-grandmother was half Native American (yes, it would be easier to say that her great-great-great-grandparent was Native American but if you've met zmom you know she can't do that math).  So just as zwoman's dog is part German Shepherd (and not foxhound as I expected), zmom and I are part German (and not Native American as she expected).

All this is to say that genetic tests are not an interesting way to spend your money.

My third story is the exception to this rule.  zstepfather's brother took a 23andMe test and the results said he's half Jewish.  He felt this is not the case--they are WASPs and maybe part Danish or something Scandinavian like that.  He took another test and he was still a Jew so he did some sleuthing through his mother's files (they all have OCD and save everything, including empty tubes of Preparation H, and I guess he acquired the habit through non-genetic means and kept his dead parents' diaries etc.) and learned that while the man he thought was his father was stationed in Hawaii during WWII, his mother had an unprotected fling with some Jewish guy.  She flew out to Honolulu and came clean and to his credit her husband raised the child as his own.  But he wasn't happy about it.  zstepfather's brother said "I guess this is why he was so mean to me."  Indeed.  He was a generally grumpy guy and miserable to be around.  I don't know if this is the source of his behavior or if it merely enhanced his inherent crotchetiness but either way I get it.  It's a cross between The Corrections and The Lies That Bind.  

My advice this Gheorghemas is to avoid these types of tests.  Save your money and just be happy with who you are or who your dog is. 

Interlude Not Internude

Fillin' y'all up with the spirit of the season while we wait for Day 9 to kick off an avalanche of Gheorghemas finales. Like the last barrage of fireworks, only sillier and more memorable. 

After careful consideration, we've tapped Detroit Red Wings forward Dylan Larkin to captain our national team. Still working on finding a location for our nation. But when we do, our hockey team is gonna be Gheorghie as heck, and focused on the important stuff. 

Larkin knows those arena beers are expensive 😂👏pic.twitter.com/KqRG278BLm

— Hockey Night in Canada (@hockeynight) December 21, 2021

Gheorghemas Mashup Interlude

I heard this on the radio and thought it would make a good interlude.

A Differential Gheorghemas Interlude

Did you ever wonder how your car's differential works?  Do you know what the differential is?  It's that round thing behind your truck nuts.

Luckily, in 1937 a guy named Jam Handy made a movie explaining it in an accessible way.  Parenthetically, Jam Handy sounds like a good guy to have around if you need to throw a particularly large or belligerent person in the bowl.

You can fast forward to 1:55 if you don't want to watch the introductory nonsense.  Postcount!

More Interludes, Gheorghemas Style

I wrote about my subversive Christmas playlist here before.  For your Gheorghemas entertainment, I transferred it from iTunes to Spotify and embedded it below.  You should play it on shuffle because I'm too lazy to mix it up myself.  Enjoy.

Another Gheorghemas Interlude

Our pocket emperor demanded another Gheorghemas interlude while he works on Day 11, so a Gheorghemas interlude he shall have.  Few musicians are as Gheorghe as Action Bronson so here's a new-ish Bronsoline joint to tide you over while waiting for a different fat man to slide down your chimney.

Gheorghemas Interlude: Gheorghasbord

This is the 193rd and final G:TB post of 2019. Our goal (stated or not) this year was to post at least once every two days, which is a reasonable target for a blog (and bloggers) starting to show its age. The bloggers, anyway. We reached our goal, so, huzzah!

As will become obvious, the Twelve Days of Gheorghemas will stretch into next year, or at least next year on the Gregorian Calendar. On the Gheorghian Calendar, the new year doesn't begin until Whitney says it does. And I'm okay with that. Today we'll celebrate things undone.

Herewith, a list of titles and/or ideas for blog posts initiated in 2019 that sit today in our Drafts folder (there are older efforts, for sure). The editors welcome anyone who'd like to take a crack at finishing any and all of them to have a go:

Richy is a punk rocker...

Trump Universe: Endgame

Weekends with Ken

Why I Am

What I'm Angry About This Week

chicken sandwich taste test

https://amp.charlotteobserver.com/news/local/article232242782.html (this is a story about a ghost town for sale in north carolina)

All Downhill From Here

gheorghe explains 2020: the democrats

(Untitled Post)

Fashion is Dumb: Cold Weather Edition

Gheorghe Tank

https://www.washingtonpost.com/sports/2019/01/26/kendall-coyne-schofield-becomes-first-woman-compete-nhl-all-star-skills-event/?utm_term=.e116bfa14859 (a story about a U.S. Women's Hockey National Team member with mad speed)

draft

criticism of liberals - soft, pansies criticism of trump voters - rubes, morons, not smart evaluate the contradictions

As themes go, we've got some typical Gheorghian silliness, angry/resigned political ranting, a couple of apparent attempts by me to explain me, and some inscrutable nonsense. Essentially, another year in the life of this little corner of the interwebs.

Let's do it again, shall we?

Gheorghemas Interlude Interlude

I didn't think it'd come to this, but our 'ludes need 'ludes now, apparently. Enjoy the day, Gheorghies.

Gheorghemas Interlude: And Unto Gheorghe a Child Was Born

The recent roster meltdown impacting Patrick Ewing's Georgetown University basketball squad has made a decent amount of news across the college hoopsverse. Under Ewing, the Hoyas have been a bit uneven, but the first-time head coach seemed to have his team trending in the right direction before three players (forward Galen Alexander, guard Myron Gardner, and forward Josh LeBlanc) left the program under a cloud of suspicion. To make matters worse, leading scorer and point guard James Akinjo announced his intention to transfer, as well.

In the best of circumstances, losing four players bodes ill for a basketball team. A funny thing happened on the way to the basement, and it included an unexpected Easter egg for Team G:TB.

Baby Ghitsa!

The Hoyas are unbeaten since the exodus, winning easily on the road against a tough SMU team, dropping Syracuse at home, and cruising against UMBC. Mac McClung, who played in an off-guard role while Akinjo ran the point, took over control of the offense. McClung scored 19 with seven assists in the win over SMU and dropped 26 on Syracuse. The sophomore's productivity is way up over his surprising debut season, and now he's going to be the focal point of Ewing's offense.

But McClung's not the guy that brought us here.

Georgetown senior George Muresan played a total of 25 minutes over 12 games in his first three seasons on The Hilltop. He's scored three points and grabbed three rebounds over his career. And now, with the Hoyas' roster depleted, the Son of Gheorghe is getting some run.

Relatively speaking.

In Georgetown's past two games, young Muresan has played 14 minutes, and not in garbage time. He hasn't scored, but he's grabbed a pair of boards. The points will come, if we know from Muresan. As near as we can tell, George will be a secret weapon as Ewing seeks to squeeze everything he can from his depleted roster.

I think we know who G:TB is rooting for in the Big East this season, anyway.

As On Brand as On Brand Gets

Sometimes, post copy isn't even needed: