Note: the author is 25% Polish and enjoys making jokes about that. If that offends you, stop reading now.
All flies are gross and unpleasant. But these flies are also dumb as shit. They are the dumbest flies I've ever encountered. Sometimes, it can take quite a bit of time to swat an annoying fly in the house. They often hide within window treatments or find a crevice that offers them respite for a moment. Not these dumbasses. They're what I call Polish flies. They buzz around lethargically, daring me to kill them. And I do. Oh Lord, I do. I killed six yesterday. I easily swat them out of the air. And I don't even have to be quick when I bludgeon their little carcasses against a window. I have found the optimal swat velocity. The goal is to kill, but not create a streak that requires cleaning, and/or damage a screen.
This situation is all quite gross, but I would rather avoid an exterminator visit. Who knows what chemical they will spray? How do I know it's safe, other than the person spraying says not to worry about it? What will it cost? Will I have to do a thorough wipe-down of my house when the exterminator leaves?
But on the flip side, we are all still in the house quite a bit, so having a fly-free space makes sense. Perhaps I'm the one who's more Polish than the flies. I just murder a bunch every day and wait for the problem to go away on its own.
[Update: since this note was started, the fly issue has gone away. Perhaps the massacre of 50+ over the last two weeks spooked the others, or we got them all. The author's life-long habit of not fully addressing issues head-on, and instead hoping they will go away on their own, will persist as a result of this event.]
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7 comments:
so would you say you're the lord...of the flies?
Speaking of TR, zmom got both zkids self-inflating whoopee cushions. There's nothing like being on a professional videoconference with raucous farts and giggling in the background.
this post (and these flies) are the opposite of the breaking bad "fly" episode.
Speaking of Zman, Team TR popped by his new chalet y/day to see it. My kids, who both sorta know they are allergic to cats but don’t want to admit it, insisted on playing with Simone. They even picked it up, like the Polish kids they are.
Ten minutes into the visit, I bolted home w/ my youngest for Benadryl and a shower b/c he had broken out in hives. 30 mins after we returned, my eldest approached us with a splotchy face. So that ended our visit. Of course, the Polish dad (me) didn’t bring the Benadryl with him when he came back with the youngest. Because dumb.
Zman’s house is quite nice, but I’ll never go back.
I sent Zman a video of my backyard yesterday and he was more impressed than I anticipated. Don’t get me wrong, my backyard is pretty sweet but I feel like it’s much, much cooler if you’ve lived most of your life north of the mason-Dixon.
My reaction to Mark’s yard was strong but not as dramatic as TR’s kids’ reaction to zcat.
Am I allowed to make fun of the name of the Hurricane, or will that get me cancelled? I'm all for diversity, but I'm also all for names that are easily pronouncable by the general public. We don't need a Hurricane Mackeleigh or a Hurricane Saoirse either.
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