Your G:TB Super Bowl Preview

The fortnight 'twixt the championships and the Super Bowl are jammed with overanalysis, blowhardy pseudo-insight, overblown media coverage, and a dearth of T&A.
So here's our preview:

Giants 27, Patriots 23.

(Other prognostications in the comments.)

Be Afraid. Very Afraid.

Most people think squirrels are cute and funny. And most people think Squirrel (or "Rob" as he prefers to be called these days) is cute and funny. But that's all going to change, once people get wind of this paleontological discovery . . .

Words of Wisdom

A great man once said, "'tis better to keep one's mouth shut, and be thought a fool, then open it, and erase all doubt". And in the spirit of Honest Abe's humble admonition, we come today to rebut the youthful dipshittery of one Pat, known on Twitter as @suburbPAT.

Pat offered the world this nugget last night: #WorstBasketballPlayersEver Gheorghe Muresan

Rather than insulting the clearly misguided lad, we offer him some knowledge.

Fact #1: Gheorghe Dumitru Muresan played parts of 6 seasons in the NBA, starting 207 of the 307 games in which he participated. Anyone who starts more than 200 NBA games can clearly not be labeled the Worst Basketball Player Ever.

Fact #2: Gheorghe averaged 9.8 points, 6.4 rebounds, and 1.5 blocks per game in his career. Not All-Star caliber numbers, to be sure, but certainly above league average in toto. Again, Pat (if that is your name), not the stuff of a WBPE.

Fact #3: In 1995-96, on his way to being named the NBA Most Improved Player, Ghita averaged 14.5 points, 9.6 rebounds, and 2.3 blocks per game. He led the league in field goal percentage at .584 (and did the same thing the following year, improving to .604), and finished in the top 10 in offensive and defensive rebound percentage. One could convincingly argue that he was one of the league's top 5 centers that season. You feeling me now, Pat?

If I didn't know better, I'd think that our friend Pat thinks that beauty is skin deep, that because Gheorghe looks a little different he must be some kind of incapable freak. We all know differently, don't we? We're all freaks in our own way, for sure, but our Gheorghe was a very capable freak on the hardwoods.

And now you know, Pat. Tell your friends.

Happy Groundhog Day

Just curious, anyone know if that over-hyped rodent from Pennsylvania saw this today?

Happy Groundhog Day

Just curious, anyone know if that over-hyped rodent from Pennsylvania saw this today?

Float Like a Butterfly

When I was a kid, I loved to say the name 'Angelo Dundee'. It had a lyrical quality that amused and fascinated me. One can only be but so saddened to hear of the passing of a 90 year-old man, but as this year-old interview shows, Dundee wasn't exactly doddering around on his last legs. (If anyone can figure out how to embed that, be my guest.) I think we can all take something from his favorite saying, "It don't cost nothing to be nice."

The acclaimed trainer of Muhammad Ali and 14 other champions passed yesterday from complications of a blood clot. In one of those odd coincidences that aren't really either, former St. Louis basketball coach and legendary raconteur Charlie Spoonhour died yesterday, as well.

St. Peter's green room is a fun place to be today.

This Week in Wrenball: Ladies' Night

Our Wrens struggled mightily through the season's toughest stretch, going winless during the CAA's five games in 11 days gauntlet. W&M was the league's only team to wear the collar, as even Towson broke through. Tribesmen young and old hit the proverbial wall, as Marcus Thornton scored a combined four points in W&M's final two games against JMU and ODU, Brandon Britt put up three two-point efforts, and Quinn McDowell scored seven in consecutive games against Drexel and JMU. I'm starting to get the feeling that 2011-12 might not be our year.

We come here not to bury the Wrens, though, but to ignore them for a blissful moment. For down another corridor at William & Mary Hall, a story of huge import was authored last week. Last Thursday, Debbie Taylor's Lady Tribe overcame an 12-point second-half deficit to beat Old Dominion and snap a 52-game losing streak to the Monarchs. To put it in perspective, only three G:TB staff members had been born the last time W&M beat ODU.

Senior guard Taysha Pye dropped 19 of her game-high 23 points in the second half as the Tribe used a 25-4 run to top ODU. Junior forward Emily Correal added 18 and 8 boards, while junior guard Janine Aldridge scored 15. W&M improved to 9-10, 2-6 on the year.

Aldridge added another highlight for the Wrenettes in their next game, connecting for a school-record 9 three-pointers in a loss at Northeastern. The 9 triples pushed her career total to 204, giving her the school's career record, as well. Since she's only a junior, we may be looking at DiMaggio 56-gamer territory by the time she's done firing away. Think of what she could do in Tony Shaver's offense.

Speaking of which, Coach Shaver's boys are on ESPN3 tonight as they host VCU. W&M extended the Rams to overtime in Richmond just two weeks ago, missing several key free throws in the waning stages of the game to give VCU enough space to pull out a 69-68 win. Somehow, I think we'll see a different result tonihgt.

NSD is pretty creepy. It's also really important.

In case you hadn't heard, my daughter was born early last Monday morning. She's healthy, my wife is doing well and I am thankful for all of that. One problem. The kid came about 5 days early. She was slated to be born this past Friday. So, instead of 10 days off, I only got 7. That's not that big a deal. What's a bigger deal is that if my daughter had been born when she was supposed to be (her first act in a lifetime of defiance, I'm sure) then I would be off today, which is also known as National Signing Day.

National Signing Day is a huge event for college football fans. If you're a marginal college football fan (or less) it's common (and easy) to call a day comprised of overdone college announcements by 17 & 18 year old kids "creepy", "stupid" and even "meaningless". I'm with you on the first adjective, maybe even the second, but I can't go with you on meaningless. Far from it. The future of many college football teams will rest on this day. Look at the top classes over the last 5 years and you'll see the names of many of college football's elite programs over and over again. As Ron Zook was so fond of saying about college football, "It's not about the X's & O's but the Jesse's & Joe's". Zook's right kinda. This is only partially true. You must have elite talent to win in college football. You also must develop and coach this talent at a high level (Zook has always been able to recruit, though somewhat unevenly...it's the whole "coaching" thing that's been a thorn in his waterskiing side).

Another thing that many people who I'd describe as "anti-NSD" like to point out are the number of busts. 5 star recruits who never pan out. And there are plenty of these. To these people, the 5-star bust is proof that these recruiting rankings are way off base and don't really matter. That just isn't true. For proof, look at the classes Florida and Alabama brought onto campus in 2006 and 2008. Those classes were loaded with future pros and played enormous roles in leading their respective programs to conference and BCS Championships. What's interesting about these classes (to me at least) isn't just the 4 & 5 star recruits who panned out, but also some of the under the radar guys who became major contributors.

In my opinion, that's where an elite coaching staff really separates itself. They definitely need to be able to pull in top tier talent, but they also need to be able to even out the class (Randy Shannon recruited wonderfully at Miami on paper. However, deeper inspection reveals classes with 7 LBS and 6 WRS and embarrassingly thin along the lines.) with talent at all positions as well as players who can develop and become big time players later in their time on campus. Because that's the thing about some of the elite recruits in high school, many of them have peaked physically or looked better than they were due to port competition, or maybe they're just satisfied and lazy. While this often happens, some 2 & 3 star recruits end rated lower due to a number of factors outside of their control. Whether they're late bloomers, came from a below average high school program or were playing out of their natural position due to the needs of their high school team. A perfect example of this is Ahmad Black. He came to Florida as the 7th recruit of 7 to sign with the Gators out of Lakeland High. In a group that included the Pouncey twins, Chris Rainey and 5 star DT John Brown, few people even noticed Ahmad Black. Why would they? He was a 5'9" 180 lb Safety who ran a 4.55 forty. He was going to have to convert to corner (which he'd never played before) and most thought he was too slow to do that. Most were right. Black wasn't a corner. What he was was an instinctual safety with a nose for the ball and a complete lack of fear or back down. And as sure a taclker as you'll ever see at the collegiate level. Black would start for 3 years at Florida and become an All-American. Did he only receive a Florida offer because Urban Meyer wanted to make sure all his high profile high school buddies signed with the Gators? Maybe. Was it one of the great recruiting success stories in recent memory. You bet.

So, anyway, NSD matters. In fact, for my alma mater this particular NSD matter a lot. If you even casually follow football, you know Florida was bad this year. Really, really bad. The program is in transition and Urban Meyer's multiple "retirements" left a cupboard somewhat bare. Not of talent in general but talent at key positions (OL, WR, DBs) and depth across the board. Currently, Florida stands in the top 5 (depending on if you follow Rivals, Scout or ESPN) nationally amongst recruiting classes this year. However, much is at stake today. As many as 8 different 4 & 5 star recruits with Florida amongst their leaders will announce their intentions today (one of them, WR Stefon Diggs, is waiting until 2/10) and Florida's class will be heavily affected by how things turn out today.

The last time I can remember Florida's fortunes depending so heavily on NSD was in 2003. Ron Zook was the coach of Florida at the time and his success, or failure, was thought to hinge largely on the strength of the 2003 class. At the time Zook had already received a commitment from the nation's #1 QB, Chris Leak. However, going into NSD Florida was still waiting to hear from a number of 4 & 5 star recruits. Names like Joe Cohen, Chad Jackson, Andre Caldwell, Antonio Cromartie, Reggie Nelson & Craphonso Thorpe (Quick Craphonso Thorpe story: My brother-in law was born & raised in Tallahassee, as was Mr. Thorpe. Many years ago, one of his buddies was coaching a youth football team in town. For whatever reason, the coaches got together and drafted their teams. This friend didn't know many of the players but he drew the draft's #1 pick. So he scanned the list of available names and saw...Craphonso Thorpe. He figured a kid with a name like that had as good a shot as any of being good. And he was right. His team, lead by Craphonso went undefeated & won the city title). Nelson, Jackson, Cohen & Caldwell would commit to Florida that day and, after mixed results and a coaching change just two years later, would eventually help form the core of Florida's 2006 National Championship team.

The Gators are in a similar position this year. They have a new, still unproven coach and plenty of holes to fill. Many of these holes, Gator fans hope, can be filled today. Grantland ran a brief NSD piece late last week where they identified the top 10 still undecided prospects in America. Of that ten, five currently have Florida in their top 2. Today could be HUGE for the Gator Football program. Or it could be a day that permanently injures the career of Will Muschamp at Florida. Or, it might be neither of these. See that's the thing about NSD. It is a big deal. Its just a big deal that we won't be able to truly understand until 3-4 years from now.



And even if you don't care about any college football team in particular, NSD is worth paying attention to because of scenes like this:



As well as the stories behind these scenes.

Banner Day

Today I found out that the William and Mary Squirrel has a Facebook Page. (On which it's listed as a 'Public Figure'.  Got 1,334 'likes' and everything.) It happened right after I got tweeted to by @WMSquirrel. Yeah, things are really moving in high gear down here at the quarry.

ICYMI: The making of a great compilation tape, like breaking up, is hard to do

I miss cassettes. In particular I miss mixtapes. You don't know what's on there until you take a listen. And there's something nerdily pleasurable about giving someone an unlabeled mixtape to expand their musical horizons.

There are rules to this process.



It's nigh impossible to be surprised by music nowadays. My iPod not only tells me the name of the song, album, and artist, it tells me the number of minutes and seconds that have played and that remain and even shows the album artwork! If I put a CD in my computer I get most of the same information. My CD player only gives me track number and time outputs, although fancier ones can tell you about the artist and song. Hell, even my car tells me the name of the song and artist playing on FM stations.

When Dave's friend asked me to put together a "bangin' old-school hiphop playlist" during a recent chili-themed minisummit, I felt competing pangs of joy (someone recognizes the superiority of my musical taste!) and pain (there will be no suspense over which to drape my superior musical taste!). Sunshine and rain, if you will. Simply put, I could list some song titles here and call it a day. But it's entirely possible, nay, probable, that you will simply look at the list and poo-poo it, or not listen to any of it because you're familiar with the tracks. There likely is a way to combine a bunch of songs into one MP3 with no track breaks, but I don't know how to do that.

So I'm doing this:

Track 1 (I really consider this part of Track 2)
Track 2
Track 3
Track 4
Track 5 (best cellphone ever!)
Track 6
Track 7
Track 8 (this is all yootoob has?!)
Track 9
Track 10
Track 11
Track 12
Track 13

Everything except for track 8 is 19+ years old and all these songs are bangin', so I believe I accomplished the assignment (i.e., I created a bangin' old school hiphop playlist). If you email me I'll send you a Spotify link. Enjoy.

Washington Wizards Earn First Road Win, Rashard Lewis Celebrates In Most Wiz Way Ever

Oh, the Wizards. Even when they win, they lose. Washington (4-16) won their first road game of the season Saturday night, defeating the Bobcats 102-99 in Charlotte. It was the Wizards' first road win since April of last year, in fact. It also meant they are no longer the worst team in the NBA (shocking, I know). That's good news, right. Exciting stuff. Because I am a glutton for punishment, I watched the whole game (we'll ignore the fact the Wiz only won by three despite Charlotte being without five players, including their top two scorers). Dan Steinberg, aka @dcsportsbog, captured the jubilation on interim coach Randy Wittman's face after this rousing road victory (stoic, stone-faced excitement from the Fred Gwynne look alike...@recordsANDradio had a few choice pics in there too). And I was lucky enough to grab this gem of a pic as the game ended:

This is where I'm about to go off the rails. The Wizards had just won their first road game of the season (and fourth game in 20 tries), and what's this I see? Rashard Lewis is autographing a sneaker for a woman 15 seconds after the game ends (no, seriously, it was 15 seconds after the game). No time for you, Coach, my $22 million dollar ass needs to sign this autograph, for this particular woman. But wait folks, it gets better. THE WOMAN IS ANDRAY BLATCHE'S MOTHER. RASHARD LEWIS COULD CARE LESS ABOUT A RARE ROAD WIN AND IS IGNORING HIS HEAD COACH TO AUTOGRAPH A SNEAKER FOR 7 DAY DRAY'S MOM. [many thanks to @trevorjackson85 of Wizards Extreme and @jpoe82 for this picture, and the one below]

Slow down, overly angry typer, how can you be sure that is Blatche's mom? Well, luckily for us, Comcast chose to show her and her friends enjoying the game earlier. Take a look at the shirt. It's the same woman. And, before you say I have something against Blatche (a dude who played eight minutes in the Charlotte game and may or may not have left with a calf injury/excessive pouting) and am just making up that this was his mom for effect, I did a little digging.

Here is a story about Blatche's mom from the Syracuse Post-Standard. I did some particularly shoddy copy/paste/snipping work of the article pic and another pic from the game. Look at the picture of the woman. I'm no facial recognition expert, but those two faces appear extremely similar. It's Blatche's mom.

So, to reiterate, a guy making 22 million dollars a year blew off his coach after a win to immediately sign a sneaker for the mother of an underachieving, pouty teammate, who just so happens to be the captain of this sinking ship.

Ladies and gentleman, your 2011-2012 Washington Wizards.

Hope You Don't Have Plans

Really good thing that today is Saturday, because this video will almost certainly take up a significant portion of your day. Casey Pugh, a web developer for Vimeo and (obviously) Star Wars fan has created one of the most impressive (and culturally critical) crowdsourced artworks the world has ever seen.

Pugh worked with a friend to develop an application to carve Star Wars into 15-second segments, then created a distribution mechanism that enabled auteurs the world over to film their own versions of the scenes. After receiving thousands of responses, Pugh stitched the results together into a shot for shot version of the movie, digital crazyquilt-style. The result is an homage that's next to impossible to stop watching.

Real film buffs will note several nods to the groundbreaking filmmaking style first pioneered in the early 1990s in Williamsburg, VA in such classics as The Dark Side Returns and Rodeo. (Jokes for two are permissible here, but only on weekends.)

Settle in, grab a cold drink and some popcorn, and prepare to be unable to turn this off.


Star Wars Uncut: Director's Cut from Casey Pugh on Vimeo.

Coming Home

I have a secret to tell from my electrical well.

Wait, wrong post. In truth, I have a confession to make. All but my very closest friends know me as a mild-mannered (I'll thank you to not snicker at this point.) suburban businessman with a wife and kids, minivan, all the trappings. This morning's Washington Post blew my cover and exposed my double life, and frankly, I'm breathing more easily than I have in years.

The Washington Times had the story back in November, but nobody really paid much attention to that right-wing whackadoodle rag:

D.C. United has acquired veteran defender Robbie Russell, 32, from Real Salt Lake in exchange for a 2013 MLS SuperDraft third round selection. In other news, United will kick off the 2012 season at home on March 10. 

Russell comes to United following four seasons with Real Salt Lake, where he played 78 regular season matches (68 starts). The veteran also played in leagues in Norway and Denmark.

It's true. Despite my outward appearance, I'm actually a 32 year-old African American outside back with a penchant for tattooing my club logo on my ribcage. You may remember me from when I scored the winning goal in a shootout to lift RSL to the 2009 MLC Cup. (The stuff about "Tiana" is a bit of a ruse, but it makes for a good story.)

Damn, but it feels good to stop living a lie. Can't wait to see you all at RFK this season. I'll have tickets waiting for all of you.

This Week in Wrenball: Stubborn Belief

William & Mary is 4-17, 2-7 in Colonial Athletic Association play. The Tribe is in the top ten in the nation in one statistical category: losses. They're 293rd in efficiency, 291st in points per possession, 309th in rebound percentage, 316th in steal percentage, and 316th in block percentage. By nearly all statistical measures, they stink.

I can't for the life of me figure out why I continue to be so optimistic about this team. But I do. In a season full of losses, of depth-crippling and star-limiting injuries, of youthful mistakes, and learning on the fly, the Tribe has shown sparks of the potential that led experts to tab them for 6th in the conference in the preseason. In the last week, they took VCU to overtime and fell to UNCW by 2 before running out of steam against a nail-tough Drexel squad.

Tony Shaver's Wrens travel to Harrisonburg tonight to take on one of their two conference victims, a banged-up JMU squad. Matt Brady's Dukes are a funhouse mirror image of the Tribe, full of talent, equally beset by injuries, but hampered by inexplicable mental failures. Mark Selig (@MarkSelig) of the Harrisonburg Daily News Record tweeted this after the Dukes' 71-69 loss on Saturday to Hofstra, theretofore winless in the conference:

Devon Moore falls down, Alioune Diouf is oblivious to the game clock, and the Dukes never get a shot off. Hofstra wins.

JMU Sports Blog's suavely named Rob had the following to say after the loss: "I don’t know what else to say. Todd and I aren’t even pissed. We’re numb. And as fans that might actually be worse." A week prior, the Dukes bloggers titled a post Poop > JMU. Going out on a limb here, but I think Madison fans might be slightly more aggravated with their team that we are with ours.

I suppose it's all a matter of expectations. JMU entered conference play with a 7-4 record, then lost 5 straight CAA games. The Tribe came in 2-10 and danced with the hobgoblin of small minds. Consistency, thy name is the Tribe just failing to make enough plays at the right time, even as it isn't a descriptor of W&Ms' performance this season. And maybe that's the thing that keeps me positive about this team - the effort, the individual ability, the system are all there, but not at the same time. My futile superbrain believes this team is capable of...something.

The winner of tonight's tickle fight takes sole possession of the coveted 9th spot in the CAA standings. W&M topped JMU, 68-61, in Williamsburg earlier in the season, but the Dukes go into the game 8 point home favorites. That's an outrage, and I plan to write a strongly worded dissent, once I find someone who cares.

Other than Danimal.

Flipped Out

Courtesy of FOG:TB Wheelhouse (R.I.P) Geoff, Ernie Grunfeld ended today's press conference announcing the firing of Flip Saunders as Wizards coach with the following words to live by:

"Just because you're losing doesn't mean you're a loser."

He left out the little known codicil, "Unless you're the Wizards, in which case your loserdom is self-evident."

This picture, taken two years ago, is the last known evidence of Flip Saunders smiling. Until today.

Once in a Lifetime Starts Making Sense

It looks like the new internet piracy laws are stalled in Congress, and so the G:TB and other venerable institutions will have no legal recourse when sketchy organizations like Sports Illustrated and Grantland rip us off. We'll just have to remain one step ahead of them.

Last month, I dreamed up a feature called "Songs I Am Loath to Admit I Do Not Loathe," which is not only grammatically instructional but also loads of fun for the whole family.  Soon after, Grantland debuted their ersatz version, which they lamely subtitled "Revealing the Tunes We Hate to Love." What can you do? It's the Wild West out here. Instead of complaining, I am going to turn the tables on those plagiarist fuckers and write about a song that I actually love-- a song I have always loved-- but a song that only recently started making sense. I'm talking about The Talking Heads' song "Once In A Lifetime."



This is difficult, as I don't want to betray G:TB's masthead and shibboleth, and take myself too seriously. It's much easier, in my old age, to be ironic about pop music. I rarely get the same profound emotional response from music now that I got when I was a kid. Though your bands may have been different, you know what I mean; your emotions were the same. Music could take you to a different planet: Houses of the Holy and Dark Side of the Moon. It could get you wound up: AC/DC and The Cult. It could make you feel subversive: The Minutemen and Black Flag and Minor Threat. It could rock: Sound Garden and Jane's Addiction and Alice in Chains. It could groove: The Clash and INXS and The Jam. And it could make you feel hip: Paul's Boutique and Public Enemy.

But as I got older, it got harder and harder for music to penetrate my consciousness. After college, I started getting into jazz and classical music, and my pop music taste tended towards the ironic psychedelia of Ween. And The Talking Heads. After a frenetic day of teaching math to emotionally disturbed kids, I would unwind by playing Road Rash on the Sega Genesis (I conquered that game, defeated every level, got all the way to the secret "cop level" . . . and the end of the game was so disappointing that I never played video games again). And while I whipped other motorcyclists with chains, beat them with clubs, or whacked them with nunchaku, I would simultaneously listen to either Ween's The Pod, or The Talking Heads.

These days I constantly need new and different music to even pique my interest-- obscure funk and baroque instrumental, Afro-Cuban jazz and underground albino hip-hop (thanks Mark!), mashed up masterpieces by The Hood Internet and Girl Talk. But there are a few of the old bands that still do it for me. While it's hard for me to go back to the days of "Fire Woman," I can still throw on London Calling or Exile on Main Street. And I can still listen to The Talking Heads.

And so I was listening to "Once In A Lifetime" last week and it really hit home. I am lucky enough to say that David Byrne's opening monologue literally applies to my life.

I have found myself living in another part of the world.
I have found myself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife.
And I have asked myself: well . . . how did I get here?

I am sure there are people that have never asked themselves, "How did I get here?" I am sure there are people who imagine this is how it should go down: nice house, cute wife, big car, but not me. I am always thinking: "This is not my beautiful house . . . this is not my beautiful wife . . . how did I get here?"  I have traveled the world. My wife is charming, slender, and attractive. I slice peppers on a granite counter-top in a remodeled kitchen. I have blonde kids. Blonde kids? I am swarthy. And hairy. My friend Melanie once said: "it looks like you stole your children."

I often feel as if I'm having an outer body experience, I'm at the pool, chatting with other moms and dads, my kids swimming around, and I can't believe it. It's like I've infiltrated a secret club. I feel as if I deserve none of this. I appear normal, successful. House, job, wife, etc. I go to dinner parties. How? And I wonder: "Is everyone else winging it? Is everyone else an idiot like me?" Igor gives his weekly report in the comments: he's working his ass off, attending fundraisers, finding employment for disabled folks. How did this happen?

In a week's time, we are getting a dog. A DOG. I love dogs, but it seems like another piece in this bizarre puzzle; now I'll be walking through the park with my two blonde kids and a dog and people will think I'm normal. They will have no knowledge of my actual record with pets, which includes losing a lizard for several months in the dorm room I shared with Rob; having to euthanize another pet lizard of mine because a friend's lizard paralyzed my lizard-- and my euthanization was more cruel than the paralysis-- as I unsuccessfully tried to drown the lizard (iguanas can hold their breath a long time!) and then gas him with with exhaust from my car (my hand starting burning before the lizard croaked) and then finally (and successfully) put him down with a large board. I lost a ghetto conure out an open window. I inadvertently and unknowingly kicked the plug out and froze a monitor lizard to death. I kept a pet box turtle in a house with eight other guys, a box turtle that was allowed to roam loose on the second floor, and would occasionally stumble over the foot of the stairs and clunk down them like a bowling ball. No one will know this when they see me walking my dog.



Getting a dog is even weirder than having children because getting a dog is so premeditated. You have a family meeting and everyone agrees that they want a dog and everyone agrees they will help care for the dog . . . even though you know it's bullshit, and that the kids will love the dog and play with the dog, but rarely care for it. This isn't like having children. Having children you have a different sort of "meeting," and there's not much talk of responsibility-- the meeting is quite fun, in fact, and then nine months later you wonder: "How did I get here? And how did he get here?" But with the dog, you choose to get there, and that's where I am. Living in the song.

And sometimes I think "MY GOD! WHAT HAVE I DONE!"

That's why I'm still driving my 1993 Jeep Cherokee. I've been shopping for a "large automobile" for four years or so-- we've saved the money, done the research, gotten quotes, talked to dealers-- but I can't pull the trigger. I can't add a mini-van to this equation as well. But I will. Things will become even more absurd. This Honda commercial is geared for me and people like me-- people who can't believe they are in the market for a mini-van. It's a brilliant commercial, as it both satirizes the desire and also makes it seem okay. But I'm smarter than an advertising campaign. Right?



My two blonde kids and dog will pile out of the mini-van, and I'll look at the situation and think: "Where does that highway go?" Is this really the life for me? Maybe I should drive my mini-van off the grid. Maybe I should be in a motorcycle gang or bumming around on the beaches of Thailand or helping refugees in Haiti or working as a fishing guide on the Mississippi. But David Byrne reminds us that none of this was actually in our hands to begin with, that we'll go "into the blue again once the money's gone."

It's the "same as it ever was." And so I will let the days go by, and try not to think about how weird everything is. And consider myself incredibly lucky that my life is like "Once in a Lifetime" and not this Talking Heads tune . . .



Talking Heads
Once in a Lifetime (1984)
Once In A Lifetime

And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack,
And you may find yourself in another part of the world,
And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile,
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife,
And you may ask yourself-Well...How did I get here?

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

And you may ask yourself
How do I work this?
And you may ask yourself
Where is that large automobile?
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful house!
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful wife!

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...

Water dissolving...and water removing
There is water at the bottom of the ocean
Carry the water at the bottom of the ocean
Remove the water at the bottom of the ocean!

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/in the silent water
Under the rocks and stones/there is water underground.

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

And you may ask yourself
What is that beautiful house?
And you may ask yourself
Where does that highway go?
And you may ask yourself
Am I right?...Am I wrong?
And you may tell yourself
MY GOD!...WHAT HAVE I DONE?

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/in the silent water
Under the rocks and stones/there is water underground.

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...

G:TB Fortnight in Review

There are so many things happening in GheorgheWorld that it's hard to contain them all in one wrapup post. In fact, there were so many that we got tired of chronicling them all. We got as far as the following newsworthy nuggets before our fingers got tired and we went to get a beer. (Kidding, KQ. I got a delicious kale, fruit, and flaxseed smoothie.)

Local knucklehead (but not according to his Mom) JaVale McGee encapsulated the Wizards' already-lost season in perfect soundbite-sized form, pulling off a #JaVanityDunk (as coined by the Doofus Overlord Tweet Machine) in the third quarter of the local cagers' 11th loss in 12 games. What's worse, his postgame comments reinforced the notion that he's a taller, ganglier version of Nuke LaLoosh - a million dollar talent with a five cent head.



Despite my political feelings, I gave President Gheorghe W. Bush his due propers when he hurled a seed from the mound in kicking off the Washington Nationals' inaugural season. I trust that my GOP friends will be similarly appreciative of President Obama's soulful - if abbreviated - tribute to the Reverend Al Green. In any case, our President is cooler than your chief executive.



I've been spending way too much time at Neatorama, because they always deliver the goods. To wit:

Who's doing the Polar Plunge with Dave on the Jersey Shore on 2/18?

We've been derelict in adopting a Premiership side, but it'll be hard to beat Fulham in the G:TB Darby. Mostly because of American star, accomplished rapper, and all-around badass Clint Dempsey. The U.S. international became Fulham's all-time leading goalscorer earlier this season, and topped that by tallying the first-ever hat trick by an American in EPL play yesterday to lead the Cottagers to a 5-2 win over Newcastle. Enjoy Deuce's song stylings below. As celebrity rappers go, Dempsey's flow is solid.



The third-ranked Duke women's tennis team defeated 43rd-ranked William & Mary 7-0 in its season opener Friday night in the Sheffield Indoor Tennis Center. The East Carolina swimming & diving teams swept Saturday's meet against William & Mary inside Minges Natatorium. The Pirate women topped the Tribe 150-136 while the men claimed a 165.5-122.5 triumph. The Archbishop Stepinac senior defensive end Austin Taps committed to William & Mary in mid-December, but had his heart set somewhere else. Being accepted and offered by the University of Pennsylvania, Taps needed to raise his SAT score and then be one of a possible three players from the lower band of applicants, based on a sliding scale system of GPA and SAT scores, to be selected. When Taps was asked to go on an official visit two weekends ago he believed the rest would fall into place. He got a lengthy acceptance letter Thursday, decommited from William & Mary and will be headed to UPenn next season. Taps said when William & Mary, where his brother Tim goes, offered it gave him a week to accept or it would be taken away. “I couldn’t have been happier with the University of Pennsylvania,” Taps said. “It’s really been my dream school.”

But we keep rotting. I mean rooting. I guess.

Finally, a G:TB staffer landed this monster. He's on the left, a bit obscured by the fish. Oddly, it doesn't look like him, but we'll chalk that up to the exertion of the moment. It'll keep him in meals for months.

And you thought you'd never see this recurring feature again.

Happy Squirrel Appreciation Day

We've made up things more far-fetched than this, but this is no hoax: Today is Squirrel Appreciation Day. Squirrel Appreciation Day was created by wildlife rehabilitator Christy Hargrove of Asheville, North Carolina on January 21, 2001.

According to Holiday Insights:
Squirrel Appreciation Day is an opportunity to enjoy and appreciate your tree climbing, nut gathering neighborhood squirrels. It's held in mid-winter when food sources are scarce for squirrels and other wildlife.

It goes on to say:
Not everyone likes squirrels. While they are fun to watch skirting around the yard and trees, they are aggressive at bird feeders. Squirrels tip almost any bird feeder and spill the seeds in search of the particular seeds they want. In the fall, they attack pumpkins on front porches in search of the seeds inside. For gardeners they dig up and steal flower bulbs, and may eat some of the veggies in your garden. When you think about it, mid winter is the best time to appreciate squirrels. In the winter they provide a little entertainment. During other times of the year, you may look at them as a pest in the flower and vegetable gardens.
Doesn't sound all that appreciative.

According to Ms. Hargrove, "Celebration of the event itself is up to the individual or group -- anything from putting out extra food for the squirrels to to learning something new about the species."

So how do you learn more? Visit the National Wildlife Foundation website:

How can you celebrate National Squirrel Appreciation Day?If you have small children, play a game of squirrelly seek with them.
Share your squirrel sightings with NWF's Wildlife Watch.
Learn the facts about squirrels:
-- There are more than 300 species of squirrel.
-- Different types of squirrels range in size from five inches (the African pygmy squirrel) to three feet (Indian giant squirrel).
-- The word "squirrel" comes from the Greek word skiouros, which means shadow-tailed.
-- Squirrels have brought down the NASDAQ stock market twice, once in 1987 and once in 1994.

But why should you care???

Back in 1988, a few folks in a freshman dormitory dubbed G:TB founder Rob "Squirrel" based on his squirrel's nest of clutter. Unlike his tour of duty in ROTC or his Government major, the nickname stuck. Much to his chagrin. Throughout college, he tried to go by Rob, but he was Squirrel. He tried to change his nickname to "Meat," but no, he was Squirrel. More than a couple of his friends' parents know him only as Squirrel. More than once in my life, someone has been talking about our friend "Rob," and I responded, "Who?"

In recent years, he's distanced himself a bit from the moniker. He got jobs where they call him by his Christian name instead of his college name. He married a girl who refused -- and believe me, I insisted -- to call him Squirrel. And now he's an Internet phenom on the "Blogger" and the "Twitter" and such, where he's "rob." Only occasional nibbles about the Richmond Flying Squirrels give us cause to bring the old name up. For all intents and purposes, he's now just plain ol' Rob.

Somewhere deep down, though, he knows. He's still our Squirrel.

As a tribute to a once-great nickname, I commissioned a team of technical wizards to assemble an animated video that would appropriately honor both this holiday and our friend. Here's what they came up with. I think you will agree that it's a solemn, fitting tribute, and a parable for our blog . . . and our lives.

(Watch the entire clip, have sound on. It's safe for work and children.)

Soundtrack of a Season, Part 2: Pam McGee Edition

Hope everyone enjoyed Part 1 of our "Soundtrack of a Season" series, in which we chose some apt tunes for members of the 2011-2012 Washington Wizards. I had grand plans of coming up with three new songs for three more dudes on the roster, but then I saw the Mike Wise article in the Washington Post, in which he interviews JaVale McGee's mom, Pamela McGee. If you have not read it yet, it is a doozy. I particularly enjoyed this "she doth protest too much" gem of a quote from Pam:
"He is not a knucklehead"

Some Wizards fans may disagree with Pam on that one (you can count me among that group). In honor of JaVale and Pamela McGee, I have chosen three appropriate tracks for today's installment (whittling it down to three was not easy). Hope you all enjoy.

And don't forget, vote JaVale for the All-Star team. Please. So he'll stop freakin' tweeting about it.

"Mother", Danzig: Just. Too. Easy.



"Only Mama Knows", Paul McCartney: Read the article. Pam McGee is quite certain her son is being underutilized.


And finally, for the Yacht Rock crowd, the Loggins and Messina classic "Your Mama Don't Dance". Pam may not dance, but she sure as hell knows how to lay a smooch on a NBA Hall of Famer.

Larceny and Lady Hens

Let the record show that the first pixels of this post were electrified several days ago. I have hard evidence in the form of an email exchange with the Teej. That's important, because the subject of this post is featured in this week's issue of Sports Illustrated. First Grantland steals our stuff, now the venerable SI? Do we know any lawyers, 'cause this shit's getting out of hand. Here's the post, no hard feelings or anything:

It's no secret that we're huge CAA Basketball fans. We also have been known to be fond of women. When one of the best female basketball players in the country happens to do her hooping for a CAA team, it's hard for us to ignore for too long.

When we last heard from Elena Delle Donne, she was shocking the collegiate hoops world by leaving Geno Auriemma's UCONN program before she played a single game and transferring to Delaware to play volleyball. The all-everything high school basketball star was widely considered the country's best recruit, with a dazzling combination of size and skill. Delle Donne was voted Naismith, Gatorade, and McDonald's national player of the year in 2007-08 after leading Ursinus High School to four straight Delaware state titles. She was a latter-day Larry Bird, except that she did the Hick from French Lick one better, not only moving down a level in competition, but changing sports altogether.

“I committed to UConn hoping the passion would come back,” Delle Donne said in an interview with USA Basketball. “I got there and realized I needed to be home. Something was wrong. I didn’t love the sport anymore.” Delle Donne's close-knit family lives just 20 minutes from Delaware's campus, so she left the relatively bright lights of Storrs, CT for Newark, DE.

After a successful freshman volleyball season with the Blue Hens, where she was named to the All-CAA team, Delle Donne felt her passion for basketball rekindled. Despite offers from numerous NCAA powers, she chose to resume her hoops career where she felt comfortable.

All she's done since then is average over 27 points per game, win CAA Player of the Year awards and All-America nods, lead the USA to a World University Games gold medal, scoring 15.7 points and grabbing 8.5 rebounds per game, and completely upend the CAA's natural order. She's dropping a nation's-best 29.3 points per game in 2011-12 for the 14-1 Blue Hens, whose only loss came at an undefeated Maryland team. Though her 6'5" frame casts her as a post player, she's hitting 48% of her three-point attempts and 93.3% of her free throws. She's a badass.
 
“It’s like I’m a 10-year-old playing AAU basketball again,” she said with a smile. “I’ve got the love for the game.” That sounds just a little big Gheorghey, no?