Washington Wizards Earn First Road Win, Rashard Lewis Celebrates In Most Wiz Way Ever

Oh, the Wizards. Even when they win, they lose. Washington (4-16) won their first road game of the season Saturday night, defeating the Bobcats 102-99 in Charlotte. It was the Wizards' first road win since April of last year, in fact. It also meant they are no longer the worst team in the NBA (shocking, I know). That's good news, right. Exciting stuff. Because I am a glutton for punishment, I watched the whole game (we'll ignore the fact the Wiz only won by three despite Charlotte being without five players, including their top two scorers). Dan Steinberg, aka @dcsportsbog, captured the jubilation on interim coach Randy Wittman's face after this rousing road victory (stoic, stone-faced excitement from the Fred Gwynne look alike...@recordsANDradio had a few choice pics in there too). And I was lucky enough to grab this gem of a pic as the game ended:

This is where I'm about to go off the rails. The Wizards had just won their first road game of the season (and fourth game in 20 tries), and what's this I see? Rashard Lewis is autographing a sneaker for a woman 15 seconds after the game ends (no, seriously, it was 15 seconds after the game). No time for you, Coach, my $22 million dollar ass needs to sign this autograph, for this particular woman. But wait folks, it gets better. THE WOMAN IS ANDRAY BLATCHE'S MOTHER. RASHARD LEWIS COULD CARE LESS ABOUT A RARE ROAD WIN AND IS IGNORING HIS HEAD COACH TO AUTOGRAPH A SNEAKER FOR 7 DAY DRAY'S MOM. [many thanks to @trevorjackson85 of Wizards Extreme and @jpoe82 for this picture, and the one below]

Slow down, overly angry typer, how can you be sure that is Blatche's mom? Well, luckily for us, Comcast chose to show her and her friends enjoying the game earlier. Take a look at the shirt. It's the same woman. And, before you say I have something against Blatche (a dude who played eight minutes in the Charlotte game and may or may not have left with a calf injury/excessive pouting) and am just making up that this was his mom for effect, I did a little digging.

Here is a story about Blatche's mom from the Syracuse Post-Standard. I did some particularly shoddy copy/paste/snipping work of the article pic and another pic from the game. Look at the picture of the woman. I'm no facial recognition expert, but those two faces appear extremely similar. It's Blatche's mom.

So, to reiterate, a guy making 22 million dollars a year blew off his coach after a win to immediately sign a sneaker for the mother of an underachieving, pouty teammate, who just so happens to be the captain of this sinking ship.

Ladies and gentleman, your 2011-2012 Washington Wizards.

Soundtrack of a Season, Part 1: The 2011-12 Washington Wizards

The 2011-2012 Washington Wizards are bad. Historically bad. "Worst start in franchise history" bad (which actually is hard to believe, right?). The Wiz just got worked in a home-and-home with the Philadelphia 76ers, and are now a stellar 1-11 this season. I'll stop after this note, and get to the fun stuff: the Wizards have one win. EVERY OTHER TEAM HAS AT LEAST THREE.

In other words, Washington needs to spice things up, ans I have a suggestion. Intro songs for each  individual player. As chosen by me. These songs should also be played anytime the Washington player appears on the Jumbotron. Ted Leonsis, I hope you're listening...

You 2011-2012 Washington Wizards roster, set to music (Part 1** of how ever many I actually do):

#7, Andray Blatche, F
For some asinine reason, Ernie Grunfeld and Flip Saunders felt it wise to name Andray Blatche the captain of this team. For that alone they should both be dismissed. I found the perfect classic rock tune to remind us of the epic #BlatcheCaptaincy every time his sulking, doughy mug is showed on the big screen.


#22, Shelvin Mack, G
An extremely lazy selection by me, showing no creativity by me, other than the ability to match a last name to a song in a contrive filler post. But I do enjoy the jam. And it will now be stuck in your head all day.


#24, Jan Vesely, F
The final entry today is the easiest of all. Watching Jan Vesely run around like a goofball is one of the few enjoyable things about this Wizards team. I want to hear this theme 6 to 9 times a game.

 

**I am lazy as sin, so you only get three players this time around. rob demanded filler, so this is what you're getting.