American Dreaming (Dedicated to The Notorious B.I.G.)

The Almighty Yojo was stalling on this post . . . but it doesn't look like he's going to muster the energy to make another dry-erase animation any time soon. And when he saw the Zman's topic, The Yojo knew it was time to unveil his new sound . . . and his new band name: The Density.


The Almighty Yojo would like to thank Shakespeare, Biggie Smalls, Rage Against the Machine, Martin Luther King, Steve Carrell, Bob Dylan,Tracy Morgan, and-- most importantly-- all the people who volunteered to be interviewed for this half-baked project.

You have all contributed to capturing the collective consciousness of the dream state. While some cynical skeptics are not open to the significance and meanings of dreams, all the Yojo can say to those people is: your loss.

The Almighty Yojo deems this SFW, although the Almighty Yojo's wife was worried that people at work might "think you do a lot of drugs when they hear that."


All I can say is that my fellow colleagues contributed to the song just as much as the I did. The lyrics are transcribed below, but they hardly do justice to what is going on in the song.

  American Dreaming by The Density

American Dreaming

I have a dream today,
rooted deep in the American Way:
live beyond your means,
magnify your TV screens.

I dreamt of a woman with the head of an otter,
hair slicked back with dripping water.
an old man tried to touch her daughter.
He sang the theme from Welcome Back Kotter.

Egyptians dream of the god Osiris,
head of a gator, body of an ibis--
or maybe that’s Anubis, maybe I’m wrong?
Who cares, like Baal, Haddad, they’re gone.
Monotheistic dreams replaced them
Solaris dreams of Stanislaw Lem.
When you read H.P Lovecraft
you dream about unknown Kaddath.
Tracy Morgan dreams of Tracy Jordan
Tracy Jordan dreams of Tracy Morgan
a drunken baby gives a jailhouse tattoo
a rib cage is a basketball hoop.

I dreamed I was at work,

fixing a big machine.

Took off my pants and shirt.

Heard everybody scream.

My teeth turned loose and brown,

They fell unto the ground.

Everyone stared at me.

They laughed and stared at me.
This is what I dreamed.

You tell me what it means.


I dream I’m falling through my bed,
my wife replaced by a horse’s head,
spiders crawl from the sheets--
I hit the water with my feet.
Then we’re crouched, rolling dice,
Ice Cube, Ice T, and Vanilla Ice.
I roll the snake eyes once, then twice
in an alley full of rats and mice.
the spiders, they boil at my feet
the snakes, they coil in my sheets

In Xanadu did Kubla Khan,
with opium go on and on,
‘til the man from Porlock says he can’t.
Deckard dreams he’s a Replicant.
Dr. Minor believes metallic biscuits
were forced down his throat by pygmy gypsies.
Neo in The Matrix with Bob Newhart,
Floyd and Toto rip the curtain apart.
Unvalued stones at the bottom of the sea,
dead men’s skulls in the slimy deep--
holes where once inhabited eyes.
Clarence and Edward soon to die.
You worry about those princely boys,
try to remember dreams are toys,
but the woman in the pure white robes
melts before you . . . the bear moves close.

I have a dream today . . .
I have a dream today . . .
I’m Bill Murray in Groundhog’s Day,
Your Bill Murray in Groundhog’s Day.
Do androids dream of electric sheep?
Let the chemist put you down deep.
Eternal inception of the spotless mind:
Dicaprio and Carrey fight dream time,
only to find the world unchanged--
except for the passages in your brain.
And if we shadows have offended,
think but this and all is mended . . .

R.I.P. BI.G.

Biggie died 14 years ago today. His murderers deprived us of more genius like this:

Your #3bids4caa Rooting Guide

Schadenfreude is pleasure derived from the misfortune of others. You can look it up. The futile superfans still hoping against hope that last night's hard-fought ODU victory over VCU didn't spell the end of our #3bids4caa fun will be glorying in the stumbles, bumbles, and missteps of a baker's dozen of NCAA Tournament wannabes (we can't root against fellow mid-major bubbler Butler) over the next week.

No, we don't really believe that VCU has a chance, but they played an entertaining game in front of a national audience last night, boast wins over UCLA, George Mason, and Old Dominion, a 9-8 record against the RPI top 100, and a top-50 RPI of their own. Unlikely? Sure. Crazy? Not as much as plunging into a freezing Atlantic Ocean. We can still hope against hope, and give you a short, sweet list of the metaphorical dolls into which we're sticking pins:

Richmond
Michigan State
Georgia
Marquette
Virginia Tech
Boston College
Baylor
Memphis
Alabama
Clemson
Utah State
Colorado
Southern Cal

They say that prayer is powerful. Let's band together to see if they're right.

#3bids4caa, Day 4

I got it dead right. Told you we'd see an upset yesterday that would keep #3bids4caa alive for one more day. (Fingers crossed that nobody will read yesterday's post to cross-check me.) VCU played as complete a game as we're likely to see this month, thoroughly outclassing a very, very good George Mason team, 79-63, to advance to the CAA Finals. The Rams forced 14 Mason turnovers, withstood a brief Patriot run to open the second half, and breezed in front of a partisan Richmond Coliseum crowd. Jamie Skeen hit a career-high 4 threes on his way to a game-high 21 points, while Bradford Burgess went for 16 points and 13 boards for VCU.

The loss snapped Mason's 16-game winning streak, but Jim Larranaga's team is still going dancing in a few weeks. Those with an appreciation of history will remember that the 2006 Cinderella Patriots fell in the conference semis before embarking on their mythical run. Selection Sunday will lack the same drama this year, and there were no groin-shots today, but the symmetry hasn't gone unnoticed in Fairfax.

Hofstra had an opportunity to send us all to bed happy last night; a win for the Dutchpride would've clinched the CAA's third entry into the NCAA Tournament. Alas, a combination of superior athleticism, terrific defense, inspired point guard play, and somewhat questionable officiating doomed Charles Jenkins and his mates, who fell to a hard-nosed ODU squad by a 77-69 count. Senior point guard Darius James, who averaged 7.1 ppg this season, dropped 16 for the Big Blue Beast to complement Frank Hassell's efficient 22. Keyon Carter came off the bench to give Blaine Taylor's team 10 and 8. Jenkins found it much harder to get points on the drive against ODU than he did last night against our Wrens, going 6 of 16 with 16 points and 6 dimes. Our new twitter friend Jerry Beach (@defiantlydutch) noted with both bias and some legitimate beef that Jenkins took 11 shots from inside the arc without drawing a single shooting foul.

It will come as no surprise that I'm picking VCU tonight. I really wish it were Hofstra taking their shot, but beggars can't be choosers. With every major chronicler of the bracket telling us that Mason and ODU have already punched tickets (Joe Lunardi had them as 7 and 9 seeds, respectively, as of Friday - hardly bubble teams), Shaka Smart's squad holds the fate of our silly little hashtag in its hands.

I once again watched CAA tourney action on a small corner of my laptop screen, toggling between the ESPN3 telecast and a lively community tweeting #caahoops and our homegrown #3bids4caa hashtags. (The CAA's decidedly bush league TV package is a source of a future post.) I was getting ready to shut down my computer and have my daughter kick my ass at SuperMarioKart when a final tweet caught my eye.

@midmajority: I missed it on purpose. I live in reality. RT @burythemfast @midmajority Somehow you must've missed the #3bids4caa hashtag making the rounds

Careful G:TB readers (and I think all of our 27 strong readership qualifies) remember our early season run-in with @midmajority, defender of the mid-major faith, obsessive hoops connoisseur, apparently touchy rule-keeper. My tongue was firmly in cheek back then when I lamented my loss of status among the chosen.

Today, though, I wonder with some reason whether the alleged keeper of the flame has forgotten the sublime magic of the possible. Truly, it's the arrogance that irritates more than the actual words. Has this eloquent chronicler of the quixotic quest of the littles become such a big in his universe that he can't bear a storyline that punctures his prefigured narrative? If #3bids4caa becomes a reality, could it mean that things are changing in a way that threatens the mid-majority ethos? (Well, no, it would just mean that this year's senior-laden and well-coached CAA teams had a really fucking good year, nearly all the way through the conference.) Why not revel in the silly, goofy hope, though?

The same guy that wrote, "It always ends in a loss. But this moment, right now, is a new beginning. It is the renewal of hope that things will finally change," is now dealing in reality? The talented dreamer that said, "Those of us who keep going, keep doing and keep traveling are fools in the throes of unrequited passion. There are thousands of us, everywhere, content to find and share the company of other perpetually jilted lovers, inspired and pushed forward by those fleeting and fading glimpses of beauty," now throws cold water on the hopeful giddiness of those who would seem to be fellow travelers?

Maybe he's forgotten.

Or maybe he's just a dick.

#3bids4caa, Day 3

Tony Shaver got a technical foul yesterday. Tony Shaver. Nicest man in the Quad Cities (Croaker, Toano, Norge, and Lightfoot, if you were wondering). Got a technical. Our sources tell us that Shaver either a) dropped a "Gosh" at an inappropriate moment, or b) couldn't control his mustache, which is admittedly a foul-mouthed beast, though it blushes every time it goes out for drinks with Blaine Taylor's lipjacket.

More importantly, Hofstra had fresh legs and Charles Jenkins. Both of those things took a telling toll on the Wrens in the second half of last night's CAA quarterfinals. W&M took a two-point lead into the break after holding Jenkins to 5 points. (No team in the 8 games played thus far in the tournament has led by more than a pair of points at halftime - the patrons are getting more than their money's worth.) But the Dutchpride dominated the last frame, burying the Wrens by 18 and holding Quinn McDowell to only 6 points on as many shots. As I tweeted last night, this is my favorite 10-22 team ever. With only Marcus Kitts graduating, we're eagerly anticipating the 2011-12 Wrens.

While the Tribe's gone home to feed Tim Rusthoven 4 meals a day for the next 8 months, the top 4 seeds remain in Richmond for what promises to be an awesome weekend. I'm tired of the Pulp Fiction theme, so we'll just pick the games straight up. We're thisclose to making #3bids4caa a reality, needing wins by VCU and Hofstra today. G:TB thinks we'll get halfway there.

Game 9

(4) VCU vs. (1) George Mason

There's every reason to believe that this'll be a dandy. VCU faltered down the stretch, but matched Mason at 12-2 in the conference just a few short weeks ago. The Rams are a terrific defensive team, with multiple options on offense and a seasoned roster. Mason's won 16 in a row, and swamped Georgia State under a 42-9 run yesterday. The Patriots also defend aggressively and have even more diversity on the scoring end. I'd love to pick VCU, but I can't see it. Mason is as good a CAA team as I can remember. One thing I feel comfortable in saying is that the atmosphere in the Coliseum this afternoon will be frenzied.

Game 10
(3) Hofstra vs. (2) ODU

Here's where we're pinning our three-bid hopes. ODU's deeper and stronger than Hofstra, plays better defense, and has a substantial edge in coaching experience. All Hofstra has is the best player on the court. Sometimes a transcendent player makes all the difference. We're saying today is one of those times, as Charles Jenkins finds a way against the physical, formidable Monarchs.

And it's aliiiiiiive.

#3bids4caa, Day 2

After an hour or so of Amazing Race-style search for tickets, Team G:TB's intrepid field reporters and our entourage settled courtside for what turned out to be a thoroughly entertaining and well-played contest between our Wrens and JMU. The Dukes are clearly talented, but W&M was equally obviously a more cohesive team. Baby-faced assassin Quinn McDowell dropped a CAA Tournament-record 35 points, scoring on a variety of drives and deep looks. His step-back triple near the end of the first half was a signature heat check moment. Got our group of pasty old guys leaping from our seats, in any case.

Oft-maligned Kendrix Brown was a monster on the boards, not a description frequently used to describe a 6'3" guard. Brown had a game-high 9 caroms and a team-high 4 assists. The young Wrens held off the Dukes in the end thanks to a composure that belied their age. After JMU made a late run to take a 68-67 lead, W&M made 5 of 6 free throws while holding the Dukes scoreless over the game's final 90 seconds. Said Tribe coach and G:TB Hall of Famer Tony Shaver after the game, "A lot of people will define this team by the win-loss record. I don't. I thought we'd walk on the floor with an inner arrogance tonight."

Fellow G:TB Hall of Famer The Teej offered his trenchant analysis postgame, adding "Someone should tell Denzel Bowles he can give back the bathroom pass from Summer School now." The Dukes' All-CAA big man was all but invisible, a combination of Marcus Kitts, foul trouble, a terrific W&M gameplan, and apparent indifference holding him to 5 points.

We're dodging Johnny Law as we motor back up I-95 this morning, but the Man won't stop us from another day of previews.

Game 5
(9) Georgia State vs. (1) George Mason

Nice win for the Panthers yesterday. But now they've got to face the Bad Motherfucker Jules Winfield as personified by Jim Larranaga's Patriots. GMU's on a dominant run, winners of 15 straight games and NCAA locks. GSU hands over their wallets in today's first game.

Game 6
(5) Drexel vs. (4) VCU

Bruiser Flint's Dragons pulled out a surprisingly tough win over Towson to move on to face the hometown Rams. We give VCU a puncher's chance to run the table this weekend, so they're Bruce Willis' Butch. And they'll turn out Marsellus Wallace's lights this afternoon in a game that'll be so ugly it's pretty.

Game 7
(7) Delaware vs. (2) ODU

Running out of battery on my laptop. ODU = Vincent Vega, because Blaine Taylor's an excellent dancer. And they win today.

Game 8
(11) W&M vs. (3) Hofstra

Can't wait. Hofstra, obviously, is Mr. Wolf. Hell, Charles Jenkins by himself is Mr. Wolf. And W&M's still got that watch in its ass, and they'll need every ounce of that inner swagger to make #wrensmakethecaasemis a reality. I can't pick against the Tribe, but if Hofstra wins, we're pulling hard for the Dutch.

Here's hoping today's action matches yesterday's for drama.

#3bids4caa

We're breaking new ground, blogging in motion from southbound I-95 on the way to catch the Baby Wrens' CAA Tournament first rounder against JMU. In the spirit of our poorly conceived and badly executed previews from years past, we're channeling Quentin Tarantino to bring you the 2011 CAA Tournament, Pulp Fiction-style.

Game 1
(9) Georgia State vs. (8) UNCW

Most previews are completed before games are played. We're avant garde like a motherfucker. This game's over. Georgia State as Tim Roth's incompetent armed robber (the Panthers showed an equal amount of skill and smarts in their pre-tournament firing of Rod Barnes) took out UNCW, in the role of Zed, by a 58-52 count. Zed's dead, baby.

Game 2
(12) Towson vs. (5) Drexel

Drexel was hard to cast, but in the end, they're tough and strong. We predict bad things to befall them. And they'd fit right in at a pipe-hitting party. Bruiser Flint's team are Marsellus Wiley. Towson, with their 0-18 conference record, are all dressed up in latex. They'll meet the same fate as the Gimp.

Game 3
(10) Northeastern vs. (7) Delaware

Bill Coen's Huskies were down and out, losing their first 8 in conference play. Then Eric Stoltz as Lance jammed a hypodermic in their chests. And Chiasson Allen became Chaisson Allen, leading NU to 6 wins in their final 10 CAA contests on his way to a first team All-CAA nod. Delaware boasts the conference Rookie of the Year in Devon Saddler, but they're going the way of Marvin, getting their brains spattered all over the car in the first game of the evening session.

Game 4
(11) William & Mary vs. (6) James Madison



Much like Christopher Walken's Captain Koons, the Wrens have been walking around for years with a metaphorical watch in their ass. In this case, an NCAA berth stands in for the timepiece. JMU's as schizophrenic as any team in the CAA, capable of winning four in a row to get to the Dance, and just as likely to lose to W&M. Mia Wallace went from high highs to near death, just like Matt Brady's Dukes. Tonight, the Lance doesn't get the needle into Mia's chest in time and the Wrens continue their recent CAA Tourney success.

Tune in tomorrow as we preview the quarterfinals while whitewater rafting. Bet you can guess who Mr. Wolf is, can't you?

One Painful Moment

The Teej and I will be attempting an unprecedented feat of blogging this afternoon on our way to Richmond for the Wrens' first-round CAA Tournament matchup against JMU. Until then, please enjoy this memory from the 2006 tournament, which served as prelude to one of the most amazing runs in NCAA hoops history, and at the same time almost stopped Gheorghe Mason's Cinderella March before it happened.

The instant he did it, Tony Skinn knew he had made a horrible mistake. The sight of Hofstra's Loren Stokes crumpled on the floor of Richmond Coliseum was bad enough. The look on Coach Jim Larranaga's face when he took Skinn out of the game certainly left no doubt in his mind that he had done something awful.

But it wasn't until the next night, still in a state of semi-shock after the punch and his subsequent one-game suspension by Larranaga, that it really hit him just how badly he had lost control. He was watching the Colonial Athletic Association championship game between Hofstra and UNC Wilmington when ESPN showed the footage that had been making the rounds since the incident 24 hours earlier.

Click here for the rest of the story...

Ranking Topps 1980's Baseball Card Sets: #3 - 1984

With the snow finally melting in the Northeast and the Grapefruit and Cactus League action heating up in the Southeast and Southwest US, I thought it would be a good time to dust off the Top 10 1980's Topps Baseball Card Sets Rankings. While plowing through slightly more than 69% of the list last Fall, I shamefully kept you in suspense all winter in the biggest cliffhanger since Dallas. Or Cliffhanger.

So please accept my apologies. With a moment of free time from three miles high on a Delta plane, I would like to get this baby back on the tracks. To recap, here are the rankings to date:

#10 - 1986
#9 - 1988
#8 - 1982
#7 - 1980
#6 - 1985
#5 - 1987
#4 - 1981

The 1984 season brings up some bad memories. Not only did our AL East rival Detroit Tigers run away with the division, their goofy closer Willie Hernandez won the Cy Young and MVP, robbing Don Mattingly, who put up a gaudy .343/23/110 with 44 doubles and 207 hits.

But the Mattingly rookie is not the only bright spot in this year's set. We also get the Dwight Gooden rookie. These two guys lit up New York and the baseball card community for much of the 80's. Almost as much as Gooden lit himself up with coke. The Mattingly card is also notable for referencing his position as 1B-OF and showing a picture of him in the field without his stache. At least the 1980's Yankees got one thing right by using Donnie Baseball at first instead of Steve Balboni.

We'll keep this one short, as my battery indicator suggests I am running out of juice and I am being distracted by picturesque view of Nebraska below. Good to know I paid $12.95 for wi-fi with a laptop that was half-charged. Strong. We hope to push out the remaining two sets in one uber-spectacular smorgasbord of nerdness later this March. Stay gold, readers.

Today is truly a day for celebration...

Wait, you havent heard? Yep, get your party hats and dancing shoes on, because today is...

National Banana Creme Pie Day!!! Yeehaw!!  To celebrate, please watch this extremely unfunny clip from the Dana Carvey show:



Oh yeah, I also heard it was Dave's birthday. Whatevs.

Egg, Sperm, Man

Sam I am
Down with the program
Green eggs and ham
Yosemite Sam

Sentence, essay
Lecture in the schoolday
C'mon man, name's not Jose
41's old, Happy Birthday

Visual proof Dave is insane (I think)

The style this is shot in made me almost vomit, so I'm not actually sure Dave is in the clip. But even if he isn't, here's a bunch of Jersey folks jumping in the ocean in mid-Febraury. Why? No clue. You'd have to ask Dave.

Still More Rise of the Machines

Boston Dynamics, which in 2008 unveiled a four-legged robot called BigDog, has been tapped by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA), the research and development arm of the DOD, to create a human-like robot and an agile, robotic Cheetah that developers said will eventually be able to run 70 mph.

Robot Cheetah! With Adonis blood, one presumes.

Perhaps the Greatest Music Video In All of Recorded History

I haven't posted in a while (I'm working on something extra special in the music department) but this video is too priceless not to share. Heard the song yesterday while rapidly stuffing my face at Five Guys, and I couldn't get it out of my head, so I looked it up in order to learn it on guitar. It mesmerized all that's inside of me . . . now the sunlight bores the daylights out of me . . . all I want to do is sit inside and watch Mick Jagger parade around in gray pants that may or may not be made of parachute. You must also appreciate Jagger's matching shirt, and hard rockers Keith Richards and Ronnie Wood crooning "Doo Doot Doot, Doo Doot Doot."  Your welcome.

Perhaps the greatest "Caption This" game in the history of G:TB

Mike Baker, aka @BumpkinZF on twitter, you are the f'ing man for pulling this photo. Ladies and gentleman of Gheorghe: the Blog, I present to you our man Ghita sitting next to the GEICO caveman at yesterday's Syracuse/Georgetown game:

Have at it folks.

**And again, @BumpkinZF, thank you for doing the lord's work.

This Week in Wrenball: Jaaaam, oh, Jam

The Wrens close a deceptively competitive regular season on the road against Old Dominion this afternoon. They'll likely lose, probably by less than 12 points, give or take a few. As a result, they'll fall to 9-21 on the season, 4-14 in a historically tough CAA. And we're okay with that.

Tony Shaver's boys will take their talents to Richmond starting on Friday night, where several members of Team G:TB will watch them take on the conference's 6th seed in first-round CAA tournament action. After the tournament tough Wrens upset their first opponent, likely quarterfinal foe Hofstra awaits. No less a blogging celebrity than Jerry Beach of Defiantly Dutch has this to say about the prospect of the Dutch taking on the Tribe, "Seriously, if you guys upset JMU, I will vomit in fear of the 3-11 game on Sat(urday) night." Better pack your Pepto, Jerry.

Win or lose, there'll be no keeping our road-tripping contingent from Saturday morning's CAA Pep Band Jam, where Mason's Doc Nix will lead an all-star collection of conference bands in spirited performances of standards new and old. We've got our fingers crossed hoping for a Katy Perry medley. (Total excuse to post a picture of Katy Perry? What kind of blog do you think this is?)

And speaking of Mason, how about Jim Larranaga's juggernaut? The Patriots enter today's season finale against Georgia State boasting a nation's-best 14-game winning streak. They've barely been tested over that stretch, only trailing three times and winning 11 of the 14 by more than 15 points. Several among the bracketing cognescenti have the Pats as high as a 7 seed in the NCAA Tourney. And with all that, we'll ask FOG:TB KQ's understanding as we root for the other green and gold to lose to VCU or Hofstra.

#3bids4caa, and all that, you understand.

Mark's Weekend

So apparently, with Greg by his side ("Greg, you gotta move chief, the bride needs to stand there"), Mark is getting married this weekend. Once I hit "publish post" I am hopping in my vehicle to drive to Florida as Greg's +1. Danimal, see you at the reception.

The Jeff Foster Experience

Thanks to Shlara's surpassing generosity, the Teej and I were treated to one of the more unique experiences of our hoops-following lives last night. We were in attendance courtside before the Wizards/Pacers contest as Bullets alumni Bobby Dandridge and Mike Riordan shared their memories with season ticket holders (and a pair of interlopers) in a pregame "chalk talk" moderated by Wiz radio announcer Dave Johnson.

While Dandridge was gracious and open, Riordan stole the show with his memories. He talked about everything from the 1970 NBA Finals (he was a member of the Knicks team that beat the Lakers in the famous Willis Reed Game), running into screens set by Wes Unseld, the difficulties of getting Elvin Hayes to run the triangle offense (Elvin never met a ball he didn't shoot), the differences in All-Star game from his era to now (the money that went to the winners back then made a difference, so the players competed as hard as they did in real games), and trying to guard Jerry West and Oscar Robertson. Riordan, who used to own a legendary Irish bar in Annapolis, was authentic and engaging - a real Gheorghe of the people.

We confess to being a bit disappointed about one aspect of the evening, however. Our tickets said that there was a game between the Wizards and the Pacers to follow the chalk talk. Turns out the Pacers played against John Wall and a collection of playground hacks. The Wiz won the first and fourth quarters, but got blitzed, 65-38, during the game's meaty middle. Jeff Foster, who entertained us greatly with his Larry Bird-esque game-long standing and stretching, managed to be +10 in 9 minutes of action, grabbing 7 boards against the disinterested Wizards frontcourt. Fan favorite Tyler Hansbrough scored 17 points in 21 minutes, mostly by just playing harder than the other guys. Dismal effort by Flip Saunders' boys.

The evening's highlight, beyond the Teej's late-game outburst at the home team's lack of defensive effort, was the appearance of a Pacers fan dressed in full Rey Mysterio costume - mask included. I wasn't aware that anyone from Indiana had that kind of weird.

Huge thanks to Shlara. Team G:TB owes you yet another.

Mos Awesome

I really enjoy the Decembrists. I really enjoy Yo Gabba Gabba. The Decembrists recorded a new song for Yo Gabba Gabba, entitled 'The Great Outdoors'. And I can't for the life of me figure out how to embed it.

So enjoy Mos Def as Super Mr. Superhero. And wait patiently for tomorrow's mind-blowing episode of G:TB: Worlds Colliding.

G:TB International

It was a hectic weekend, what with an embarrassment of college hoops riches, the Daytona 500, and Sentence of Dave's cooking adventures, so you're forgiven if you missed the opening few matches of the 2011 International Cricket Council (ICC) World Cup.

This year's cup is being contested in Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, and India after a nasty bit of business involving a 2009 terrorist attack on the Sri Lankan team caused the ICC to strip Pakistan of hosting rights. Wisconsin's teacher's union should heed the lesson, lest Madison be stripped of next year's regional spelling bee.

2011 Cup Mascot Stumpy oversaw the weekend's first matches, as India topped Bangladesh by 87 runs, New Zealand prevailed by 10 wickets over Kenya, and Sri Lanka blasted Canada by 210 runs. Why are scores tallied in both runs and wickets? The fuck do I look like, Sachin Tendulkar?

Cup action runs through April 2, mostly because each match (game? set? chukker?) lasts between 3 and 17 hours, under the One Day International rules. The Pakistanis are obviously highly motivated to restore their national honor, so smart money's been flowing strongly in their direction (note to Danimal). G:TB's experts really like the cut of Ottis Gibson's West Indies squad, however. Stay tuned for all the overs, googlies, and wicket-busting action as we track the results right through the final in Mumbai.

To keep you fired up, here's the official song of the 2011 Cup, as sung by De Ghumake. It's no Wavin' Flag, but it's catchy:

Do You Ever F[orget]uck With Rock & Roll?

Remember Blakroc, the Black Keys album featuring numerous MC's, produced by Damon Dash? Damon Dash now has a label called Bluroc which apparently focuses on similar projects, from which "Muscle Car Chronicles" will soon be relased, featuring Curren$y (the world's most prolific MC), Thomas Pridgeon (Mars Volta) on drums, and Sean O'Connell (Voodoo Farm) on guitar. I'm enthused.



I also enjoy these various Jets/Curren$y t-shirts. I hope to see some of these at the New Meadowlands, as they will serve as clear indicators of the most entertaining tailgates.

3Bids4CAA: A @batogato Production

Our diminutive leader likes to talk about how we are the internet's fourth largest provider of CAA hoops-related content (or something to that effect). That may or may not be true, but one thing i do know: this little slice of blog heaven can be credited with the first known sighting of the rare "3 Bids for CAA" notion...

http://gheorghe77.blogspot.com/2007/03/march-sadness.html

In looking at that post, I realize it has my name attached, but I'm thinking I wasn't actually able to craft a post with that many words/thoughts. So we are given all credit to our lift-wearing friend rob. Kudos sir, because that March 4, 2007 post has now led to the movement that is the twitter hashtag #3Bids4CAA

Live it, learn it, love it.

Here's what you need to know (because I'm kinda in a hurry) - George Mason, very good (20-6, 11-4; RPI: 29, SOS: 61*). Old Dominion, very good (21-5, 13-2; RPI: 23, SOS: 72*). BUT, we need these very good teams to lose the CAA conference tournament. That is the only way I see #3Bids4CAA of having even half a chance. So, Charles jenkins, that means you taking Hofstra on your back (think Randolph Childress). Denzel, wake up man, we might need you to carrry JMU to the tourney title. Or random dudes at VCU I forget at the moment, who are probably the best bet statistically to pull this off anyway (and I hope they're winning their Bracket Buster game as I type this).

On that note, this weekend, let's first of all hope basically every single CAA team wins...and then we'll get back to you early next week with our Steve Buscemi-esque hate list for non-CAA at-larges clogging up the scene (hey, Boston College and Clemson, I'm looky at your sloppy asses).

*I used @aglock Bubble Watch of 2/14...sorry for the laziness.

Get out of the office, people...

...have some fun out there. I'll be spending an evening with Scott and Seth tonight (sans Bob Dylan's unfrozen cadaver). Hope yours is just as pleasant.

If you're not tapping your foot by now, you have no soul....

Major Lazer - Tribal Edition

You won't see it on the W&M website, but Major Lazer recently attended a Wren hoops game and got inspired by the ladies in the crowd. They recruitied the Burg's finest honeys for this video. Check it out:

Just get us through the morning Simon...

I promised rob a #3Bids4CAA post. This obviously isnt it. Later today folks, later today.

Jan-Michael Vi-what the f**k happened to you?

Driving up 395 to work today a military copter decided to fly at northbound traffic, oh, about 20 feet above us. I had this (awesome) flashback...

So This Happened

Been a rough season for Tony Shaver's Wrens, but they continue to give more experienced opponents all they want. Last night on Long Island, W&M spotted Hofstra a 15-3 lead before finishing the first half on a 31-11 run. The teams swapped runs throughout the second half before CAA Player of the Year (soon to be two-time) Charles Jenkins hit a three to send the game to overtime. The Tribe led late in the extra session before the DutchPride tied the game, with Quinn McDowell scoring 28 points and grabbing 12 rebounds.

And then this happened.



Obviously, the creators of the #wrenswillmakethecaasemis hashtag are anticipating a little bit of karmic rebound after a season littered with shouldacouldawoulda.

Karma's a bitch, eh Juice?**

Extremely busy down at the cracker factory today, but I just couldnt pass up this gem from that bastion of professional journalism, the National Enquirer:

**And Juice, just because you think Karma is a bitch doesn't mean you get to behead her and her current boyfriend (er, I mean waiter friend).

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GHEORGHE

On this day 40 years ago the one and only Gheorghe Dumitru Mureşan was born...

Look at how excited he is to celebrate!

Fun Gheorghe Birthday Fact of the Day:
Ghita is one of only five NBA or ABA players to ever sport #77. And he is by far the coolest of these dudes...

Cee Lo Green + singing muppets + "F[orget]uck You"

This video involves a number of recurring G:TB themes and Gwyneth Paltrow in a catsuit, which I hope will become a recurring theme.

After All, You're My Van Der Waal

The luster is certainly dimmed on this evening's matchup between the 14-38 Washington Wizards and the 9-45 Cleveland Cavaliers, the Cavs' win over the Clippers turning this from a celebration of epic failure into merely one of the worst games in NBA history. Nonetheless, we'll be glued to our televisions, cheering ourselves hoarse in hopes that the Wiz break their road winless maiden. Or watching a particularly amusing episode of Phineas and Ferb. Consider this your Wiz/Cavs open thread.

Nutz

Like a 2004 Yankees AL Champions t-shirt, today's originally scheduled post will only see the light of day in sub-Saharan Africa, adorning the dust-streaked screen of Manute: the Blog's readership. Shame, really, because our exposition of the movable object versus stoppable force conflict scheduled for Sunday in Cleveland was quite an effort by our standards. Cleveland's victory over the Clippers last night dulled the shine on this weekend's Wiz/Cavs battle of dipshits, but since everything happens for a reason, we soldier on, Kellen Winslow-style.

So we don't get to declaim extensively about 0-25 against 0-27. We'll still celebrate, for yesterday marked a milestone. Happy first birthday to Nutzy the Squirrel, mascot of the Richmond Flying Squirrels. Season opener is April 7. I believe a road trip is in order.

BONUS: A rare clip of Nutzy in action:

GTB: The Interview...Brian Hightower

In 2008 and again in 2010, I was part of an assemblage of rugby-alum degenerates who traveled out to the western part of the country to watch the International Rugby Board (IRB) Sevens World Series, an eight-city world tour wherein a weekend international rugby tournament is played in each venue. Our old coach Cary spearheaded the drunken outing in San Diego three years ago and took a few pictures; the highlight that trip, perhaps, was learning about the shot "The Stuntman."

Last year, as you may recall, it took a ridiculous journey to get to the same tournament in Las Vegas, but it was all worth it. The US stop is in Vegas again this year – this weekend.

The cool part for us rugby idiots is that it’s on live television this year. NBC is airing matches beginning at 3:30 EST on Saturday and resuming coverage for the Cup Final Sunday at 4:30; their subsidiary Universal Sports, for those who get it, will have even more of the action at various times. The full schedule is here.

Even cooler for those of us who played Tribe Rugby (now known as Wren Wrugby) is that Brian Hightower, who lived, drank, puked, rucked and mauled with several Gheorghers way back when, is providing color commentary for the broadcast. This could be the beginning of a long and distinguished career for him if all goes well – and if rubgy continues its ascension in American popularity. We’ll see; in the meantime, tune in this weekend to catch some of the play.

Highcheese has also been tasked with writing some rugby-related pieces for a webpage called The Scrum on UniversalSports.com. Take a gander and learn a bit more if you're interested.

Oh… in unrelated news, Hightower was also DangerMan (almost).

In recognition of our old friend’s presence at the event that kicks off Saturday, I rang up The Thumb (also known as The Fireplug, The Glom, a Random Idiot, or simply Cheese) and borrowed 20 minutes of his time with a flurry of questions serious and less serious on behalf of Gheorghe: The Blog. Here was the result. (Brian sounds that way because I keep him in a little tin can.)

highcheeseinterview by whitneygtb

Tune in if you can. Sevens rugby is an awesome spectator sport, good for fans and ADHD sufferers alike. (7-minute halves, lots of scoring.) Enjoy.

The (Clyde) of the Tiger

If you needed more reasons to get fired up for the Lakers' visit to MSG tonight, read this article (courtsey of Newsday). I am unable to copy it here for you all.

I mean, was this seriously a commercial?

Holy Shit, this commercial gets a whole lot better with a little googling. The breakdancing group in this spot? (which is 100% real) The Lockers.

Wikipedia...(originally named The Campbellock Dancers) were a dance group formed by Toni Basil and Don 'Campbellock' Campbell eight years before MTV and 32 years before any of the current TV dance competitions could give them a hands up. Active throughout the 1970s, they were pioneers of street dance. Don Campbell is the founder of the locking dance style and originally, Locking was called The Campbellock - a style that was based on the dance and song that Don Campbell created.

And yeah, if you're thinking that Toni Basil name sounds familiar, you are correct. And it leads to awesome clip #2 in today's morning filler, Toni Basil's seminal 80s classic "Mickey"...

Gheorghe: The Sitcom (Episode 1)

G:TB continues to expand its multimedia empire. From blogs to podcasts to...amateurish cartoons. This video is about 1% as funny as it could be, but it's a good way to set the bar very low for future episodes. And it's so bad that it's good. Like Clerks (I say to myself).

(It's very possible the web site hosting this functionality will drive Mr. Truck insane and lead to his wife divorcing him in two years.)

Enjoy Episode 1: Chick with Certs.

The Alan Parsons Project

Neither Parsons nor a Project.

Talk amongst yourselves...while listening to this clip of course:

This Week in Wrenball

Sometimes the how is more important than the what. Case in point, the young Wrens struggling to find their wings and leave the nest in the 2010-11 hoops season. Sure, if you look at their record, Tony Shaver's kids aren't much to crow about (see what I did there?). W&M split a pair of roadies this week, beating JMU in Harrisonburg before losing a track meet in Wilmington to drop their record to 7-17, 3-10 in the CAA.

But not all lousy records are created equal. Recall, if you will (and if you've got a strong stomach) the fallow years of the Chuck Swenson era, when the Tribe's annual 4-23 record was accompanied with apathy and abject hopelessness. Victory back then came when W&M stayed within 15 of conference opponents. Progress was measured in whether or not reserves could get their warmups off without tripping on themselves before entering games.

Today's 7-17 speaks of a young team finding itself, struggling to close out games. The Wrens haven't been blown out in a single CAA contest, with six of their 10 losses by four or fewer points. Combine that stat with what my admittedly failing eyes tell me, and I give you a team that might be overmatched, might lack the athleticism of its opponents (though Brandon Britt might be the most athletic Tribe guard since Randy Bracy), but never, ever gives anything but full effort.

And that, friends, is a little thing we like to call coaching. The Green and Gold will continue to take their lumps this season, with games at home against ODU and on the road against revenge-minded Drexel this week likely exhibits 18 and 19, but conference opponents had better get them now. The building blocks are in place, and with Quinn McDowell returning for his senior season in 2011-12, a third CAA championship game in five years isn't the pipe dream that it would've been back when Igor's pterodactlyan lady-killing style roamed the 'burg.

Speaking of drinking the Kool-Aid, FOG:TB MGL notes via twitter that four CAA squads (Mason, ODU, VCU, and Drexel) are currently in the top 53 RPI spots. That tally gives the Colonial more teams at that level than the ACC, Pac 10, and Conference USA. K'naan-like dreamers are making the case for multiple at-large bids to the Big Dance, which would be a first for the conference. Cold-eyed realists have yet to be convinced. The optimists in this argument have a lousy track record, so grains of salt are on order. But the selection committee needs to fill out a 68-team card this year, and the CAA boasts a number of legitimate out of conference wins and very good teams. Call me Pollyanna - won't be any different than closed-door nightynight time with the missus.

TMI?

Dennis Celebrates...

After hitting pay dirt in my Super Bowl pool last night, I've decided to start my own company. I'm not thinking grand ideas here, just simple delivery of goods and services to the local community at prices they can afford. The business model as shown in this video is precisely what I have in mind....

I'm kidding of course; I wouldn't be caught dead in that pink bunny suit.

But, I am seeing this band tonight live at the Rock And Roll Hotel in your nation's capital. So many tapes, so little time...

Super Bowl Open Thread Smorgasbord

The title. That's all I got so far. And this hot Packers fan:

This is truly a work in progress, as I am at work...and need to make some progress on the Penske file. This post will slowly evolve as I lose my mind in this cube.

11:18am. Our Super Bowl correspondent has checked in via the tweet box - she has survived the icy Dallas weather.  And speaking of the tweet box, you might want to check out this dude and this clown. Good times can be had by all.

11:29am. The search for a hot Pittsburgh fan is taking longer than I expected. This is not schtick. it shouldn't be this difficult. And since no one asked, I honestly think "Paul Revere" is my favorite Beastie Boys song of all time...

11:40am. It's apparently underboob image day...that works for me.

11:43am. Holy shit, Mike Tomlin's black? And went to William and Mary?

11:51am. A story for you all (that you have already heard me tell drunkenly a thousand times): When I was a freshman in high school I dislocated my hip, and was laid up for quite some time at home before I even got the pleasure to grab a pair of crutches and limp around school for the next six months. While bumming at home in bed, I played Super Tecmo Bowl. A lot. Finding this clip just gave me more fucked up flashbacks than Tim Robbins in Jacob's Ladder (especially the sound effects - they have a visceral effect on me):



12:09pm. Filler within filler disguised as an open thread. Someone get Christoper Nolan on the horn. "Chris. Chris. It's Marvin - your cousin, Marvin NOLAN. You know that new scifi film you're looking for? Well, check this out." What the hell is TJ talking about? "Fashion is Dumb" filler - this week's winner? Wearable Planters. I'm counting on Mark to survive his Bachelor Party weekend in Vegas so he can use this in the most *cough* creative way possible.

12:42pm. I am too lazy to go back and see what people's picks were for the game, so please just pick again in the comments. I am still waffling on my pick. Which reminds me, what's your favorite way to have hashbrowns at Waffle House? I keep it simple (as you might expect) and go "covered". Ketchup only, of course.

12:44pm. The live version of "One Of These Days" just came on Pandora. I guess working on Super Bowl Sunday really is the new Bumming Dome.

12:47pm. Hold the phone - google/Pandora is really starting to freak me out. Chuck Berry's Johnny B. Goode is playing now. Less than an hour after that "Back to the Future" joke. To quote the kids these days....WTF???

12:55pm. Prop betting - perhaps the funnest thing the Super Bowl has to offer. I took a quick screengrab of prop bets...we need to get a hold of Ace and Gary in Vegas to place an Official G:TB Prop Bet (should we look into trademarking our name? I hear it's the new vajazzling)

1:09pm. I'm definitely rooting for Green Bay, so I'll say 28-24 Packers...and a defensive player on the Pack ends up being MVP. I think my work here is done (literally and figuratively)...see everyone back here for the game:

And no, I do not care that one of these ladies has the wrong team colors. That's not what I'm focused on.

Science Cheerleader

If you like science, and you like cheerleaders, we've got big news for you. Really, even if you just like cheerleaders, you'll probably dig Science Cheerleader, a website dedicated to highlighting NBA and NFL cheerleaders pursuing careers in science and engineering and getting girls more engaged in science. Gregg Easterbrook is curled up in a corner somewhere, soaked in a puddle of drool. His own.

As the father of daughters, I find this extremely cool. And if I learn that a cheerleader works at the Large Hadron Collider, well, my work here may well be done.

G:TB Super Bowl Coverage

The Super Bowl is our second favorite Super thing. (After Super Grover, natch.) So we dispatched one of our favorite correspondents to cover the festivities. Her first report follows:

Where are you watching the game on Sunday?

I’ll be here:

Watching him:

Coaching these guys:

To win their 7th one of these:

And will be sending dispatches to G:TB throughout the weekend.
GO STEELERS!

--Shlara

G:TB's Content Has The Same Ratio As Taco Bell's Meat!

You may have heard that an Alabama law firm is suing Taco Bell for false advertising. They claim that Taco Bell's meat is only 36% beef. The rest is filler. You can read about it in detail here at Gizmodo.

Here's a headline and excerpt from a typical story on the topic:

Law suit claims Taco Bell Beef has only 35 percent meat

In a lawsuit filed on behalf of Amanda Obney, a resident of California, and the customers of Taco Bell, it has been alleged that meat used by the company is not all meat but contains binders and fillers in high quantity.

This ratio of approximately 35% real content and 65% filler struck a nerve with me, it seemed mathematically significant . . . the numbers had a resonance to them, they reminded me of other significant ratios, like the Golden Ratio or the Pareto Principle.

Inspired, I did some research . . . I read Gheorghe: The Blog. That's right, I read the whole thing. Every post. Every long rambling epic by Igor. Every YouTube introduction by T.J. All Mark's picks. The Bills, the baseball cards, the Redskins, the Wizards. Every Gheorghe-mas. Even the CAA basketball stuff. And I counted the words in every post. And I fastidiously tabulated them into two categories: filler and meat.

You are not going to believe what I found (judging by the photo above, I found that Taco Bell uses bunnies for meat, but that is not the case, I just liked the picture). Take a deep breath. Now exhale it slowly. Sit down. Now read the following sentence. The content of Gheorghe: The Blog exactly mirrors the content of Taco Bell meat! We are 35% legitimate content and 65% filler.

We need a name for this magical ratio, which obviously guarantees success in low quality faux-Mexican food and low quality faux-blogging. I like the sound of The Golden Ratio, but obviously that is taken. How about The Meaty Ratio?

I tried to find a YouTube clip of the scene in Cheers where Norm waxes poetically about The Hungry Heifer's "bef" and "loobster"-- neither of which could be legally called by its actual name because of the high filler content-- but I couldn't seem to locate this scene. Perhaps T.J. can find filler for the filler.

-----
Here it is. The exchange begins somewhere around the 7-minute mark of Part 2, but I included all 3 in case you want to see an episode in its heyday.

An Open Letter to Roger Goodell

Dear Roger Goodell,

Here at G:TB, we occasionally write an epistle for the greater good. I am so sorry that it has come to this, but I am forced to unleash my super-potent rhetorical forces on you. If you doubt my powers, simply read this, and you will know what is in store for you.

My first demand: move the Super Bowl to Saturday. And it's got to be now! Let's do this! Let's do this thing. Do it. Do it now! 3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . . Do it! 5 . . . 4 . . . 3 . . . 2 . . . 1. . . Now! Do it now!



On a more serious note, Mr. Goodell, some of us have to work early on Monday morning, but that is not the only reason for moving the Super Bowl to Saturday. The main reason is more profound than it is pragmatic. Moving the Super Bowl to Saturday will be good for the collective consciousness of our great nation. Our great nation, that is slowly splintering, slowly fragmenting due to technology. That is not to say that the digital revolution is not wonderful. Time restraints have been conquered. Choices in media abound. This blog exists. With a minimum amount of effort, you can read what you want, listen to what you want, and, of course, you can watch what you want . . . when you want to watch it.

But all this convenience comes at a price. There is very little shared culture now in America. In the old days, on Friday morning, people would analyze the latest episode of Seinfeld. Now, we don't even watch sporting events at the same time. Everyone is on their own private schedule, living in their own private Idaho.

Except for the Super Bowl. Everyone makes time for the Super Bowl. You don't need to be a football fan to attend a Super Bowl party. There is food and drinking and gambling, and people even behave altruistically and watch the commercials, further propagating the insane revenues that said commercials generate. An event such as this should not be constrained by the looming presence of Monday morning. An event such as this should be beyond festive, beyond convivial . . . it should be Bacchanal. I shouldn't be worrying about this.

Say it to yourself. Superbowl Saturday. It's still alliterative. And think about the good you would be doing the nation. I cannot begin to estimate the lost productivity on the Monday after the Super Bowl: the sick-days, the lateness, the sleep deprived air-traffic controllers, the still drunk elementary school bus drivers. Do it for those elementary school kids, the kids that have to be driven to school by a drunk, because the Super Bowl starts late Sunday night. Do it for my students, who deserve to start the second semester with an energetic, well-rested teacher, who enjoyed himself immensely Saturday night at a Super Bowl party, and then got a good night's sleep on Sunday. Do it! Let's do this thing! Let's do this thing now! 3 . . . 2 . . .1 . . . Do it!

My second and final demand is this: let the team with the best record host the Super Bowl. Let it be a home game, and if it has to be played in Pittsburgh in the snow, then so be it. This is football. If I look out my kitchen window, I'm staring at four foot high snow banks, so when I turn on the Super Bowl-- the greatest single contest in sports-- I don't want to see a bunch of rich folks wearing t-shirts partying down in some warm location. I want to see frost-bitten cheerleaders and three hundred pound men slipping on ice.

Occasionally, the Super Bowl will be in a warm location, but most of the time, if you want to go to the greatest shared cultural event in America, you will have to suffer. There will be flight delays, difficulties getting to the stadium, drunks with hypothermia, and late season football the way it is meant to be played. So what do you say, Roger? Let's do this thing! Super Bowl Saturday in the Snow! 3 . . . 2 . . .1 . . . Do it! Now!

Your friend,

Dave

Timely Filler

On this dreary day in the midst of an endless winter, I thought I would post a link to one of my favorite deep-cut Stones tunes.

Enjoy this one off of Goat's Head Soup. And pray for sun. And pray that Huey Lewis & The News never sees the light of day on this blog again.

Added bonus: "real" content coming later this morning.

Finally, a SPORTS post...

....sorry, I couldn't resist...

Can The Wheelhouse Be Saved?

As many of us have noticed, our friends over at The Wheelhouse seem to be on a sabbatical of some sort. Questions are being asked: Where did they go? Will they return? What has Chip been doing all this time? Well, I was randomly emailing Wheelhouse Jerry and his colleague Craig about Michael Bradley heading to Aston Villa (I got that right?) when I also mentioned that it might be time for G:TB to send out The Wheelhouse in true wrestling fashion with a fake funeral. Jerry took that as we should wrestle for the future of the site, and then 10 minutes later Craig emails us this:

After laughing for 20 minute I sent this to Geoff, and his response?
This was time well spent. I have many questions, the first of which is: Was there some sort of wrestling match between TJ and Jerry that precipitated this? I’ll hang up and listen to your answer.

So the floor is open folks...how do we play this out? No-holds-barred steel cage match? (Step)ladder match? I'll see you in the comments....