zTravelogue: Another must-try restaurant in Osaka, alternatively titled "Mm.. Food"

I went back to Osaka a few weeks ago and did two things for the first time that were post-worthy (no TR, not those kinds of things). I will regale with each in separate posts. Suspense!

I'm good friends with two guys in Osaka. The last time I went they took me to the Swimming Squid (which is still my favorite restaurant in Osaka). This time they took me to Umapero, a horse meat spot. The menu is all horse all day. For real.

It turns out horse is really good! And Umpero is really cool! As I should've expected from the Google translation of their website and the horse pinatas mounted over the door.

Fun drinking party girls' association! Reasonable horse meat! Homemade sangria and grilled wine glass! What could go wrong?

Our first course was horse sashimi. The white stuff on the right comes from the horse's neck, right under the skin below the mane. The stuff above the neck meat is skirt steak (which is the diaphragm). I think the thick pink meaty stuff on the top left was tenderloin. The stuff below that was cured tongue. The stuff below the tongue was sirloin, I think.

The neck meat wasn't particularly flavorful, but the other selections had clear, clean flavors. The tongue, skirt, and tenderloin were all lean and different from beef but not gamy or cloying like venison can be. The sirloin was fattier but not not nearly as fatty as Japanese beef.

After that was horse sushi. It was good but after that sashimi platter it was just more of the same and the rice actually detracted from the flavor of the meat.

I ate cooked food too, like this horse steak frites (which was completely indistinguishable from American beef).

We had a bunch of other cooked and raw courses, but the most interesting (at least to me) from a cultural perspective was the pastrami and pepperoni platter.

The ambiance is great too. The waitresses are friendly, cute, and speak serviceable English. Their uniforms include a golf shirt with one of those giant Polo logos, except instead of a mallet the polo guy has a giant fork. I was the oldest person there. Everyone was knocking back malt liquor and/or sake and you can smoke if you want. There were several tables of ladies that definitely made the place seem like "Fun drinking party girls' association." The tables are close to foster conversation between parties, and if things go well you don't have to go far--during a conversation about Japanese politics and societal norms, my friend Soichi pointed out the window to a building and said "That is a place for sex. If you meet a girl and want to have sex you don't have to take her home, you just go to an hourly place like that. They are all over the city." Umapero even has an adjacent hourly sex hotel! But be sure to bring some Alka-Seltzer and be prepared for strange smelling farts.

Umapero gets a 5 out of 5 spur rating. You should absolutely check it out if you're in Osaka. And if you need a reason to visit Osaka you should read my next post ...

Action Bronson is Actin' Crazy, Ridin' Easy, Mr. Wonderful

It's no secret that I'm an Action Bronson fan. He is the latest in a long line of brilliant emcees who don't take themselves too seriously. Biz Markie, Kool Keith, the Beastie Boys, Del the Funky Homosapien, MF Doom, and Ghostface Killah turn their rapier wit inwards and poke fun of themselves from time to time. Doom and Ghost have long been rumored to have a collaboration album in the works. They recently released a song "Ray Gun" which is not from said hypothetical album, but from the upcoming "Sour Soul" collaboration between GFK and something called BADBADNOTGOOD. It's funky as hell.



Ghostface and Doom's brand of unseriousness is my favorite. The spread a layer of grime over the farcical, the cover the antic in grit, and they do so in a stream of consciousness fashion that often blows my mind.

Action Bronson has been called a Ghostface knockoff because their voices are remarkably alike, and because Bronsoline uses similar preposterous wordplay. While Ghostdini's recent sonic experiments turned songs into chapters of a book (similar to how episodes of "prestige" TV are used to tell a fragment of the series' story), Action Bronson delves into the psychodelic. Here's the artwork for his new single, "Actin Crazy," from his upcoming album "Mr. Wonderful":

For the record, that's a 300+ pound Albanian redhead wearing 3D goggles, a brown track suit, and weightlifting gloves, shooting a laser gun in outer space while riding a shark that shoots laser beams out of its head and missiles from its gills, and is held aloft by clouds in its fins/armpits while being supported by a flotilla of missile-laden fish that appear to have nasty dispositions. And the song sounds as crazy as that picture looks.



This trippy lunacy is not limited to "Actin Crazy." Check out the video for "Easy Rider," another song from "Mr. Wonderful."



If you're not excited for this album then we probably shouldn't talk music. But if you want talk about this album you're going to have to wait until March 24.