Guestie: Mystery Submission

 Sometimes these things just appear in my inbox...and I post them on behalf of Mr. Lee.

Grinds My Gears, 2023 Version

I should be starting the new year off w/ positive thinking, but some things have been bugging me. 

Grammar

It’s almost cliché to complain about, but the language is dying one word/phrase at a time. Examples:

1. “Real-i-tor”  This is so simple.  It’s REAL-TOR.  

2. “Vetrans” – on the opposite side of the spectrum.  It’s “Vet-er-ans Day”.  The second e is not fucking silent.  Say the requisite syllables as fast or slow as you want, but let’s stop adding/subtracting letters and just say the word as it’s spelled.  No more, no less.  

3. “And I” – the misuse of this phrase has taken over the world, folks.  You do not send the email to Julie and I; you send it to Julie and me.  Subject vs object.  Easy cheat: say the sentence without “Julie and”. “Send the email to I” sounds stupid right?  [Bonus gripe: I heard someone say (I’m paraphrasing) “Are you attending Bob and I’s presentation”. I can’t even look at them anymore]

4. “Estatic” – I’m not estatic, I’m ecstatic.  Show the c some respect (sounds dirtier than intended).

5. “Sherbert” – this one’s been mispronounced for so long that we just equivocated and now either pronunciation is somehow acceptable.  It’s spelled S-H-E-R-B-E-T; we’re not in a Guy Ritchie movie - WE DON’T PUT R’S WHERE THEY DON’T BELONG.   Act I of a future John Wick sequel is going to open with our hero in the frozen section of his local Safeway (Publix for the FLA guys) when he overhears someone pronouncing it incorrectly…

Partisanship

I’ve absolutely had it with party identity.  HAD.  IT.  Not a new take, but the us/them, voting for/supporting the name on the front of the jersey rather than the back is at critical mass and an increasingly tiresome exercise in zero sum democracy.

First, the double standards – the conduct of our leaders (or anyone else) is either good or bad, it isn’t influenced by whether or not the person aligns with my party/ideology.  Whataboutism sucks.

Second, coalition building across the aisles is nonexistent and, more troubling, not enough people seem bothered by that fact – they’ve just accepted the continuous wheel of “whomever has more seats in the Congressional house pushes the party agenda without compromise”.  “The motion passed 54-46, with all 54 X Party senators voting Yes” is no way to govern.  You represent all of your constituents, not just the ones who voted for you.  This way of governing is also creating MASSIVE regulatory swings (i.e. costs and inefficiencies) as administrations/party in power changes and all the rules change with it.  Compromise should be the norm – everybody else in every other job does it nearly every damn day.  It should be a sign of strength, intelligence, and good faith, rather than the exception or cause for being portrayed as a traitor by your party’s leaders or booed by its voters.  

The recent events are mind blowing for what did and didn’t transpire.  Having yourself nominated for a position more than 3 or 4 times in a row seems like some stone cold narcissism (not to mention aligned party members only found the “send” button on their keyboard to disavow a certain freshman Congressmen from NY after his vote for Speaker was recorded, all 15 times).  More disconcerting – it seems like nobody’s blinking an eye that a party leader would negotiate for votes with the most extreme 10th percentile of their own party instead of crossing the aisles and engaging a larger percentage of serious-minded moderates on the other side.  And did the D’s even try to work the situation for a moderate, collaborative-minded candidate, or better split on committees to enable coalitions, or did they just say “don’t worry, let’s just see if they’ll EFF it up themselves?” I’m frustrated that they seemingly took the zero to play out this diametric opposition method of governing for 2 more years.  We should demand more from everyone involved.

Ordering “shaved” meat at a deli/grocery store

Saved the most consequential issue for last.   I’m predisposed to upholding the status quo and not making people go out of their way for me.  So, it causes me incredible strife and requires substantial soul searching and mental preparation on my part when my wife sends me to the grocery store with a list that includes e.g. “2 pounds of ham (shaved)”.  That’s how she always writes it; she sneaks in “shaved”.

You may have seen this method where the meat is nearly translucent and a different texture, and the slicer has to go through about 200 rotations just to get anywhere close to 1/4 pound of meat.  Every deli clerk THINKS they can shave meat, but you know after one slice – when they hold it up for your inspection – whether that is actually in their skillset.  It’s like, if you THINK you can write in calligraphy, you CAN’T write in calligraphy.

Properly shaving meat is, apparently, an especially niche skill you hardly ever find in nature.  There are like 15 people in the world who can actually “shave” meat rather than just “slice it really thinly”, and I always imagine they trained for years under a strict vow of silence at some Shaolin-esque temple on a desolate island or hanging off the edge of a cliff near a waterfall somewhere.  But setting that aside, and assuming they CAN shave it, REQUESTING they do so is SUPER awkward.  The attendant slices the meat for 5 minutes, weighs it, and of course it’s not anywhere close, slices more, rinse repeat, repeat, repeat.  Meanwhile 9 people who just wanted a ½ pound of moderately priced Jarlsberg are piling up behind you and they’re all alternately staring at you and the deli clerk, like you and the deli clerk are shooting a snuff film.  There may be some law of physics that shaving ham speeds up the ham molecules in a way that makes it exponentially tastier than thin-sliced (my conscience, along with a histamine intolerance, precludes me from eating it to confirm/correct), but the cost-benefit scale is tipped dramatically in the wrong direction.