Dedicated to the premise that life would be better if we all took ourselves a little less seriously.
Monday, October 31, 2022
Extending The Finish Line
Friday, October 28, 2022
Addiction
Trigger warning: you may well get whip-sawed by the changes in content theme, tone, and quality in this space over the next several months. Of course, one might argue that you've been in that position lo these 4,901 posts. In any case, on with the whimsy.
I really dig design. Z, Mark, and I regularly trade texts about kicks, and I get frequent messages from Z about cars that look cool. I'm also a big fan of soccer and its culture. Blending those two interests has become a bit of a problem for me.
It started with the Seattle Sounders. I was watching the U.S. Men's National Team play a match at CenturyLink (now Lumen) Field in Seattle, and the packed house of 68,000 or so made such an infernally awesome noise that I was inspired to buy some Sounders merch. The multi-beer buzz I had going didn't hurt, at least in terms of my lack of spending inhibitions. And from that modest t-shirt, things might've gotten out of hand.
The picture below depicts some, but not all, of my soccer fashion. Notably absent, the initial Seattle Sounders t-shirt (which I know I still have but can't find), an FC Pinzgau Saalfelden shirt (ditto), a Marcus Rashford England jersey (ditto on that ditto), a Fulham kit from 2016-17 (ditttooooooo), literally dozens of pieces of Loudoun Soccer gear from my coaching and Board of Directors volunteering, and a handful of Tuscarora High School soccer stuff. Not to mention the Senegal World Cup jersey with Sadio Mane's #10 on the back that I ordered earlier in the week.
Thursday, October 27, 2022
The Hard Pessimism of the Race to the Bottom...
or why i stopped worrying and started looking at Portuguese real estate.
My knack for understanding this country's political zeitgeist is well established. I saw the danger in Trump before most did. It's a gift, really. Or perhaps a curse.
I'm so good at it, in fact, that I'm loath to make any predictions about the upcoming midterm elections for fear they'll come true. (There's a non-prediction prediction in there if you can read the runes.)
So this post isn't really a midterm preview. More along the lines of a lament, a continuation of a theme. To be blunt, we're even more fucked today than we were after the 2016 Presidential election, and for the life of me, I don't see a way out. At least not for the country. (Foreshadowing? Foreshadowing!)
Robby Mook was Hillary Clinton's campaign manager in 2016. Ironic, no? |
The Republican Party used to stand for things, even if I didn't generally agree with those things. Small government, robust defense, fiscal conservatism, etc. Today's national GOP has no platform other than power so they can punish their enemies. This sounds insane, and yet it's accurate. Inchoate anti-Democrat/Let's Go Brandon rage is the modus operandi of the party of Lincoln, from backing Putin's war in the Ukraine for...reasons, to Don't Say Gay educational policies, to election denial and now ballot box intimidation, to Supreme Court Justices lying to gain their seats and tossing decades of settled law that will harm women, to...name the issue, and whatever the Democrats are for is satanic and must be burned at the stake.
There is no more visible and concrete evidence of the party's descent into unserious madness than its willingness to elevate the most ill-prepared and uninformed voices to serve as flagbearers for the movement. The only qualifications people like Marjorie Taylor Greene, Lauren Boebert, Matt Gaetz, and their ilk seem to have is their gleeful willingness to own the libs. Sending out Senate candidates like Herschel Walker and Mehmet Oz betrays a different kind of cynicism, a belief that celebrity matters far more than substance, and the fact that both of those clowns are within the margin of error in their contests with proven public servants is sad and embarrassing in equal measure.
For their part, the Democrats in all their earnest do-goodery have proven absolutely not up to the task ofcombatting the aggressive lunacy of their opponents. They're playing by Marquess of Queensbury rules while the GOP is using dragons. And regardless of the nobility of one's cause, dragons are motherfuckers on the battlefield. The GOP is fighting with fire while the Dems reply with whimpering, simpering wishcasting. To wit, here's a sampling of the emails I've received from Dem pols this week:- "This is concerning, Rob."
- "I have nowhere else to turn."
- "our ONLY chance"
- "The absolute last thing I want to write to you about is Donald J. Trump, but..."
- President Biden has emailed you. Speaker Pelosi has emailed you. Hillary Clinton has emailed you. Jamie Raskin has emailed you. Mary Trump has emailed you. Adam Schiff has emailed you. Martin Sheen has emailed you. And now we’re emailing again -- because with just 14 days left in this monumental election, things have taken a rough turn." [I do kinda like hearing from all these famous folks.]
Wednesday, October 26, 2022
G:TB Suggestion Box
This is a call out to all you gheorghies, whether you're on the recent active roster or not (and those who aren't know who they are). We want ideas. Good, bad, and clownish.
Our tiny dictator now has some free time on his hands. Like plenty of it.How shall he fill it? I can't wait to hear about whatever he does... or maybe even join in the fun!
Oh, sure, he'll "walk his dog." A whole lot, I'd imagine.
He'll hike, he'll watch futbol, he'll tilt at political windmills.
He'll go into his study for a while. Then he'll come out with a children's book ready for publishing.
He will post lots of content here.
He will post lots of content here.
He will post lots of content here.
All play and no posting make rob a bad boy.
Word on the street is that he will join me in Scotland for some rucking and mauling, aka drinking and just watching the rugby.
He also mentioned a trip that included Nashville, Memphis, Austin, and New Orleans... that piqued my interest.
What else???
I mean, I have a few ideas, some of which I've shared with him.
- A Hall of Fame roundabout to Cooperstown, Springfield, Canton, Cleveland, and beyond. (The National Soccer Hall of Fame is in Frisco, TX, for example. And the U.S. Brew Museum is in Pittsburgh.)
- Write and record a debut album. For Squirrels and Squirrel Nut Zippers are taken, but he can surely come up with something catchy for a band name.
- At the very least, learn to play bass!
- Learn to juggle.
- Learn to unicycle.
- Assume this mantle.
- Write the Great American Haiku.
- Find himself.
- Get us all some signed memorabilia.
- Spend time on the beach with Mark.
- Get a PhD.
- Read as many books as Dave.
- Find Dennis!
Tuesday, October 25, 2022
Science is Art is Awesome
Nikon holds an annual photography competition focused on the micro world around us. The winner of the 2022 Photomicrography contest was this cool view of the embryonic hand of a Madagascar giant day gecko by Grigorii Timin and Dr. Michel Milinkovitch from the University of Geneva.
But the viral star of the show didn't even make the top 20. Lithuanian wildlife photographer Dr. Eugenijus Kavaliauskas captured this amazing shot of the grill of a carpenter ant magnified 5x:
Some folks find it scary. I think it's fucking badass, a focused machine hell-bent on fulfilling its mission, a little ball of intention. As the photographer himself said, “there are no horrors in nature.”
Sunday, October 23, 2022
Looks Like I Picked the Wrong Day to Stop Drinking
Wednesday, October 19, 2022
It's In the Net!
Fans of domestic soccer had mixed reactions when MLS announced in June that the AppleTV app will become the exclusive means by which every single one of the league's games is available for a 10-year period beginning with the 2023 season. One the one hand, Apple's big-money gamble (reportedly worth $2.5b over the life of the deal) is another sign of MLS' continued growth, and that's a good thing for our league. On another, though, the move signaled the end of local broadcasts, and as such, the swan song for a number of iconic broadcasters.
Close to home her in the greater D.C. metro, that means that Dave Johnson won't be on the call for D.C. United any longer. The ebullient Johnson, known for his signature "It's In the Net! It's In the Net!" call for the home team's goals, is the only play by play announcer the team has ever known, starting his job in 1996 when the team and league first took the field.
IT’S IN THE NET!
— D.C. United (@dcunited) October 31, 2021
When you hear that catchphrase, there’s only one person that comes to mind: @davejsports. With more than 20 years in the broadcast booth, Dave Johnson has become part of D.C. United tradition.
Out of Many, One presented by @CocaCola. pic.twitter.com/cELLI8BgEb
I've met Johnson on a couple of occasions, most recently when he served as the emcee of the ribbon cutting ceremony for the Leesburg stadium that's home to D.C. United's United Soccer League (USL) affiliate. He had no particular reason to be nice to me, but he was gracious and kind. Apparently that's on-brand for him. When I reached out to Shlara to ask if she'd had much interaction with him (he's also been the play-by-play announced for the Washington Wizards for 26 years, where his path crossed that of several FOG:TBs) just in case I was inadvertently celebrating a dickhead, she said, "Yes! Great guy."
Which is good enough for me.
As the video above demonstrates, Johnson is inextricably intertwined with the team that gave him his start in the play by play business at a high level. He's as much D.C. United as John Harkes or Andy Najar.
The same story is playing out in other markets across the league. Real Salt Lake fans started a petition to keep Brian Dunseth and David James in their analyst and play by play roles. Former USMNT striker Charlie Davis and Brad Feldman said their farewells last week as the New England Revolution season ended. Matt Lawrence and Glenn Crooks are out at NYCFC as soon as the defending champions end their playoff run.
Several eras, indeed, are over or soon to be.
What will likely last long in the memories of D.C. United fans, though, is that signature call.
It's In the Net! It's In the Net!
Monday, October 17, 2022
Show and Tell: #skobuffs
Wednesday, October 12, 2022
Cumbia the New Punk
After an excellent day spent in Williamsburg celebrating coming home by drinking way too much (and fuck Andrew Huberman), laughing the precisely correct amount, listening to some live music, meeting Outer Banks star and W&M Class of '87 member Chip Esten, and watching exactly zero football, my wife and I headed to Richmond on Sunday.
The purpose of our trip to the capital of the Commonwealth was to spend time with our kid, who turned 21 on Saturday. The timing of that celebration aligned nicely with the final day of the Richmond Folk Festival, a nice little intersection of interests.
We got there towards the end of the day, owing to the kidlet's dance rehearsal schedule, but we got to hear some imbube from South Africa before heading to the main stage for the finale. Which blew our minds.
Son Rompe Pera is a collective from the suburbs of Mexico City. They play a mesmerizing mix of traditional marimba, cumbia, punk, funk, and rock music. NPR called them "psychobilly marimberos". The nearest analog my feeble brain could conjure was that of a Mexican Red Baraat, a similar melding of traditional and modern wrapped in a high-energy body-moving package. They got alllll the white hippies on their feet in Richmond's gorgeous Riverfront Park.
Here's a taste of the band from an NPR Tiny Desk feature:
Tuesday, October 11, 2022
Science is Gross
I've written about the misery of majoring in biology here before so you already know that science is gross. I have more grossness to share.
Did you know that your face has mites on it called face mites? They are tiny arachnids, like ticks or spiders, and they live in the hair follicles on your face. They eat the sebum in the follicle and at night they come out of your follicles to mate. The freaks come out at night, if you will. So yeah, you have bugs making wonderful sweet sweet love on your face but don't worry, they don't have an anus so they don't poop on you. Don't take my word for it, here's a video featuring Michelle Trautwein, an entomologist who studies face mites. Next time you think your job is bad or stupid, just remember that Dr. Trautwein does this (probably using your tax dollars).
Also gross: the New York Times, the paper of record, recently ran a story about how macaques use stones to pleasure themselves. You won't get this monkey porn in the New York Post--they better not let my kids have access to the Times in school! Yet another reason to avoid macaques.
More grossness from the Gray Lady: Robert Hancock, a biologist at Metropolitan State University of Denver, discovered that the larvae of Toxorhynchites amboinensis, a species of mosquito, shoot their heads forwards to capture their prey. Kind of like a moray eel only with the whole head.
They have GIFs in the article if you want to see it in action. Or if you want further justification to major in art history.
Sunday, October 09, 2022
Shameless Self Promotion
Despite Marls' vitriol, I decided to forge ahead with my podcast and I have currently made fifteen episodes.
Fifteen!
My wife hates the name I chose: We Defy Augury. She thinks it's elitist and obtuse. I told her: "that's what I'm going for."
The podcast did not turn out the way I imagined. I thought I would be interviewing guests about what they read and all the interesting insights they had while reading. It turns out that I only like recording at 5:30 AM-- when the house is quiet and my brain operates smoothly-- and I have no desire to interview anyone except myself. My new template for the show is that I am the host and the book is the guest. And I like to throw in a few loosely connected "cameo" appearances, in the form of audio clips, from movies, music, and film.
I have no idea about the legality of any of this. I read short passages from the book and talk about my thoughts. I convert short clips from Youtube into audio and weave those in as well.
Zman?
Anyway, if you want to prepare, my next episode is going to be about Lords of Misrule, Jaimy Gordon's weird novel about small-time horseracing at a rundown track in West Virginia. While I have some opinions about horses and horse racing, I know next to nothing about the sport. The book is a bit of a tough read, like early Cormac McCarthy, but I'm learning a lot about horses, stables, grooming, claiming races, parimutuel betting, and grifters.
If you listen, give me a rating on Apple Music. Thanks!
Friday, October 07, 2022
NFL Malaise
Wednesday, October 05, 2022
A Goddamn Disgrace
About a year ago in this space, we wrote, "The NWSL is a goddamn disgrace." At the time, we were referencing excellent and infuriating reporting by Molly Hensley-Clancy of The Washington Post and Meg Linehan of The Athletic regarding the league's incompetent and outrageous handling of multiple credible and persistent allegations of sexual and verbal abuse of players by (mostly male) coaches.
This week, we learned more about the extent of that disgrace. Former interim Attorney General Sally Q. Yates released a damning, comprehensive investigation of the league's actions dating back to 2014. Among the many allegations, Yates and her team at King and Spalding found:
- “Our investigation has revealed a league in which abuse and misconduct — verbal and emotional abuse and sexual misconduct — had become systemic, spanning multiple teams, coaches, and victims."
- Christy Holly, the former male head coach of Racing Louisville, requested a one on one meeting with player Erin Simon in 2021 to review game film. When she arrived at the meeting room, "The coach told Simon that he intended to touch her for every bad pass, according to Yates’s report, and pushed his hands down her pants and up her shirt. She tried to tightly cross her legs and push him away, laughing to avoid angering him. The video ended, and she left. When her teammate picked her up to drive home, Simon broke down crying.”
- Former Portland Thorns coach Paul Riley pursued player Meleana Shim sexually for months in 2015, and then benched her when she refused his advances. Though Riley was eventually fired and the league and Thorns owner Merritt Paulson were aware of Shim's complaints, Riley was hired again by an NWSL team and was briefly in contention for the head coaching job with the U.S. Women's National Team.
- Chicago Red Stars owner Arnim Whisler repeatedly protected then-head coach Rory Dames until the latter resigned abruptly in 2021, despite credible allegations of abusive behavior dating to 2015. According to Yates' report, Whisler believed players had "an axe to grind".
Sunday, October 02, 2022
Palate Cleanser
As noted in the previous post's comments, my wife and I made the trip to Norfolk and then to the Outer Banks this weekend for shenanigans with good friends. The weather was hella shitty on Friday, but once the hurricane's remnants had passed, yesterday was an autumn dream at the beach. So enjoy some beauty to close out your weekend while I contemplate a month-long alcohol hiatus.