It's been a while since Gheorghe explained the election. Here are many hot takes on the 2020 Democratic primary broken down by candidate.
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The candidate: Bernie Sanders
His campaign in a sentence: free healthcare, free medicine, free college, free citizenship, and a union card for everyone
His campaign in a GIF:
Liked by: people who don’t have and can’t afford the aforementioned stuff
Disliked by: people who have the aforementioned stuff and don’t want to have to pay for other people to get it
Trump’s nickname if he gets the nomination: Bolshevik Bernie; Bernie Panders
How Trump will beat him: Trump will terrify many people with rants about socialism and communism and how Bernie will destroy the "big beautiful economy" Trump alleges to have built. Trump will run this video again and again and again:
Parenthetically, Bernie Sanders was 46 years old in 1988 yet he looked 78. We should all feel better about ourselves, or at least our appearances relative to middle-aged Bernie.
Trump will also yell words like "Sandinistas" and "Oretega" and "Castro" not only because Bernie backed them, but because it will tie him to Latin America and thus further enrage Trump's xenophobic base. Also, Putin will interfere on Trump’s behalf.
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The candidate: Pete Buttigieg
His campaign in a sentence: I am more intelligent and poised than your other options
His campaign in a GIF:
Liked by: people who look at him and are reminded of the aloof but still likable valedictorian of their elite undergraduate university
Disliked by: people who did not go to an elite undergraduate university; people who went to an elite undergraduate university and did not find their aloof valedictorian to be likable
Trump’s nickname if he gets the nomination: Gayor Pete; some bad pun involving “Butt”
How Trump will beat him: This will be ugly. Trump unabashedly ran on racism and xenophobia in 2016. If Buttigieg gets the nomination Trump will expand his platform to include homophobia. Trump will say things like “Can you imagine this guy negotiating with Putin? Vlad would have his way with him! And you know what, Pete would like that!” Or “Kim Jong-Un would have Pete on his knees in seconds [waits a beat] and Pete is probably looking forward to it!” Buttigieg’s military service will carry no weight. GHW Bush, Bob Dole, John Kerry, and John McCain were all decorated combat veterans. All but Bush earned a Purple Heart. They also all lost presidential elections. No one cares about military service anymore. Also, Putin will interfere on Trump’s behalf.
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The candidate: Mike Bloomberg
His campaign in a sentence: I can beat Trump because I’m a New Yorker; also, I have $61 billion with which to bludgeon you into voting for me
His campaign in a GIF:
Liked by: people who have been bludgeoned into submission by $61 billion worth of advertising; people from the New York area who work in the financial services industry; people who think it takes a thief to catch a thief
Disliked by: people who don’t want to see another egomaniacal New York billionaire with no real party affiliation buy the presidency; people who look at Bloomberg’s record of mistreating minorities and women and see a bizarro Trump
Trump’s nickname if he gets the nomination: Stop N Frisk Mike; Mikey NDA
How Trump will beat him: Trump will gaslight voters (again) into thinking that Bloomberg will be “a disaster” for minorities and women, while Trump will be their champion. Also, Putin will interfere on Trump’s behalf.
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The candidate: Joe Biden
His campaign in a sentence: I was Barack Obama’s VP!
His campaign in a GIF:
Liked by: people with little imagination
Disliked by: people who look at Biden and see a very old man who may be in cognitive decline
Trump’s nickname if he gets the nomination: Dopey Joe, Slidin’ Biden
How Trump will beat him: Trump will gaslight voters (again) into thinking that Obama (and thus Biden) destroyed the economy while Trump unleashed it like the Kraken. Then he will sit back while Biden says and does stupid shit and shoots himself in the foot. Also, Putin will interfere on Trump’s behalf.
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The candidate: Amy Klobuchar
Her campaign in a sentence: I'm a nice midwesterner with a record of centrism and electability so you should like me, please please like me
Her campaign in a GIF:
Liked by: Does anyone really affirmatively like her?
Disliked by: Does anyone really affirmatively dislike her?
Trump’s nickname if she gets the nomination: Shaky Amy
How Trump will beat her: In an early debate zdaughter turned to me and asked about Klobuchar "Why is she so shaky?" It's a good question. Maybe she's nervous, maybe she has a neurological issue, maybe she uses too much hairspray. All I know is it's a weakness so apparent my 5-year-old saw it so Trump will pounce on it and exploit it for all it's worth. He will say a bunch of misogynistic stuff too. Also, Putin will interfere on Trump’s behalf.
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The candidate: Elizabeth Warren
Her campaign in a sentence: I have a pompous lecture for every issue
Her campaign in a GIF:
Liked by: people who enjoy pompous lectures
Disliked by: people who don’t like to be lectured
Trump’s nickname if she gets the nomination: Pocahontas, Lyin' Lizzie
How Trump will beat her: His answer to every debate question will be “She lied about her race to get ahead!” or he’ll just yell “Pocahontas!” over and over. Candidly I have no idea how Warren has skated on this issue for so long. I think it’s an egregious misrepresentation. Also, Putin will interfere on Trump’s behalf.
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You know who the best candidate was on paper?
The candidate: Cory Booker
What his campaign should have been in a sentence: I have an Ivy League degree and a Rhodes scholarship like Pete, mayoral experience like Pete and Mike and Bernie, senatorial experience like Joe and Bernie and Amy and Liz, a progressive record on guns and the environment, a pro-business record when it comes to the economy, a realistic healthcare plan, and I know how to relate to minority voters because I really am a minority; also, I played Pac-10 football, I'm dating Rosario Dawson, and Trump can't pull his "I'm more manly than you" bully bullshit with me because I'm bigger and stronger and much younger than him and I would absolutely fuck him up if he stepped to me.
What his campaign should have been in a GIF:
Liked by: apparently no one
Disliked by: I don't know anyone who affirmatively dislikes him
Trump’s nickname if he gets the nomination: Cory Crooker in an attempt to tie him to corruption in Newark
How Trump will beat him: He already did.
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Ultimately I really truly believe that Trump will lose in November no matter his opponent. Despite all my foregoing snark, I think that voters will be highly motivated in PA, WI, OH, and MI (which appear to be the only states that matter because they are the only ones that could go either way) and I have to imagine that they are picking up what the Democrats are putting down, namely lots of free stuff, income equality, a return to sanity and normalcy, etc. Trump ran on populism but it isn't clear to me that these four states are any better off than they were in 2016, and Bloomberg and Steyer will hopefully dip deeply into their fortunes to get the vote out. So keep your chins up!
Showing posts with label killer mike. Show all posts
Showing posts with label killer mike. Show all posts
Sunday, February 23, 2020
Friday, March 08, 2019
Don Ameche is not one of these amici but they are impressive nonetheless, Alternatively Titled “I Shot the Sheriff but I did not Shoot the Deputy”
Jamal Knox was sentenced to two years in prison for performing a rap song that was his take on N.W.A.'s "Fuck tha Police." The Pennsylvania Supreme Court upheld the sentence. Apparently he mentioned two specific police officers by name in the song, and they previously arrested him on drug charges. They alleged that the song was a "terroristic threat" and thus not protected by the First Amendment. Mr. Knox appealed this matter to the Supreme Court of the United States.
I know this because Erik Neilson, a professor at the University of Richmond, and Michael Render, one half of Run the Jewels (aka Killer Mike) filed an amicus brief in support of Mr. Knox. It opens with:
For the record, Quinn Emanuel represents Killer Mike, Chance the Rapper, Meek Mill, Yo Gotti, Fat Joe, 21 Savage, Styles P, Luke Skyywalker, and the guy from The Slants who made it into one of my trademark-related comments. That shit cray!
It only gets better. You can read it here, and you should. But if you're too lazy here's the point: old white people, particularly racist old white people, don't understand that hiphop music is a lot of bragging and boasting (addressed here previously, see point four), fictional story telling, spinning of good old-fashioned yarns. It isn't real. Oddly, old white people seem to understand this in other forms of music. As Ice-T said, "I ain't never killed no cop .... If you believe I'm a cop killer, you believe David Bowie is an astronaut."
The Quinn Emanuel folks gave a pretty pointed take:
Yes. Yes it does.
The brief also presents some pretty remarkable psychological studies involving country and hiphop music. I won't ruin it for you, read the brief because it's really well laid out. I will say, however, that shooting a man in Reno just to watch him die, or positing that you can't hang a man for shooting a woman who was trying to steal his horse, is some pretty gangster country (Gangstabilly?) shit. Country music is full of murder ballads! But no one wants to lock up Lyle Lovett.
For what it's worth, I'm stunned that 30 years after N.W.A. released "Fuck tha Police" with the line "when I'm finished, it's gonna be a bloodbath of cops dyin' in L.A." someone else is in jail for singing a different song with the same title and similar anti-police lyrics. I guess the moral of the story is to stay out of Pennsylvania. I'll keep you posted on how this develops.
I know this because Erik Neilson, a professor at the University of Richmond, and Michael Render, one half of Run the Jewels (aka Killer Mike) filed an amicus brief in support of Mr. Knox. It opens with:
Additional amici include musical artists Chancelor Bennett (“Chance the Rapper”), Robert Rihmeek Williams (“Meek Mill”), Mario Mims (“Yo Gotti”), Joseph Antonio Cartagena (“Fat Joe”), Donnie Lewis (“Mad Skillz”), Shéyaa Bin Abraham Joseph (“21 Savage”), Jasiri Oronde Smith (“Jasiri X”), David Styles (“Styles P”), Simon Tam (member of The Slants and petitioner in Matal v. Tam, 137 S. Ct. 1744 (2017)), and Luther R. Campbell (member of 2 Live Crew and petitioner in Campbell v. Acuff-Rose Music, Inc., 510 U.S. 569 (1994)), as well as music industry representatives Alan Light (former Editor-in-Chief, Vibe and Spin magazines), Dina LaPolt, Patrick Corcoran, Peter Lewit, and the entertainment company Roc Nation, LLC.
Further amici include scholars Michelle Alexander (Union Theological Seminary), Jody D. Armour (University of Southern California Gould School of Law), Paul Butler (Georgetown Law), Andrea L. Dennis (University of Georgia School of Law), Murray Forman (Northeastern University), Kyra Gaunt (University at Albany, SUNY), Lily E. Hirsch (California State University, Bakersfield), Robin D.G. Kelley (UCLA), Walter Kimbrough (Dillard University), Rev. Emmett G. Price, III, (Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary), and Eithne Quinn (The University of Manchester).
For the record, Quinn Emanuel represents Killer Mike, Chance the Rapper, Meek Mill, Yo Gotti, Fat Joe, 21 Savage, Styles P, Luke Skyywalker, and the guy from The Slants who made it into one of my trademark-related comments. That shit cray!
It only gets better. You can read it here, and you should. But if you're too lazy here's the point: old white people, particularly racist old white people, don't understand that hiphop music is a lot of bragging and boasting (addressed here previously, see point four), fictional story telling, spinning of good old-fashioned yarns. It isn't real. Oddly, old white people seem to understand this in other forms of music. As Ice-T said, "I ain't never killed no cop .... If you believe I'm a cop killer, you believe David Bowie is an astronaut."
The Quinn Emanuel folks gave a pretty pointed take:
Additionally, the song is replete with lyrics that defy a literal interpretation. For instance, the lyrics refer to heavy artillery, enough to “shake the motherfuckin’ streets,” and mention all of the “soldiers” in the Ghetto Superstar Committee. Id. at 3a-4a. Neither Knox nor Beasley has served in the military or ever possessed street-shaking heavy artillery. (And neither has served on a committee of superstars, ghetto or otherwise.) The lyrics repeatedly refer to the rappers’ “riches,” id. at 3a, yet Knox lived in public housing and Beasley was represented by a court-appointed attorney. The song threatens to turn the Highland Park area of Pittsburgh into Jurassic Park, but neither rapper was found to have recreated dinosaurs. Id. at 4a.
And what about the lyric “you taking money away from Beaz and all my shit away from me / well your shift over at three / and I’m gonna fuck up where you sleep”? Id. This was singled out by the Pennsylvania Supreme Court as evidence that the rappers had actually learned when the officers’ shifts began and ended. But nothing in the record indicates that either officer’s shift ended at 3:00.
A quick scan of the lyrics reveals a much more likely reason for the reference to “three.” It rhymes.
Yes. Yes it does.
The brief also presents some pretty remarkable psychological studies involving country and hiphop music. I won't ruin it for you, read the brief because it's really well laid out. I will say, however, that shooting a man in Reno just to watch him die, or positing that you can't hang a man for shooting a woman who was trying to steal his horse, is some pretty gangster country (Gangstabilly?) shit. Country music is full of murder ballads! But no one wants to lock up Lyle Lovett.
For what it's worth, I'm stunned that 30 years after N.W.A. released "Fuck tha Police" with the line "when I'm finished, it's gonna be a bloodbath of cops dyin' in L.A." someone else is in jail for singing a different song with the same title and similar anti-police lyrics. I guess the moral of the story is to stay out of Pennsylvania. I'll keep you posted on how this develops.
Saturday, June 06, 2015
Meow the Gheorghe
"Thank god the money is going to charity because meow the jewels is going to be the single silliest fuckin record ever recorded."
So said El-P on Twitter in January when he announced that Run the Jewels had raised over $45,000 via Kickstarter to remix their blockbuster Run the Jewels 2 record using only cat sounds behind the vocal tracks.
As mentioned recently here by zman, El-P and Killer Mike seem to be moving closer to the release date for Meow the Jewels. Fans have now donated more than $65,000 to the project, which will benefit charities supporting families who have lost loved ones to police violence, as well as animal welfare organizations.
GTB are big RTJ fans to begin with, but as you might imagine, this move hits us right in the places that make us the happiest. Sorta between the cheese place and the Muppet video place. Here's a snippet of Creown, as released via Instagram by El-P. Honestly, I really kind of like it.
So said El-P on Twitter in January when he announced that Run the Jewels had raised over $45,000 via Kickstarter to remix their blockbuster Run the Jewels 2 record using only cat sounds behind the vocal tracks.
As mentioned recently here by zman, El-P and Killer Mike seem to be moving closer to the release date for Meow the Jewels. Fans have now donated more than $65,000 to the project, which will benefit charities supporting families who have lost loved ones to police violence, as well as animal welfare organizations.
GTB are big RTJ fans to begin with, but as you might imagine, this move hits us right in the places that make us the happiest. Sorta between the cheese place and the Muppet video place. Here's a snippet of Creown, as released via Instagram by El-P. Honestly, I really kind of like it.
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