zPSA: Donald Trump is Fucking Up

Elected Democrats have been doing a piss-poor job communicating to the American people despite the political gifts handed to them lately.  Their first instinct is always to pussy-foot around an issue, both-sides it a little bit to avoid offending anyone, and use 5,000 words when five would do.  They're also afraid of sounding crass, or being assholes, and if they ever swore it wouldn't sound authentic.

For example, Hakeem Jefferies recently offered the opinion that “Tariffs, when properly utilized, have a role to play in trying to make sure that you have a competitive environment for our workers and our businesses.  That’s not what’s going on right now. This is a reckless economic sledgehammer that Donald Trump and compliant Republicans in the Congress are taking to the economy, and the American people are being hurt enough.”

"Utilized"?  Really?  Who talks like that?  "I utilized some toilet paper to blow my nose because we're all out of Kleenex.  Good thing we had the TP otherwise I would have utilized my finger."  Sounds perfectly normal and relatable.  And more importantly, why is he providing cover for Trump's tariffs?  Why couldn't he just say "Trump's tariffs ruined the economy"?

Everyone who reads G:TB knows that I have an inordinate fondness for Cory Booker, but did he really have to talk for 25 hours to draw attention to DJ Trump's stupidity?  He couldn't boil it down to maybe 25 minutes?  Does anyone know what Booker actually said?  I don't.

Trump is fucking up and someone needs to call him out in a way that resonates with people who were stupid enough to vote for Trump in the first place.

You know what this moment calls for?  Someone who can swear and be crass authentically, for whom being an asshole comes naturally.  Like Chris Christie, only not a big fat slob who sold out to Trump and did a 180 only after being dumped from Trumpworld.

I think the Democrats need to cut an ad with someone well-known and well-respected from outside the world of politics and run it throughout the NBA playoffs.  It needs to use short, pithy sentences.  It needs to be overly reductive and devoid of nuance so that Trump and his supporters need to babble like Democrats to try to explain it away.  The ad's point needs to be clear even if you can't hear it because you're watching in a sports bar.  It should feature someone who has represented America on the world stage, who achieved major wins, and who has fucked up epically.  This person could then say "I have represented our country on the world stage.  I know a lot about winning, and I know about fucking up.  I'm here to tell you: Trump is fucking up."  And that's the theme.  Four words.  Trump is fucking up.  Bleep the "fucking" if you have to but don't blur the speaker's mouth.

Then really quickly have them say something like "The Trump tariffs tanked the stock market.  Since he took office the market is down about 9%.  That means Trump's tariffs took one out of every eleven dollars in your savings.  Trump is fucking up."  Run video of Trump talking on one side of the screen while the stock ticker plummets on the other.

They could also say "Trump promised to deport illegal aliens.  But his own lawyers admitted that they accidentally deported the wrong guy.  So the illegals are still here and the wrong guys are in El Salvador.  Trump is fucking up."  At the same time, run video of Kristi Noem rocking her ICE cap, flak vest and Daytona.

Then they conclude with "I know a lot about winning and this isn't it.  Trump is fucking up."

My first thought was Michael Phelps.  He represented the US at the Olympics, he won more than anyone ever, and he got into a bit of a jam with a bong.  So when he says "I have represented our country on the world stage.  I know a lot about winning, and I know about fucking up," the ad would run a picture of him on an Olympic podium with the flag, then a picture of him with a shitload of medals, then the photo of him and the bong.  

Everyone knows Phelps.  Many people like him, or at least respect him.  I don't think anyone hates him.  Apparently he dislikes Trump and he strikes me as having some assholery in him, but I don't know how authentically he swears.  This seems like a good option though.

My next thought was Tiger Woods.  When he says "I have represented our country on the world stage.  I know a lot about winning, and I know about fucking up," the ad would run a picture of him holding the Ryder Cup, then a bunch of iconic pictures of him with trophies and/or fist-pumping, then ... well, there are probably a lot of fucking up photos to choose from but I'll just go with his mugshot.

But Tiger is friends with Trump so he wouldn't go for this.

I was stuck after Tiger.  I ruminated and finally struck on an amazing idea.  You know who can take on a raging asshole from Queens?  Another raging asshole from Queens, one who famously swears and acts badly but won a lot and who put representing America above almost everything else. 

Like John fucking McEnroe.  Johnny Mac viewed representing the US in Davis Cup play as a holy grail and he did more for the US Davis Cup team than just about anyone.  He won 77 titles on the tour including seven majors.  And he was famously thrown out of the Australian Open for cursing out an umpire.

Everyone knows him, I think he's generally respected, and he likes to smoke weed and shit on Trump.

And he has a great story about how his father, also named John McEnroe, sent Trump a letter in 2015 and Trump thought it was from the tennis star.

Anyway, I'm sure there are plenty of other candidates to star in my PSA.  I invite you to nominate some in the comments.  But please hurry because the Democrats can't get out of their own way.

Great Moments In Local Advertising (NY/NJ Metro Edition) - A zman and Marls Joint, Alternatively Titled "Marls and zman's personal Chinese Democracy"

You've been waiting years for this one and now seems like the time to let it rip.

A recent G:TB comments discussion involving the classic Jhoon Rhee Tae Kwon Do commercial (featuring FoG:TB Chun Rhee delivering the now famous "Nobody bothers me either!" line) prompted Zman and me to go down a rabbit hole of local ads from our childhood in the NY/NJ metro area.

zcommentary is in blue.  I had a blast exchanging these vintage ads with Marls.  We dug up some serious gems.  It started as a 10 Best list so of course it now has something like 12 entries.

The Nevele:

This was a great pull by Marls.  I recognized the song the minute the beat dropped, and it's a pretty bangin' disco beat.

Mount Airy Lodge:  Have a fling in the spring in the Poconos!

The Nevele reminded me of another resort commercial, beautifuuuuuul Mount Airy Loooodge.  Although the Nevele had the harder beat, the Mount Airy Lodge ad makes it clear that it's the place for lovers to make their lovin'.

Children's Aid Society:

Hands down my favorite pull of the text exchange, Marls always adds value.  I recognized every second of this ad, including the girl who starts singing poignantly at the 0:30 mark, because I used to get psyched when it came on.  It made me wish I got some children's aid and it still swings.  No idea why no one combed their hair before filming though.

Coronet Baby Furniture:   This one features the tag line "no talking orangutans" which Z mentioned in the aforementioned Jhoon Rhee discussion.  TR and I may have been the only ones to pick up the reference, but nevertheless, these commercials are classics.  Low production values, porn staches, and cheesy outfits all scream Long Island in the mid-80's.  Um, when was the last time you went to the Island?  There are plenty of guys out there with the same staches and Mets Starter jackets they were rocking when this ad first aired.

Grand Hotel (aka TWICE MORE!!!):

Another gem.  Every class evaluation I wrote at W&M included "I loved it, I'm going to take this class two more times as soon as I get tickets, my husband works in the area."  I guarantee no one got the joke and I still don't care.  I bet this lady knew Doris from Rego Park (but probably not Sapphire, the hidden jewel of the Bronx).

Tommy Tunes:

Undoubtedly my best pull.  Tommy Tunes was the place to go in Bergen County if you were looking to pimp your ride in the 1980s/90s.  The woman in this ad is the epitome of North Jerzy beauty circa 1989.  Marls was so taken with this commercial that he found himself deep in an internet wormhole researching the guy who owned the store.  

Sasson Jeans (Featuring the NY Rangers):

Tight designer jeans, late 70's hockey hair, a disco soundtrack, synchronized skating, off key singing and awkward hand gestures made this ad an instant favorite.  In fact, the slogan "Ooh La La" became a nickname for Ron Duguay - the ranger with the longest hair in the ad.  In his second season with the Rangers, Duguay parlayed his new sex symbol status into relationships with Bianca Jagger, Cheryl Tiegs, & Kim Alexis.  

In related noos, they NY Post is now reporting that Ooh La La is now dating Sarah Palin.  Oh la la how the mighty have fallen.

I remember this one too.  Bamberger's!  Marls will always take an opportunity to dump on the Strangers to the Cup.

The Money Store:

We couldn't do this post without at least one spot featuring Phil Rizzuto for the Money Store.  And how about these interest rates?

Crazy Eddie:

We couldn't do this without Crazy Eddie either.

And nobody beats The Wiz!  This was a great place to buy stuff that fell off the back of a truck, or that was stolen off the back of a truck, or that was old and used but presented to the buyer as a "floor sample."  I bought one such deeply discounted "floor sample" at The Wiz in Paramus, a Yamaha pre-amp for the Unit M stereo (why the hell did we have a Carver amp with no pre-amp?) that survived for maybe two months before self-destructing.  More importantly, their jingle inspired Biz Markie.

Newmark & Lewis:

Seaman's Furniture gets the nod because (1) "See Seaman's first!" was ubiquitous even if no one particular ad is memorable, and (2) it provides context for Phife's line "Bust off on your couch now you got Seaman's Furniture."  Perhaps they're affiliated with Dr. Seaman from a previous post.

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