My Hot Takes on the Bills and the Bills/Chiefs Game

1. Brian Daboll probably isn't a genius and he probably won't save whatever franchise he goes to.  This offense looks good because Josh Allen is phenomenal.
2. Leslie Frazier probably isn't a genius either.  The Bills played a bunch of offensively challenged teams this year (Jest twice, Fish twice, Jags, Texans, WFT, Panthers, Falcons) and the defense starts six first-round picks.  This helped him look good.  His defenses in Tampa were not good and he had a 39.8% win percentage as a head coach in Minnesota.  And he just gave up 45 yards and 3 points in 10 seconds to go to OT.
3. I miss Tre'Davious White.  No one can stop Tyreek Hill but White would've done better than Dane Jackson.
4. Why was Dane Jackson, the 239th pick in the 2020 draft, on Tyreek Hill?
5. Allen is a bad man.  When was the last time you saw a QB knock a defensive player out of the game?  But I don't think this is a good way to build a lengthy career.
6.  If they're going to continue to run designed rushing plays for Allen they should get a fullback.
7. At a minimum, they need to get a big thumping running back who can get 3 tough yards so that Allen doesn't always have to.  Guys like Leonard Fournette don't grow on trees but he was available for peanuts two years ago.  Guys like Alexander Mattison, D'Onta Foreman, Devontae Booker, Mark Ingram, Rex Burkhead and Carlos Hyde are always available.
8. The overtime rules are what they are.  Buffalo couldn't stop KC when they needed to.  If the Bills were playing the Colts or the Ravens it would've been different.  That said, the outcome feels somewhat inequitable, the fans want something else so the league should respond.  I have ideas.
• Make OT a 10 or 15 minute period.  Team with the most points wins.  If they're tied play another 10 or 15 minute period.
• Both teams get the ball once.  If they both score TD in their first possessions, the next team to score any points wins.
• Use the college OT system.
• Have a FG kick-off, moving back 5 yards at a time until someone misses.
• The head coaches wrestle Greco-Roman style at midfield.  First guy to pin the other advances.
• Each team designates one player to box at midfield.  First guy to knock out the other advances.
• Erect a cage at midfield and the punters have an MMA fight.  Winner advances.
• Each team designates one player to do the NY Times Mini.  Guy with the fastest time advances.
• A player is randomly chosen from each team.  Both have 15 minutes to complete as many questions as they can from the Analytical Reasoning section of an LSAT (which is also randomly selected from a book of ten practice tests).  Guy with the best score advances.  If they tie, the punters have a knife fight at midfield, first guy to draw blood advances.
9. Romo was probably right that Buffalo should've kicked off short of the endzone to run off some clock with 0:13 left.  I suspect, however, that McDermott did not want to be the second Bills coach to lose a playoff game on a kick return with no time left.
10. Only six punts, very few penalties, no gross injuries, receivers running free all over the place, QBs looking like superheroes, 5-5 combined on fourth down, lots and lots of points, defensive futility.  This is what the league wants.  

Fan Free Agency: The First Ten

Despite the doubts of the masses (read: the Teej) and my recognition that not everyone in the sporting world will understand my decision (for instance, I can already hear that Neanderthal fuckstick Rob Dibble calling me a a gutless, disloyal punk, but I move on, knowing that most geniuses were misunderstood in their time), I'm pressing forward into fan free agency. I've adopted at least part of Jerry's genius idea, and turning this week into a festival. I trust the drama is palpable.

Today, the first elimination round. These ten teams really never had a chance, and even if I decide to make this an annual event, complete with cheerleaders, live television, and (obviously) daydrinking, the odds of one of this group ever rising to the top are long, indeed.

Philadelphia Eagles

As a former Redskins fan, I was told that I was supposed to hate the Cowboys more than anything on Earth. And while I worked up a strong dislike for Dallas, I always had more visceral disdain for the Eagles. I think it has something (everything) to do with the mouth-breathing troglodytes that make up 96.4% of their fanbase. Oddly, the $20 I put on Philly to win this season's Super Bowl at 10-1 may well have been a sign that I was ready to let the Skins go.

Dallas Cowboys

Despite the fact that I dislike the Eagles more, the Cowboys are still a bunch of preening jerks, from the top down.

New York Giants

I can't ever root for an NFC East team - too much history - but if I was forced to choose one, it'd be the Giants. I like Eli Manning. I like that W&M's own Adrian Tracy made the roster. I appreciate Tom Coughlin's single-minded insanity. But I'll still never root for this team.

Arizona Cardinals

If I'm breaking up with Washington because its owner is a megalomaniacal asshat, I can't very well root for a Bill Bidwell squad, can I?

Jacksonville Jaguars

The Jags have the worst uniforms in professional sports. They play in a city that really isn't big league, by any measure, except for the quality of the people I know that live there (much love, Danimal, sister-o-mine, my brother-in-law, and my nieces and nephews). And though their owner has a world-class mustache and excellent hair, I really don't see it.




New York Jets

I get more than enough drama from my baseball rooting interest, thank you very much.

Tennessee Titans

If the word 'meh' were an NFL franchise, it'd be Tennessee.

Oakland Raiders

This team employed Lane Kiffin. It's been living off a decades-old reputation for badassery, which translates to modern times as a penchant for penalties and stupid football. I had my fill of that as a former Redskins fan.

Baltimore Ravens

Charm City's got such an inferiority complex. I don't need that sort of thing messing up my worldview.

Atlanta Falcons

There may not be a worse group of sports fans than those in Atlanta. I have no particular need to be a part of that.

The tension builds as fanbases across the league await tomorrow's selection post, where I eliminate 10 more teams, and break multiple hearts. Make sure you take some time from your Labor Day celebrations to tune in. Still time to make a pitch for your team, unless you root for one of the ten losers above.

Have I mentioned I hate the new blogger?

Ugh...so, the Iona Gaels of the MAAC lost yet again last night, this time in excruciating fashion to the Landlords of Loudonville, the Siena Saints. Siena guard Kenny Hasbrouck hit a shot with 0.5 left to bury Iona. The Gaels are now 0-12 in conference play, 0-22 overall. They've lost 5 conference games by either a point or in overtime. But I come here this morning not to pour dirt on their grave, rather to cheer up Iona and their downtrodden fanbase. Sure, the Gaels are the only winless D-1 school in the country, but they have some company in conference play futility, folks they might just want to drunk dial or IM late night next time they're feeling blue...

North Florida, Atlantic Sun
0-11, 2-20
Well, William and Mary beat these guys by 17, and the only slightly more talented Florida Gators beat them by 46. I must admit I am not much of an Atlantic Sun buff, but I think their only chance for a conference W is two weeks from now at Stetson.

UC Riverside, Big West
0-7, 4-17
I believe Ice Cube said it best - "Y'all from Compton but you moved to Riverside..." Sure, that has nothing to do with this, but "No Vaseline" is one of the Top 10 rap songs of all time. Is UC Riverside the school that Travolta has on his t-shirt in Pulp Fiction? Or is that the UC Santa Barbara Banana Slugs? I wish there was a device that allowed me to figure these things out...anyway, bad news for Iona, UC Riverside has plenty of time to get a win.

East Carolina, Conference USA
0-7, 5-15
Jeff Blake went here. Conference USA is not very good to begin with, which either means ECU can steal a W or two, or their first seven losses are an indication they suck alot worse than the rest of the bunch. The losses to UNC-Wilmington and Richmond are particularly egregious. Their leading scorer pours in 12 a game...these guys might be headed for 0-16.

They don't count, but Princeton in the Ivy League
0-2, 9-7
These clowns have only played 2 conference games on February 2nd. Knock them off the list. And no, I'm not bitter at all they rejected me.

Close to home, Maryland-Eastern Shore of the MEAC
0-9, 3-18
The MEAC, much like the Ukraine, is historically weak. That's why it's even more impressive how bad MD-Eastern Shore appears to be. They almost beat Bethune-Cookman last time they met, so if they're gonna get a win at all it will be February 19 at Bethune-Cookman. Now, back to ignoring the MEAC completely.

And our bigtyme conference "stars", Arizona State of the Pac-10
0-10, 6-15
Things are not going well for Herb Sendek in the desert. Losing 71-47 to your in-state rival a week ago is not good. Having the bad luck to play in a very tough, competitive Pac-10 this year is not good. Herb, in your last 8 games you face 4 ranked opponents. Can we get an 0-18 out of the Sun Devils?