R.E.M. R.I.P.

Well, R.E.M. officially called it quits this week, prompting people my age everywhere to proclaim, “Uh . . . they were still together?” On the heels of our September 24 post that was similar in content and Holmesian in length, I won’t meander down memory road but so much with R.E.M. If I do, I’m Sorry.

They were my favorite band in high school, and when I saw them play at William & Mary Hall in October 1987, I got a completely fraudulent look at the party-time aspect of the College, leading me to apply in earnest for enrollment. What a bait and switch. The show was outstanding, and after a quintet of studio LP’s that match up with any 5 consecutive albums I can conjure, there was no question that these four nerdy guys from Athens were the best thing going.

All downhill from there . . .

As I was signing on with William & Mary, R.E.M. signed with Warner Brothers. The disappointment commenced soon thereafter, by my parents and legions of fans, respectively. Years later, though, it was probably the wisest decisions for both parties. Didn’t learn much in the College classroom, but here is some of the wisdom I garnered from Stipey:

• When you greet a stranger, look at his shoes.
• Trust in your calling, make sure your calling's true.
• Think of others, the others think of you.
• A handshake is worthy if it’s all that you’ve got.
• A perfect of circle of acquaintances and friends, drink another, coin a phrase.
• Leonard Bernstein!

Here’s a story: R.E.M., Hampton Coliseum, November 1989. Rob, our old friend Otis, and I piled into Rob’s little Ford Escort and made the pilgrimage down the road. All big R.E.M. fans, and we all enjoyed the show despite feeling the band’s best work was behind them. Mostly true, but a little premature, as I remember the show and look at the setlist today.

Anyway, we’re at a stoplight just outside the Coliseum heading home after the show. Rob’s car featured an absence of luxury options, including power windows or a clock. I guess we were 0 for 3 on wristwatches, so Otis rolls down the window just a touch to see how much time we’ve got until the College Delly closes.

Otis: “Hey, buddy, you know what time it is?”
The jackalope in the Camaro next to us: “What??”
Otis: “Wondering if you happen to know what time it is.”
Jackalope: “Fuck you. I’m pissed off.”
Otis: “Okay . . . I’m pissed off now, too, asshole.”

Rob and I were laughing, but before anyone could blink, Jackalope was out of his car, over to ours, and had managed to punch Otis in the forehead through a relatively small gap in the window. More remarkable was that, instinctively but against my normal grain, I then managed to exit a 2-door Ford Escort from the back seat, under the seatbelt and despite Otis in the front seat, in 2 seconds -- full cup on beer in hand. I dare say that never happened again in my life. It would take me 20 minutes if I tried today.

I dumped the contents of my cup in Jackalope’s lap (he was just as quick to get back into his car) with a quick cursing and braced for him to exit the vehicle and kick my lily-white ass. At that instant, the Lord showed mercy upon my soul and spake: “Is there a problem up there?”

Turns out it was one of Hampton’s finest and not the Lord, but He works in mysterious ways. Soon enough, Rob put it into Drive and we zipped off back to the safe haven of Williamsburg, chuckling heartily at my acrobatics, my faux-bravado, and the apology we had even induced from Jackalope as we waited awkwardly for the light to finally change.

Anyway . . . R.E.M. used to be one of the ones to see live at all costs, but the sun set on them some time ago, and these days acts like Wilco hold that title (Merriweather Post on Sunday was another fine gig). But they were a damn fine band at their peak.

Here’s an album’s worth of tunes that aren’t on any of their hits compilations; give ‘em another listen when you think of it.

“Maps & Legends”
“Carnival of Sorts (Box Cars)”
“Moral Kiosk”
“Lightnin’ Hopkins”
“Swan Swan H”
“Harborcoat”
“Good Advices”
“Exhuming McCarthy”
“Catapult”
“Wolves, Lower”
“Wendell Gee”
“Ages of You”
“Laughing”
“Country Feedback”

And here's Pavement's take on R.E.M. It's cooler and more ridiculous than mine.