The State of Play: WFCSAGS

When our readers ask, we deliver. Case in point, Z recently suggested I review the current state of affairs for the football clubs Gheorghies support, either of their own volition or because I bequeathed (saddled?) them a side. This is a thing I can do.

Because Z asked, we'll start with his Norwich lads. They scuffled last season in the Championship (English soccer's second division), finishing 13th of 24 teams, but only eight points from relegation in a very crowded mid-table.

The Canaries are a bit better this season, currently sitting in tenth on 54 points with seven matches to play. They won't see promotion this season, but they've stabilized a bit. American striker Josh Sargent came back to MLS after several seasons on the south coast.

And their fans are funny:

Shlara's (and Prince William's) Aston Villa are in the quarterfinals of the Europa League, and currently in the mix for a Champions League berth next season. The Villans have been a bit up and down of late, but their 54 points are good for fourth in the Premier League with seven matches to play.

Fulham are having another very solid season, only four points from a spot in next year's Europa League and all but guaranteed of survival. But they're playing as if they're in their Ibiza Era. The final seven weeks of the season look to be a lot of "ah, well, that's a shame" in footy form.

As for Whitney's Leicester, I suppose that wide eyes emoji might be a good visual reference. The Foxes are currently in 22nd of 24 teams in the Championship. If that holds, they'd be relegated to League One, which...yikes.

Dave's Brentford are quietly buzzing along. The Bees are two points ahead of Fulham, and very much in the mix for a place in European competition next season. Big London and Gheorghie Derby in two weeks, as Brentford host Fulham in a match neither fan base would've expected to matter as much as it might.

Meanwhile, near the penthouse, fancy man Danimal's Manchester City is stalking Arsenal for the top spot in the division. While the Gunners are the odds on favorites to take the title, up nine points at the moment, City did just defeat Arsenal to win the Carabao Cup, the first major trophy of the English year.

Marls was a Newcastle supporter before we had a chance to attach a different label to him, and his lads are stretched. After a decent Champions League campaign, they've stumbled to 12th in the Premier League after a bitter defeat to local rival Sunderland in the Tyne-Wear Derby. Skipper Eddie Howe is bemoaning his club's spending on talent, never a good sign.

The Teej has been a Nottingham Forest guy from way back, to when we used to call him Little John. Forest are having a weird one. Like Villa, they're in the Europa League quarterfinals after defeating Danish power Midtjylland last week. But back at home, they've been in our near the relegation zone for most of the season. Their mercurial (read: batshit insane) Greek owner Vangelis Marinakis has fired three managers already this season.

Forest's win over Tottenham Hotspur vaulted them to 16th place, three points from the drop, but there's real work still to do.

And speaking of Spurs, who I believe count Rootsy and Squeaky as backers, that club is a fucking shambles. One year removed from winning the Europa League, and only a week after being eliminated from the Champions League, Spurs are in 17th, only one point away from relegation. Worse still, they're unmoored and playing like absolute ass. The other teams in the relegation fight have been hardened by their experience at the bottom of the table. Spurs' expensive roster is in no way prepared for what's to come over the next two months - their relegation would be seismic.

WFCSAGS: How Are They Doing?

Over the years, we've blessed/cursed the assembled Gheorhiage with rooting interests in various (mostly) English (mostly) Premier League teams. A number in our number brought their own allegiances to the table. But as far as I can tell, we've never really done any sort of retrospective/where are they now post about our squadrons' respective fates. Until now, that is.

I really could've chosen a scientific method for choosing the order in which we'd attack this challenge, but I'm kinda selfish, and I'm gonna start with me and my mediocre side. Fulham currently sit in 13th in the EPL on 39 points, nine more than their closest pursuer, and 14 points above the relegation zone. The Whites are safe (ain't that true) after a season where loftier goals briefly flashed. On balance, though, success.

Shlara's (and Prince William's) Aston Villa have been far sportier under the brilliant Unai Emery. With six matches to play, the Villans are deadlocked with Squeaky and Rootsy's Tottenham Hotspur on 60 points. Spurs have a game in hand and a slightly better goal difference. The top four teams in the EPL automatically qualify for Champions League play, so the fight for fourth is consequential. Unless England top Germany and Italy for a fifth slot in the newly-configured UEFA rules, in which case...fuck, man, that's complicated. Both of these teams are good, and they'll play in some European competition next year. Let's leave it at that. Except to note that Villa is alive in the quarterfinals of the UEFA Conference League, the third-tier continental competition, which...fuck, man...that's complicated.

Danimal's Manchester City have a far simpler path, at least domestically. They're in the midst of a three-way (get your simple minds out of the gutter) battle for supremacy in England. With seven matches to play, Arsenal and Liverpool are tied on 71 points, with City a slim point behind. Pep Guardiola's Blues are still alive in Champions League and FA Cup action, fighting on three fronts. Since they're arguably the best club side in the world, it'd be hard to bet against them in any of those competitions.

Marls and Dave pull for a pair of squads with different aspirations but similar disappointment. Newcastle United flew a bit too close to the sun in their first flirtation with the elites as their newest incarnation, flaming out of the Champions League and sliding back to 8th in the Premier League amidst a rash of injuries that even Saudi money couldn't overcome. Dave's Brentford buzzed around mostly impotently, alighting on 15th place in the Premier League, with a bit of work yet to do before they can start planning for another season in the top flight.

Leicester City came out of the gate a house a'fire, shrugging off the shock of relegation by making a statement about the impermanence of their fate. Whit's Foxes (one of the worst Charlie's Angels knockoffs we can recall) won 13 of their first 14 English League Championship matches, setting a sporty pace for the rest of the division. Since mid-February, however, they've won three, drawn one, and lost six. They're tied with Ipswich Town on 88 points at the top of the table, with Leeds United one point back and four matches remaining. The top two teams earn automatic promotion to the Premier League, while the third-place team fights it out in a four-team tournament for the final spot at the top. White knuckle ride for Leicester Nation.

Zman and his Canaries have been out of the spotlight for a while, but they've got a puncher's chance of changing that, thanks in no small part to Josh Sargent, American Ginger. Norwich City are in sixth place in the Championship with a five-point cushion over seventh-place Coventry City, and in line for a spot in the the four-way cage match for the final promotion spot. Sargent's battled back from injury to record 15 goals in just 22 games, good for fifth in the league despite playing 14 fewer matches than anyone above him in the scoring table. If he keeps it up, we could see him lead the line for the Yanks in 2026.

Finally, we get to our man Teej, who manages to hold two different allegiances in his capacious heart. His Michael Bolton Wanderers are at risk of surprising us all and jumping up to the Championship. Bolton are currently in third place, two points behind Derby County, but holding a game in hand over the Rams with three to play. It's happening, says us.  

Meanwhile, the Teej's Forward Madison are off to a strong start here stateside, unbeaten through three USL League One matches, and still unbeaten in terms of their kit design.

We'll close with bonus content for the many who've embraced a lower-level team from Wales as their side piece. If you were to write a script, the three-season arc that's seen Wrexham fail to earn promotion from the National League, then rise to League Two and find itself on the verge of a consecutive promotion to League One would be met with raised eyebrows. If you added Deadpool and Rob McElhenney, you'd be charged with crimes against Hollywood. And yet, here we are. Wrexham sit second on the English League Two table, needing only five points in their final three matches to secure their place in League One. The documentary just keeps getting better.

WFCSAGS: The Collective

Most close observers know Wayne Rooney as the protagonist of one of the greatest moments in Major League Soccer history (shown below). I mean, there was some Manchester United and England national team stuff, too, but his stint at DC United really put Wazza on the map.

If the rest of his managerial career is half as exciting as the first full year of it, though, Rooney might find himself in an entirely different pantheon.

Rooney took over as manager of Championship side Derby County on a permanent basis in January 2021, steering the struggling Rams to safety on the last day of the season. The narrow escape from relegation to the third division of English soccer was but a brief respite for the club.

Derby County was penalized twice by the English Football League, stung with a 12-point deduction in September 2021 for entering fiscal administration due to mismanagement and then with a further 9-point deduction in November. The total 21-point penalty left the Rams at the bottom of the Championship table with -3 points. Everything means less than zero, hey. (Elvis is a big Liverpool fan, so he probably doesn't care much about Darby's miseries.)

Despite having limited funds to acquire new players and the prospect of a steep uphill climb, Rooney's Rams have soldiered on. As of this writing, Derby County sit 22nd of 24 Championship sides with 24 points. Their 11 wins and 12 draws in 36 games would be good for 45 points and a solid, safe mid-table standing were it not for the penalties they faced. Were the season to end today, Rooney's boys would be relegated after a valiant but doomed effort.

The season, though, does not end today. Derby County are five points from safety with ten matches to play. Reading are barely clinging to the 21st spot in the table with 29 points. The Royals have only won two of their past 15 league matches, dropping eight points to Derby over that span. Barnsley and Peterborough will have something to say, as well, on 24 and 22 points, respectively.

While much attention will and should be focused on the top of the League Championship table, where Fulham need just 17 points from 11 matches to assure promotion to the Premier League, the relegation scrap at the bottom will be epic. 

Should Derby avoid relegation, the club still has to find an owner willing to cover the substantial debts run up by their previous (mis)management, so a happy ending may turn cloudy. But let's hope the sun shines on the Rams, if ever so briefly.

The entire Gheorghie community should support Wayne Rooney and Derby County in their quest. Up the Wazza! Up the Rams!

What Football Club Should a Gheorghie Support: And Now for Something Completely Different

Like several Gheorghies, Teejay already has a rooting interest in English football. TR backs Manchester United. Marls reps the Magpies of Newcastle. Dooger and Rootsy are Spurs men. I support Fulham. And the Teej is a long-time (Michael) Bolton Wanderers fan.

The Wanderers are languishing in the bottom half of the League One table at the moment, 16th of 24 teams in the English pyramid's third division. But they've been a Premier League side on three different occasions, and the rules clearly state that Teej is required to stand by his men. Not that he would ever contemplate bailing on his team.

So we've got to go a different direction with the most beloved of the Gheorghies.

The Teej is a hipster, in the best sense of that term. He wears a variety of unique socks - sometimes with pants on. He and his lady have four cats. Against the odds, he's become a foodie. His t-shirt game is immaculate. He fits in equally well at fancy dinner parties, sporting events, and state fairs.

Teejay should support Forward Madison. 

Since their founding in 2018, the Flamingos have become one of the most iconic brands in the lower divisions of American professional soccer. As a marketing and comms expert, the Teej respects Madison's work. As an aficionado of colorful haberdashery, he'll love their kits.

When the club was founded, its ownership group set out to build a unique image. After receiving an initial design from kitmaker Hummel, they turned to a young graphic designer named Cassidy Sepnieski, who worked in the club's marketing department. The rest, as they say, is history. Madison's 2019 alternate kit was named the best in the world in a SiriusXMFC listener poll.

The 2020 alternate kit is even better for my money. Known as the Drip Kit, it came to life after Sepnieski saw a painting technique called hydrodipping. The kit is a riot of color and liquid motion, and I want Teej to have one.

For this season, Forward Madison innovated again, coming out with a fully reversible kit, pink on one side and black on the other. 

Alas, the club's kit game is stronger than its on-field version. The Flamingos finished ninth of 12 teams in USL League One (the third division of U.S. soccer) and just dismissed their head coach, Carl Craig. Could be worse for Teej - he could support Loudoun United, one of the worst professional outfits in American sports, with a 4-3-25 record and an embarrassing -47 goal differential. 

At least with Forward Madison he'll look good while supporting his side.

Up the Flamingos! Up the Teej!

What Football Club Should a Gheorghie Support: Ahoy, Polloi

Despite his Appalachian upbringing, Danimal is the most cosmopolitan of the Gheorghies. He's a world traveler, banking air miles by the bucketload as he jets to China, South Africa, and...Texas. He rubs shoulders with Presidents, Kings (RIP, GWHB and Arnie), and Doggy Dogs. He's comfortable among the common and the fancy in equal measure. And he looks pretty sharp in pastels.

Danimal needs a football team that combines elegance with local roots, on-field class supported by generations of blue-collar backers. 

Not for nothing, we're feeling kinda bad about what we did to Zman, consigning him to rooting for a Norwich side that's winless in nine matches, so we're gonna balance the scales by giving at least one  Gheorghie a side that's likely to wind up on the other side of the table.

Danimal should root for Manchester City. For starters, their primary color is a perfect match for the zip-up he wore when he met Snoop, so he's already got his wardrobe foundation. The Citizens have a long and varied history. The club was founded in 1880 as St. Mark's West, becoming Manchester City FC in 1894. They were a modestly successful side for much of the 20th century, winning the league and all the major tournaments in the 1960s and 70s. City were a charter member of the Premier League, but fell on very hard times in the late 90s and early 2000s, falling all the way to the third division of English football while local rivals Manchester United ascended to become one of the world's most celebrated clubs.

City's fortunes (pun kinda intended after the fact) changed dramatically in 2008 when the Abu Dhabi United Group purchased the club. Along with Roman Abramovich's purchase of Chelsea, the deal marked the beginning of the era of ultra-wealthy often state-backed entities entering the world of football. The Emirati group infused a great deal of cash into the club, which paid dividends in 2012 when Sergio Aguero's last-match last-gasp stoppage time winner over Queens Park Rangers capped one of the most remarkable days in Premier League history and gave City their first title in the Premier League era. 

City megafan Noel Gallagher loved it:

Despite the team's current wealth, City's support remains strong among Manchester's working-class backbone, making the club a unique mix of nouveau riche and common folk. And as we've noted above, Danimal walks that divide with ease.

City's also awesome to watch. Along with Liverpool, they play the Premier League's most exciting brand of football. On their day, they can be breathtaking, pinging the ball all over the field, moving with fluidity and grace and scoring some of the best goals you'd ever want to see. In Belgian midfielder Kevin DeBruyne, City feature one of the world's best players, but their multi-cultural roster features Brazilians, Englishmen, Germans, Spaniards, Frenchmen, and American, a Dutchmen, an Algerian, and a couple of Portuguese for good measure. Led by Pep Guardiola, City are one of the world's best sides.

They've won three of the previous four Premier League titles, but the big prize of European football has eluded their grasp. City have never win the UEFA Champions League. So Danimal's got something to look forward to as he dons City's Sky Blue.

Danimal deserves the finer things in life. He should be a Cityzen.

Up the Sky Blues! Up the Danimal!

What Football Club Should a Gheorghie Support

Dave is a polymath, the Copernicus of the Raritan. He's a voracious reader, a deep thinker (when he's not a derp thinker), a man who reads physics texts for fun while also sporting a Ween tattoo. 

Dave's also a soccer coach, a tactical innovator who invents his own drills and adapts his style to meet the
unique needs of his team. He needs to root for a side that's stretching the game's limits, embracing modern training and tactics, viewing the game through a different lens.

Matthew Benham is a polymath, educated as a physicist, trained as a banker, wealthy from a statistics-aided run of success as a gambling entrepreneur, owner of multiple European football teams, including the fun to spell and say Danish club FC Midtjylland. (Dave should support them, but that's not why we're here.) 

Benham made much of his considerable fortune applying computational analytics to sports gambling, and when he purchased the football team he rooted for as a child, he set out to use the same approach to drag that team from the depths of the English pyramid. In 2012, when he became majority shareholder, that club languished in League One, the second-lowest full-time professional league in the country.

Around that time, Benham became friends with Rasmus Ankersen, a Danish entrepreneur with a passion for football and innovation. Ankerson applied statistical models to player acquisition and club management, and found a fellow traveler in Benham. Ankersen is the chairman of Midtjylland and the co-director of football for Benham's English club. And he gives a mean TEDx Talk.

Since that time, Benham's team has risen steadily through the ranks, seeking market inefficiencies to identity and acquire undervalued players and playing an attacking style that hopes to maximize expected goals (xG) over the course of a season on the theory that over the long run, teams that create more chances will more often be rewarded. After falling to Fulham in the Championship playoff final in 2019, Benham's team defeated Swansea in 2020 to gain promotion to the Premier League for the first time.

In their first seven games at the highest level, the team has made a mark. They defeated Arsenal, 2-0, intheir first match in the top flight, and currently sit in 7th place with only a single loss on their record. They just played a barnburner at Anfield, getting an 82nd minute goal from Yoane Wissa to tie hosts Liverpool. They're fun to watch, and there's a whole lot that suggests they'll stick around for a while.

Dave should root for Brentford, the Premier League's smartest and most interesting team.

Up the Bees! Up the Dave!

What Football Club Should a Gheorghie Support?

In the first episode of WFCSAGS, I promised to put more effort into matching the man to the club. Zman's perfect fit came to me in a burst of inspiration, but that's not always available. What do I look like, Dolly Parton?

So it took me a while to find a team for Whitney. As I said in a toast at his (first) wedding, Whitney is a simple man. Give him beer, food, and friends, and he's probably good. But sometimes simplicity belies complexity.

Below the surface, Whit's got a lot going on. He's by turns lyrical, bawdy, competitive (don't let him fool you on that front), sharp with an insult and equally quick with a healing word, charismatic, and perhaps above all, loyal to his friends.

Try as I might (in order to give him a better deal than I did Zman in terms of on-field success), I really couldn't find a way to tie Whitney to one of the Premier League's top clubs. Too many petrodollars and hedge fund money for a man of the people to feel comfortable supporting. There's a reason he traded in the Yankees for the Mets so many years ago.

Whitney needs a team that's deeply committed to its community, that's peopled by characters, owned by a family that values culture and connectedness with a squad that's capable of moments of magic. 

Whitney should root for Leicester City. The Foxes have been owned since 2010 by the Srivaddhanaprabha family, owners of the Thai retail conglomerate King Power. From the beginning of its tenure at the club, the family insisted that employees and players connect with supporters in a variety of meaningful ways. During the pandemic, the club doubled down on efforts to support local charities, and refused to furlough staff while other, much bigger clubs did so.

Club chairman Vichai Srivaddhanaprabha perished in a tragic helicopter accident immediately after a game in October 2018. It's a measure of the players' affection for him and his family that when they won the 2020 FA Cup, captain Kasper Schmeichel sought out Srivaddhanaprabha's son and successor as chairman, Aiyawatt, and included him in the on-field celebration.

Leicester City famously won the 2016 Premier League title as a 5,000-1 underdog. The yin and yang of that team - both of whom still play important roles for Leicester - encapsulate the duality of Whitney. Goalkeeper and captain Schmeichel is one of the game's most upstanding citizens, the dignified moral compass of the squad. Leading goalscorer - then and now - Jamie Vardy is a scamp, a rollicking movable party with a gleam in his eye and a rascal's charm. 

In Thailand as in many Eastern cultures, there's an emphasis on balance. The Srivaddhanaprabha family's stewardship of Leicester City offers one final reason for Whitney to embrace them and their team. Leicester stands in stark opposition to his American football rooting interest. By donning Leicester's royal blue, Whitney can achieve sporting balance, adding good to his own personal scales of sporting justice. And we all need balance.

Up the Foxes! Up the Whitney!