I am wildly out of touch with life in modern America. I remember a time when certain things were kept under wraps, were only available at shady stores on highway stripmalls or sketchy mail order catalogs, or in the back of the bodega behind swinging saloon doors, when they weren't talked about in polite society. Not anymore. To wit, dildos are popping up everywhere.
First, I was out doing some shopping for zmom and I went into CVS to get her some TP and baby wipes. This wasn't my local CVS, I was one town over, so I had to stagger around to find what I needed. I stumbled across this.
I'm out here shopping for my mother and they have a whole aisle of dildos, lubes and dick sprays? What if I was with my 10-year-old daughter? How the hell do I explain "buzzy butt, a vibrating toy for backside play"? They sell dildos at CVS?!
Second, the New York Times, The Gray Lady, the purveyor of all the news that's fit to print, emailed me a link to a Wirecutter article titled "The 13 Best Self-Care Gifts to Buy Yourself." I could use some self-care right about now so I clicked on it. As I scrolled down, the second item on the list is, you guessed it, a dildo.
You can get it at Amazon ... for $119?! Inflation is real. Again, what if my 10-year-old daughter was reading the New York Times? How am I supposed to explain "A suction vibrator is meant to simulate oral sex, and the Dame Aer is our pick of its type." They review dildos at the Times?!
Third, I have voted in nine presidential elections and my pick won only three times. Joe Biden was on all three of those ballots so maybe he shouldn't have dropped out this time. I say this because, as you may have heard, Donald Trump won on Tuesday. He even won a majority of the popular vote! How am I supposed to explain this to my 10-year-old daughter? They put this fucking dildo back in the White House?!
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