Remember Trump's lengthy diatribe during the 2024 campaign about how stupid electric vehicles are, the one that started out with cars, drifted into tanks, meandered into boats and sharks, and wound up hitting on a truck driver? This one:
That was December 4, 2024, a little over three months ago. On March 11, 2025, Trump bought a Tesla and did an infomercial for it in the White House driveway:
What prompted the change? A newfound commitment to the environment? A sudden rush of interest in new technology? A change of heart regarding the Green New Deal? Or maybe it was the $260 billion Elon Musk donated to his campaign?
I'm not saying Trump is for sale, but his taste in cars is lightyears behind Biden's. Remember this?
Liked by: people who don’t have and can’t afford the aforementioned stuff
Disliked by: people who have the aforementioned stuff and don’t want to have to pay for other people to get it
Trump’s nickname if he gets the nomination: Bolshevik Bernie; Bernie Panders
How Trump will beat him: Trump will terrify many people with rants about socialism and communism and how Bernie will destroy the "big beautiful economy" Trump alleges to have built. Trump will run this video again and again and again:
Parenthetically, Bernie Sanders was 46 years old in 1988 yet he looked 78. We should all feel better about ourselves, or at least our appearances relative to middle-aged Bernie.
Trump will also yell words like "Sandinistas" and "Oretega" and "Castro" not only because Bernie backed them, but because it will tie him to Latin America and thus further enrage Trump's xenophobic base. Also, Putin will interfere on Trump’s behalf.
**********************************************
The candidate: Pete Buttigieg
His campaign in a sentence: I am more intelligent and poised than your other options
Liked by: people who look at him and are reminded of the aloof but still likable valedictorian of their elite undergraduate university
Disliked by: people who did not go to an elite undergraduate university; people who went to an elite undergraduate university and did not find their aloof valedictorian to be likable
Trump’s nickname if he gets the nomination: Gayor Pete; some bad pun involving “Butt”
How Trump will beat him: This will be ugly. Trump unabashedly ran on racism and xenophobia in 2016. If Buttigieg gets the nomination Trump will expand his platform to include homophobia. Trump will say things like “Can you imagine this guy negotiating with Putin? Vlad would have his way with him! And you know what, Pete would like that!” Or “Kim Jong-Un would have Pete on his knees in seconds [waits a beat] and Pete is probably looking forward to it!” Buttigieg’s military service will carry no weight. GHW Bush, Bob Dole, John Kerry, and John McCain were all decorated combat veterans. All but Bush earned a Purple Heart. They also all lost presidential elections. No one cares about military service anymore. Also, Putin will interfere on Trump’s behalf.
**********************************************
The candidate: Mike Bloomberg
His campaign in a sentence: I can beat Trump because I’m a New Yorker; also, I have $61 billion with which to bludgeon you into voting for me
Liked by: people who have been bludgeoned into submission by $61 billion worth of advertising; people from the New York area who work in the financial services industry; people who think it takes a thief to catch a thief
Disliked by: people who don’t want to see another egomaniacal New York billionaire with no real party affiliation buy the presidency; people who look at Bloomberg’s record of mistreating minorities and women and see a bizarro Trump
Trump’s nickname if he gets the nomination: Stop N Frisk Mike; Mikey NDA
How Trump will beat him: Trump will gaslight voters (again) into thinking that Bloomberg will be “a disaster” for minorities and women, while Trump will be their champion. Also, Putin will interfere on Trump’s behalf.
**********************************************
The candidate: Joe Biden
His campaign in a sentence: I was Barack Obama’s VP!
Disliked by: people who look at Biden and see a very old man who may be in cognitive decline
Trump’s nickname if he gets the nomination: Dopey Joe, Slidin’ Biden
How Trump will beat him: Trump will gaslight voters (again) into thinking that Obama (and thus Biden) destroyed the economy while Trump unleashed it like the Kraken. Then he will sit back while Biden says and does stupid shit and shoots himself in the foot. Also, Putin will interfere on Trump’s behalf.
**********************************************
The candidate: Amy Klobuchar
Her campaign in a sentence: I'm a nice midwesterner with a record of centrism and electability so you should like me, please please like me
Liked by: Does anyone really affirmatively like her?
Disliked by: Does anyone really affirmatively dislike her?
Trump’s nickname if she gets the nomination: Shaky Amy
How Trump will beat her: In an early debate zdaughter turned to me and asked about Klobuchar "Why is she so shaky?" It's a good question. Maybe she's nervous, maybe she has a neurological issue, maybe she uses too much hairspray. All I know is it's a weakness so apparent my 5-year-old saw it so Trump will pounce on it and exploit it for all it's worth. He will say a bunch of misogynistic stuff too. Also, Putin will interfere on Trump’s behalf.
**********************************************
The candidate: Elizabeth Warren
Her campaign in a sentence: I have a pompous lecture for every issue
Trump’s nickname if she gets the nomination: Pocahontas, Lyin' Lizzie
How Trump will beat her: His answer to every debate question will be “She lied about her race to get ahead!” or he’ll just yell “Pocahontas!” over and over. Candidly I have no idea how Warren has skated on this issue for so long. I think it’s an egregious misrepresentation. Also, Putin will interfere on Trump’s behalf.
**********************************************
You know who the best candidate was on paper?
The candidate: Cory Booker
What his campaign should have been in a sentence: I have an Ivy League degree and a Rhodes scholarship like Pete, mayoral experience like Pete and Mike and Bernie, senatorial experience like Joe and Bernie and Amy and Liz, a progressive record on guns and the environment, a pro-business record when it comes to the economy, a realistic healthcare plan, and I know how to relate to minority voters because I really am a minority; also, I played Pac-10 football, I'm dating Rosario Dawson, and Trump can't pull his "I'm more manly than you" bully bullshit with me because I'm bigger and stronger and much younger than him and I would absolutely fuck him up if he stepped to me.
Disliked by: I don't know anyone who affirmatively dislikes him
Trump’s nickname if he gets the nomination: Cory Crooker in an attempt to tie him to corruption in Newark
How Trump will beat him: He already did.
**********************************************
Ultimately I really truly believe that Trump will lose in November no matter his opponent. Despite all my foregoing snark, I think that voters will be highly motivated in PA, WI, OH, and MI (which appear to be the only states that matter because they are the only ones that could go either way) and I have to imagine that they are picking up what the Democrats are putting down, namely lots of free stuff, income equality, a return to sanity and normalcy, etc. Trump ran on populism but it isn't clear to me that these four states are any better off than they were in 2016, and Bloomberg and Steyer will hopefully dip deeply into their fortunes to get the vote out. So keep your chins up!
I never understood how I went to college in southeastern Virginia, NASCAR country, but only met one other car guy (El Weenaldo). We need more car guys. Guys like Joe Biden and his mint 1967 Corvette. 1967 was the final year of the second-generation (or "C2") cars, and I think they are some of the most beautiful sports cars ever, especially the convertibles. Biden's has the base 327 engine but it can still lay a patch.
Any car guy would love a C2 Vette in Goodwood Green. But this is more than just a great classic car to the Vice President. Watch this video.
Every time he sees this car, he's reminded of his father whom I'm sure he loved. Every time he sees this car, he's reminded of his wedding with his first wife who died tragically. Every time he sees this car, he's reminded of his son Beau who also died tragically. I can't fathom the memories and emotions this hunk of iron and fiberglass stirs in him. The smells of combusted leaded gasoline and burned rubber, the clatter of sixteen pushrod-activated overhead valves and almost unfettered exhaust, the feel of the road through the bottom of the seat and the huge skinny wheel, the whole experience has to be moving every time he gets behind the wheel.
Maybe you never worked on a car with your father, or your father never had an American car with a big V8 and a convertible top, or maybe you saw your father every day so your only quality with him wasn't the drive to and from his house on Saturdays. Maybe this video doesn't choke you up from 1:15 to 2:20. Maybe you aren't a car guy. But if you are, you understand why I went from misty-eyed at the 2:10 mark to full-on "FUCK YEAH JOE!!" joyousness at the 2:27 mark.
I'm going to miss Joe Biden. I hope that in a few months he gets to drive his cherry Vette as much as he wants and that he enjoys everything it evokes inside him.
Joe Biden is a politician, and he's been one for nearly his entire adult life. He was elected to the Senate when he was 29. He's served in public office ever since. He is practiced in the art of telling people what they want to hear, in backroom dealings, in eliding certain truths in pursuit of power and his personal political objectives.
But goddammit if I can't help loving the guy.
For as long as I can remember, the primary criticism of Biden is that he lacks the filter that comes as a standard option in most other political models. He's prone to slips of the tongue both silly and consequential, on matters mundane and vital. To many, that disqualifies him for the highest office in the land. I might've agreed at a different point in our national political history.
Now, though, I'm starting to think he might be the man for our time.
One of the primary critiques of President Obama's personal style (notwithstanding the one about his pigmentation that doesn't get spoken of at cocktail parties but runs as a constant thread through a certain strain of the discourse) is his arms-length dealings with Congress. He's aloof. He doesn't reach out to leaders in either party. He's not practiced in the dark arts of Washington influence.
As a consequence of this and a variety of other factors, America's two primary political parties are as far apart from one another as they've ever been, according to a 2014 Pew Research study and many longtime observers of the U.S. political scene.
Enter Joe Biden, a consummate Washington insider, and a man with longstanding and long-nurtured relationships in all corners of our political world. Biden is warm and authentic where Hillary Clinton is cold and poll-driven. Biden's experienced both internationally and domestically where Marco Rubio, Ted Cruz, Carly Fiorina, and most of the others in the GOP clown car fail. Biden's a serious leader where Donald Trump is a circus act. And Biden's deeply, painfully, fully human, flawed and imperfect. This is a man that connects with people in a way that it seems many voters are craving.
Is that a performance? Of course. Could any other national leader have that same conversation and not sound like the phoniest of grasping actors? Not in a million years.
Empathy and authenticity aren't necessarily prerequisites for success in national politics. But for an electorate writ large that measures candidates by how much we'd like to have a beer with them, and at a time when a candidate that can make a real argument about experience in collaborating across the political chasm has a distinctly differentiated value proposition, Biden's bona fides would seem to make him the man of the hour.
Posts
