State Fairs back? STATE FAIRS BACK
This, of course, is a deep fried, thinly veiled excuse for me to post probably my greatest work on this here website: my trip to the Indiana State Fair 12 years ago. Come, relive the journey with me.
Showing posts with label state fair. Show all posts
Showing posts with label state fair. Show all posts
Thursday, July 22, 2021
Tuesday, August 27, 2019
G:TB State Fair Month
Molten cream cheese hurts when it spills from within the crispy envelope of a perfectly fried pickle and lands on one's hand.
This was one of many things I learned when I visited the Minnesota State Fair last week.
Like the Teej before me, I ventured boldly into that Midwestern staple on a mission to see, smell, taste, and experience all of nature's bounty. At least all that can be fried.
I went with colleagues on the Fair's opening day. I was told by everyone that the first day of the Fair's two-week run is generally the best, because the grounds are in the best shape and the yellowjackets haven't yet figured out where the good trash cans are. Everyone was right.
The first day of this year's Fair set a new attendance record, with more than 133,000 Minnesotans (and me) passing through the turnstiles. As you can see in this shitty photo I took as I turned onto one of the main thoroughfares, that's a shitload of folks.
Shortly upon my entry, I met up with my team, and one of the fellas who works for me made it a point to grab me a beer. It's good to be the king. Our meeting point was Fresh French Fries (one of two on the 322-acre property). We met there because it's operated by the family of a colleague of mine. His father started the concession 40 years ago. It's grown to the point where each of the two stands go through 240,000 pounds of potatoes each year, and gross more than $1.2m in 12 days. My colleague Dan always takes vacation during the Fair to run one of the stands. Pretty tidy little business.
And so my first fried food of the Fair was all in the family.
After we scarfed a good helping of fries, we played some midway games. I lost at a shooting game where one shoots actual bb's at target, at whack-a-mole, and at that stupid game where you try to knock over three leaded bottles with a softball. Then I lost to Tony at bumper cars. Tony's a former Green Beret, so he knows how to handle his ride.
It was at that point that I went to the fried pickle stand. Man, do I love fried pickles. It turns out that I also love fried pickles with cream cheese, but I didn't learn that until after I received a second-degree burn on my hand and realized that the prudent course of action was to wait until they cooled down.
I recovered quickly, numbing the pain with another beer, before enjoying cheese curds, lefse, shrimp and grits balls, fried feta, and roasted corn in relatively rapid succession. I closed out my gustatory efforts with a sampler courtesy of the Minnesota Brewer's Guild.
I didn't take any pictures with my head inserted into a cartoon body, but I did visit The Current's booth, which was cool. I missed out on seeing Belinda Carlisle and Hootie & The Blowfish, because bad planning, but I saw Pete Buttigieg and Amy Klobuchar's teams working their booths with gusto. Saw the Trump booth, too, but gave it a wide berth.
Crowds annoy me as much as the next guy, and perhaps more, but the Minnesota Nice vibe in St. Paul, combined with postcard-perfect weather, several tasty brews, and gleeful work friends happy to be playing hooky to make for a most excellent afternoon. If you have the means, I highly recommend it.
Just let your cream cheese-filled fried treat cool for just a minute.
This was one of many things I learned when I visited the Minnesota State Fair last week.
Like the Teej before me, I ventured boldly into that Midwestern staple on a mission to see, smell, taste, and experience all of nature's bounty. At least all that can be fried.
I went with colleagues on the Fair's opening day. I was told by everyone that the first day of the Fair's two-week run is generally the best, because the grounds are in the best shape and the yellowjackets haven't yet figured out where the good trash cans are. Everyone was right.
The first day of this year's Fair set a new attendance record, with more than 133,000 Minnesotans (and me) passing through the turnstiles. As you can see in this shitty photo I took as I turned onto one of the main thoroughfares, that's a shitload of folks.
Shortly upon my entry, I met up with my team, and one of the fellas who works for me made it a point to grab me a beer. It's good to be the king. Our meeting point was Fresh French Fries (one of two on the 322-acre property). We met there because it's operated by the family of a colleague of mine. His father started the concession 40 years ago. It's grown to the point where each of the two stands go through 240,000 pounds of potatoes each year, and gross more than $1.2m in 12 days. My colleague Dan always takes vacation during the Fair to run one of the stands. Pretty tidy little business.
And so my first fried food of the Fair was all in the family.
After we scarfed a good helping of fries, we played some midway games. I lost at a shooting game where one shoots actual bb's at target, at whack-a-mole, and at that stupid game where you try to knock over three leaded bottles with a softball. Then I lost to Tony at bumper cars. Tony's a former Green Beret, so he knows how to handle his ride.
 |
| Trained killer, that Tony |
I recovered quickly, numbing the pain with another beer, before enjoying cheese curds, lefse, shrimp and grits balls, fried feta, and roasted corn in relatively rapid succession. I closed out my gustatory efforts with a sampler courtesy of the Minnesota Brewer's Guild.
I didn't take any pictures with my head inserted into a cartoon body, but I did visit The Current's booth, which was cool. I missed out on seeing Belinda Carlisle and Hootie & The Blowfish, because bad planning, but I saw Pete Buttigieg and Amy Klobuchar's teams working their booths with gusto. Saw the Trump booth, too, but gave it a wide berth.
Crowds annoy me as much as the next guy, and perhaps more, but the Minnesota Nice vibe in St. Paul, combined with postcard-perfect weather, several tasty brews, and gleeful work friends happy to be playing hooky to make for a most excellent afternoon. If you have the means, I highly recommend it.
Just let your cream cheese-filled fried treat cool for just a minute.
Tuesday, August 13, 2019
Living on a Fair
My twitter timeline has been bombarded the last few days with news that 2020 Democratic Presidential hopefuls are hitting the Iowa State Fair, presumably to try and win the hearts and minds of those corn-loving folks who have too much influence in Presidential politics, but also I presume to consume mass amounts of delicious fair food.
Here's a full list of the new 2019 foods at the Iowa State Fair. Some of my favorites...
If you'd like some balls in your mouth:
Berkshire Bacon Balls on a Stick
X-Treme Balls
I'm always a big proponent of any food item placed on a stick:
Chicken Parmesan Stick
Brownie Waffle Stick
Chocolate Brownie Waffle Stick
How 'bout dem apples:
Apple Cider Shake Up
Apple Fritter Funnel Cake
Apple Nachos
Apple Slices with Fresh Ground Honey Roasted Peanut Butter
Boozy Pecan Caramel Apple
Caramel Apple Bites
Caramel Apple Cider Shake
Salted Caramel Apple Shake
Poutine on the Ritz:
Dessert Poutine
Double Pork Poutine
Slaughter House Poutine
Rainbow Poutine
Chicken Bacon Ranch Poutine
Bacon tastes gooood. Pork chops taste gooood:
Bacon Wrapped Pig Wings
Bauder Ultimate Bacon Crisp
Smoked Ham & Eggs
Tangled Onion Pork Po-Boy
Chuckie's Pork Strip Basket
As you might recall, I too enjoy fair foods. I jumped in the wayback machine, and found my trip to the Indiana State Fair in the GTB archives. Here, in it's entirety, is that now ten-year old opus:
Some of you may remember I had a pretty fun time at the fair last year, so I figured this time around I'd chronicle my gastronomical conquests in picture form for our loyal readers (right now rob is sobbing in his office, realizing this is the post that pushes his LeBron extravaganza down the page). No more intro required, let the gluttony begin...
12:29pm
Regular corn dog, small diet Pepsi
I mean, it's the fair. You've got to start with a corn dog. And you have to be careful in your corn dog selections - they need to be fresh out of the fryer or else they're not worth it. If you go to a stand that only has corn dogs rotating on a rack, move on. It's not like you're limited in corn dog stand choices.
12:46pm
Pick up free Blow Pop from Better Business Bureau of Indiana at ridiculous Expo Hall
The BBB slogan? "Don't Be a Sucker". Seriously folks, the team of monkeys you had working around the clock couldn't come up with something better? [Note: Blow Pop was eaten as "dessert" exactly 12 hours later]
12:53pm
Sample Shoup's new hogburger
It's freakin' delicious. Went back through the line two more times.
1:59pm
Photo op with Indiana state hero Veal Armstrong...and a talking goat
Stepping into the different animal barns at the fair is like walking through a portal into another dimension. A dimension of denim and poor dental hygiene. Hard to describe, but entertaining as all hell.
Here's a full list of the new 2019 foods at the Iowa State Fair. Some of my favorites...
If you'd like some balls in your mouth:
Berkshire Bacon Balls on a Stick
X-Treme Balls
I'm always a big proponent of any food item placed on a stick:
Chicken Parmesan Stick
Brownie Waffle Stick
Chocolate Brownie Waffle Stick
How 'bout dem apples:
Apple Cider Shake Up
Apple Fritter Funnel Cake
Apple Nachos
Apple Slices with Fresh Ground Honey Roasted Peanut Butter
Boozy Pecan Caramel Apple
Caramel Apple Bites
Caramel Apple Cider Shake
Salted Caramel Apple Shake
Poutine on the Ritz:
Dessert Poutine
Double Pork Poutine
Slaughter House Poutine
Rainbow Poutine
Chicken Bacon Ranch Poutine
Bacon tastes gooood. Pork chops taste gooood:
Bacon Wrapped Pig Wings
Bauder Ultimate Bacon Crisp
Smoked Ham & Eggs
Tangled Onion Pork Po-Boy
Chuckie's Pork Strip Basket
As you might recall, I too enjoy fair foods. I jumped in the wayback machine, and found my trip to the Indiana State Fair in the GTB archives. Here, in it's entirety, is that now ten-year old opus:
Some of you may remember I had a pretty fun time at the fair last year, so I figured this time around I'd chronicle my gastronomical conquests in picture form for our loyal readers (right now rob is sobbing in his office, realizing this is the post that pushes his LeBron extravaganza down the page). No more intro required, let the gluttony begin...
12:15pm
Arrive at the fair
It's 95 degrees and humid as shit. I'm a moron and didn't wear a t-shirt. Land war in Asia...now this blunder. Tough start to day.
Arrive at the fair
It's 95 degrees and humid as shit. I'm a moron and didn't wear a t-shirt. Land war in Asia...now this blunder. Tough start to day.
12:29pm
Regular corn dog, small diet Pepsi
I mean, it's the fair. You've got to start with a corn dog. And you have to be careful in your corn dog selections - they need to be fresh out of the fryer or else they're not worth it. If you go to a stand that only has corn dogs rotating on a rack, move on. It's not like you're limited in corn dog stand choices.
12:46pm
Pick up free Blow Pop from Better Business Bureau of Indiana at ridiculous Expo Hall
The BBB slogan? "Don't Be a Sucker". Seriously folks, the team of monkeys you had working around the clock couldn't come up with something better? [Note: Blow Pop was eaten as "dessert" exactly 12 hours later]
12:53pm
Sample Shoup's new hogburger
It's freakin' delicious. Went back through the line two more times.
1:59pm
Photo op with Indiana state hero Veal Armstrong...and a talking goat
Stepping into the different animal barns at the fair is like walking through a portal into another dimension. A dimension of denim and poor dental hygiene. Hard to describe, but entertaining as all hell.
2:16pm
Pulled pork BBQ sandwich from the Indiana Pork Association, another diet Pepsi
You like how I keep getting the diet sodas, as if that's gonna make a difference?
You like how I keep getting the diet sodas, as if that's gonna make a difference?
2:21pm
Snack on other people's absurd World Famous King Taters
What exactly are they, you say? Take a look.
3:33pm
Fish fry (jackson pollock white fish), yet another small diet Pepsi
The fish fry stand had zero shade around it. I almost passed out waiting for this item.
Snack on other people's absurd World Famous King Taters
What exactly are they, you say? Take a look.
3:33pm
Fish fry (jackson pollock white fish), yet another small diet Pepsi
The fish fry stand had zero shade around it. I almost passed out waiting for this item.
5:00pm
Ribeye steak sandwich at Indiana Beef Association tent, a Lemonade
Starting to develop some serious stomach issues at this point, had to stop halfway through this sandwich as I had the meat sweats. Genuine concern is starting to show on the folks I am at the fair with. Burgess Meredith urges me on.
Ribeye steak sandwich at Indiana Beef Association tent, a Lemonade
Starting to develop some serious stomach issues at this point, had to stop halfway through this sandwich as I had the meat sweats. Genuine concern is starting to show on the folks I am at the fair with. Burgess Meredith urges me on.
6:09pm
Deep fried pizza, more diet Pepsi
In six hours I've developed diabetes and have surely clogged three arteries. And a big middle finger to deep fried pizza. What a disappointment. I assumed we would take a slice of pie, dip it in a fryer, and then hand it to me. Nope - the dough is simply fried and then lathered with marinara sauce and some cheese. Of course I still ate the whole damn thing.
Deep fried pizza, more diet Pepsi
In six hours I've developed diabetes and have surely clogged three arteries. And a big middle finger to deep fried pizza. What a disappointment. I assumed we would take a slice of pie, dip it in a fryer, and then hand it to me. Nope - the dough is simply fried and then lathered with marinara sauce and some cheese. Of course I still ate the whole damn thing.
7:05pm
Deep fried cookie dough
Anyone had a portable defibrillator?
Deep fried cookie dough
Anyone had a portable defibrillator?
8:45pm
One chicken tender, one fry, one ping only
By now we are at the Keith Urban concert at the fair (I would never be called a country music fan by any stretch, but I have now seen this guy twice, and he puts on a damn good show). Apparently, if you are a female going to a Keith Urban concert, you wear daisy dukes so short the pockets show and cowboy boots that make you like like an Amarillo whore. And you wear that no matter what shape or size you are. I was partially blinded by some of the sartorial choices.
One chicken tender, one fry, one ping only
By now we are at the Keith Urban concert at the fair (I would never be called a country music fan by any stretch, but I have now seen this guy twice, and he puts on a damn good show). Apparently, if you are a female going to a Keith Urban concert, you wear daisy dukes so short the pockets show and cowboy boots that make you like like an Amarillo whore. And you wear that no matter what shape or size you are. I was partially blinded by some of the sartorial choices.
11:48pm
Exit fair.
Exit fair.
Victory pose. Note corndog stick in right hand.
Obviously, I have no choice but to go back next year. However, I need your help in deciding how I'll entertain myself in Year 3, without ended up in the ICU of St. Vincent's.
Saturday, August 29, 2015
Gheorghe Goes to the Fair
Our in-house expert on culinary excess has been scouring state fairs across America in search of the newest, biggest, greasiest, mostest gut busting extravagances. This week, he traveled to Syracuse to visit the New York State Fair, and check out The Defibrillator.
We know what you're thinking, and you're right: man, health food branding really has taken a turn towards irony.
The Defibrillator is an angus beef burger served between two grilled cheese sandwiches. It includes cheese curds, deep fried bacon, deep fried pickles, and - because no burger is complete without (more) cheese - cheddar cheese. According to Syracuse University dietitian Jane Burrell Uzcategui,
"The Defibrillator (is) clearly a calorie powerhouse, topping the scale about 1,605 calories or three quarters of the recommended daily intake. Not only are the calories outrageous, the fat hits 74 grams (9 grams more than what is recommended per day) and the artery clogging, saturated fat, is a whopping 44 grams per day (double the recommended). ... Don't fool yourself -- you aren't burning that many calories walking around at the Fair. To use the calories consumed in this meal you would have to walk the Midway end-to-end 32 times."
To which we say, get to walking.
We know what you're thinking, and you're right: man, health food branding really has taken a turn towards irony.
 |
| The Indigestometer is a nice touch, but this pic needs more thumb |
"The Defibrillator (is) clearly a calorie powerhouse, topping the scale about 1,605 calories or three quarters of the recommended daily intake. Not only are the calories outrageous, the fat hits 74 grams (9 grams more than what is recommended per day) and the artery clogging, saturated fat, is a whopping 44 grams per day (double the recommended). ... Don't fool yourself -- you aren't burning that many calories walking around at the Fair. To use the calories consumed in this meal you would have to walk the Midway end-to-end 32 times."
To which we say, get to walking.
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