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Hello, friends. Welcome to Day 2 of One Man's Fan Free Agency and Erotic Journey from Milan to Minsk. (I hope the Minsk thing doesn't give away the ending.) Yesterday brought the death of the dreams of 10 fanbases, while hope remains alive for 21 others. Today, 11 more will find fate a fickle and cruel thing.
After this brief commercial interruption, we'll break some more hearts.
We're getting to the point where the cuts are harder to make. Many of the teams let go today had compelling positives, and with a couple of exceptions, I struggled to add them to the list. I didn't get this far in life by shirking hard decisions, though, and so we march on. (I got here, instead, through a combination of height-based affirmative action and sleeping with the right people.)
The next 11 cuts are:
Carolina Panthers
For whatever reason, I still don't really consider Carolina (nor Jacksonville) real NFL teams. I know they've been to a Super Bowl, and technically play a 16-game NFL schedule, but they still seem gimmicky. And their star quarterback went to Auburn. That's a problem.
St. Louis Rams
There's a lot to like about the Rams: solid uniforms, Jeff Fisher, Steven Jackson, baked ravioli. But I can't work up a really good attraction to the city. Sorry, St. Louis.
Cincinnati Bengals
We're back to that inept owner thing again. Though Mike Brown has seemingly gotten out of the way a bit of late, I think I'd still find it hard to root for his team.
Cleveland Browns
I refuse to participate in the dumbing down of America. Dog is not spelled with a 'w'. You're on notice, too, University of Georgia.
Miami Dolphins
Dan Marino's not walking through that door. Mercury Morris isn't walking through that door. And even if they did, they'd be really old. More importantly, I've just never really cared for the Fins.
Kansas City Chiefs
We're getting down to the squads that took some effort to cut. This is going to be a really fun team to watch this year, but Romeo Crennel reminds me of this guy I used to work with who really disliked me. Which I find impossible, because I'm likable as shit.
Chicago BearsTrue story: I've never been to Chicago. I blame Brian Baschnagel.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
When I was about 10, I got two football jerseys for Christmas: a Bucs #76 and a Denver Broncos #14. I really don't have a clue what my parents' were thinking, because I was a New England Patriots fan at the time. But I wore that white Bucs jersey with the creamsicle orange numbers all the time. I still don't know who #76 was. If they still wore those jerseys, they'd probably have made it into the Final Four.
Pittsburgh Steelers
Hard cut here, especially given the Mike Tomlin factor, but I have too many friends and family who are Steeler fans. It'd feel a little bit bandwagony.
Buffalo Bills
I want to like the Bills - I really do. The whole underdog thing has a lot of appeal. But there's no there there. Plus, G:TB already has a couple of Bills fans in the extended family.
Denver BroncosOne of my earliest sports memories is watching the Orange Crush Broncos get hammered by the Cowboys in Super Bowl XII. According to my parents, I met Red Miller in an airport as a toddler. I'll be pulling for Peyton Manning this season. But my disdain for orange and blue is fairly well documented.
And then there were 10. Six more cuts tomorrow will give us the Final Four, which will be narrowed to My New Favorite Team on Wednesday in preparation for the season's kickoff.
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