Life has been challenging in the last week, since my 8 y/o broke his leg. He will have a cast above his knee for four weeks. That means he needs help to move around, to get to a table to eat, to pee, to poop, to sleep, etc. It's not as dire as Lalin from Carlito's Way, but it sucks for sure.
So what does this have to do with my urethra? Well, I've been waging an epic battle with the sub-contractor used by the third-party service Cigna uses for durable medical goods. Read that again. That is an accurate assessment of the convoluted process I am involved with to get a one-month wheelchair rental for my kid. It has involved several lengthy phone calls where I am on hold for long stretches at a time. One of these times was Friday. I was pacing around in my bedroom on hold, when I realized I could hold in the golden stream no longer. Since I had been on hold for several minutes already, I thought I would have another 20-second window to let it go. I started to relieve myself and then, of course, Nikita from Apria Healthcare came back on the line. At this point, I had several options: 1) continue whizzing away as normal, knowing she would hear and likely understand what was happening, 2) continue whizzing, but aim for the porcelain edges, in an attempt to minimize volume, or 3) pinch and think about it. I chose Option 3. Option 2 would have been the best bet, but I needed Nikita to handle business for me. I did not want to be the guy filling her earhole with the sound of a vociferous urine stream. Turns out Option 3 was a poor decision. It immediately began hurting a lot. I had to unpinch and resume purging. It was messy, kinda painful and still pretty loud. And this was while I was escalating my anger that they were still processing the order and claiming it could take 3-5 business days to fully process.
It now hurts when I pee. No blood or anything, just a little pain that reminds me I am a moron, and that I should not mess with my fossa navicularis ever again.
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