G:TB was recently asked by Eric of
The Extrapolator if we could pinch-hit for regular columnist
Gary GNU on one of Extrapolator's enjoyable weekly features,
Voodoo Sabermetrics. G:TB was happy to oblige, as we can only post so many YouTube clips and pictures of
washed-up midgets throwing (I use that term loosely) baseballs. This week's VS victim - Dmitri Young of the hometown Washington Nationals. I was asked to talk about Dmitri's "
clutchness" (someone check with Colbert to see if that's a word)...well, even though I've seen Da Meat Hook play several times this year, I decided we needed to recruit an expert for this discussion. So who did we bring in? Dmitri's
mild-mannered younger brother Delmon, of course. We caught up with Delmon at the nearby Chuck E. Cheese's, in between rounds of his court appointed Whac-A-Mole therapy session. Dmitri's "
clutchness", as told to us by his crazy younger brother:
"First of all, what kind of scale are you using, because I've got to tell you, Dmitri DOES NOT like scales (laughs heartily to himself). No seriously, are we talking about stats here? Look at the trifling 24-35 team he plays for, and look at the clutch line he's putting up (now, we all know I'm 100 times better than him, so even I am impressed with this):
.319, 5 HR, 28 RBI, .401 OBP, .494 SLG
Just think where the Nationals would be WITHOUT Dmitri. And all this after a 2006 that would make Tom Sizemore blush: an assault charge, treatment for alcoholism and depression, a divorce AND hospitalization for diabetes. Hell, the Tigers rubbed salt in the wound by cutting his ass a month before they played in the World Series.
His play on the field not clutch enough for you? How about this - my bro appeared at WWE's 2005 Survivor Series and laid the smackdown on that punk Edge and his skanky sidekick Lita. Dmitri wasn't going to stand for some fake-ass wrestler mocking his team.
Soooo, if you forced me to create a clutchness scale, I would say Dmitri is a 8 out of 10 (with me of course being a 10)...but you're not going to make me actually create a scale, right? Good, because some punk just cut me in line for Skee-Ball, and I need to go pull an 'Elijah' on his ass."
G:TB was recently asked by Eric of The Extrapolator if we could pinch-hit for regular columnist Gary GNU on one of Extrapolator's enjoyable weekly features, Voodoo Sabermetrics. G:TB was happy to oblige, as we can only post so many YouTube clips and pictures of washed-up midgets throwing (I use that term loosely) baseballs. This week's VS victim - Dmitri Young of the hometown Washington Nationals. I was asked to talk about Dmitri's "clutchness" (someone check with Colbert to see if that's a word)...well, even though I've seen Da Meat Hook play several times this year, I decided we needed to recruit an expert for this discussion. So who did we bring in? Dmitri's mild-mannered younger brother Delmon, of course. We caught up with Delmon at the nearby Chuck E. Cheese's, in between rounds of his court appointed Whac-A-Mole therapy session. Dmitri's "clutchness", as told to us by his crazy younger brother:
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