Fashion is... Dumb: NBA Draft Edition

Howdy folks, you might remember me from such filler as "The Ghoogles" and the long-forgotten "Ceai Complet". Well, in honor of tonight's NBA Draft first round coverage (seriously, do we really need the second round on it's own separate night?), I have returned from the dead (DC weather) for a special edition of my personal fav filler, FiD. 

I am hoping for one of the more exciting drafts in memory, as the salary cap and all these variety of aprons (not machine washable) might have teams wheeling and dealing, like Boston over the last two days. And questions abound: will Ace Bailey hijack a 737? Will Washington then take him 6? What the hell are the Nets gonna do with FIVE first round picks? Does Kon Knueppel's middle name happen to start with a "K"? If he falls in the draft, who drops the first "Wrath of Kon" skeet? (hint, in my most sing-songy Timberlake voice, IT'S GONNA BE MAAAAY)

But seriously, *extreme Chandler Bing voice* could this man use any more parens?

Samaki Walker, you beautiful beautiful... bust:

Amazingly, this is not actually Drew Gooden, there are three robs standing on top of each other under that tarp of a suit:

LeBron in his French aristocrat phase:

Here's Gradey Dick dressed like Vanilla Ice was a Dick Tracy villain:

For no reason at all, here's Jan Vesely looking sad and depressed, as any Wizards draft pick should be:

And to close us out, our namesake and his draft night fit. See you all in the comments. VIVA LES WIZERABLES

Reader Submission Filler

Exactly as sent to me:

"If you really needa da filler. Ravioli, Testarosa, Northa Brunswick, Da Vinci..."

Five minutes later:

"Also I was behind a North Brunswick cop car today and the bumper sticker said:
"Report Crime!"
www.middlesextips.com"

Pre-BCS National Championship Game Filler

rob claims to have a BCS National Championship post ready to go after lunch, so until this time, enjoy the wonder of the internet, and these two pics I found yesterday:

Tuesday Morning Coming Up

In the second installation of our occasional series about moments of pure joy, live music style, we take you to Toronto. As he prepared to play 'Duncan' for a crowd at the Sound Academy ten days ago, Paul Simon heard Rayna Ford exclaim that she'd learned to play the guitar from the song. And in the best tradition of Billy Joe, Simon invited the shocked Ford onstage. What follows may well rank as the most thrilling moment of her life. Don't take it from me - her husband said as much in the video he uploaded. Stuff like this makes me happy.

The Tenth Day Keeps On Giving

I thought it was the perfect time to move on from the post below:

Aaaagh!

I saw this and decided that TJ would approve. Behold, the man in charge of our planet's 8th largest economy at work in his previous job, which clearly demonstrated his aptitude for his current position.



[h/t Film Drunk]

Stop watching "Quick Change" on repeat

Your venti morning filler with a shot of idiocy:

Woman in clown suit accused of robbing bank
BETHLEHEM, Pa. - Police in northeastern Pennsylvania have arrested a woman they say robbed a bank in a clown costume. Bethlehem police said the woman was captured about five minutes after the bank robbery late Friday morning. Her name has not been released. Police said the suspect told bank employees she had a bomb, and fled with an unknown amount of cash. Arriving officers say they chased her to a nearby park and nabbed her changing out of the clown suit in her car. A bomb squad robot checked out items found in the car, including the clown suit and a multicolored wig. No explosives were found. No one in the bank was injured.

Welcome to May...

...and a Brand New Funk*:



*Mock me all you want for enjoying the Fresh Prince and DJ Jazzy Jeff, but all I know is I wore out that "He's the DJ, I'm the Rapper" tape when it came out. Forget "Parents Just Don't Understand" for a second...between this song, "Nightmare on my Street" and "Charlie Mack" I couldn't get enough of the fellas in the Summer of '89. And, oh yeah, F U Jazzy Jeff for remixing this song two years ago because you needed the money.

Monkey Business

If this were a week ago I would be sure it was just another dumbass April Fools Day internet joke, but it appears to be legit. Courtesy of the fine folks over at Popular Science, I present to you my next job: ape tickler.

We know that apes are ticklish. But does ape and human laughter mean the same thing? Marina Davila-Ross, a neuroscientist at the University of Portsmouth in England, sought an answer in what is perhaps science’s most enjoyable research project: tickling human and ape babies to compare their laughter. After tickling the babies of several colleagues and recording their giggles, Davila-Ross traveled the world, recording the laughter of baby chimps, bonobos, gorillas and even a siamang, a gibbon found in Southeast Asia. In most cases, she held the mic as the apes’ handlers tickled the little ones. (“Apes are like us—many won’t be tickled by a stranger,” she explains.) But after three months in an orangutan rehab center in Borneo, she got to do her own tickling on half a dozen furry orange babies. Her research suggests that tickle-induced laughter developed in a common ancestor 10 to 16 million years ago. “It was fun,” Davila-Ross admits. “It’s play behavior, and everybody—apes and humans—enjoys that.”

"It’s play behavior, and everybody—apes and humans—enjoys that.” Ain't that the truth. Right turn Clyde.

Gheorghe Grab Bag

Let's start this Friday off right, with a few entertaining ghoogle searches that have led folks to G:TB in recent days/weeks. It appears the gents over at the Wheelhome might have something to tell us...

• "it all runs together" french horn
• www.jerryandgeoff.com pictures
• super scintillating sensational
• have you heard of the lonesome looser meaning
• coen brothers reference in superbad
• "village people cloning step children"
• axel rose tent stage cocaine
• "this is the strangest dinner invite ever"
• john staluppi biography
• coors light cakes
• nkotb5 license plate
• mike love hated pet sounds
• free gilbert
• General Mills' All-Star baseball (starring Trix Rabbit and his friends playing baseball against Major League teams and stars)
• you guys playing cards
• how tall is dru joyce iii
• zodiac mindwarp
• 'brett favre hemorrhoids'
• 2 flights jimmy the greek was going to take that crashed
• bangkok whores blogspot.com
• cameltoe in mitch gaylords infomercial
• cousins fucking cousins
• doing pushups and drinking beer
• major league entertainment double homicide blogspot
• mike frensley's new album released in december 2009
• paste magazine we have heard the future of rock and its named 7 mary 3
• richmond squirrels hiree
• tattoos + tequila worms
• which college is better known outside of virginia william and mary or uva
• wnba ""butt slapping""

Moving on, you might have caught the news that FOGTB and prolific gambler Michael Jack is headed to Nueva Jersey soon. What you might not know is why he's going. As it turns out, our boy MJ is the world's foremost expert on wood. Seriously...look, at how good he is at his job:

TR, I need to apologize. I am 100% certain I know why our Jets lost to the Colts this weekend. Yes, that is our cat. No, I did not dress him up. But yes, he is the reason the Jets lost. I am sure of it.

And just because...

Puttin' on the Ritz

For no particular reason at all...

A legit reason to use this Super Troopers clip

I always enjoy a good story of "hamburger rage". Today's star is some crazy woman in Kansas City:

KANSAS CITY, Mo. -- Surveillance video from a Midtown McDonald's restaurant on Main Street shows a woman experiencing hamburger rage.

The incident happened on Dec. 27 and the video clearly shows a woman demanding a refund for what she claimed was an inferior hamburger. After being denied the refund, the video show her throwing a bucket of water over the counter along with other items, including a basket of straws, cookies, a sign and even three of the cash registers.

The incident played out in front of several unsuspecting customers, including children. The woman was gone before police arrived. They are asking anyone who can identify the woman to call the TIPS hot line.

But really, we needed some filler this morning, and it lets me drop the always entertaining "liter of cola" clip from Super Troopers here...

I got a kick out of this...

and it was time to dump Dave and his 'stache down the page. Courtesy of DJ Steve Porter, here is your G:TB-approved YouTube Clip of the Day entitled "Press Hop":

I love seeing a headline like this

"El Nino conditions return to affect weather"

because obviously I get to embed this piece of comedic genius:

Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherf'ing cows on this motherf'ing highway!

Some more fun with 9-1-1 calls...

JUNEAU - Emergency dispatchers have a tough job. And there's no better example of that than the call from a woman who is furious that deputies won't help her with her cows. When Tammy Nuttelman called 911, she was told her escaped cows weren't an emergency. That's when she called again.

NUTTELMAN: "I got seven ****ing cows out, maybe going to the ***king highway! And you need to let everybody know that there are loose cows out there! They'll probably cause a major ****ing accident, you hear me?"

As tempers rise, the dispatcher stays cool.

DISPATCHER: "Why are you yelling at me?"

NUTTELMAN: "Because I tried to call before and you guys said it wasn't a ****ing emergency, and this is!"

Friday Nuttleman didn't sound anything like the enraged woman heard on the 911 call. Tammy says she was panicked and shouldn't have yelled. "I'm sorry for talking that way to the dispatcher. And I said I'll accept the citation and it won't happen again." On the call, Nuttelman refuses to give even basic information.

DISPATCHER: "You need to give me your date of birth."

NUTTELMAN: "You come and get my date of birth."

A deputy did come to Nuttelman's home near Juneau, to give her a citation for misuse of 911. Pat Ninmann says her dispatchers were very busy when Nuttelman called, "At the time that this lady had called in, was swearing at my dispatchers, my dispatchers were working on an accident, a motorcycle accident with severe injuries." Nuttelman now says she overreacted, "I mean, who doesn't when you call 911?" She says she regrets making that call and she will pay the citation. But she is angry that the sheriff's department has released that call to the public.

Nuttleman says deputies did help her once before when her horse escaped.

Yep, I bet they did, you lunatic.

Zack Morris Lives

As per rob's request:



Wait, people watch Jimmy Fallon?

Every set piece has its thorn

One of our handful of readers emailed this to me last night...you'd think after 20 years on stage Bret Michaels would be a bit more cognizant of his surroundings:

This is what happens when I'm bored

In order to survive a brutal two hour all staff meeting yesterday at work, I attempted to walk through this entire film in my head, one quote at a time...it sure as hell kept me entertained, so I figured today's filler might entertain you as well:

I'm a big softie

So Sunday I'm watching yet another Nats stinker (which they actually won thanks to Adam Dunn) and just as I'm about to turn during the 7th inning stretch I catch who's going to sing God Bless America. Let me just say that even I found this extremely cute.

Thursdays with Maury*

Natural selection must've been on a smoke break when these pillars of society were drunkenly conceived:



*And yes Dave, if you're thinking you've also seen this post title before, you have.