One Last Ride for Lincoln

If you like Falco's masterstroke "Rock Me Amadeus," and I know you do, then you love the Salieri version, the 8-minute Stretch Armstrong rendition.  It features, just after the 1:00 mark, the DJ coming on and giving a Cliffs Notes account of Mozart's life:

1756, Salzburg, January 27, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart is born
1761, at the age of five Amadeus begins composing
1773, he writes his first piano concerto
1782, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart marries Constance Weber
1784, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart becomes a Freemason
1791, Mozart composes The Magic Flute
On December 5th of that same year, Mozart dies
1985, Austrian rock singer Falco records "Rock Me Amadeus!"

The late, nearly great Falco was ahead of his time, some say, and his byte-sized summary fits our ADD world more than ever.  I'm going to borrow from him as Random Idiots records "I'm Drinkin' with Lincoln," a new tribute song that features a similar timeline.

This is a public service announcement... with guitar!

1809, Kentucky, February 12, Abraham Lincoln is born
1832, at the age of 23, Abe joins the Illinois Militia
1834, he is elected to the Illinois House of Representatives
1842, Abraham Lincoln marries Mary Ann Todd
1847, Lincoln becomes a U.S. Representative
1860, Abraham Lincoln is elected President
1865, April 9, the Civil War ends
On April 14 of that same year, Lincoln dies
2005, American blogger Whitney first appears as Abraham Lincoln on Memorial Day
2015, Whitney is photographed and recorded as Lincoln for a Chrysler Museum exhibit
2018, May 28, Whitney makes his final Abe Lincoln appearance ever
I'm drinkin' with Lincoln!

For the unfamiliar (not sure who that'd be), back when I was living in Arlington, a friend of my folks called me up and said, "Hey, we're starting this new parade in downtown DC, we have a George Washington impersonator, we could use an Abe, and you fit the suit."

From that, a legend was unborn.

That first year I had three days to prepare.  They sent me a costume and fake beard. I walked onto the mall blind to what lay ahead of me.  I was interviewed by Canadian radio and Russian TV.  It was weird, to say the least.  I walked down Independence Avenue as our sixteenth president.  My mom and my kids (aged 3 and 1) cheered me on.

I said I would do it again if they asked me to, but figured they'd ante up for a real Abe. They never did.

They did pony up for a horse and carriage.  And a Mary Todd for a few years.  They made me furnish my own suit and hat in the years that followed. And I grew a real beard. So now I show up on the mall at the designated time each year and we roll down Constitution Avenue right by the White House.  That's a lie... I show up with 10 minutes to spare and they sweat it each year. Dude, the suit is hot.

Anyway, 14 years later, I'm hanging up my stovepipe and string tie for keeps.

I moved to Norfolk six months after that first appearance.  It's no bargain making my way up to the nation's capital on a holiday weekend, often on a boomerang same-day trip. I get to see Rob and Teej and Marls and folks sometimes at Cowboy Cafe, but I can do that another time of year.  My girls (now almost 17 and almost 15) couldn't give less of a crap about their dad dressing up like a president and riding down the street. The Abe thing is played.

In truth, it's been a long and fun run.  A number of friends have seen me in action.  I've had beers as Abe in the Sign of the Whale afterwards, though without the stovepipe it just looks like Jebediah got lost. I've done some fun things in that hat and beard, a number of which will go unblogged.  I will miss it a little.  But not enough.

Every year the same yuk-yuk Confederate re-enactors make the same stale joke about how we ride about a block from Ford's Theater and that I should watch out.  I've got one last ride to not get shot.  In this insane political climate, I'll be watching out.  Keep your fingers crossed, my people.

And if you happen to be anywhere near the District this Memorial Day, give me a call and maybe the President will by you a cold one.  Otherwise, watch for me on TV.  Below is last year's broadcast.  You can skip to the 28:00 mark...

To His care commending you, as I hope in your prayers you will commend me, I bid you an affectionate farewell.