Monday, December 11, 2017

The Twelve Days of Gheorghemas: Day Five

On the fifth day of Gheorghemas, Big Gheorghe gave to me:

Five bits and bobs
Four reasons to save 68 CDs
Three balls a-rainin'
Two more automotive wormhole websites
And a bald guy and some random hor-seys


Bits & Bobs...one of my favorite sayings from the other side of the pond, defined as "a random assortment of things." Day 5 of Gheorghemas is just that - lots of randomness here including a couple of ties to years past and a dream that includes one of our very own, and it is strange.

Fireball. RumChata. Together.
Everyone knows Fireball Cinnamon Whiskey. Some better than others I imagine. When our winter rolls around, the wife and I like to store a bottle in the ice box. Give it a little chill and viscosity.  We’ll cozy up on the couch in our flannels and sip on the core warming hooch after the kids retire for the evening. In truth we have ever done this, never even thought about it really but it’s a nice visual for our audience. No more than a rock’s glass worth. Shots work too but best when socializing outdoors when the mercury dips down to the mid-50’s.
                                                  
A neighbor introduced me to RumChata a couple of years ago. Rum, cream, cinnamon & vanilla it’s a bit on the heavy side (see ingredient cream), tasty and chock full of calories. Feel like a few but feel for your gut? Do you long for some spice in your cocktail? Go equal parts with the chilled Fireball, or favor the latter for some extra kick. I love this drink. When both bottles are in the house, they aren’t here long. I urge you to try this concoction and soon. Do it of for me. Do it for the children.

The Jacksonville Jaguars
My wife and I moved here in the summer of ’07. That next football season was the most recent with a winning record at 11-5, and a playoff appearance losing to you-know-who. And in that first year, I wasn’t REALLY a fan. Sure there was early rooting and interest, but I hadn’t jumped in the sack yet. An 8-8 record three seasons later is the best we’ve seen since. Between then and now, absent being a Browns fan there hasn’t been a squad as hopeless. With 22 victories over a 6-year period...I’ll leave it at that.

I write this during and after the Jags pretty convincing win over the Seahawks. Sure they almost fucked it up. My certainty that they would was real, but it didn’t. Instead, the city of Jacksonville, or “Sacksonville!” rather, earned its biggest victory since Round 1 of the ’07 playoffs.  Sure, some may say our fans tarnished the moment a tad with the tossing of soda pop onto ejected player Quinton Jefferson at the end of the game, I say otherwise. Screw that guy. He deserved it.

With three games remaining, the Jags have more wins than in the previous two seasons combined and should they sweep, make that the three previous seasons combined. More importantly, they seem to have the goods. Even Bortles is not throwing pick 6’s every other game – that is progress my friends. By now most know of their prowess on the other side of the ball. It’s fun to watch – and dare I say they could make a mark this year in the post-season. If you are without a club and have any ties to North Florida, jump on the surfboard. I’m looking at you Rob.

A Few Quick Reviews from 2016 Product Review
Tommy John underwear – mixed sack. Two pair have developed holes right in the taint area. Must go with the form-fitting draws if you purchase which you shouldn’t. Screw you Tommy. Stick with Fruit of the Loom or Hanes from your local Sears. Or Amazon if you like putting people in your area out of work.
Virtual Reality Goggles from Samsung – haven’t put them on in 48 weeks. 
YETI – yes! Thermos, beer coozie, cooler. It’s all great!
Alexa – way underutilized like most technology at our disposal. The night before I head out of town I ask her what the weather is there, wherever there is. She’s pretty quick, 30 seconds or so faster than the I-pad.

Howard Stern
When Howard went to satellite radio, he lost me as a listener. Whatever car I had at the time was not equipped. The next one was and I subscribed to the basics, but wasn’t forking over the extra whatever it was to listen to Howard. Was it maturity? Frugality? Probably both – I had been a loyal Howard listener for years and did find it entertaining, but could definitely do without it.

A new car was recently purchased that came with three months of Sirius/XM including Howard. It is all I listen to. He has changed a lot. Terrific interviews – Seinfeld, Sting, Bono & Edge, JB Smoove, Robert Plant!, David Letterman, Jimmy Kimmel joining for days at a clip, James Franco the other day, and many more! Really though – a 90-minute commercial free interview with Stern is hard to beat. He’s grown up a lot, more introspective. You can tell he and his staff conduct more pre-interview research than anyone in his field. Podcasts are available. If you do take the plunge and subscribe, I encourage you to change the channel from Stern to something else prior to turning the car off, otherwise the next time you get in the car and you happen to be with your kids the first words you hear could be "cock" or "tits". Maybe he hasn't grown up that much. 

Really Weird Random Dream Featuring Z-Man the Barber
You read it right folks. Weird. 
Backstory – last weekend I took my son to the barber shop but one we hadn’t been to in a long time. As a refresher, I don’t really have hair, or at least I don’t let it grow out much. On a weekly basis, clippers without a guard cut what little I have off. Once or twice a month, I shave it completely when the itch gets me.

I had a week worth of growth at this time. When I was about to pay for my son’s cut, the female barber that worked on him asked if I’d like to get cleaned up. I was surprised, delightfully so, that she had the goods to perform a straight-edged shave. Time didn’t permit but I would definitely make an appointment soon.

This Saturday I went ahead and did the deed myself. I find shaving my head to be an inconvenience, hence the infrequency of the act. Extra time must be available as well as motivation and both were the other day.

I woke up today early as always – 5’ish/5:15 to use the john and then typically head out for physical improvement. Today, it was just the pisser. Ya know how you wake up and immediately recall the dream you were just having? You wonder what the hell just happened....man that seemed real! That’s what I did. The dream I had just woken from went like this:

-Dan working in the city, presumably NY
-Dan heads to barber on his day off, Saturday
-Z works there part-time – he’s my barber!
-Dan steps into the chair and Z & Dan share in small talk. We’re apparently pretty good buddies!
-Dan closes his eyes cuz he’s sleepy while Z trims the eyebrows

After the brows are trimmed, the action stops. I think maybe Z has taken a phone call or heads to the crapper. I’m like, dude! Where the eff is Z?! I open my eyes and he’s right there in the next chair over, reading the paper! Why are you reading the paper????!!!!

Andrew calmly moves his attention from the newspaper to me and says, “Dan, you don’t have any hair on your head – it was already shaved when you came in here.”

The end. Translate that if you will

49 comments:

rob said...

the gheorghemas dream sequence is a new one. he's an innovator, that danimal.

Whitney said...

That dream reminds me of the Charlie Brown motocross race that he wins against many odds, only to have the prize turn out to be 5 free haircuts. His head, of course, is like Danimal's, and his dad is a barber. Poor Charlie Brown.

zman said...

It's nice that you dream of me Danimal, although I must admit I was worried that your dream would take a turn I didn't like. Luckily it wasn't that kind of dream.

Danimal said...

https://youtu.be/5Tfhs-pujQk
Vinyl guys...have you seen this? Saw it on Shark Tank tonight...

Squeaky said...

I can see Third Man Records making a long racetrack shaped record to show off the portability. Sound can't be any worse than a portable Crosley for about the same cost.

rob said...

what language is squeaky speaking?

zman said...

That almost makes me want to get into vinyl. Almost. Still seems like too difficult a habit.

rootsminer said...

That little doo-hickey is neat, but kind of misses the point of vinyl - that you put it on your hi-fi at home, maybe roll a doob on the album sleeve, and dig the superior sound of analog.

If you're going to listen on a bluetooth speaker it seems to me that you're better off to just stream from a digital device.

Whitney said...

The album sleeve is so missed. Cassette packaging, then to a slightly lesser degree the CD, and especially digital music has reduced/eliminated such enjoyable aspects of the visual to accompany the audio, lyrics and liner notes increasing interest in the music, and a bit more information and understanding of the musicians who created the tunes.

I have as many Portugal.The Man songs in my library as I do Men at Work, but I know zero about the former while I could spot Colin Hay across a busy boozer and tell him a few things about himself.

Also, like Rootsy said, the extracurricular value of album sleeves. Yeah.

zman said...

How many Men at Work songs are in your library?

Mark said...

I miss liner notes.

Whitney said...

Okay, so I was counting 7:

Who Can It Be Now
Down Under
Be Good Johnny
It's A Mistake
High Wire
Dr Heckyll And Mr Jive
Overkill

...but the truth is that by virtue of a greatest hits album, I also have:

Hard Luck Story
Still Life
Underground
Upstairs In My House
I Live To
Maria
Man With Two Hearts
Snakes And Ladders
Down By The Sea

Whitney said...

Portugal. The Man:

My Mind
People Say
Got It All (This Can't Be Living Now)
Sleep Forever
Modern Jesus
Purple Yellow Red and Blue
Feel It Still

zman said...

I wanna live with a musician. She'd write songs at home and ask me what I thought of them, and maybe even include one of our little private jokes in the liner notes.

rob said...

you could live with dave

TR said...

That would be one swarthy set of lovers.

rootsminer said...

Z, I think you may be over romanticizing living with a songwriter (though I'm sure Dave is a strong and tender lover).

Do you like sleeping alone and being neglected for a process that may produce little to no tangible results? Do you like it when someone you're in a meaningful conversation with mentally checks out? If the answer is yes, you'll love living with a songwriter.

I'm not speaking of myself - I just scratch out a song every once in a while when struck by a bolt of inspiration. One of my bandmates is a prolific songwriter, and his solitary ways tend to negatively affect his relationships, even when the partner really likes him and his music.

Plus, nobody writes liner notes anymore!

zman said...

Maybe a little picture of me in the liner notes. Just in the background somewhere.

zman said...

I'm not sure if Elizabeth Warren knows what slut-shame means. Or maybe I have it wrong. Either way, I don't think she should have used it to defend Kirsten Gillibrand.

Whitney said...

I'm bringing liner notes back. You're gonna wanna buy the new Random Idiots album if only for the hilarious and compelling liner notes... that Dave writes. One sentence per song.

Whitney said...

Party Danimal - I'm committing to trying out this beverage you tout above.

Even if the popular name is apparently Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

TR said...

CNN has become a Trump bedwetting web site. It's like they're fighting to be the primo echo chamber out there.

TR said...

Can't wait to see John King doing that map magic for Bama tonight. The show will start at 8 PM ET, when polls close. Will be a brown liquor event.

zman said...

NYT says Jones has a 68% chance of winning. So it's a slam dunk for Moore.

TR said...

That central swath of Bama needs to get real blue in a hurry.

This is an absolutely awful outcome for general decency, and for the country as a whole.

rob said...

betting markets just switched to jones. who the fuck knows what's going on?

rob said...

but the fact that this is even close is an affront to general decency

zman said...

John King is sweating like a whore in church.

zman said...

Meanwhile Jay Sekulow is on Hannity yelling about the Russia dossier.

zman said...

Now Sebastian Gorka is in Hannity and they're both hollering that Mueller's team is so biased that it should be shut down at 8 am tomorrow.

TR said...

My wife saw Gorka on Fox and thought it was a parody, It kinda is, but not in the way she meant.

NYT is balls-deep on this Jones call. Jefferson County appears to be the potential swing.

TR said...

It's gonna come down to the rural jurors...

rob said...

it may actually come down to selma, which would be impossibly poetic. or heartbreaking.

zman said...

This is so fucking close we will be looking at hanging chads for weeks.

TR said...

Is Zman moonlighting as Steve Kornacki?

rob said...

fox and ap just called it for jones. holy shit, alabama.

zman said...

Fox News just declared Jones the winner. Reverse mush?

zman said...

I don't have enough hair to be kornacki.

TR said...

I can't believe Fox had Ingraham doing her regular show at 10.

zman said...

Although he has my moobs.

zman said...

That was worth $50.

zman said...

Laura Ingraham asserts that Virginia is essentially a blue state. That isn't my experience but what do I know.

Also, zwoman asserts we should be proud of Alabama. I noted that almost half of their voters picked the pedophile and she demurred.

zman said...

Hopefully this will result in a bunch of great Patterson Hood songs.

Shlara said...

You guys actually watch Fox News?

TR said...

Trump going 0-2 in this AL race is a fantastic stat. Don't underestimate the impact of Richard Shelby.

TR said...

The occasional drive-by on Fox is amusing in a sophomoric way.

zman said...

I like to flip around for stuff like this to see the differing coverage. I also read stuff I don't agree with to understand the other side's view. There are respectable aspects to conservatism.

zman said...

Roy Moore owns a brown suit.

mayhugh said...

Z - calling VA a blue state is technically correct though misleading. If I remember the numbers,three-four of the most populous counties in VA are heavily blue, including three in northern va. They’ve been referring to VA as a purple state for the last couple of presidential elections but given the north’s sheer numbers it presently skews solidly blue in statewide elections. There are far more counties that go red and I believe the state legislature bears that out.