Two Recurring Features
And a Doofus Dancing (hee, hee)
If you're a regular G:TB reader, you know that we've got a handful of recurring features that may or may not recur. (Also, if you're a regular G:TB reader, you should probably get out more. See the world - it's magical this time of year.) It's my distinct pleasure in this season of wonder to combine a pair of them in celebration of my new favorite sports franchise. Bite Me Randy Newman, meet Know Your Minor League Mascot.
The Richmond Braves vacated their home of 43 years after the 2008 season, relocating to Gwinnett County, GA and leaving the Capital of the Confederacy without a longtime staple of its local sports scene. The good folks of the CAA's hometown didn't take long to find a new tenant for The Diamond, inking a deal with the San Francisco Giants after just one dormant summer.
This is where it gets good. The eminently wise management of the Richmond AA Eastern League franchise crowdsourced the team's name. And the fine, whimsical, people of Central Virginia eschewed the obvious themes (the War of Northern Aggression, slightly offkilter gentility, mild and dated racism - the Braves were originally called the Crackers) for a truly inspired choice. Friends, I give you the Richmond Flying Squirrels.
Team: Richmond Flying SquirrelsLeague: Eastern (AA)
Affiliation: San Francisco Giants
Mascot: To Be Named on December 20
Self-Absorbed East Coast Elitist Commentary: Truly self-absorbed, in this case, and the tangential tie-in to Randy Newman. As many of you know, my collegiate (and in many circles, current) nickname was Squirrel. (Because of my quickness and cunning, natch - or, possibly, because my freshman roomate was exasperated by the mess I made in our room and likened it to a squirrel's nest. Either way.) In an interesting aside, my father's college buddies called him Ratto because he was a biology major who completed his thesis on the mating and feeding habits of wild mice. My
daughters Chipmunk and Chinchilla couldn't be happier about the family's rodent heritage.Richmond itself holds a special place in my heart, for a number of reasons. I met my wife there, in an extremely random turn of events, as neither of us lived in the area. William & Mary's once-in-a-lifetime-so-far run in the CAA Tournament happened at the Richmond Coliseum. The girl I dated right before I met my wife lived in Richmond. (I seem to be lucky with women in Richmond. Why the hell am I just realizing this now? Not to get all Tiger Woodsy or anything.)
Where was I? Hell, in all the furry declamation, I lost my place. In any case, Bite Me, Randy Newman, and save me a seat on Opening Day, Flying Squirrels.
Gheorgheness Quotient: 77/77. Best. Nickname. Ever. Like I'm giving the Flying Squirrels any other rating.
The Flying Squirrel also refers to a ballbag trick where you stretch out your sack so it resembles the flesh connecting the arms of a flying squirrel to its body. You can try it yourself the next time you're at a urinal. And if somebody sees you do it, quote Thornton Mellon and say "I learned this in Europe!"
ReplyDeletegio carmazzi, wayne chrebet, and marques colston are pouring a little out this morning - hofstra is dropping football. that makes two caa programs folding this offseason. northeastern punted last week.
ReplyDeleteDidn't Hofstra beat JMU this year? Huh.
ReplyDeleteAs Squirrel mentioned, Flying Squirrels' mascot's name will be unveiled on 12/20. Shouldn't they call him Rob?
ReplyDeleteOr rob.
ReplyDeleteRob--the Flying Squirrels should hire you as their PR Director/mascot.
ReplyDeletetotally! somebody make that happen.
ReplyDeleteNot making this up, these four names were the finalists for the Richmond AA baseball team:
ReplyDeleteRichmond Flatheads
Richmond Flying Squirrels
Richmond Rhinos
Richmond Rock Hoppers
It was like someone really wanted Flying Squirrels so they made the three dumbest alternatives possible.
There are no indigenous rhinos in Richmond. But there are indigenous flying squirrels. Accoding to flyingsquirrels.com, at least:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.flyingsquirrels.com/Rangemaps/sfs_map_usa.html
Foiled again.
ReplyDeletehttp://tinyurl.com/yzqqf8u
TR completely beat me to the flying squirrel trick mention.
ReplyDeleteA guy I went to high school in college had a minor case of elephantitis on one of his balls and was very, very fond of busting out the flying squirrel in random social situations. You'd be in the middle of a game of spades and, all the sudden, there was Newman's sack in all its swollen glory.
Almost makes you wonder if the real story behind the Flying Squirrels mascot was a smart-ass Richmond student who tried to slip a fast one by the team's PR Department.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure some W&M students will organize a protest against the new mascot, obscenity, abortion, Gene Nichol, homosexuals and liberals at the stadium sometime early in 2010.
Game of spades....high school cafeteria, it didn't matter with Newman.
ReplyDeletewhit fails to mention the fact that 'hush puppies' was added as a 'wild card' entrant in the naming contest. this does nothing to invalidate his thesis.
ReplyDeleteWho's excited for tonight's Civil War game?
ReplyDeleteNo...seriously. It should be awesome. Two fanbases that hate each other playing for a prize they rarely achieve. Can't. Wait.
Love hush puppies. Love 'em.
ReplyDeleteThe nerd shoes or the deep fried cornbread?
ReplyDeletethe hofstra and northeastern departures from the caa are going to have implications. could be some conference upheaval in w&m's future. we'll probably wind up in the acc.
ReplyDeleteIf there's one thing W&M football has had, it's consistency in the Yankee/A10/CAA conference.
ReplyDeleteRemember the rumor that W&M would join the Ivy League? Our degrees would suddenly quadruple in value.
ReplyDeleteUm, Whit, why would you even ask that?
ReplyDeleteI think TR's theory is correct. The team's unofficial catchphrase is "Go Nuts!!" (Not kidding). As a new Richmond resident, I'll be sure to stay away from games that feature any type of bobble-head promotion.
ReplyDeleteI like how the internet keeps foiling the Z-man. We'll discuss this tomorrow on the program, 6-9am on your local radio affiliate.
ReplyDeleteI like how the Teej keeps foiling gyros. The Teej is wiser than he looks - never unwrap a gyro entirely, just a little bit at a time as you eat. Tomorrow on Z-Man and the Teej: how to walk while eating food from pushcart vendors.
ReplyDeleteKhlav Kalash? No bowl, stick, stick...
ReplyDeleteHe's an Indiana State Fair veteran. He knows the ropes, so don't question his style when it comes to walking and eating deep fried pizza.
ReplyDeleteYou don't walk when eating deep fried foods. You sit next to obese humans and devour said fried product before the Deluise next to you gnaws your arm off.
ReplyDeleteWow, LeBron threw a football through a basketball hoop...albeit a full court pass...but why should I give a shit?
ReplyDeleteBecause you're bored at work and tired of looking at YouTubes, News of the Weird, Google searches to Gheorghe, and gay porn?
ReplyDeleteNo, Whitney. The correct answer is:
ReplyDeleteBecause LeBron did it and we are supposed to lose our shit over everything he does. Movies, commercials, SNL, full court length shots with any type of ball. And while doing this, don't dare to question LeBron in any way, shape or form. He's the greatest and that's that.
...until he gets caught cheating on his fem-bot Swedish wife with fair-to-middling reality TV tramps.
ReplyDeleteI doubt the high school girlfriend who LeBron saved from Akron could give a shit what he does, so long as he keeps bringing home ridiculous checks. Shit, she's probably still trying to wash the smell of rubber out of her hair.
ReplyDeleteShe be vulcanized.
ReplyDeleteDoug, you six-packed me.
ReplyDeleteI'm looking for Meredith Baxter Birney...and a clean pair of shorts.
ReplyDeleteDid I just watch A.I. cry during a presser?
ReplyDeleteSo Tiger's mother and mother-in-law were there when he piloted his Sclade into the hydrant. Really weird stuff is going on at the Woodses's.
ReplyDeleteHoly shit...Mark, you know what this means?
ReplyDeleteIt was the duster episode of Intervention, starring Eldrick.
nice throw, sanchise
ReplyDeletewashington/texas tech just went to overtime on the closest near-miss buzzer beater you want to see. not sure exactly how the officials overturned it.
ReplyDeletenow these oregon unis are tight
ReplyDeleteQuick hits from tonight's Jets-Bills game:
ReplyDelete- Matt Millen and Paul Blart look alike.
- There are two kinds of people in this world: People with Paul Posluszny's jaw-line and people who haven't done steroids.
- Millen just told us that "the Jets are running the crap out of the football." Sweet insight dude.
I can't wait for Rex Ryan to go for 2 when they call Braylon's catch a TD. He won't go because he'll have to be talked out of it.
ReplyDeleteDoes Steve Mariucci go to a hair stylist and say "give me the Conan O'Brien"?
ReplyDeletequizz!
ReplyDeleteJust saw that bear buzzer beater Teej. Pretty, pretty, pretty close.
ReplyDeleteBEAVERS!!!
ReplyDeleteThis game is ridiculous. Now, excuse me while I do the same thing every kid Oregon fan does at halftime.
ReplyDeleteIs nobody else watching this? LeGarette Blount just drove Oregon down the field with 2-3 highlight runs out of probably five total and scored a TD to get them back in the game. 30-27 Beavers up. This game is fucking sick.
ReplyDelete30-28. My bad.
ReplyDeleteLaMichael James...well then.
ReplyDelete