Gheorghasbord: The Good, the Great, and the Ugly

I'm generally amped up on adrenaline on nights when I coach games. As a player, one gets to exert enough to counteract the elevated energy. Not so for coaches, and invariably, I get home and am all hopped up. So I drink a couple of beers and go to bed too late. Which means you get cobwebby-brained blogposts that wander all over creation.

The good takes us to Cannes to celebrate a dude who's fast becoming my favorite actor. I think Pedro Pascal first entered my conscious when he played Javier Peña the first season of Narcos. Others will have seen him as Oberyn Martell in Game of Thrones, but I still haven't seen it. He's a pretty terrific artist, no doubt, but I've come to praise him for his outspoken support for trans people (his sister Lux is a trans woman) and this week, for basic human kindness in the context of immigration.

Speaking of basic human kindness, some very great news from a corner of the entertainment multiverse close to our hearts. Earlier this year, Max announced that it would no longer air new episodes of Sesame Street, putting Bert, Ernie, Elmo, Big Bird, Snuffalupagus and their pals in some jeopardy. This week, Netflix stepped into the breach, releasing a message informing us that our puppet friends would have a streaming home on its platform. This year marks the Street's 56th. Glad to see there's a place in the world for this:

And finally, all the way from great to bad meaning bad not bad meaning good. The Colorado Rockies lost to Phillies last night, 9-3. The defeat takes the Rockies' record to 8-39, by some measure the worst mark in history at this point in a season. Colorado's run differential is -150, which is more than twice that of any other team in MLB, save the woeful Baltimore Orioles. The Rockies have a 5.85 ERA and 1.61 WHIP, both easily the bottom of the league. On offense, their OPS is 28th of 30 teams, and they've scored the second-least runs on the majors. Their .170 winning percentage played out over an entire season would yield 28 wins, by far the least in history. And god bless the good people of Denver, but the Rockies are still drawing nearly 26,000 fans per game. I guess good weed and a ballgame are still a great combo.

Recurring Series Recurs

When we last checked in on the gay sports bar scene, we were celebrating D.C. best sports bar, Nellie's. Eight years between recurring segments is still recurring.

Today, we return to the topic in plenty of time for you to book your tickets to St. Paul. On August 9 in that fair city, The Black Hart of Saint Paul is hosting a Dildo Derby to raise money for Southside Harm Reduction, a local non-profit serving those fighting drug addiction. 

Though it may sound like it, the Dildo Derby is not a soccer match between Stephen Miller and Russ Vought. In fact, the event seems engineered to create (faux) outrage in MAGAWorld. It combines something draped in Americana (the Cub Scouts' Pinewood Derby) and something naughty (um, dildos). Participants build wheeled dildos and race them down a slanted track.

The host venue bills itself as "a neighborhood, queer, and soccer bar in the Midway neighborhood of Saint Paul", going on to note American soccer's historical support of the LGBTQ+ community. As the pub's website says, "Soccer fandom through the US, but particularly in Minnesota has a long tradition of proactively supporting progressive beliefs of inclusion and advocating for queer visibility in sports."

Located just blocks from Allianz Field, home of MLS' Minnesota United, The Black Hart will likely be packed all day, as the FA Cup final between Crystal Palace and Manchester City is taking place as I type this and the Loons host St. Louis this evening. Sounds like a fun place to spend a day, dontchaknow.

Minny-summit in August? Get your dildos ready.

The Fall and Rise(?) of the Anti-Wrexham

If you're a sentient member of our society, you're undoubtedly aware of the truly fairytale story of Wrexham FC, the club from a down-on-its-luck Welsh* mining town that was purchased by a pair of American actors and subsequently went on a back-to-back-to-back run of promotions that's seen the club climb from the hinterlands of British football to the precipice of the world's most famous league. You're likely aware of all of it because the actors in question, Rob McIlhenny and Ryan Reynolds have parlayed their expertise in image-creation into a wildly successful documentary project that's followed Wrexham's rise.

* You will, undoubtedly, remember how fond the Welsh ladies are of your humble narrator.

You'd be forgiven if you were less familiar with the recent nightmare history of Sunderland AFC, a club based in a port city in the northeast of England. The Black Cats spent 2006-2017 in the Premier League, finishing a club-record 10th in 2011. They, too, were the subject of a well-made documentary, Sunderland 'Til I Die, which chronicled the club's relegation in 2017, and then again in 2018. The story arc took the team and the town from the lofty heights of the best league in Europe to England's third division, and introduced an increasingly sordid and incompetent band of owners and executives to the mix. 

Future Liverpool captain Jordan Henderson came up
through the Sunderland academy

Sunderland wallowed for a bit in League One, finally returning to the Championship (England's second division) in 2022. This season, they finished fourth in the division, which qualified them for the four-team tournament for the final spot in the 2025-26 Premier League (Burnley and Leeds qualified automatically by finishing in the top two).

The first round of the Championship promotion tournament is played over two legs. Sunderland won its first match on the road, defeating Coventry, 2-1. On Tuesday, they returned home to the Stadium of Light needing only a draw to advance to the one-match final at Wembley. They played like a team in search of that draw, and finally gave up a goal in the 76th minute.

The match went to extra time, with two 15-minute sessions to determine a winner, or failing that, a penalty shootout. Sunderland earned a corner at the 120+2 minutes, and on the last kick of the game, did this (go to the 6:45 mark).

Dan Bullard will never buy a drink on Tyneside again, as his header brought the Black Cats to the precipice of a return to Premier League glory. Sunderland will play Sheffield United on May 24 for a lot of marbles, and most people will root for them. Everyone but Marls.

Chrowdsourcing: On the Horns of a Coaching Dilemma

To try to win or not to try all that hard to win, that is the question. And it's a vexing one.

With a come-from-behind 2-1 win last night (the game-winner is posted below for your viewing pleasure - in both of our meetings against these guys, we've scored in the final three minutes to break their hearts) your Huskies clinched no worse than second place in the Dulles District and guaranteed at least one home playoff game. We have one more District game, against the team that's ahead of us in the standings, and which thumped us, 6-1, in our first meeting. 

That first contest was marked by a number of unsporting acts on the part of our opponent. In addition to near-constant chirping of the official by players (despite being warned about dissent during the coin toss), they celebrated a penalty kick goal (their fifth of the long-decided match) by doing the worm on the penalty spot. Their coach added insult to injury by leaving his starters in the match until five minutes remained. 

I would very much like to beat this team.

Here's where it gets weird. If we do beat them, it'll leave us in a flat-footed tie for the District title, with both teams on 6-1-1 records. The winner of the District regular season title automatically qualifies for the Regional tournament. If the winner of the regular season title makes the District tournament final, the other finalist also qualifies for Regionals.

In the event there's a tie for the District title, the tiebreaker is a playoff game. So if we beat the current first place team at their place, we'd be rewarded by having to play them again to earn the title. If we lose either game, we'd need to win a single home game to reach the Regional tournament - that game will likely be against the team we beat last night - we've beaten and tied them this season, though both games were taut affairs, and we had to come from behind in each to get a result.

Your Fightin' Huskies

To add some context, I think our opponent is slightly better than us. They've scored 27 and conceded seven in their six District games to date. We've scored 11 and conceded eight in seven games (only two in the six games against other schools). The 6-1 score was an anomaly, in my professional opinion, but beating them twice in a few days is a heavy lift.

So here's the question: do I push hard to try to win to set up a playoff for the regular season title, or do I let the chips fall where they may and conserve energy and focus the kids on the District tournament semifinal as our path to Regionals? 

What Would Emma Hayes Do?

Gheorghasbord: All the Filler That's Fit to Print

Howdy, Gheorghies. Trust you had a cromulent weekend. 'Twas a lovely weather pattern here in the National Capital Region and the wife and I checked out a new brewery/winery in the western part of our county. Overserving oneself on a Sunday seems fun at the time, less so in the cold light of day. Nevertheless, we move forward.

Some might say we range far and wide today in our pursuit of interesting content. Others would argue that we're all over the fucking place. The truth, as often, is somewhere in the middle. Closer to all over the fucking place, but still.

Careful observers of this space know that I took two lawnmowers to the landfill over the weekend. I haven't had a working mower for over a year. I've been outsourcing the trimming of my lawn to a neighbor kid who's inherited a mowing business from his older brother when the latter went to college. The younger kid is a good egg, but he's working a job, doing offseason training for football, and wrapping up his junior year. As a consequence, the lawn, she was a mess. 

So I went out and bought myself an electric mower yesterday, an EGO Power+ 600 series, complete with a 56w battery, a 21" deck, and a sporty look. Got her up and running this morning before I started the workday. She's a beauty.

Might have to reward myself by hitting the most unexpected source of great craft beer in the area. Hat tip to Mr. KQ for turning me on to The Filling Co., a hybrid gas station/convenience store/fast service restaurant with three locations in the DMV. In addition to having really excellent food (my kid goes there for top notch deep-fried Oreos), TFC has an incredible selection of terrific beers that I've never seen anywhere else in the area. I've purchased stuff from The Veil, Benchtop, Lawson's, The Other Half, and several really collaborations that are unavailable elsewhere. Keep your eyes peeled for one coming to your area.

And finally, a reunion tour that's got me a bit historically feeling. Rilo Kiley, fronted by the great Jenny Lewis, just announced their first tour since 2007, though they officially broke up in 2014. They're getting back together and hitting the road starting later this month. On August 30 they'll play the Summer Stage in Asbury Park, NJ, and they'll be at The Anthem in Washington, DC on September 10. Don't mind if I do.

Celebrate Mom

In honor of the day, here are some fun songs about moms. And a pair of terrible ones.

Empty Journalism

If it’s a truism that people are skittish about change that doesn’t put more coin in their pockets or more flattering mirrors in their parlors, it’s even less comfortable for institutions. Businesses, sports leagues, legislative bodies, the local PTA, you name it. Disrupt the status quo and expect reflexive pushback and the inability to adapt. 

Major newsgathering organizations and political media aren’t immune from the stasis, as evidenced by recent interviews with Donald Trump on the occasion of his second first 100 days in office. The Disruptor-in-Chief sat down with correspondents from ABC and NBC for “exclusive” conversations about his actions and what’s transpired on his watch. They were, as you might imagine, disjointed exchanges laced with fiction, bravado and enough batshit crazy soundbites to fuel several news cycles. 

Trump has been at the center of American political life for a decade, yet it’s apparent that major news media remains ill-equipped or unwilling to recognize or to deal with him and his enablers and supporters in a meaningful way. As the site’s Media Grump, it’s alternately discouraging and infuriating that legacy media often doesn’t use its platform to speak plainly about the man. 

I mean, if any institution is built to withstand the whiplash and commotion he causes, it should be the media. They pivot daily, sometimes hourly, from one story to the next. They’re trained to seek truth, if not always justice. They’re equipped to explore multiple facets of people and topics, though to be fair the strip-mining of journalism resources now makes that more difficult. Yet far too often, major political media trades truth for access and equivocates in the name of supposed fairness or objectivity. 

Media has gotten better about calling out Trump’s lies and false claims and extreme actions from his days as a political novelty and throughout his first term. Yet we still get descriptions of his “unpredictable governing style” (NPR) and headlines such as “Trump is pursuing a radical agenda. Does he have a strategy or is he winging it?” (The Washington Post). 

Christ on crutches, there is no agenda, there is no governing style. Trump no more wants to govern than to ride rollercoasters. He wants to be in charge, to give orders, to make others knuckle under, and to make money. That’s it. Full stop. He and his justice people arrest and deport immigrants because he thinks it makes him look tough. Likewise, his imposition of tariffs despite warnings about their effects. 

So, Trump sat down with ABC’s Terry Moran and, as usual, tried to buffalo his way through the conversation. The border with Mexico is 99.9 percent closed to illegal crossings now; the U.S. had a daily trade deficit of $3-5 billion that he’s stemmed; there was no inflation during his first term, compared to record inflation under Joe Biden. Trump also sat down with NBC’s Kristen Welker for a comparably choppy interview that aired on “Meet the Press.” This time, the border is 99.999 percent closed; gas is under $2 a gallon in some places (it’s not); auto manufacturers are moving plants to the U.S. (they’re not); the 2020 election was rigged (it wasn’t); Elon Musk and DOGE found $160 billion in waste, fraud and abuse (they didn’t). Oh, and Trump said he was responsible for good economic news and results, and Biden was responsible for poor news and performances. 

He could be lobotomized. You don't know.

Honestly, the transcripts, with the interruptions and fragments of thoughts and often talking past each other, read like lobotomized David Mamet. One of the illustrative parts of Trump’s conversation with Moran regarded illegal immigrant arrest and deportation in general and Kilmer Abrego Garcia specifically – the Salvadoran man in Maryland who was arrested and deported back to a notorious El Salvador prison, which was according to a judge and to Trump’s own justice people done illegally and without a hearing. Trump said that Garcia was a criminal and had gang script MS-13 tattoos on his hand. When Moran politely pushed back and said, no, he had symbols on his hand and the MS-13 was photoshopped and the photo circulated, Trump insisted that Garcia actually had MS-13 tattooed on his knuckles. Moran tried to re-direct and move to the next topic, but Trump wouldn’t let it go, finally saying, “… they’re giving you the big break of a lifetime. You know, you’re doin’ the interview. I picked you because – frankly, I never heard of you but that’s okay – but I picked you, Terry, and you’re not being very nice.” 

Never mind that Moran has been an ABC senior national correspondent for seven years and a national and foreign affairs reporter since the 1990s. Trump was doing him a favor by sitting down and talking to him, and he expected proper deference. Similarly with Welker, when she brought up inflation and price increases and the possibility of a recession due to tariffs and economic uncertainty, Trump called it a dishonest interview. He didn’t like the way she framed questions – not positively enough in his favor. 

That’s the thing about Trump. He gripes about unfair media, yet his ego craves the attention – Mussolini looking for a balcony, as it were. Interviews with him are journalistically and informationally worthless, because he constantly lies, deflects and blames. Reporters and network executives know that, but because he’s the President, there’s an entrenched desire for him to sit in front of their cameras and audio recorders. Clicks, eyeballs, ratings. Unfortunately, they crave the attention, as well, much to the detriment of the audience and population in general. 

The vacuousness of Trump appearances and interviews also distract from the important stuff. They cause reporters, and by extension, regular folks to focus on what he says and not what he and his circle do. Annex Canada as the 51st state. Take over Greenland. Rename the Gulf of Mexico. Bring back Columbus Day. Greatest economy ever. Third term. Whatever crosses his mind or just saw on Fox News or Newsmax or an aide handed him. 

It harkens back to the days when the President’s words mattered almost as much as his actions. Trump didn’t understand the presidency on his first go ‘round, but he’s always understood media and what draws attention. He doesn’t necessarily understand the presidency any better this time, but he learned enough to bend it to his will and to go full bootlick and put people in position to do his bidding while he plays the same toxic tune he always has. Too many continue to dance to it.

Emergency Fashion is...Something Post

Andre 3000, genius or megagenius? 

His Met Gala appearance came just minutes after the musical polyglot dropped a new 16-minute record called 7 piano sketches.

Cross-Promotion: A Very Special G:TB Episode

It was genuinely wonderful to have the opportunity to celebrate the life of Dave's father Guy this weekend in New Jersey. Those of you that have been given the honor of eulogizing a parent know that it's both fulfilling and emotionally draining. I'm here to tell you that Dave did a brilliant job capturing his larger-than-life Dad, from the intimate family moments to Guy's (literally) global impact on the corrections profession.

As Dave himself notes over at the Sentence, "...though it was something of a somber occasion, my college and high school buddies brought some joy to the weekend". We did, in fact, pack a lot of joy into a short period of time, and I'm once again reminded of the incredible gift of friendship I'm fortunate to receive every day.

Godspeed, Guy, and much love to all you you, my Gheorghie pals.

Change of Address

We’re pollen-coated ass-deep into Spring, which means the start of Major League Baseball and playoffs in the NBA and NHL. So of course we’re going to offer a few words about second-tier college football. Never say we can’t scratch a niche. 

William and Mary, at least the third-favorite college for many in the audience, recently announced that it would move its football program from its long-time home in the Coastal Athletic Association (formerly the Colonial) to the Patriot League, beginning in 2026. The move makes sense for both cultural and competitive reasons. 

The Tribe’s primary football rivals, Richmond, James Madison and Delaware, all departed for other locations; JMU and Delaware climbed upward to the Football Bowl Subdivision, Richmond moved laterally to W&M’s future home in the Patriot beginning this coming season. The CAA’s distended conglomeration that now includes the likes of Stony Brook, Hampton U., Monmouth, Albany, Campbell and North Carolina A&T doesn’t much move the needle for Team Tribe. 

The Patriot, meanwhile, is a collection of schools whose profiles more closely resemble W&M, in size and academic standing. It was also a relatively light lift, since W&M’s move is football only. The rest of the school’s athletic teams will continue to compete in the CAA. 

A segment of Team Tribe has pushed for years, with varying degrees of force, to join the Patriot. Again, like-minded schools, particularly as CAA expansion brought in colleges with little in common to replace the league’s better known programs. But that wasn’t and isn’t William and Mary’s call entirely. The Patriot is comprised of small, private schools – undergrad enrollments range from Lafayette’s 2,764 to Fordham’s 10,337 – that were and are justifiably concerned about getting Bigfooted by W&M’s broad-based athletic program. 

For many years, the Patriot also didn’t permit its schools to offer athletic scholarships, providing only what’s called need-based financial aid, a la the Ivy League. But more than a decade ago, conference Big Hats concluded that athletic grants weren’t a path to academic ruin and allowed their athletic programs to pony up. As a result, Patriot football is more competitive regionally and certainly with the CAA, which in its heyday was one of the nation’s best FCS conferences. 

William and Mary athletic director Brian Mann explained to a former colleague that the football move came about relatively quickly – in discussions over just a few weeks – and that football-only makes sense now and for the foreseeable future. CAA football is a separate entity from the rest of the conference. It has/had adjunct members Richmond, Villanova, Maine, New Hampshire and Rhode Island, schools whose entire programs compete in other conferences, and de-coupling was easier than a full move. He is quoted in the piece: “I don’t think anybody at this time is ready for a big decision like that. We’re happy with where we are in the CAA, and (the Patriot League is) happy with their full membership. And with all the changes coming to college athletics, any sort of a change like that right now feels premature.” 

“Premature” is an interesting word choice. College administrators – the more effective ones, anyway – are usually precise with language and can be as vague or specific as necessary. Given Mann’s entire thought, “premature” reads more like “not yet” rather than “not interested.” Indeed, former athletic director Terry Driscoll told my comrade in that same piece that W&M had discussions with the Patriot on three occasions during his tenure, without a move. 

Patriot League affiliation may be a single-sport endeavor for William and Mary, or it may be a wade into the shallow end of the pool for consideration of full membership down the line. In any case, it continues the Tribe’s historic rivalry with Richmond as a conference game. And rumblings that Villanova football will also move from the CAA to the Patriot would further enhance the league and give Coach Mike London’s program one more familiar foe. College power brokers sweat and fret over a shifting landscape with new seven- and eight-figure expenditures and legal taffy pulls. Meanwhile, schools down the food chain that simply want kids to be able to compete and to proudly represent the laundry can only hope to find their appropriate depth. Ain’t easy. Athletic officials all earn their keep these days.

zBouillabaise Returns

I have a few incomplete thoughts which I will stew together as zbouillabaise.

1. Fuck cancer.

My childhood BFF, whom several of you have met (including Danimal!), called me this week to share the good news that his mother appears to have beaten Stage 4 lung cancer through a combination of immunotherapy, chemotherapy, and surgery to remove 40% of her left lung.  Apparently she was cranky and bossing people around about an hour after she woke up from the procedure, which is to say she was fully back to normal.  She is an exceedingly tough person so her fortitude isn't a tremendous surprise, but still, fuck cancer.

2. Reading The Great Gatsby resulted in homework.

I recently read a post about a group of English professors who theorized that Jay Gatsby is Black.  I read The Great Gatsby in high school and saw Gatz about 14 years ago but I never heard this theory before, so I reread the book and I can see what they're getting at.  Alternatively, Gatsby is Jewish.  Or maybe both.  Also, I'm not convinced that Meyer Wolfsheim is really Jewish.  Anyway, I forgot that the book is only 150 pages long and that it's a damn good story.  And it's timely despite being 100 years old--the wealthy elite shit on the working man and blame his misfortune on the "others," and the working man gets violent at the others' expense.

I enjoyed the book (and the alternate theory of Gatsby's secret) so much that I contacted my high school English teacher (she's related to a friend) and we had a two and a half hour Z**m call about Gatsby, literature, and life in general.  She was my favorite teacher ever and it was great to reconnect.  She even gave me some reading assignments for our next call this afternoon.  So track down your favorite teacher and spend some quality time with them.

3. I am more optimistic about the Bills than ever before.

Or at least in a long time.  Going into the draft I told several Gheorghies that all I wanted to see them draft were cornerbacks and edge rushers.  My rationale is that it doesn't matter who the skill position players are on offense so long as they have Allen under center, and if you want to beat Mahomes you need to be able to get to him while only rushing four, and you need to cover everyone long enough for that four-man rush to get to him.  Beane largely listened to me, and they signed whatever is left of Joey Bosa (which I hope is significantly more than whatever was left of Von Miller over the past three seasons), so I am extremely optimistic going into the 2025 season.  Which means Allen gets hurt on the first snap.

4. Hell is other people.

I've said this here before.  This time it's less personal.  I've been plowing through Severance and pretty early on it reminded me of No Exit.  Then there's a scene in season 2 where a bizarre love triangle literally discusses who among them is going to hell.  Hopefully things will become clearer when I finish the season.  It's a great show, and you'll enjoy it even if you don't like existentialist references.  Check it out.

Ridiculous, Sublime, Filler

Just changing the drapes for a new look in here. Do enjoy this absurd catch by Daulton Varsho on a drive by Jarren Duran. Hat tip to the Teej for sharing.

I Guess There's Only One Thing Left to Do

My local professional footy side has been in the news lately, and it's not a good thing. 

Defender Robby Dambrot's father was
LeBron James' high school hoops coach

Loudoun United tops the USL Championship Eastern Conference table seven matchdays into the season, having won six and lost just one of their matches. This is a marked improvement for the Ponies, who've never once made the USL playoffs in their six seasons in existence. But that's not the news.

Veteran soccer journo Pablo Maurer published a piece in The Athletic with the following inauspicious headline: Bad turf, cold showers, wash your own kit: life at the top of US minor league soccer. The article detailed a litany of indignities faced by Loudoun United's players, ranging from an unfinished stadium (truly an embarrassment for the club and my county, and a legacy of D.C. United's penury and lack of leadership) to substandard investment in staff (players have to wash their own kits, as the team let its equipment manager go and didn't replace him) to indifferent and unengaged ownership.

The club just signed an agreement with Virginia Revolution, a deep-pocketed local youth club, which should inject some cash and at least stabilize things. Except that the rumors that followed the announcement suggested that Ryan Martin, the only coach in club history, would soon be sacked. Well-liked General Manager Oliver Gage was let go immediately. Half of the club's non-soccer staff have left the organization in the past six weeks. It's pretty bleak.

In the midst of all this fuckery, the team is off to a flier, with the best record in the entire division, the most goals scored, and the best goal differential. It's reminiscent of something. Said a member of the team, “We have one common enemy. Ownership. In my words? It’s ‘f— the owners.’ All we have is us, at this point. And who knows how long we have left together. A lot of us will be gone. Unless we keep winning.”

Vamos Loudoun! Up the Ponies!

GhPT

This post will make my children angry. That it will become recurring filler all the more so. 

Angry because, you see, generative AI still uses a metric fuckton of energy to work properly, taxing our resources far beyond the value of most outputs - especially those developed just for fun. That was their reaction when I sent this AI-created image recently:

And here's one I use for work-related purposes (Zoom avatars and such):

I'll be working on a GhPT gallery for all the Gheorghies, in a style and manner befitting each of your noble personalities. 

Fill 'er up. This'll keep the content bucket overflowing!

Run the Damn Ball

Spencer Hall is one of the best college football commentator in America. You won't see his work on a major network (for the most part, though he occasionally pops up on ESPN), but he's managed to build a brand around his singular combination of deep cultural insights, keen observation, lightly-breaded cynicism, and above all, a love for the uniquely American institution he follows.

This is what the best college football brain
in America looks like

We first knew him from his work at Every Day Should Be Saturday (EDSBS). That site has long since gone dormant, but you can catch Hall now at Channel 6, the multi-media empire he runs with fellow journalist Holly Anderson. He's also a frequent guest on Bomani Jones' podcast, where the two unlikely pals are as likely to talk about Steve Wonder as they are Lane Kiffin.

I say all of this as preface to a more important endeavor Hall and his Channel 6 cohorts have just completed. The team has been running an annual giving drive for nearly two decades to support New American Pathways, a refugee resettlement non-profit in Clarkston, GA. The event is called the Charitibundi Bowl, and it pits alums and fans of college football (mostly) teams against one another to compete to see who can raise the most money.

This year's event just ended, and as has been the case for the past several years, the University of Michigan and its prodigious alumni base topped the Money Cannon standings with a total $181,310 in donations. Your scrappy William & Mary Tribe came in a very respectable 29th out of 468, with just shy of $9k. Only Washington & Lee (?!?) and Virginia Tech gave more out of all of the schools in the Commonwealth, going to prove once again how much UVA people suck.

All told, the EDSBS community raised a record $1.3m this year, a remarkable achievement. In celebrating the final tally, Spencer Hall gave us some useful wisdom.

A thank you for making the Charity Bowl happen (and a handy suggestion for what’s to come)

[image or embed]

— BUM CHILLUPS AKA SPENCER HALL (@edsbs.bsky.social) April 21, 2025 at 2:53 PM

Run the damn ball. Advice for football, and for life, when life means resisting fast-running authoritarian takeover of your country. Three yards and a cloud of dust. Move the sticks. Run the clock. Riggo Drill, over and over. Make a little progress today, then a little more tomorrow, then blast your way into the end zone. Metaphorically. 

We can do this. Be like Spencer

Heartbeats, Part Next

I’ve written about my balky heart and the smart, capable people who attempt to keep it and me ticking. I’m beyond grateful for their efforts and for the fact that in many other places I might have expired by now. My heart doesn’t beat synchronously or efficiently, and I have an abnormally low heart rate, a red flag trifecta that’s resulted in numerous tests, procedures and installation of a pacemaker in June 2022. 

Recent photo of OBX Dave. 
Should get more sun.

To look at me, you wouldn’t immediately think: ‘I hope that guy has his affairs in order.’ I’m not overweight. I eat relatively well. I walk a mile or two almost daily. I do yard work and housework without issue. I’m always up for trips and outings and the occasional pub crawl. Over the past 15-18 months, however, I’ve begun to tire more quickly when I exert myself. 

When I informed my cardiac docs, they suggested that a pacemaker upgrade may be in order. Which is how I landed at the Norfolk (Va.) Heart Hospital recently, on National Tax Deadline Day for what it’s worth, for a procedure that the experts think will help. Check that: for the second time this year for a procedure that the experts think will help. 

I was supposed to have the procedure in January. The electro cardio specialist who performed two ablations on me was going to do the pacemaker upgrade. But when I was on the operating table and he opened me up, he discovered a blockage and tissue tangle that made extracting the thin wire leads and inserting new ones trickier than he was comfortable performing. So he simply closed me back up. He apologized profusely afterward, but that didn’t lessen the frustration and WTF? Factor, starting with: You geniuses had no way of determining that there was a blockage or that you couldn’t perform the operation *before* you sliced me open? 

Anyway, he referred me to a specialist’s specialist, a colleague who was comfortable and experienced with more complicated extractions and procedures. During a consultation with him in March, he said that pacemaker technology had made significant improvements, even since my first installation less than three years prior. He believed that a new device would help my heart beat more in sync and thus improve blood flow and limit fatigue. He allowed that, yes, there are ways to determine if a procedure might be more complicated than expected before surgery, but that doctors don’t employ them often enough for his liking. That said, he was completely on board with his colleague aborting rather than attempting something he wasn’t comfortable with. I was sold, which is how I ended up in Norfolk on April 15. 

A few words about my doctor, a gent named Erich Kiehl: early 40s, about 6-2 and thin, tousled brown hair, boyish face covered by about two weeks’ worth of stubble and facial hair flecked with gray; Brown University medical school; residency at the University of Virginia Medical Center; two fellowships at the Cleveland Clinic, where he studied under the guy who developed many of the techniques currently used for pacemaker extraction and installation; Master’s degree in clinical research from Case Western Reserve University; settled in Hampton Roads and said he's performed about 350 procedures similar to mine, and he and his cohorts have done more than 500; a reassuring confidence in his work and his ability; engaging and persuasive. In short, a professional badass. You want him handling your heart. 

We had hoped for a relatively speedy day that instead became a 15-hour slog, due largely to emergency situations in-house that pushed back my operation, as well as the fact that what the doc optimistically estimated would be an approximately two-hour procedure became 3½ hours. He also paved the way for me to be part of a National Institute of Health-funded clinical trial that will gauge the effectiveness of two different pacemaker install procedures. There's no compensation or costs waived, but patients in clinical trials, he said, statistically do 30 percent better than regular patients because of more diligent monitoring. 

Sure, sign me up. 

We left our house on the Outer Banks at 7:30 a.m. and didn’t arrive back home until 10:15 that night (it will forever be mind-boggling to me that a heart-related procedure can be an outpatient practice). The heart is a marvel, a mechanical pump and electrical organ and if poets and songwriters are to be believed, a wellspring of love and sorrow that makes life worth living. A lot to ask from a 10-ounce organ that’s about the size of a closed fist, don’t you think? No wonder it needs an assist from time to time. 

There’s no telling how my new little battery pack will affect me. I don’t need to run half-marathons or swim 50 laps a day. Even if it only keeps me vertical for a few more years, I’ll count that as a win.

The Worst of Us

“Make the lie big, make it simple, keep saying it, and eventually they will believe it.” -- Joseph Goebbels

Back in the earliest days of this here weblog, in a far more innocent time, we birthed the concept of an Anti-Gheorghe. If our namesake represented joy and childlike wonder, his antitheses were cynical, grasping, self-serious. Dan Snyder comes to mind. Today, we find ourselves in a hellscape of Anti-Gheorghism run amok.

I detest Donald Trump and everything he represents. I despise his grotesque coterie of racist, grifting sycophants, their number far too high and far too powerful at this dark moment in our history. But I reserve my deepest enmity for the worst of all, a morally repugnant, soulless, joyless golem of a man who seems incapable of anything other than fomenting hate and demonizing the other.

Indeed, the Trumpist who disgusts me the most, to the absolute core of my being, is Stephen Miller.

I've had a hard time writing this because the mere act of thinking about that execrable fuck angers me. His shriveled, corrupted conscience animates some of the most vile acts attributable to Trumpism. His furious unwillingness to acknowledge basic humanity and opportunistic remora-like instinct to attach himself to the emptiest of all moral vessels is a match made in sulfurous fire.

CNN's Daniel Dale has done yeoman's work across Trump's fetid time on our political scene. Here, he's barely able to conceal his fury at Miller's repeated, easily debunkable (though too rarely actually debunked) repetition of a big lie. 

I'm not here to list Miller's manifold sins. That's been done and will be done well into whatever future we get. I'm not here to offer solutions, because I fear we don't have a good one at the moment. All I really seek to do is go on record, to record for posterity my disdain at our country's failure to understand the nature of the people we chose to elevate to power, the grossest, misfigured, damaged souls that ravage our body politic.

Goebbels' fate isn't good enough for Miller. Would that he lives long enough and we recover our moral center enough to consign him to the prison he belongs in.

zPSA: Donald Trump is Fucking Up

Elected Democrats have been doing a piss-poor job communicating to the American people despite the political gifts handed to them lately.  Their first instinct is always to pussy-foot around an issue, both-sides it a little bit to avoid offending anyone, and use 5,000 words when five would do.  They're also afraid of sounding crass, or being assholes, and if they ever swore it wouldn't sound authentic.

For example, Hakeem Jefferies recently offered the opinion that “Tariffs, when properly utilized, have a role to play in trying to make sure that you have a competitive environment for our workers and our businesses.  That’s not what’s going on right now. This is a reckless economic sledgehammer that Donald Trump and compliant Republicans in the Congress are taking to the economy, and the American people are being hurt enough.”

"Utilized"?  Really?  Who talks like that?  "I utilized some toilet paper to blow my nose because we're all out of Kleenex.  Good thing we had the TP otherwise I would have utilized my finger."  Sounds perfectly normal and relatable.  And more importantly, why is he providing cover for Trump's tariffs?  Why couldn't he just say "Trump's tariffs ruined the economy"?

Everyone who reads G:TB knows that I have an inordinate fondness for Cory Booker, but did he really have to talk for 25 hours to draw attention to DJ Trump's stupidity?  He couldn't boil it down to maybe 25 minutes?  Does anyone know what Booker actually said?  I don't.

Trump is fucking up and someone needs to call him out in a way that resonates with people who were stupid enough to vote for Trump in the first place.

You know what this moment calls for?  Someone who can swear and be crass authentically, for whom being an asshole comes naturally.  Like Chris Christie, only not a big fat slob who sold out to Trump and did a 180 only after being dumped from Trumpworld.

I think the Democrats need to cut an ad with someone well-known and well-respected from outside the world of politics and run it throughout the NBA playoffs.  It needs to use short, pithy sentences.  It needs to be overly reductive and devoid of nuance so that Trump and his supporters need to babble like Democrats to try to explain it away.  The ad's point needs to be clear even if you can't hear it because you're watching in a sports bar.  It should feature someone who has represented America on the world stage, who achieved major wins, and who has fucked up epically.  This person could then say "I have represented our country on the world stage.  I know a lot about winning, and I know about fucking up.  I'm here to tell you: Trump is fucking up."  And that's the theme.  Four words.  Trump is fucking up.  Bleep the "fucking" if you have to but don't blur the speaker's mouth.

Then really quickly have them say something like "The Trump tariffs tanked the stock market.  Since he took office the market is down about 9%.  That means Trump's tariffs took one out of every eleven dollars in your savings.  Trump is fucking up."  Run video of Trump talking on one side of the screen while the stock ticker plummets on the other.

They could also say "Trump promised to deport illegal aliens.  But his own lawyers admitted that they accidentally deported the wrong guy.  So the illegals are still here and the wrong guys are in El Salvador.  Trump is fucking up."  At the same time, run video of Kristi Noem rocking her ICE cap, flak vest and Daytona.

Then they conclude with "I know a lot about winning and this isn't it.  Trump is fucking up."

My first thought was Michael Phelps.  He represented the US at the Olympics, he won more than anyone ever, and he got into a bit of a jam with a bong.  So when he says "I have represented our country on the world stage.  I know a lot about winning, and I know about fucking up," the ad would run a picture of him on an Olympic podium with the flag, then a picture of him with a shitload of medals, then the photo of him and the bong.  

Everyone knows Phelps.  Many people like him, or at least respect him.  I don't think anyone hates him.  Apparently he dislikes Trump and he strikes me as having some assholery in him, but I don't know how authentically he swears.  This seems like a good option though.

My next thought was Tiger Woods.  When he says "I have represented our country on the world stage.  I know a lot about winning, and I know about fucking up," the ad would run a picture of him holding the Ryder Cup, then a bunch of iconic pictures of him with trophies and/or fist-pumping, then ... well, there are probably a lot of fucking up photos to choose from but I'll just go with his mugshot.

But Tiger is friends with Trump so he wouldn't go for this.

I was stuck after Tiger.  I ruminated and finally struck on an amazing idea.  You know who can take on a raging asshole from Queens?  Another raging asshole from Queens, one who famously swears and acts badly but won a lot and who put representing America above almost everything else. 

Like John fucking McEnroe.  Johnny Mac viewed representing the US in Davis Cup play as a holy grail and he did more for the US Davis Cup team than just about anyone.  He won 77 titles on the tour including seven majors.  And he was famously thrown out of the Australian Open for cursing out an umpire.

Everyone knows him, I think he's generally respected, and he likes to smoke weed and shit on Trump.

And he has a great story about how his father, also named John McEnroe, sent Trump a letter in 2015 and Trump thought it was from the tennis star.

Anyway, I'm sure there are plenty of other candidates to star in my PSA.  I invite you to nominate some in the comments.  But please hurry because the Democrats can't get out of their own way.

We Want the Funk

What exactly is the funk?

"Well, it's funky," says Todd Boyd, a professor at the University of Southern California known for his expertise in race studies, cultural politics and hip hop culture. "But beyond that, I don't know if I can describe it. But when you hear it, you know what it is. And, perhaps more importantly, you know it when you feel it."

So begins a four-minute piece on NPR's All Things Considered describing a new documentary entitled We Want the Funk! from PBS' Independent Lens series about, well, the funk.

Directed by Stanley Nelson and Nicole London, Funk goes all the way back to the 1950s in search of a way to define and describe a genre that's hard to pinpoint but easy to feel. Luminaries such as George Clinton, Ahmir 'Questlove' Thompson, and David Byrne lend their expertise and opinions to the project, with Clinton himself explaining how he evolved from straight-ahead Motown into turning this mutha out.

The documentary was released on April 8. You can watch the whole thing at PBS.org, and check out the trailer below. I, for one, want the funk.

Amplify

Sometimes we don't need to use too many words. Rarely, for me, as I'm wont to overwrite, expound broadly, use a paragraph when a sentence might suffice, fill the space with prose stylings. 

I digress. But we already know that. 

No, in this case, I think it better just to share a story that's really important, in hopes that by passing it along, it might find even a single someone who might need it.

Red Sox outfielder Jarren Duran recently made an incredibly brave decision. In an episode of a Netflix documentary about the team entitled "The Clubhouse: A Year With the Red Sox", Duran revealed that he attempted suicide earlier in his career after the stress of trying to stay in the major leagues became too much to bear. In 2022, he put his mouth on his rifle and pulled the trigger, only to have the gun misfire and spare him.

Said Duran in a statement, "Talking about this wasn't easy, but it felt important. I knew that if I was going to share this, I had to be real about it. A few years ago, I found myself in a dark place, but I'm still here, and I'm so lucky I am. And if my story can help even one person, then it was worth telling."

Amen, young man. Glad you're still with us.

Reminder to all of us that anyone contemplating suicide can call 988 to reach the national Suicide and Crisis Hotline.

Farewell to the GOAT

Our admiration for Elena Delle Donne is long documented. Since our very first post about the then-Delaware Blue Hen in January 2012, we've featured her a dozen times in these pages. Today, perhaps our final post in her honor, at least with respect to her athletic exploits.

This week, Elena Delle Donne hung up her sneaks, retiring after a ten-season WNBA career. The two-time league MVP averaged 19.5 points and 6.7 boards per game, making 93.7% of her free throws and 39.2% of her three-pointers. In 2019, she led the Washington Mystics to the franchise's first and only league title, becoming the first player in WNBA to post 50/40/90 (field goal, three-point, and free throw percentage) season. That year, she missed three of 117 free throws. Oh, and she played most of the season with three herniated discs in her back.

Sadly, Delle Donne's final years mirrored those of Larry Bird, who spent his last seasons in Boston in perpetual pain, his back wrecked by years of pounding. Delle Donne played her entire career with Lyme Disease, and fought through a series of injuries. She missed the entire 2020 and 2024 seasons, and only played three games in 2021. 

Nonetheless, she's a first-ballot Hall of Famer. I'm sure her enshrinement in Springfield will be as important to her as her place in the G:TB Pantheon.

Economics and the Second Amendment - Redux 2025

I'm pulling a Grover Cleveland with one of my better G:TB posts because it's particularly relevant these days.  DJ Trump, who also pulled a Grover Cleveland, is not at all Gheorghe and does not read G:TB--if he did he would know that tariffs act as a tax and wouldn't have screwed up our 401(k)s.  I have Marls and Jamboni drafting a complaint right now, let us know if you want in.

DJ Trump recently announced that he will impose tariffs of 25% and 10% on imported steel and aluminum, respectively. The Dow dropped 350 points in response. Naturally, I plan to sue the President.

This isn't my idea--he had it first. Back in December 2017, Trump twat the following in response to a 350 point drop in the Dow:

People who lost money when the Stock Market went down 350 points based on the False and Dishonest reporting of Brian Ross of @ABC News (he has been suspended), should consider hiring a lawyer and suing ABC for the damages this bad reporting has caused - many millions of dollars!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 3, 2017

I'm not sure what the exact cause of action against the President would be. Surely not negligence. If the President can't be guilty of obstructing justice how should I expect to be made whole for acts of mere Executive stupidity?

I think my best claim is infringement of my Second Amendment rights. Let me explain.

I went to arguably the most conservative law school in the country. Before classes started I was encouraged to read "Principles of Economics" by N. Gregory Mankiw, an economics professor at Harvard who was chairman of the Council of Economic Advisers under George W. Bush. I actually enjoyed the book and I dredged it up for this post.

Here's how Mankiw explains tariffs:

The increased price of foreign goods under the tariff allows domestic firms to increase their price, thus resulting in overproduction. The increased price also results in underconsumption. Consumers (i.e., everyone who isn't involved with the manufacture of steel and who isn't the government) loses the benefit of quandrangle C, D, E, and F. This because the government reaps rectangle E and manufacturers take trapezoid C. If your eyes haven't glazed over at this point, you realize that the entire market--everyone involved in this situation--loses the benefit of triangles D and F. Thus triangles D and F are a deadweight loss--absent the tariff, D and F would have been consumer surplus. Instead no one had D and F. Thus the tariff acts as a tax. And these triangles are the direct result of the aforementioned overproduction/underconsumption. This jumped out at me 15 years ago. Seriously, look at my notes in the margin.

This is important because conservatives abhor deadweight loss--when Kudlow, Laffer and Moore are against an economic policy you know it isn't conservative. And if that doesn't convince you, the fact that Democrats and unions support the tariffs should.

I personally dislike the tariffs because as Mankiw explains "When a country allows trade and becomes an importer of a good, domestic consumers of the good are better off, and domestic producers of the good are worse off. Trade raises the economic well-being of a nation in the sense that the gains of the winners exceed the losses of the losses of the losers."

Does that last sentence sound familiar? It probably does. Conservatives always say that the government shouldn't pick winners and losers. Here's what Paul Ryan has to say about this:

Elites in Washington should NOT be picking winners & losers—that’s a recipe for a closed economy—for cronyism.https://t.co/AcHJfVRwTE

— Paul Ryan (@SpeakerRyan) July 28, 2016

Of course, Ryan also applauded Trump's move that helped keep Carrier's plant in Wisconsin. Cronyism indeed!

Anyway, the upshot of this tariff is that it will cost more to manufacture things that are made out of steel (and aluminum). This added cost will, of course, be passed along to the consumer. So expect to see an increase in the price of appliances, silverware, steel-belted radial tires, beer cans, cans of beer, cars and car parts, BBQ grills, BBQ grilling utensils, wire, pots and pans, foil, golf clubs, patio furniture, fencing, fencing swords, plumbing supplies, building supplies, nails, screws, brads, tacks, nuts, bolts, washers, garbage cans, bicycles, ladders, window frames, and mattress springs.

And things like guns and bullet shells. The President's steel tariff is really a tax on guns and bullets, making it more expensive for me to exercise my god-given Second Amendment right to bear arms. "Shall not be infringed" goddammit! I'm suing! And while I'm at it I'm going to claw back the money I lost in my 401(k) just like Trump said I should three months ago.

Huckleberry, Daisy, Genius

I learned this morning from the Dooger Val Kilmer had passed. And on Liberation Day of all days. 

Those that know me well are fully aware that Kilmer's Doc Holliday is my favorite cinematic portrayal, bar none. Just an absolute tour de force of charisma and confidence masking infirmity and belying the deepest of loyalties. I could go on. 

Kilmer's Chris Knight, on the other end of the thespian spectrum, is a brilliantly madcap performance, all big gestures and broad comedic glee. That role is well within my top 10 comedy performances. 

That one dude could give us both, in addition to so many other great on-screen efforts (with range from Top Gun's seething Iceman to Top Secret's giddy Nick Rivers to the brooding criminal Chris Shihirlis in Heat to melting into Jim Morrison's character in The Doors) was remarkable. In very meager tribute, here are a few of my favorite things:

Gheorghasbord

Been thinking a lot about what it'll take for us to climb out from the morass we slide deeper into with each passing day. It seem painfully obvious that so-called political elites are essentially useless, either because they stand to gain from others' pain or they lack the imagination to see how bad things might get. No, if we're getting out of this shit, it's gonna be normies hand in hand with privileged folks who take stands, sacrifice, and build movements in ways large and small. 

And, like it's often been, women are gonna sigh, roll up their sleeves, and start digging. So today we celebrate a couple of badass ladies who've made public points recently.

The first is former Skadden Arps associate Brenna Frey, who very publicly resigned from the prestigious firm after the partnership agreed to a settlement with the President* to avoid the consequences of a highly dubious Executive Order targeting it. Following in the footsteps of her colleague Rachel Cohen, Frey posted her resignation and reasons on LinkedIn, saying, 

Today the executive partner of my former firm sent us all an "update" that attempted to convince some of the best minds in the legal profession that he did us a solid by capitulating to the Trump administration's demands for fealty and protection money.  Fellow Skadden attorneys: If you agree with Jeremy London's position that the firm should not engage in "illegal DEI discrimination," should devote prestigious Skadden Fellows to the Trump administration's pet projects, and should help "politically disenfranchised groups who have not historically received legal representation from major national law firms," (taking into account the robust pro bono work that major national law firms already do), then by all means continue working there. But if that email struck you as a craven attempt to sacrifice the rule of law for self-preservation, I hope you do some soul-searching over the weekend and join me in sending a message that this is unacceptable (in whatever way you can). As one of my more eloquent former colleagues put it: "Do not pretend that what is happening is normal or excusable. It isn't."

There is only one acceptable response from attorneys to the Trump administration's demands: The rule of law matters. 

The rule of law matters. As an attorney, if my employer cannot stand up for the rule of law, then I cannot ethically continue to work for them.

A more prominent woman took a different sort of stand recently, quietly standing up to discrimination through the simple, decent act of making breakfast.

UCONN women's hoops redshirt freshman Jana El Alfy is a practicing Muslim, and observed Ramadan for the past month (it ended this weekend). During Ramadan, the devout cannot consume food or drink of any kind between dawn and sunset, making it particularly challenging for elite athletes. 

El Alfy's roommate is superstar senior Paige Bueckers. Each day during Ramadan, Bueckers woke up before dawn to make breakfast for her teammate. She told People Magazine, "So just anytime you can support somebody, especially when they're going through something. It's a lot better when you’re going through something with somebody."

Ain't that a novel concept. 

Finding somebodies to go through stuff with sounds like a recipe for positive outcomes. Let's get after it.