Friday Music Filler

Like most old ladies, zmother likes to forward me stupid emails that she gets from her friends. Today, however, she forwarded me something that I find inexplicably entertaining. Playback.fm has a feature that will tell you the #1 song on the day you were born. My birthday jam is predictably dope:



And it was kismet that zwoman and I would get married based on her quite strong birthday song:



Other notably good birthday joints in zfamily:

zgrandmother: Down Hearted Blues by Bessie Smith

zstepsister: Come Together by the Beatles

zstepbrother: Tears of a Clown by Smokey Robinson

zbrother: Let's Dance by David Bowie

zsister: Don't You (Forget About Me) by Simple Minds

This feature also includes a link to the song you were conceived to (i.e., the #1 song 9 months prior to your birth). Perhaps unsurprisingly, zwoman was conceived to (You're) Having My Baby by Paul Anka and Odia Coates, while I was conceived to Give Me Love (Give Me Peace on Earth) by George Harrison.

And zdaughter was, predictably, conceived to Blurred Lines by Robin Thicke.

Waste a little time this Friday and tell me whatcha got in the comments.

Dre & Eazy & Cube & Ren

Lost in the hype around the series finale of Mad Men was a mid-show commercial for a movie I did not know was coming out. It got me so fired up on my couch my wife was visibly concerned.

Fast forward to the 69 second mark if you don't want to see a cool intro w/ Dre and Cube and want to go right to the trailer.

Straight Outta Compton is coming to theaters on August 14th! I'm sure authorities in Ferguson and Baltimore aren't at all nervous about this movie.

FYI: somewhat NSFW b/c of language (duh), and because of some bare bottoms.

(somehow this is not the first time we are using the Paul Giamatti tag, which is kinda cool)

Fashion Is Dumb...Or Is It Ingenious?

There exists a one-piece zip-up onsesie of a suit so cleverly designed as to fool adult human beings. That, or people think that Gregory Ferenstein (of bear fame, I assume) is a shambolic dope.



Knowing people as I do, I suspect that it's mostly the former. Betabrand, famous for bringing us dress pants made of sweatsuit material, took a dare and developed Suitsy, a one-piece, zippered jumpsuit that really closely approximates an actual men's suit. Tie, shoes, and belt not included, obviously.

Says Suitsy designed Jesse Herzog, "Let's change the world, one better-looking, more leisurely gentleman at a time". GQ, meanwhile, advised prospective Suitsy wearers to "imagine yourself not being lazy and buying a proper tailored suit instead".

G:TB fashion consultant Geoff wasn't available to comment. Because he was puking with laughter.

Giant, Awakening

Some of you may have seen this, but there was a reasonably big event in international sports this weekend featuring an American breakthrough.

The U.S. Rugby Sevens squad thumped Australia, 45-22, in the championship match of the final HSBC Sevens World Series, marking the Americans' first-ever series victory. The U.S. reached the final match with a thorough 43-12 dismantling of England, made the more impressive by the fact that the match was held in the Lions' home country.



Speedster Carlin Isles gets a lot of press (and he scored a pair of ridiculous tries against England), but this win was a comprehensive one by the Eagles. Danny Barrett registered a pair of first-half tries in the final, and Madison Hughes and Maka Unufe added singles to pace the big, physical U.S. side to a 26-10 lead.

Next for the Americans is an attempt to qualify for the 2016 Rio Olympics. There's a single spot available at next month's North American and Caribbean qualifying tournament, where we'll be huge favorites. After the performance in Twickenham, which clinched a best-ever 6th-place finish in the World Series, the U.S. will be taken seriously if they make it to Rio.

Dogs and cats, living in sin.

Live, From New York

It's been a long, long time since I watched David Letterman, at least during his show's regularly scheduled broadcast. That's a function of my age and desire for sleep, not his talent. But as perhaps the greatest late night television show ever comes to an end just three days from now, it's not precisely accurate to say that I'll miss it.

What it does represent to me, though, is a passing. Letterman's legacy will live on in the imitators, the envelope-pushers, the gleeful iconoclasts pushing television and comedy in his name. But I'll never again be that kid that routinely stayed up to watch him and Paul and Biff Henderson and Chris Elliott and the litany of guests, great and otherwise.

That's the nature of things. There's no sense mourning it. Best just to laugh, and love, and acknowledge genius where we find it.

Norm MacDonald did all those things on Friday night in his final standup set on Dave's show. Pay attention to the last minute. It's got the kind of real emotion that you don't see very much in our entertainment culture.

Good for you, Norm, and Godspeed, Dave.

Walk On

If Derek Jeter had grown up in the Bronx. Had Larry Bird been raised in the Back Bay, or Dirk
Nowitzki in Deep Ellum, then maybe we'd have an American equivalent of Steven Gerrard.

The Liverpool captain and soul of his club and city plays his final home match at Anfield today, winding down his 17th season as a bit player, though still managing to score eight goals in Premier League play. As he himself admits, "I'm too old to play at this level." Too old to play to his standard, perhaps, his bone-rattling tackles, lashing drives from long range, box to box midfield play the stuff of a younger man.

But he remains an icon, a legendary figure the Reds will find impossible to replace. Says Liverpool head man Brendan Rodgers,

“I asked my staff to describe Steven in one word and they said things like ‘genuine’ and ‘quality,’ The word I would use is ‘Liverpool’. Not just Liverpool as a football club but Liverpool as a city. This is a guy who is very much about looking after his people. He loves his city. He’s had a number of opportunities to move to prestigious clubs but Liverpool is his home, he grew up around the corner, this is his place and these are the people he loves. What he’s given to this city, politicians haven’t given to this city. “All the work he does for local hospitals and charities goes unheralded. He is a wonderful symbol for the people here and an incredible icon of the club. You see in Barcelona they have the quote ‘more than a club’. You look at Steven Gerrard and he is more than football.”

FOG:TB John Day penned a terrific tribute to the Liverpool captain at Dangerman Futbol. In it, he imagines what might have been had Gerrard chosen to take one of the many offers presented to him to join one of Europe's other legendary sides. At the end, Dangerman decides that Gerrard made the right choice, "Because, for someone like Steven, a hometown boy raised in Red, the source of the applause, adoration, and admiration, likely means as much as the affection itself."

Gerrard never led the Reds to a Premier League title, the only silver missing from his stellar resume. When he slipped and turned the ball over to Chelsea's Demba Ba to cost Liverpool the 2014 Premier League championship, it was perhaps the cruelest moment in sports this decade. But he won everything else.

And there's always Istanbul, where in 2005 Gerrard led Liverpool to its fifth (and to now last) Champions League title. AC Milan took a 3-0 lead into the break against Gerrard's Reds before the captain scored the goal that kicked off a memorable comeback, and allowed him to raise the cup for his boyhood side.

 

The next, and likely final act of Stevie G's impossibly illustrious career will unwind in Los Angeles, where aging geniuses go to claim one last bit of glory. He'll walk onto the pitch in the Galaxy's unfamiliar blue and gold. But as the fans he leaves behind in his home town know, he'll never walk alone.

Go Ask Alice

We watched a William & Mary basketball player compete at the NBA Combine yesterday.

I'll let that sentence sit there for a minute.




For many college basketball fans, that doesn't even merit a second thought. Andrew and Aaron Harrison were in Chicago for the Combine yesterday, too, by I doubt many Kentucky fans spent much time thinking about it. But for us, this is the stuff of fantasy bizarro realms, like unicorns, or Clarence's magic liver restoratives.

Marcus Thornton recorded the fastest time amongst all players in the 3/4 court run. He registered the day's second-highest vertical leap, reaching 43". (Notre Dame's Pat Connaughton went 44" - the second highest mark ever recorded.) And he scored 10 points (on 2-5 FGs and 6-6 FTs), grabbed four rebounds and dropped two assists in five on five play, proving at the very least that he belonged on the court.

Courtesy of William and Mary Sports Blog, here's what ESPN's Fran Fraschilla had to say about Thornton (with a bonus Seth Greenberg shoutout to Tony Shaver***):

*** - Go to the link if you want to hear the comments, as it seems Facebook's video embed code doesn't play nicely with Blogger's editor.

Fraschilla's probably right: Marcus' realistic ceiling this year is a high-level European league. (Although, earlier in the day, Fran described Marcus as a potential second-round steal.) But a W&M player stood toe to toe with guys that'll be on NBA rosters. And there's no reason to think it impossible that he'll be one of them some day.

The Mad Hatter suddenly seems sane.

Better Know Your Minor League Mascot Tournament

It's been too long since we last brought you our Better Know Your Minor League Mascot feature. Thanks to the great minds at Baseball America, we'll kill 32 birds with one stone.

The BA team has culled the top minor league mascots from across the nation to try to identify the best in all of baseball. Dubbed Logomania 2015, the contest pits teams against one another, tournament-style. Round One is online now.

Setting aside the simply terrible contest name, (I mean, this is 2015, and Internet humor is pretty well developed at this point. There are lots of people creative enough to come up with something that didn't sound like an early 80s Warner Wolf bit.) this is an inspired bit of sports goofabilia. We both heartily approve, and look forward to the results.

For our money, we like the Brevard County Manatees, the Richmond Flying Squirrels (natch), the Lehigh Valley IronPigs, the Hillsboro Hops, and the Albuquerque Isotopes.

Record Store Day

Here's a recurring bit with some staying power.

Longtime G:TB fave Rhett Miller drops his new solo record, The Traveler, today. Solo might be a bit misleading, actually. While it's true that Miller isn't backed by his Old 97's mates, the record does feature Black Prairie and Peter Buck. The former includes members of The Decembrists, so Miller is surrounded by alt-rock royalty in his newest release.

Where fans of Miller's work with Old 97's might quibble with the highly-produced nature of some of his solo records, this one's far more free-wheeling. As the A.V. Club sees it, The Traveler sees "fiddle, piano, accordion, and acoustic guitar combine with evocative percussion to create riotous twang-pop, brisk folk, and rollicking bar-band rock."

I don't speak fluent rock-criticese, but that sounds to me like a good-time record. Twang-pop and rollicking bar-band rock are in my wheelhouse. You can stream the record here.

Here's 'Most in the Summertime' for your listening enjoyment. It's got a more alt-country feel than most of Miller's previous solo stuff, but fans will be pleased.

Rickie Don't Lose My Number

Here's to Rickie Fowler for winning the Player's Championship. Or shall I say, Playah's Championship? When this little number came out on the 17th green to plant a big one on the Rickster, the twitterverse seemed quick to judge. "White trash," "trade her in with that $1.8M check", "buy her some new threads."

 

You poor, poor souls.

 

Rickie is the big winner today. Proudaya fella.

 

Lazy Sunday Filler: 80's Movies Trailers

For no good reason at all, I am throwing up trailers of some of your favorite 80's comdedies. Enjoy.

...and a hipster Hamburglar shall lead them...

Not sure if everyone saw this yesterday, because unlike me they are not glued to Twitter every second of the day, but McDonald's decided to get all creative and shit and unleash a new Hamburglar mascot on the world...

I don't even know what to make of this completely unnecessary reboot, but hey, that's what we do these days, right, "reboot" things from the past because everyone is too fucking lazy to come up with their own fucking original ideas (apologies, I just watched the trailer for the "new" Vacation movie and am spewing bile).

The Hamburglar makeover got me thinking about what other advertising icons from our youth might be worth a fresh look in 2015, and since we were devoid of filler for the day, thought I would open this discussion up to the floor. See you in the comments.

[And in case you were curious, I'd love to see a reiteration of The Noid return in the near future.]

Behold the King

Champions League Semifinals Preview

Good morning, guten morgen, ciao ciao, y feliz Cinco de Mayo, Gheorghies. If it's early May, it means the Champions League is heating up. As all of you know, this event is comprised of the 32 best club teams in European football. After a shit-ton of matches to date, we are down to the semis, featuring four powerhouses. As usual of late, Spain is well represented with their superstar teams Real Madrid and Barcelona. No upstart Atletico Madrid this year, though. Also as usual of late, the British squads are nowhere to be found as we head down the stretch. Rounding out the semifinals, we have Bundesliga juggernauts Bayern Munich and a perky Juventus squad that just wrapped up a title win in Serie A. So let's figure out what to focus on here.

Semifinals Format: As is the case with other knock-out rounds (but not the final), teams play a home-and-home two-game series. Tie-breaker is most away goals scored, which makes for some great drama if the first game is a tie with goals scored. That puts the team that was at home first under the gun. They absolutely must score a goal in the second game to have a chance to advance.

Match-up 1: Juventus-Real Madrid
Game 1: Tuesday May 5th (in Turin), 2:45 PM ET
Game 2: Wednesday May 13th (in Madrid), 2:45 PM ET

Who you might be interested in seeing for Juventus: The key man up front is the Argentinian striker(formerly of Manchester United and Manchester City) Carlos Tevez, known (perhaps by only me) as El Rey de Swarth (see picture above). Despite looking like a caveman impersonating Anthony Kiedis, Tevez is quite good at putting the ball in the goal, especially in the Champions League (six goals to date in this year's tourney). Also worth watching is emerging midfielder (and ex-Man U prospect) Paul Pogba. He is an amazing athlete and I can't believe he slipped out of the grasp of my Red Devils.

If you want to play the "Hey, I know that guy!" game with more Juventus players, look for ex-Man U left back Patrice Evra, who looks a lot like Willis Drummond (pic below), but doesn't play as tough. Also look for ex-Italian national team captain Andrea Pirlo, who is more of a spot-playing reserve these days.

Who you might be interested in seeing for Real Madrid: In short, all of them. The word "loaded" doesn't even begin to describe the squad. We all know about Christiano Ronaldo's ability on the wing, Iker Casillas's skills in goal and the Peter Barrow impostor's speed and laser-like left foot on the other wing across from Ronaldo. But we also have the Mexican striker Chicharito, who is good at finding his way to the ball (but not much else), World Cup sensation James Rodriguez from Colombia, veteran Spaniard Sergio "Don't call me Val Kilmer" Ramos in defense and midfielder Luka Modric from Croatia (he lives on the second floor).



How we see this playing out: In La Liga, Real Madrid is two points back of Barcelona with three left. Their squad has been going full guns a-blazing to keep up in the race for the league title. However, it's hard to guess what's more important to fans of the club - a repeat Champions League win or a league title. All of you La Liga disciples (looking at you, Zman!) will remember Real Madrid just lost out on the title to upstart Atletico Madrid last year, and finished three points back in the race. Real Madrid fans will want both this year, but may feel the Champions League is now their best opportunity, since they don't get a crack at Barca in their last three matches.

Juve, on the other hand, is cruising in Serie A. They already clinched the title, up 15 points with four matches left. They can focus all efforts on the Champions League. But to be honest, they were lucky to get this far, having drawn a weak Monaco squad in the quarters. With a league title wrapped up, the club is firmly in the "happy to be here" camp.

Prediction: Real Madrid in an easy 5-2 (aggregate) romp.

Match-up 2: Bayern Munich-Barcelona
Game 1: Wednesday May 6th (in Munich), 2:45 PM ET
Game 2: Tuesday May 12th (in Barcelona), 2:45 PM ET

Who to watch on Bayern Munich: The German squad is loaded with stars. It features the wily vet Arjen Robben, the, um, eclectic-looking Frenchman Franck Ribery (seen below; yes I know he has a brutal scar from a car injury as a baby, but the dude is still goofy looking), the most fun futbol last name to yell excitedly (Bastian SCHWEIN-STEIGER), stud striker Thomas Muller, and...wait for it...distant cousin of my wife Claudio Pizarro (pictured above). We have never met him, but have heard the stories. The dude has had a good life in his 36+ years. He captained Peru's squad for many years, has enjoyed a prolific European club run (as well as a cameo with Chelsea a few years ago), bought and bred prizewinning horses and even got in trouble with the Peruvian soccer muckety-mucks for partying and smuggling ladies into hotel rooms while the team was preparing for a match. He was suspended eighteen months for what Wikipdia says was "having introduced women and alcohol into the national squad's hotel two days before Peru's away drubbing at the hands of Ecuador."  You have to respect a man with priorities.

Who to watch on Barcelona: In short, everybody. The Messi/Neymar/Suarez trio is muy fabuloso, as they say in the old country. I don't need to recite the rest of the multi-millionaires playing. Maybe I should, but this post is long enough already.



How we see this playing out: Barcelona has a chip on their shoulder. Real Madrid won the last Champions League title and the big three strikers all had a disappointing end to their World Cup experiences. We think they come out hard and strong and out-passion the German squad, knowing they have an easy league schedule ahead. Bayern is stacked, but not as much as Barca.

Prediction: Barca squeaks by 4-3 (aggregate) to set the stage for the match the world wants to see: Barca-Real Madrid in Berlin on June 6th for the pride, the glory, the pay check, and all 99 of Nena's luftballoons.

Number One with a Bullet

It's a gorgeous spring afternoon in Lancaster, PA, which itself is a surprisingly interesting little city. If you want to wake to the smell of cow manure, it's got you covered. If your thing is tattoo parlors, hipster artisan foodstuffs (we've had gourmet pickles, hella good pretzels, and cupcakes, too), or local microbreweries (been to three of those), the heart of Amish country has that, too. Bowl haircuts? Check. Horse-drawn carriages? Sure.

Looked for Ishmael, to no avail

But I didn't come here to pimp Lancaster, or to lament the fact that I've spent the better part of this beautiful weekend inside a Marriott watching pre-teen girls dance. (I also watched a 6'2, 250-lb boy take the stage for a tap routine. Kid wasn't all that good, and I'm guessing he's dancing to improve his footwork for the gridiron, but he took it seriously, and certainly didn't embarrass himself. Right on, young man.)

No, I came here to warn you of yet another threat scientists pose to our future.

The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA), the people who brought you the Internet (which goes to show that they can't be trusted, at all), are back with a vengeance. According to circa.com, DARPA "has developed a new .50-caliber bullet that uses optical sensors to hone in on targets."

Put in English, the U.S. military now has a bullet that can adjust its path in flight in response to the movement of its target. after a recent field exercise, Jerome Dunn, DARPA's Extreme Accuracy Tasked Ordnance (EXACTO) program manager, said this about the experimental munition: "This live-fire demonstration from a standard rifle showed that [the bullet] is able to hit moving and evading targets with extreme accuracy at sniper ranges unachievable with traditional rounds."

In the words of the great Chet, game over, man, We're fucked.

G:TB's crack espionage team has managed to get a glimpse of the thing that'll kill us all. At least you'll know what you'll see right before the lights go out.

Tre Day

At some point this afternoon - earlier than later, if the pundits are to be believed - William & Mary's Tre McBride will become the 69th Tribe football player selected in the NFL draft, and the fifth since 2009.

In his honor, and in celebration of Tribe gridiron greats everywhere (except in that jail in California, you sick fuck), here's a reminder of what McBride did to Delaware two seasons ago. Check out the 0:16 mark, and enjoy.

danimal bitten by an animal?

You should see the other guy, right? Right? rob insisted I post this as filler this morning, but honestly, it's kind of grossing me out so we need someone to post other filler as soon as possible. kthxbai

Mayhugh talks Mayweather vs. Pacquiao

This weekend, Floyd Mayweather and Manny Pacquiao will be trying to punch each other in the face (and other areas) repeatedly. You can view the festivities via PPV for something like $90.

It seems like the media has talked about this matchup forever. It took several years for the two camps to come to terms and the occasional stalemates in negotiation have highlighted some of boxing’s inherent problems. There are 4 separate sanctioning bodies for boxing, each with discrete rules and belts. (Depending on the sanctioning body, there are as many as 18 different weight classes. One of the weight classes is called “Minimumweight”. Is that the lightest weight class? No, that would be light minimumweight. Makes tons of sense). Prior fight talks reportedly broke down over issues like which gloves each guy could wear and the timing of pre-fight drug testing. Unified rules may have avoided this. The Wiki page for the matchup devotes numerous paragraphs to the negotiations. Floyd’s out-of-the-ring reputation is not the best in the Navy, but read his quotes in the “Continued Disputes” part to think less of him (in one quote, he manages to fit 3 separate offensive stereotypes into a single sentence).

Anyway, we’re finally here, and it could be a big night for boxing or a huge letdown. Pay-per-view estimates say this event will be viewed by an historically large audience, and the broader the audience the more pressure to have a crowd-pleasing event. Crowds like when fighters throw bombs, but, not to steal from Jack Handy, boxing, at its best, looks like two guys dancing while throwing punches at each other (which I imagine is very similar to what probably transpired at TR’s bachelor party). That rarely is what a heavyweight fight looks like now, and is probably a large part of why the masses who watched Ali/Foreman/Tyson/Lennox Lewis don’t watch much anymore. Boxing, these days, is much more fun outside of the HW division (if you ever hear about a fight featuring two guys trained in New Mexico, just watch it and send me some bourbon as a thanks later). This fight should be at least modestly up-tempo and should feature fairly decent footwork. But if the fight disappoints somehow, it will just be more evidence to casual fans with other options that boxing is no longer fan-friendly (even though there are enough skilled and personable fighters in classes other than HW these days to herald a comeback).

Okay, so enough tutorializing, let’s get to some Q&A.

Q: I’m considering watching this fight. What do I need to know before making my decision?
A: Like I said, it costs $90. To watch sweaty shirtless men, bleeding from the nose or mouth, spit into a bucket every 3 minutes. You’re either in or you’re out. I’m not going to sell you (or perhaps I just did).

Q: No really, what should I be prepared for?
A: It’s cliché that styles make fights, right? This style matchup seems promising. Manny is by nature more of a come-forward fighter, and Mayweather is a counterpuncher. Floyd’s style is not universally appealing. He never looks like he’s trying his hardest and doesn’t push the action because he’s always been the faster guy in the ring. By a wide margin. I’m not using ‘fast’ to describe his footwork - Floyd does not bounce around a lot - but to describe upper body movement and reaction speed. I’ve gone in to some Floyd fights, De la Hoya comes to mind, thinking “This opponent might be quick enough to make it close” but what invariably happens is those guys look slower than usual once they are actually in the ring with him. I feel like I could count on one hand the times I’ve seen him caught flush with a power punch to the head, because it’s hard to hit a guy who has so many different and unpredictable head/torso moves.

Against methodical fighters these last few years, he has started slower and shown a greater willingness to go toe to toe, exposing himself to more punishment. But Floyd still combines movements – shoulder roll plus head bob, or full body tilt plus slight head turn – that turn big shots into whiffs or glancing blows that open his opponents up to is fast, accurate and snappy counters.

He doesn’t throw the biggest punch, but Floyd does throw the cleanest because his defense makes opponents leave themselves open. Even then, Floyd doesn’t frequently go Jeff Speakman on guys at this point in his career – his counters are usually limited to 1 to 4 opportunistic potshots and then he backs off. Those looking for Floyd to have a “Finish Him” Mortal Kombat moment will likely be disappointed, but because his shots are so clean and his opponents so outmatched, in many cases the ref is compelled to stop it early. Floyd will likely be Floyd in this fight. A typical Floyd fight does not always satisfy the masses, maybe because the audience suspects he is capable of closing the curtain earlier on most foes.

The entertainment quotient depends on Manny; how good he is will determine how good Floyd has to be. If he pushes the action too much, he could fall victim to the same fate that befell headfirst guys like Victor Ortiz and Ricky Hatton, who repeatedly charged Floyd, were several steps too slow, ate too many well-aimed punches and were summarily dispatched. On the other hand, if he sits back, history tells you that Floyd will win on points – it’s unlikely in a strategic fight that Manny will be able to hit Floyd as much as Floyd hits him. I remember a Floyd fight years ago where he broke his left hand early in the fight. He wasn’t throwing with it, he was hardly using it for defense, and he STILL won nearly every round. His opposition that night was not top tier, but still, the dude was great enough to win with 65%.

Q: What’s Manny’s strategy/best chance to win?
A: Manny has better speed than recent Floyd opponents and needs to get inside and not let Floyd hold him off with jabs. He needs to make it a fight in a phone booth and get Floyd to trade and try to get him in trouble (not in unplanned pregnancy terms). The only time I remember Floyd in trouble was when “Sugar” Shane Moseley caught Floyd (:57 mark) early in their fight. What happened after that round? Shane kept trying to recreate the moment, and Floyd stopped going toe-to-toe, ceasing opportunities for something else big. As the fight went on, Floyd dodged and countered his way to easily outpointing Shane. That round was hard. The fight wasn’t.

Manny has the skillset to land some threatening shots when pushing the action. And with Floyd more flatfooted early in his recent fights, odds go up that Manny could catch him with something ferocious. But I refuse to underestimate Floyd’s boxing IQ and I don’t think he’ll be as stationary with Manny as he has been recently vs less hungry/skilled fighters. Floyd’s not in the business of overestimating his own skill unless we’re talking about sports betting.

Q: So who ya got?
A: The answer is obvious and unsexy. It’s Floyd. Floyd, Floyd, Floyd. He’s 47-0. As in “He has never lost”. Picking Manny to be THE GUY to unseat him means you believe either:

• Floyd is over the hill. He’s 38 and has fought ~350 rounds (about 17 ½ hours of throwing, dodging and being hit by punches, and that does not count training). That seems significant until you consider that the majority were “easy” rounds as far as boxing goes. Floyd hardly ever looks pressed or under pressure - he even exchanged words with HBO commentator Jim Lampley during a round in a couple of fights; a professional fighter paid to hurt Floyd was trying to hit him and at the same time Floyd’s telling Lampley who he likes in the NFL playoffs.
• On top of that, his opponent (36 himself) has fought 20 more professional fights and about 60 more rounds. And Pacman has fought with heart and soul that most of Floyd’s opponents have not required of him. Manny fought skilled action fighters Erik Morales, Marco Antonio Barrera, and Juan Raul Marquez 3, 3 and 4 times, respectively. They weren’t all wars, but they were much tougher than pretty much any Floyd fight I’ve seen. The last time Manny and Marquez fought, Manny suffered a crushing knockout. Meaning, his face was nearly crushed (:54 mark). For these reasons, Manny likely has less in the tank than Floyd (and seems more likely to be the one caught by something clean/big). But I don’t think age plays much of a role here either way.

OR:

• Manny brings something that Floyd has never before encountered. I’ll buy this up to a point. Floyd has carefully controlled, shaped and perhaps protected his legacy throughout his career. Apparently a knucklehead in certain other aspects of his life, Floyd has profound awareness of his boxing strengths and how he matches up with others. He has been selective over which fights to take when he could (title holders periodically face mandatory challengers) and I believe Floyd chose many of his opponents because he knew he could exploit their weaknesses. In repeated speed mismatches, he has fought and humbled media darlings and crowd favorites presented as the next great one (Hatton, the late Arturo Gatti). And Floyd fought ‘name’ opponents like Sugar Shane, De La Hoya and Zab Judah in their decline. Manny has a better combination of speed, boxing acumen, and aggression than maybe any previous opponent, but when he is in the ring with Floyd, he’ll almost certainly look slower than expected. He could catch Floyd with something early if he unleashes the hounds, but if he does not fight with urgency, it will be a typical Floyd fight. Bottom line: Floyd’s best is better than Manny’s best.

If I were betting on this fight, I’d take Floyd by decision, and maybe hedge with a Floyd win by KO in the 10th. Floyd likely will not put himself or Manny in danger early and I don’t think Manny presents enough uniqueness to suggest Floyd couldn’t wear him down late like he has so many others. I see Floyd avoiding Manny if Manny is still standing there in Round 11 or 12. Ultimately, it’s not a question of “Who will win?” as much as it is “Which Floyd will we see” and, consequently, “How entertained will we be?” Floyd typically fights to the level of his competition and doesn’t feel compelled to step on the gas or pull out the stops. He has beaten most of his opponents on his terms, without having to put himself in real peril. He’s always looked dominant even though he has rarely been tested. He’s almost certainly the best fighter I’ve ever seen. I just don’t see a compelling argument that Manny is the guy to finally beat Floyd. But Manny’s tools and the undeniable determination with which he fights may at least require Floyd to respond with something special, something that is as close to his A+ game as he’s ever had to come. And that’s what I expect from Manny – to be perhaps the hardest puzzle Floyd has had to solve, to make Floyd tap his considerable talents and fight in a way that reminds everyone why he’s the best, even at his age. I expect a decent fight, but I’m hoping for a great one.

Fratagonia is not, apparently, the frattiest mountain range in South America

Fratagonia is a website that sells "On-line retail store services featuring new and used clothing, clothing accessories, drinkware, home decor, and decorative art; Retail store services featuring new and used clothing, clothing accessories, drinkware, home decor, and decorative art; Second hand dealerships featuring new and used clothing, clothing accessories, drinkware, home decor, and decorative art." I did not make up this description of their services. Instead, I copied it from their trademark registration documentation as quoted in the complaint Patagonia filed against them for trademark infringement, trademark dilution, and unfair competition.

Fratagonia has at least two logos:

Pretty fratty. But clearly ripoffs of the Patagonia trademark--even the fonts are the same:

It seems perfectly acceptable for Patagonia to sue Fratagonia, but I feel bad for the fratguy after digging just a stitch deeper into the facts. The Fratagonia mark is registered to a person who I won't name, but based on a search of the Googles he appears to be a 25-year-old entry-level finance type living in a shitty apartment in lower Manhattan. I know it's shitty because based on the trademark registration Fratagonia appears to operate out of it and Google streetview doesn't present it in a kind light. I imagine a dingy one room fifth-floor walkup teeming with Smathers & Branson needlepoint belts and Harding-Lane hats.

If you're thinking of helping him out by buying a tshirt, don't. They're seeking "from Fratagonia its damages and lost profits, and Fratagonia’s profits, in an amount to be proven at trial." And they want that amount trebled! So every dollar you give him could cost him three. Kudos to the kid for incorporating as an LLC though. Perhaps as a result he'll emerge from this litigation personally unscathed. He better hope that Patagonia doesn't try to pierce the corporate veil.

In light of the foregoing I'm surprised Patagonia didn't send a cease and desist letter. And if they did I'm surprised our enterprising young fratistician didn't do the math and shutter the Fratagonia website. I guess he doesn't know about how these things pan out for the little guy.

Love on Trial

Giant, huge, massive, enormous day at the Supreme Court, as the Justices hear arguments challenging state bans to same-sex marriage. SCOTUSBlog has a nice roundup of the facts of the case to date here.

G:TB is on record on this issue. We're pro-love. Let's hope it rules.

Teej addition: I took this photo two years ago in front of the Supreme Court when similar demonstrations were occurring:

Rising Tribe

With the noteworthy and visible exception of its men's basketball program, The College of William & Mary has a rich and successful athletic history. In the 30 years since the inception of the Colonial Athletic Association (CAA) in 1985, W&M athletes have captured 116 conference titles, far more than any other league member (second-place JMU has won 77). W&M's student-athletes excel off the field, as well. Tribe athletes ranked 14th out of 346 Division I programs in overall graduation rate in 2013-14.

As the landscape of intercollegiate sports has changed, though W&M's ambitious athletic program (the Tribe fields more varsity sports than any other CAA school, and more than most schools of a comparable size) finds itself increasingly under-resourced in comparison to its peers. The results are beginning to show. From 2000 to 2005, W&M averaged five CAA titles per year, a pace that slowed to fewer than three per year from 2006 to 2010.

In response, W&M President Taylor Reveley commissioned a study on the future of athletics at the nation's second-oldest university. The resulting report offers an ambitious and far-reaching vision for W&M's athletic achievement.

At the root of the recommendations, an audacious goal: A championship experience for every William & Mary student-athlete and every fan.

More specifically, the authors of the report propose that, "Every Tribe athlete should graduate – and we rightly expect that every Tribe athlete will graduate from William & Mary – having won a conference championship or participated in NCAA championship competition during his or her four-year collegiate career."

As a W&M graduate and a sports fan, I applaud the ambition. Success on the field is often a visible and tangible representation of an institution's commitment to excellence, and begets success in fundraising, attracting students, and raising a school's profile.

And as a financial supporter of W&M athletics, I recognize the truth in the admonition a FOGTB offered when he told me about the report: hide your wallet.

The report calls for an incremental $8.1m in annual athletic fundraising (with the ultimate goal of fully endowing all athletic scholarships at William & Mary at a total cost of $192m) and as much as $125 million in "transformative" investments in facilities.

Among these investments in facilities are $20-25m for a multi-sport practice facility for volleyball and basketball programs (to include office space for sports medicine, compliance, and academic support personnel), $22 - $75m to either refurbish or replace William & Mary Hall, and $15-20m for a new swimming facility.

One of these things is not like the other.

In addition to the investments in scholarships and facilities, the report discusses a vital and necessary component of any W&M athletic vision, though not fully enough for my taste. The authors recommend resources be allocated to improve the fan experience for W&M boosters, specifically mentioning improved game day experience, development of streaming video capabilities, improved merchandising, and a catch-all category oddly described as 'be ready' to harness the wave of support (see page 21 of the report).

It's in this latter and somewhat overlooked aspect of W&M athletics that I think the report falls flat. I support the objective - I want my school to be great at sports. I'm willing to back that support financially (to a degree - I've got to send two kids to college in the next 7 years). But the biggest thing I'd change about W&M athletics is the apathy of the student body in general.

This past basketball season offered a glimpse of what's possible. With Tony Shaver's program reaching historic highs (the first back to back 20 win seasons in school history, and consecutive trips to the CAA championship game) and the charismatic and electric Marcus Thornton closing out his career, the last few home hoops games of the 2014-15 season saw large and boisterous crowds. The 'Gold Rush' promotion packed Kaplan Arena, and FOGTB Dave Fairbank told me that the atmosphere was as good as he'd ever seen it in Williamsburg.

Better balance needed: We can do this, and support W&M sports

Building on that, replicating that energy, expanding student participation as vocal fans of all W&M sports should be among the very highest priorities for the future of the school's athletic program. Funds should be specifically allocated to student/fan engagement. Put more simply, W&M should endeavor to offer students the same intercollegiate rooting experience as our larger rivals.

Sports is awesome. The collective experience in supporting a team (or teams) offers a uniquely tribal connection, a transformative one in the best of moments (witness, for example, the W&M community after Daniel Dixon sunk Hofstra this March). That's what we should invest in, right alongside scholarships and facilities. Engage the entirety of the student body, invest in them, and the returns will follow on and off the field.

(For a pair of good takes on the recommendations, see Fairbank's article in the Daily Press and John O'Connor's in the Richmond Times-Dispatch).

This Is What I Do*

Thursday was Bring Your Child to Work Day, so for the first time in years, my little one came to the office with me. Several of my colleagues very graciously spent time with her, talking about their jobs and what we do as an organization. The last conversation she had was with a guy who's an internationally recognized expert on virtual criminal networks, the underground economy, and counter-terror investigations. He talked to her about how we use computers to help stop bad people from doing things that hurt us.

As I packed up my things in preparation to leave, she grabbed a dry-erase marker and began drawing something on my whiteboard.

I think that'll stay there for a while.

Coincidentally, I've been recording a podcast at work for the past few months with several colleagues, including the one that inspired my daughter. It's nominally about technology's impact on our lives, touching on issues ranging from privacy to sports to movies. As you'll learn if you listen to it, there's a high degree of dipshittery involved, as well.

The podcast is entitled 'Wait, What?', and it's available here. According to the marketing team that supports it (wrap your nugget around the fact that there's a marketing team that supports it for just a minute), it's the most-downloaded podcast on my employer's network by a large margin.

We're going to be interviewing guests starting in May, so if any of you...know anyone interesting, please let me know.

* - Apropos of nothing, I stole that headline from a song off of Rhett Miller's solo record, The Instigator. His new record, The Traveler, will be released on May 12. And his website was just hacked by ISIS. I assume the two things aren't related.

Sony Fucks Wit Jack Urbont and Wins

On Monday, April 20, 2015, Judge Buchwald ruled on the cross-motions for summary judgment pending in Jack Urbont's case against Ghostface Killah and Sony Music. Sony won on both the work-for-hire grounds and the preemption grounds detailed in my last post about this case. Mr. Urbont can appeal this decision, but for now it appears that the source material for at least 13 G:TB posts has run its course. And Ghostdini (and Sony) is still the champ.



Pretty Tone probably still owes Mr. Urbont $3,758.58 as detailed previously, but good luck trying to collect. It will probably cost more than that to track down the Wallabee Champ and force him to disgorge the funds.

The moral of this story? The little guy always loses, and of course he does--if he could win, he'd be big. Except for Tyrion Lannister because he's a pimp.

Blogging Means Never Having to Say I'm Sorry

Several months ago, I was searching for a book to download to my Kindle app. I was headed out of town on a business trip, and wanted something to read on the plane. George R.R. Martin's Game of Thrones was on sale for $3.99, and while I'd never watched the television show and don't consider myself much of a fan of the genre, I bought it on a whim.

You really had to guess my favorite character?

I'm now about half of the way through the fifth book of the A Song of Ice and Fire series, A Dance With Dragons. This isn't a book review, so I'll spare you the details (ask Dave if you're into that sort of thing), but suffice it to say that this shit is riveting. Violent, detailed, ambitious, fast-paced, and complex, as a start. And violent, if I haven't mentioned that. Really, really violent.

This isn't a post about Game of Thrones, though.

I apologize.

I've been so caught up in Martin's Westeros that I've let just about everything else in my life slip. My car's oil needs to be changed. My lawn's a fucking trainwreck. I'm about four months overdue in filing my HOA's tax return. I haven't watched more than five minutes of the NBA playoffs. And I sure as hell haven't posted anything worth a damn here on G:TB.

Tractor beam, sucked me right in.

That'll end soon, R'hllor be willing and the Trident don't rise. A Dance With Dragons is the last of the series to be released, and I'm probably ten days or so away from completing it. And when I do, I'll unleash a holy torrent of top-notch Gheorghey content on your melons. Buckle up, gentle readers. I'll try not to kill off as many important characters as does Martin. But you never know who'll play Ned Stark in our little game of doofii.

Until then, enjoy one of the most popular YouTube channels amongst the teen set. These dipshits have more than 4 million subscribers, and if my kids had their way, they'd sit on their asses and watch this garbage their entire waking lives.

Permit Denied Kungfury Awesomeness

Apologies if this makes your head explode. Happy Monday 4/20.

Everyday Sunshine: A Cross-Blog Joint

We're inspired this morning by Sentence of Dave's ode to the sun, and just about as motivated. In (sun)light of that, please enjoy a bunch of huge music names (seriously, Chuck D, George Clinton, Flea, Les Claypool, Questlove, Mike Watt, just to name a very few) genuflecting to the legendary Fishbone's legacy.



And for good measure, some live 'bonin:

Idiots Rule

I've always loved Green Day. They're everything a rock band should be - bombastic, whimsical, loud, fearless. Three chords and the truth, man. On top of all that, Billie Joe Armstrong is my kind (size) of people.

Not trying to steal Clarence's thunder here, as I eagerly await his annual(ish) Rock and Roll Hall of Fame post, but Green Day will be inducted tomorrow as part of the 2015 Hall of Fame class. Punks no more, for better or worse.

'American Idiot' is probably my favorite rock record. Full of righteous anger, head-nodding hooks, and arena rock wall of noise, it was a staple in my CD player (you younger folks may not remember those) for months and months after it was released.

So in honor of Billie Joe, Mike Dirnt, and Tre Cool elbowing their way to respectability, a little Green Day for you this morning.

The Washington Wizards have a new logo

And we want your thoughts. Gone are the days of the glidin', finga rollin' Wiz man...

Replaced today with this new primary logo:

Sooooo, whatcha think? Let us know in the comments. I know one person (thing?) excited about the new look:

For Those About to Rock (In a Thinly Disguised Attempt at World Domination)

You weren't mistaken.

You did hear a noise last week, a seemingly far off disturbance. The hairs on your arms stood on end, just a little. And you shuddered, though you didn't really know why.

On April 5, the Large Hadron Collider restarted after a two-year hibernation. The scientists/Illuminati at the European Organization for Nuclear Research (CERN) claim that the hiatus enabled them to upgrade the Collider's technology and refurbish the 27km (16.8 mile) tunnel. We should look no further than the obvious disconnect between the organization's name and its acronym for evidence that they remain up to no good.

Ostensibly, the next round of experiments conducted using the LHC seek to confirm the existence of dark matter, and its cousin, dark energy. (I don't know whether they are close cousins, or some sort of Greyjoy/Lannister thing. I fear we may find out, though.) The first experimental outcomes from this new round of experimentation have demonstrated a very different set of findings.

The LHC, friends, is trying to dominate us all through heavy metal. And I don't mean cadmium.



As reported by a CERN blog entitled The Cylindrical Onion (we see you, science satirists), a pair of researchers have translated the results from LHC tests seeking evidence of the Higgs Boson into musical notes. Scientist Piotr Tracyzk explains:

"The data (the points with error bars in the histogram) have low numbers of entries in the bins. Some bins are empty: an empty bin would correspond to a pause. A bin with X entries would correspond to a note X semitones above C# (I chose C# as the base note). I preferred to assign the notes of the chromatic scale (semitones) – and not, for example, a major scale – to give the data freedom to yield some crazy melodies. So the rhythm and the harmonic structure are also derived from the data. I figured that the resulting melody, if played low, could have been a guitar riff in a wacky heavy-metal song. A perfect match for the CMS guitar! So this was the guitar I used for the 4-lepton riff."

A wacky 4-lepton riff! I certainly don't need to tell you, an educated and worldly reader, what that implies.

It's coming for our kids. And it's bringing axe-wielding scientists.

Dave of Dave

Unless you're British, and a supporter of the Burnley Football Club or the owner of a fleet of minibuses, you might not know the name Dave Fishwick. Until yesterday, I'd never heard of the man. But today, courtesy of Men in Blazers, I'm caught up on one of Northern England's great entrepreneurs and a hell of a good listen.

(For what it's worth, even if you don't consider yourself an English football fan, the Men in Blazers podcast is worth your time. It's rich in pop culture, history, and self-deprecation, and a celebration of sport and whimsy.)

Dave Fishwick is a 43 year-old school dropout who made his fortune selling minibuses to the commercial market. He parlayed his charisma and drive to a highly successful enterprise, giving him enough personal wealth to a major sponsor of Burnley Football Club, currently in the Premiership. The Club's Turf Moor home park features the Dave Fishwick stand as one of its seating sections. As Fishwick explains in the video below, as lending for small commercial enterprises began to dry up in the face of the global economic downturn several years ago, he faced a business challenge:

His solution, lend the money himself. And even better for our purposes was the name he first gave to the bank, and then to a television program that amplified his populist message.

Dave Fishwick's customers patronize the Bank of Dave. 

I'm not the Team G:TB member with the marketing acumen. That's the Doofus Overlord's gift. (My gift, if you're asking, is coming up with excellent ideas and never executing them. And the ability to get into small spaces.) But if there was ever a circumstance tailor made for brand partnership, it's the potential for Sentence of Dave and Bank of Dave to build a relationship. Imagine the possibilities for a stateside audience as Sentence and Bank partner to deliver pithy content and competitive returns.

Someone make this happen.

What Goes Around...

As the father of a pair of daughters growing up too quickly, I listen to way more pop radio than I'd prefer. (Though my oldest is rapidly transitioning into a pseudo-metal fan - this will be the subject of a later post.) The number 12 song on the Billboard 100 right now is a catchy tune by Cincinnati alternative band Walk the Moon entitled 'Shut Up and Dance'. I've heard it three dozen times if I've heard it once. And if I'm being honest, I kinda like it.

It's familiar, though. Title and all. Not a copy, mind you, but an homage. 80s sound, fated lovers, and destiny on the dance floor.

Compare, contrast:

Bhullar: The Blog

What's more Gheorghe than a 7'5" NBA baller? A 7'5" NBA baller who just happens to be the first player from his native land to hit the hardwood in the NBA, that's what.

Sim Bhullar, who you may remember from his days on New Mexico State, played all of 16 seconds in an NBA game for the Kings on Tuesday night, and then a night later made an actual bucket in a game to become the first player of Indian descent to score in an association contest (sure, he was born in Canadia, but his parents are from Punjab, India).

His signing has even led to the Kings rolling out a Hindi version of their team website. You can expect the Romanian version of G:TB to roll out sometime in 2019.

Zymurgy Week

National Beer Day is great, but it lacks a little...length. While our petition to the organizing committee for national weeks makes its way through the vetting process, a trio of suds-related stories to tide you over.

Paste Magazine took on the daunting task of a blind tasting to determine the best American IPA. The tasting wasn't completely exhaustive, as some breweries choose not to participate in tasting competitions (we see you, The Alchemist) and others weren't able to ship product to Paste in time. Nonetheless, the tasters were able to compare 116 brews over the course of a week. A couple of my favorites made the top 10, but I've never had the top two. New quest!

In a similar vein, For the Win released a story yesterday listing the 25 beers you need to try before you die. A bit morbid for my taste, frankly, but I enjoy a challenge. (Note: I don't really enjoy a challenge all that much. I'd prefer things were just given to me.) I've tasted nine of the 25, but there's no chance I'll get through the entire list, because a number of the beers feted by the author are wit/wheat beers, saisons, and Belgians, all of which are fucking disgusting. But you do you, man, if that's your speed. More hoppy stuff for me.

Finally, in honor of Opening Day, Business Insider ran a piece this week about beer prices in Major League ballparks. The average small ballpark pour will set you back $5.98, which is actually down 11 cents from last season. The most expensive MLB tipple? Fans of the Boston Red Sox, Chicago Cubs, and Philadelphia Phillies all pay $7.75 per beer. On the other end of the scale, Indians and Diamondback fans can get their drink on for $4.00 per. Of note, however, Phillie fans don't actually have it as bad as it seems: the small beer at Citzens Bank Park is a robust (and league-leading) 21 ounces. The Phils are in the bottom third on a per ounce basis, checking in at $0.37/ounce. The Red Sox are the clear leaders in this category at a steep $0.65/ounce. We're number one! Gotta pay for Papi's supplements somehow.

Honoring a National Holiday

You know you want one.

Today, April 7, is a national holiday.  Close to the end of the dark, dark era of this nation known as The Prohibition, FDR's signing of the Cullen-Harrison Act on March 22 "allowed people to buy and drink low-alcohol content beer and wine in public," according to The Constitution Daily.  It went into effect on April 7, enabling people to slug down a Pabst or the like freely until the 21st Amendment negated the horrible, terrible 18th Amendment that December.

A good, crisp, less filling read of the Daily's summary is on tap here.

As such, today is known as National Beer Day.  Take one down, pass it around.  Have a beer.

One Shining Open Thread

A Ghooghle search for 'one shining peep' returns pages and pages of open-toed stiletto-heeled shoes. There's a weird sorta fetish thing happening there, and I don't want to know much more than that.

So instead of our first option, we give you this, a reasonably accurate representation of what will happen this evening when two groups of young men enter into mortal (ish) combat for our entertainment.

Florida Final Four Filler

Rob wants a new post for tonight's National Semifinal games. Probably because he'll be checking in via his phone as he's out enjoying Teejfest. Selfish fucker.

Of course, he's also right. We do need a fresh thread for the evening. While you await tonight's games, can I interest you in a trip down memory lane with the last Repeat champion in College Basketball?

Gheorghasbord

I go away for a mini-Spring Break vacation (insert 'mini? do you take any other kind of vacations?' joke here) and the editorial minds of G:TB turn into Mr. Shoop's class from the first half of Summer School. Fact: alcohol kills brain cells. You lose one more, you're a talking monkey.

Here's what G:TB World missed while I was soaking up some history and riding some rollercoasters in Williamsburg the past few days.

Hong Kong financier 'Jeremy' (last name withheld, likely because he doesn't want to wind up dead) wowed 'em at a recent Rugby Sevens event. His impersonation of North Korean despot Kim Jong-un played to killer reviews. "I made out with 40 girls", said Jeremy, which seems reason enough to don a dictator's mufti. The imposter's costume was augmented by a retinue of friends who dressed as North Korean generals, and a black guy who went as Dennis Rodman. We've placed calls to FOG:TB Johnny G to see if we can attempt something like this next year. Although we might have better luck impersonating the Muppets.

Shaka Smart took his time before deciding to leave VCU after six highly successful seasons. Family considerations, his connections to the city of Richmond, and loyalty to his players were all part of that process, but our sources indicate that the thing that nearly kept the 37 year-old coach at VCU was an offer from Pure Pleasure Club, a Richmond gentleman's establishment.

I'm sure you saw Steph Curry do this to Chris Paul:



And the internet went nuts:

























Worlds collided on Wednesday, when the brilliant Men in Blazers podcast dropped a Gheorghe Muresan mention. It was only a matter of time before these two great tastes went all peanut butter and chocolate pie.

Finally, the best thing that happened while I was away happened to one of our own. Most of you already know this, because me and the Teej are lousy secret-keepers, but the NBA Players Association made it official on Wednesday, naming Tara Greco the union's media relations chief. Greco, a former Wal-Mart and Deloitte communications executive, is perhaps better known in internet circles as a FOGT:B and the driving force behind LeBron James' most compelling interview.