Brought a Butter Knife to a Tank Battle

Manufactured outrage is a cottage industry in Washington, D.C. Our elected officials and their sycophantry expend enormous amounts of energy and money fabricating finely-honed teapot tempests designed to get party bases in full squeal about the other party's treasonous, profligate, or otherwise egregious behavior.

This week, the first couple of music found themselves the target of Republican ire, as rightwing anger was focused on Jay-Z and Beyonce's trip to Cuba. Several Florida lawmakers questioned the Carters' trip to the island nation. As tourist travel to Cuba remains illegal under Federal law, and Jay and B are Obama supporters, eyebrows were raised.

And the worst rap battle in recorded history was launched.

Hova responded in a short, but lyrically tight protest rap, namechecking Bob Dylan, Chief Keef, and President Obama while mocking politicians.



That should have been that, a minor kerfuffle fading into the dustbin of history. But white people don't know how to leave well enough alone, it seems. Especially, and oddly, white people who used to work for George W. Bush.

You're all painfully aware of MC Rove's 'rap' stylings, I assume. (Don't click that link unless you'd like to be horrified.) Karl Rove's MC stylings and accompanying 'dancing' set white people back generations. But Rove wasn't stepping into the ring against one of the greatest rappers of all time.

But Tiny D Day-P was. Former Bush Press Secretary and current Fox News contributor Dana Perino thought it prudent to try to match rhymes with Jay. It went about as well as you might expect:



Never get involved in a land war in Asia. Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line. And never, ever, ever try to match rhymes with Jay-Z when you're a 42 year-old white lady with less rhythm than a heart attack.