What Does the Fox Say?

It's only fitting in the days after perhaps the most remarkable story in English football (and maybe world sports) history that our footie guy weighs in. Fat Guy in a Speedo, who is most certainly not Jamie Vardy, as far as we know, predicted that Chelsea would be the class of the EPL this season. Luckily for him, he's in excellent company, as exactly zero pundits thought Leicester City would win the league. And lucky for us, he's here to tell us about that Leicester City squadron.

One of the many new, lumbersexual, manbunning LCFC fans celebrating

At 5000 to 1 odds at the beginning of the season, the English Premier League’s Leicester City Foxes have managed to pull off the greatest sporting triumph since my 5th grade Presidential Fitness award. One year ago in mid-April last season, the Foxes were relegation-bound. They then won 7 of their last 9 matches and finished in 14th (out of 20), a feat the Guardian then called “not only arguably the greatest escape from relegation but even more unimaginable, the greatest sporting triumph in modern history.” So they’ve actually done it twice.

In one year’s time this group from the boondocks of the Midlands with a first team that was assembled for about $25M (Manchester City bought Belgian Kevin de Bruyne last summer for $85M) won the league Monday night after the second place Spurs blew a 2-0 league to tie Chelsea 2-2. It kind of sucks that they won without playing a game but no one is complaining. It’s really hard to find a reason to dislike a team of underdogs, seemingly egoless, with a manager, Claudio Ranieri, who is (perhaps more incredibly) an Italian who is highly regarded, laid back and eminently likable. He wasn’t even in Leicester for the victory as he had booked a trip to see his 96-year old mamma back in the Motherland. That’s Italian.

On top of that, this team was highly entertaining to watch. They played fast, counterattacking football that rendered teams asunder, and scored at will.  Two weeks ago their top goal scorer Jamie Vardy was red-carded for two yellows and earned a further one-match ban for calling the referee “a fucking cunt”. Pundits opined about the detrimental effect this would have on the team’s morale and title run until they beat Swansea 4-0 and tied Manchester United away without him, effectively clinching the title without their talisman.

Former LCFC manager Nigel Pearson had kind words for Crystal
Palace's James McArthur last season

There’s loads more that can and will be said, just not here. In all probability this heart-warming story of success, perseverance and teamwork in an era of Manzielian sports=riches=douchebaggery will have been circulated ad nauseum and Kelly and Michael will be interviewing Flying Fox Riyhad Mahrez on their shitshow next week and next year we will be hoping that Leicester gets relegated back into obscurity and one of their players might very well perish after upgrading the Citroen to a Lambo and t-boning a hedgerow after eating ketamine with George Michael and there’s already a movie in the works about journeyman Vardy’s rise from the obscurity in some dank factory to whatever you call this but I digress. It’s not often that a Leicester hears the words “job well done!”

What’s next for Leicester? Who knows, who cares. They’ve already punched well above their weight and provided enough entertainment for years of “remember when Leicester City won it” reflectionism. It’s a good bet that even if next season’s team isn’t co-opted by the big four for big ducats (Vardy signed a new deal and it’s hard to think a few of the better players won’t leave when double/triple salaries are offered) they won’t be able to replicate the intangibles that drove them to attain the unimaginable. What is cool is that we will get to watch them play in the Champions League next season. Leicester will be playing the likes of Barcelona, Bayern, Real Madrid and Lokomotiva Zagreb.  And they might keep on winning. But probably not. So long and thanks for all the fish, lads.