Beautiful Game, Beautiful Day

Gigantic soccer day today, capping off a heck of a weekend for the beautiful game. 

Last night in Rio, Lionel Messi threw an enormous monkey from his back, helping Argentina defeat the host Brazilians, 1-0, to win Copa America. The victory was the first in a major international competition for Argentina since the 1993 Copa, and the first of Messi's dazzling career. The star had a so-so final, but his four goals and five assists during the tournament paced his Albiceleste. The pass at 0:40 in the video below defied the laws of space and time. Lautaro Martinez's finish was pretty dope, too.

Argentina's win was a tasty appetizer for today's action. Falkland War foe England host Italy in the final match of the 2020 European Championship (played in 2021, natch) at 3:00 EST. That's a warmup for the USMNT B team playing Haiti in the first match of the Gold Cup. And nobody's going to forget Loudoun United hosting Miami FC in USL Championship action.

As a form of pregaming, please enjoy these footie-inspired musical offerings from today's Euro combatants. 

The People's Court

I get a little fidgety when we go two days without new content, so here's a bit of current events discussion for the armchair referees in our midst.

Law 12 of the FIFA Laws of the Game concerns Fouls and Misconduct. In particular, it states:

A direct free kick is awarded if a player commits any of the following

offences:

• a handball offence (except for the goalkeeper within their penalty area)
• holds an opponent
• impedes an opponent with contact
• bites or spits at someone
• throws an object at the ball, an opponent or a match official, or makes contact with the ball with a held object

As one might imagine, that leaves a lot to the interpretation of the match official. And that's where you come in, expert Gheorghies.

Last night in London, England were locked in a battle with Denmark in the semifinals of the European championships. The Three Lions were rampant, looking dangerous against the brave but tiring Danes. With the score 1-1 in extra time, the sublime Raheem Sterling flitted into the penalty box, split a pair of opponents, and went down under pressure from Joakim Maehle and Matthias Jensen. At first blush, it appeared an obvious penalty, and referee Danny Makkelie agreed, pointing to the spot.

The replay was, shall we say, less than conclusive. Cut to the 2:45 mark of the video below, and ignore the talking heads.

After review by the video assistant referee (VAR), the penalty call was confirmed. Harry Kane's spot kick was saved by the mighty Kasper Schmeichel, but Kane pounced on the rebound to score and give England a 2-1 win. (That they deserved, if we're being fair.)

What say you, Gheorghies? Penalty? Dive? Divenalty? 

*********************

The verdict:

Guess Who's Back. Footy's Back.

It's that time of year again. On the first day of the 2018-19 English Premier League season, our man Fat Guy in a Speedo has issued forth his preview of...hang on.

One minute. Sorry.

I'm being told that Fat Guy's preview got lost in the mail. We don't have anything for you.

The blogshow must go on, however, and Manchester United does host Leicester at 3:00 Eastern in the season's lidlifter, so herewith a couple of odds and ends as the league kicks off.

The consensus opinion says that Manchester City, coming off a season that saw them set records for most points, most goals, and largest margin between first and second place, remains the class of the league. It's hard to argue with that consensus. Pep Guardiola's squad added classy wing Riyad Marhez from Leicester and didn't lose anyone of note.

"I'm very pleased with myself"

That same consensus agrees that Liverpool significantly improved during the summer transfer window, and is the odds-on favorite to come second. Jurgen Klopp's team got much better in the net by grabbing Roma's Allison, added a terrific defensive midfield presence in Naby Keita, picked up midfielder/right back Fabinho from Monaco, and snagged mini-mite Zherdan Shaquiri from relegated Stoke City to back up Mo Salah. Liverpool will be the most fun team in the league to watch.

After that top two, it's a consensus mishmash. Most everyone believes that the top six consist of the aforementioned two clubs and Tottenham Hotspur, Manchester United, Chelsea, and Arsenal. For my money, both West Ham and Everton, who went on spending sprees, have a puncher's chance of topping at least one of those four.

Spurs fans are apoplectic that their team was literally dormant during the transfer period, adding not a single player despite the fact that they're opening a brand new stadium. I'm going contrarian. Spurs return a very solid squad, with nine of their roster playing in the quarterfinals and beyond of the World Cup in Russia. That might mean they'll start slow, but they'll finish in the top four when it's all over.

"My management, they are shit"

Manchester United fans are also up in arms, and they've got more reason. Jose Mourinho has been pouting all summer about his management's relative inaction, and his black mood won't get any better as his team scuffles all year.

Gheorghe says the top four looks like: Manchester City, Liverpool, Tottenham, and Chelsea.

Meanwhile, in the great middling mess of a relegation battle that'll likely span at least ten teams, my Fulham side just broke a league record by spending £128m on transfers, the most ever by a newly-promoted club. Shahid Khan's son Tony went for it, landing 12 new players and all but assuring the Cottagers will stay up.

Wolverhampton Wanderers, another promoted side, also did significant business this summer, and look poised to join Fulham in the solid middle of the table.

The bottom three, according to Gheorghe, are: Huddersfield Town, Cardiff City, and Southampton.

And as soon as we find Fat Guy, we'll give you an actual preview.

The Richest Game in Football

The success of The Basketball Tournament over its first two years is a testament to the entertainment value of teams fighting for a significant winner take all monetary prize. In the Tournament's case, that's up to $2m for the team that survives the 64-team bracket.

Huddersfield: Vertical Stripes

Tomorrow at 10:00 am EST, Huddersfield Town and Reading play a soccer match that's worth roughly 110 times as much as the Tournament's grand prize. The winner of the 2016-17 English Football League Championship playoff will become the third team to be promoted to the English Premier League for the 2017-18 season, and guarantee £170m in rights fees for the promoted club.

The smart money at the beginning of the four-team promotion playoff didn't see either of these sides headed to Wembley. Though Reading were third in the final Championship table, they only had a +4 goal differential, and were facing a Fulham team that had run up a +28 advantage. So the Royals went out and held their opponents to a single goal over two legs, winning 2-1 on a 49th-minute second-leg penalty conversion by Yann Kermorgant.

Reading: Horizontal Stripes. Trippy.

Huddersfield Town might've had even longer odds. The Terriers finished fifth in the regular season, but ended the campaign yielding two more goals than they scored. But they squeaked by favored Sheffield Wednesday, playing to a 1-1 aggregate tie before advancing to the final on penalties.

Despite being one of the oldest clubs in English football, Reading have only played two seasons the top flight, most recently being relegated from the Premiership after the 2012-13 season. Huddersfield have a similarly mediocre history, having never played in the Premier League, and last reaching the top flight in 1972.

Neutral American fans have at least some reason to support each side. Reading midfielder Danny Williams has earned 22 caps with the U.S. Men's National Team since making his international debut in 2011. Meanwhile, Huddersfield manager David Wagner made 8 appearances for the U.S. in the late 90s. One could argue that the German-born-and-raised Wagner would be the second-ever American Premier League manager should his team win tomorrow. Thin gruel, that, perhaps, but we're Making America Great Again these days, so we'll count it. Wagner, a Jurgen Klopp disciple, has his squad playing a Kloppian high-pressure style.

As the English are wont to say, there's little between the two sides. They split their season series, each home side winning, 1-0. Neither entered the playoffs in terrific form, but that doesn't matter much in a one-game tilt.

We're pulling for Huddersfield, on the strength of their mascot. Go Terriers! Win those pounds!

Derby Days Are Here Again

We're once again joined by FOG:TB Ryan, who offers his thoughts on derbies, scrumpy, and Rutgers football. As our editorial calendar is somewhat loose, and our editors somewhat absent-minded, please ignore the fact that this should've been posted last Friday. Pretend you're living in the past. For some, this won't be difficult.

Allo mate! Just when you hoped to forget about the Premier League, surprise, surprise, it’s back like a McRib with herpes. After my last post, I encouraged you to pick a team. I listed 6 ‘contenders’ to choose from and Fulham for you sociopaths.

You may be surprised to learn that the 6 contenders all occupy the top 6 spots and Fulham does not but you shouldn’t be. This may change in the near future but it won’t; the Premier League is as predictable as a man on Molly’s infatuation with a double rainbow.

As Manchester United play Manchester City this Sunday, today’s installation will focus on what Brits refer to as a derby. Firstly, it’s pronounced ‘darby’, and second, potato chips are called ‘crisps’ over there.  Does America do derbies? Yes, do they mean much? Not really. Does anyone really get that fired up for Mets-Yankees or Giants-Jets? Would a Giants fan beat up a Jets fans dog and slight it for being a ‘Fenian bastard’?  Actually, maybe.

British derbies take many forms; they can be based on location or direction (London derby (any London team), North London derby (Spurs-Arsenal), West London derby (Chelsea vs. Fulham vs. QPR). They can be based on a single river (Merseyside derby between Liverpool and Everton) or even two rivers (Tyne-Wear derby between Newcastle and Sunderland). Of course the best are based on politics and/or religion. Much like Stateside, this is when people who know very little about either come out in droves to deliver plates of rhetoric with sides of casual violence, well-fortified by Miller Lite or Scrumpy Jack.

The best part of a derby is the tribalism that ensues pre and post game. British hooliganism is dead for the most part but if you’re a fan of the occasional flare-up these are the fixtures to see in the flesh. A man is on trial this month for punching a police horse in last April’s Tyne-Wear derby. A dog in Glasgow dressed in Celtic’s kit was kicked and accused of being a ‘Fenian bastard’ by a couple of Rangers fans.  Occasionally, these enthusiasts even attack things capable of hitting them back.

Unfortunately the greatest British derby, Glasgow’s Rangers and Celtic (the Old Firm) has gone the way of Dave’s hair. You could always count on brogue and burr-inflected sectarian violence when these two Glasgow teams met.  Sixty-six people were crushed to death in 1971 inside Ibrox stadium, Glasgow police note 10-fold increases of violence and domestic abuse cases double. It made it even better that these two teams were the only ones to win Scottish Premier League title since 1985 although this is hardly a ringing endorsement for SPL soccer.  However, Rangers FC went into administration in 2012 and as a result was demoted to a lower division so SPL is now a one-team league. Fortunately, Rangers will be back if they get promoted and Dave’s crowning glory can be restored much like Wayne Rooney’s over the past year.

So don’t forget this Sunday is derby day, embrace your inner Mancunian self. Are you for United or City? Red or blue? It matters not, drink some scrumpy and down some crisps, this will likely be another 2 hour, 0-0 draw. (Editor's note: It was not.)

Also, Rutgers to beat Hogs in closely contested non-derby on the banks of the Old Raritan this Saturday.  (Editor's note: They did.) Paul James to run all over Hogs who made the mistake of eating Fat Koko’s at greasetrucks the night before.  Don’t tell me you aren’t dreaming of a little Jersey gourmet fare as well right now:

Ooh rah ooh rah Rutgers rah!

Footy Filler

In typical Gheorghian fashion, we've waited until the final day of the Barclays Premier League season to bother writing about soccer. We'll make up for it with a mishmash of semi-related footie items.

In Paris yesterday, David Beckham played what will likely be the final match of his storied career, as Paris Saint Germain topped Brest, 3-1. While his international celebrity outpaced his on-pitch performance, Becks will go down as one of England's all-time greats. Very few in the history of the sport can match the accuracy of his service and his ability on set pieces. Check out arguably the most famous goal of his career, the 2002 strike against Greece that sent England to the World Cup and inspired the movie, 'Bend It Like Beckham':


David Beckham goal - England v Greece 2002 by fatv

If you're reading this before 11:00 you've still got time to turn on Fox Soccer Channel to catch Tottenham Hotspur taking on Sunderland in a final bid to overtake Arsenal and snare the BPL's Champions League berth. The Gunners play at Newcastle at the same time, needing a win to ensure the all-important 4th place finish.

Matheson's late goal gave Canada bronze at the 2012 Olympics

Closer to home, the Washington Spirit beat the Seattle Reign, 4-2, earlier in the week to capture the franchise's first-ever National Women's Soccer League win and improve to 1-2-3 on the season (combined with DC United, local professional soccer squads are a dismal 2-11-4 in league play this year). Canadian national team stalwart Diana Matheson scored the Spirit's first goal, her league-leading 4th of the season. Matheson also paces the NWSL with 10 points. More importantly, she's also my daughter's favorite player. We've attended two Spirit games this season, and the 5'1" Matheson was, by far, the smallest woman on the field. Nonetheless, she tallied goals in each of those games, inspiring my little one, who will be lucky if she makes it to 5'1". You can have 'Bend It Like Beckham' - we're Driven Like Diana up in here.

Finally, if you want an entertaining (and far more knowledgeable) take on all things footie, check out FOG:TB John Day's stylings over at Dangerman Futbol. Maybe next season, anyway.

Cross-Platform Marketing: Footy Filler

If you're Facebook friends with me, you've already seen this. Suck it up.

As I have for the past 5 years or so, I coached my daughter's soccer team this season. The Cheetahs are a great group of kids, but they're somewhat size-challenged, and were a whole lot of unlucky in the Spring 2012 campaign. We entered our last game of the season 0-6, losers of four one-goal games.

I'm nothing if not a skilled motivator, so I offered the girls this challenge: if they won, they'd get to paint my toenails any color(s) of their choice. And on a gorgeous Spring morning, despite falling behind 1-0 in the game's opening seconds, the Cheetahs pounced. Each of the five girls in attendance scored, with one kid tallying the first two goals of her soccer career. The Cheetahs topped the Eagles by a 7-3 count.

I'm a man of my word: