WWzD/Automotive Alphabet Aerobics: T is for Triumph, Alternatively Titled: WWzD, Mr. KQ Edition

Owning an Italian sports car has been compared to having a beautiful younger mistress. The experience is exciting, dangerous, and expensive. Sometimes you'll be embarrassed to be seen in public together, but you'll privately love the sounds it makes. People who don't know you will laugh and assume you have a mid-life crisis, although the reptile part of their brain will envy you. It will explode at the least convenient times in the least convenient places. Your wife will eventually issue a "it's me or her" ultimatum. It will seem like a good idea at the outset and you'll be in love (or lust) for a little while, but ultimately you'll regret the decision.

Owning a classic British sports car is more like being friends with Whitney. The cost of entry is comparatively low. You'll smile a lot and have lots of fun, despite the lingering fear in the back of your mind that it could collapse in a heap at any time. Passers-by will grin and wave, people you don't know will come over just to talk, people familiar with the car will tell you stories about their experiences with it for hours. Sometimes it'll backfire and smell stinky. Your wife won't understand the allure at first, but after a while she'll grow to enjoy the experience too. Simply put, if you take care of [Wh]it, [Wh]it'll take care of you.

There are a number of affordable British marques if you're looking for a fun rear-wheel-drive two-passenger droptop. One is Triumph, which was founded in 1885 and went out of business in 1984. They made a number of sports cars with nifty names like Spitfire and Stag, but their premier model was always named after TR. Seriously, they had the TR1, TR2, TR3, etc.

You probably remember seeing the TR7/TR8 in the 1980s, or parked in front of the Sigma Chi house circa 1995-96 (the guy from Saddle River had a white one). They look like doorstops--this was a big design theme in the 1970s, particularly with Italian designers.

The TR7 has a weak 2.0 L in-line 4 making 90 (ninety?!) horsepower. The much rarer TR8 has a 3.5 L V8 that puts out a staggering 133 horsepower. The TR8 doesn't seem to command any premium over the TR7, and at this point both cars are 35+ years old so I'm not sure you'll find one that can meet those power figures, so I wouldn't sweat finding one over the other.

I'm not going to tell you not to get one of these, they're pretty and fun and the price of entry is low (here's one for $3750 OBO in Garden City). But even the crispiest example isn't worth much and repairs will be necessary and expensive if you can't do them yourself, and it doesn't really have a ton of cache (it was part of Triumph's death-gasp and is generally unloved--it's too new-jack for fans of British roadsters who are a tweedy lot, and it's way too underpowered for people who like its wedge styling). You'd be better off buying a 20 year old Miata.

The perfect Triumph is the TR6. Like all vintage roadsters it's completely analog--there are no computers between you and the carburetor, the brakes, or (God forbid) the steering rack. The driving experience brings tremendous tactile feedback in these types of cars. If you drive over a quarter you can tell if it's heads or tails. It has a straight-6 engine, a wooden dashboard, pontoon fenders, upright styling, and a faaaaantastic exhaust note.



BaT explains it better than I can and they have some helpful links at the end. TR6's are relatively plentiful and cheap too. This one was stolen for $12,500.

TR6s are also cool because they came in a broad range of riotous 60s/70s colors. Do you remember when cars had colors? Go to any car company's website and try to build a car that isn't black, white, or gray/silver. It's not uncommon for manufacturers to offer two different versions of black and three or more versions of gray. Here are your color options for a base Toyota Camry:

You won't have many more options for a base Honda Accord:

Chevrolet also provides a wealth of boring options for the top-of-the-line Impala:

If you're like me and you bemoan the death of colorful cars, take a look at these color charts, they'll break your heart. Here's my favorite:

That Carib Blue though! It would work on any convertible. Oasis Green is perfect for an SUV. God I love 70s car colors.

Here are the options for TR6s:

Wow! Conifer, Laurel, Saffron and Signal get it done for pre-1973. From 1974 onward Triumph put giant black rubber warts on the TR6's front bumper, but I'd deal with them (or just take the warts off) if it was British Racing Green, Java Green, Topaz, Mimosa or Pimento. Topaz and Mimosa might be perfect colors for this car. BRG is obviously an impeccable classic choice too. Here's a clearer paint card for 1973-75 which might be the best of the bunch.

The average TR6 is a little over $12,000. For about $20,000 you can get a very nice example. The only must-have, as far as I'm concerned, are Union Jack decals on the rear quarter-panels. If you're going to drive a Triumph you have to rock the Union Jacks.

WWzD/Automotive Alphabet Aerobics: B is for Bimmer

About four months have passed since my last WWzD/AAA post so it feels like time for another. For no good reason other than alphabetical order I'm covering the letter B.

Bavarian Motor Works is a 100-year-old car company headquartered in Munich, Germany. You know them as BMW. They started out making airplane engines, but ... just watch this for the background.



If you want to appear like you know cars, don't call a BMW car a Beemer, call it a Bimmer. BMW motorcyles are Beemers. I'm not making this up.

BMW made many cool cars with cool engines over the years, but they're famous for making perfect straight sixes. So I'm of the view that if you're going to get a classic BMW it should have a straight six.

As I said last time, I'm partial to rear-wheel-drive two-seat convertibles like this Z3 with a 2.8L I6 at The Stable in Gladstone, NJ. Forty-five thousand miles, 189 horsepower, a 2844 pound curb weight, three pedals, in Dakar Yellow for $14,500? Yes please!

If you want more power and are willing to pay more money, check out the Z3M which is basically a Z3 with an M3 engine shoehorned underhood and an M3 Evo suspension and brakes. These are fast and they feel faster than they are because they're so small and open. There's one in Estoril Blue (which is a classic and dope BMW color) for $26k at Ryan Friedman Motorcars in Valley Stream, NY.

The M is probably more collectible but I personally would keep the extra twelve grand and get the plain Jane Z3.

And with less than half of what you saved you could buy this 633 CSi in West Orange, NJ! It's for sale by owner, and the owner might be the worst car photographer in the world--he failed to really capture the car's iconic "shark nose" in any of the images and there are no good shots of the "fantastic" interior. Here's what it should look like.

The crispy 633 CSi shown above sold for $6000 on BaT in 2016. Another less crispy one sold last week for $5600. The one on Hemmings is not at all crispy and it's an automatic so that's another demerit. I would gouge the seller down to $4000 or so. Or just keep an eye on BaT. As you can see from their nifty E24 summary page, these lesser E24s come up with some frequency and they are not expensive at all. If you dig the E24's looks (and you should) and want something more collectible and powerful, consider the M6. They're anywhere from $25k to $50k or more, but they're classy as hell and should at a minimum hold their value.

And if money is no object?

I think the Z1 is a really cool car. The doors don't open, they slide down into the body of the car.

The Z1 was never sold in the US and couldn't be imported here until around 2015, so you likely won't see anyone else driving one. In fact I've never seen one in person. This one is available for $92,500 at Autosport Designs in Huntington Station, NY, hometown to zwoman and FOGTB FD. I don't love the gray camo seat inserts but that's 1990 for you.

The BMW 507 is stunning. It might be the most beautiful BMW ever. They're so desirable that I don't think you can get one for under a million dollars no matter the condition. Jerry Seinfeld gave Christoph Waltz a ride in one to get coffee in an episode of Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee, check it out on Netflix. They're so cool Elvis had one.



The 507 has a V8, not an I6, but it's almost as iconic a BMW as you can find and I would welcome one in my driveway any time.

But for my go-to-hell money, I would get THE iconic BMW. The M1. Mike Ura put 10,000 miles on his in the last 5 years, which is probably unheard of (everyone else just rubs them with a diaper like Cameron Frye's dad's Ferrari) but I reflexively started applauding when he said it.



I don't care what James May says, the M1 is the Bimmer for me.

I could write much much more about BMW. Despite only making one true supercar (the M1) they made tons of awesome driver's cars over the past 50-plus years and you can find a good one at almost any price point.

WWzD/Automotive Alphabet Aerobics: A is for Alfa

I haven't done a WWzD post in a while, and I have an idea for a recurring gimmick/series that no one except rob will enjoy, and rob will only enjoy it because it increases our post count. Armed with the internet, the alphabet, and my impeccable taste in automobiles, I will march through marques and mark the models I moon over in three price brackets.

My automotive list of things to do includes owning an Italian car at least once. Almost all are completely out of my financial reach. Luckily, Alfa Romeo made some really cool cars that are now really affordable. I love the boat-tail Duetto, but those will set you back at least $30k. For less than half that price you can get a much newer Spider, like this tidy example in Armonk, NY for $12,500:

21,000 miles with the hard top included? Yes please! Chisel them down to around $10k and smile with the top down all spring summer and fall.

Maybe you don't like two seat rear-wheel-drive convertibles (because you're a fool). Or maybe you just don't want to spend that much. You're in luck--Alfa made a front-wheel-drive sedan called the 164 and I love it. I dated a girl whose father had a 164. I got farther with the girl than the car. Would you trust me with this?

That car is the Quadrifoglio version, which is Italian for "fast and fragile." Those can be a little more expensive than the lesser 164s, but no matter what you do get one with the V6 cuz dat Busso!:

For under $5000 you can get that beautiful car in green over biscuit with (a slightly detuned version of) that engine. I am always on the lookout for one of these within driving distance of zhome and came within a few hundred bucks of winning one on bringatrailer.com relatively recently.

Maybe you're a baller and money is no object. What then?

Alfa's been around for over 100 years and they've made a bunch of cool cars. Import laws now allow for the insanely weird Lego-on-steroids SZ to be brought into the US. This one is $105,000.

I really dig the SZ but would only get one if I had fuck you money and it was one of ten cars in my collection. It just screams "1990" too much to be my Sunday driver.

The Montreal is so "1970's Italian supercar" that it hurts. And many were made in orange, which is awesome, and the gauge cluster is crazy.

But this still isn't quite right. Like I said, I'm biased towards rear-wheel-drive two-seat convertibles, and I have a soft spot for real vintage stuff so the Giulietta Spider is just about perfect.

This one is a 1959, one owner (!?!?!?), numbers matching, original bill of sale ... GAH! And who doesn't want to sit behind this steering wheel for hours at a time?

For $135,000 you could build a significant addition on your house or you could drive around in this thing while your old lady rides shotgun pretending to be Sophia Loren. It's a tough choice for some but I'll take my busted kitchen and the Giulietta every time. zwoman, for the record, does not agree. Luckily I have neither an extra $135k nor the garage space for this perfect specimen of Milanese style and engineering.

As a side note, Ray Allen drives an 8C. I know this because FOG:TB JP once got his doors blown off by Ray Allen in his 8C in Waltham. You could do a lot worse.

WWzD: Big and Classy, but Cheap

I like to kill a few minutes here and there by browsing through the Hemmings app, usually looking at cars I can't afford but occasionally finding a few gems that make me consider clogging up my driveway. I'm typically looking for something undervalued or underappreciated by the masses, ideally for sale by the original owner. One particularly effective category of zclickbait is big classy old cars that are surprisingly cheap. And by "classy" I mean the type of car that people notice and recognize but isn't overly ostentatious. You can find a Turbo R or Eight for under $20,000 but unless you're a senior citizen with a British accent you'll look like a dooshwhistle in a Bentley. I'm looking for the type of car your grandfather bought as a gift to himself on his 69th birthday.

For example, this 1983 BMW 733i is available for "$15,000 negotiable." And it looks pretty crispy. I love the angular shark-like front ends of early 80s BMWs and the 733i was the flagship of the US line in 1983. It has a straight six making 181 hp and 195 lb-ft of torque. The 5 speed manual transmission makes it especially choice. It only has 88,000 miles and it's being sold by the owner (as opposed to a used car dealer) who bought it new and states "As I approach 90 need for a highway tourer has diminished and I believe it is time for another caring owner." And it's in Greenwich so the whole story sounds legitimate. The price is well above book value but I suspect it's worth it. If you're looking for a big old Bimmer this is a great place to start--see if you can haggle your way down to $12k and don't look back.

This 1986 Jaguar XJ6 can be taken home for the paltry sum of $7,900. If not for the fact that we're redoing zbathroom next month I would be hard pressed to come up with a reason not to buy this. The XJ6 might be the most beautiful sedan of the past 45 years. This one has the classic Jag straight 6, under 58,000 miles, very good paint, an excellent interior, and it's about 13 miles from my house--for sale by owner nonetheless. It would be perfect if it were green. But if you're looking to get into a hand-built British luxury car for less than a Nissan Versa (which is the cheapest new car in America), look no further. It's less reliable than the 733i, but you won't find a better combination of price and beauty. People will automatically assume you're old money when you pull up in this thing.

The most obvious big classy cheap car is a four-door Mercedes. There's a reason Jay-Z has a thing for them big body Benzes. They're iconic. The W123 series are also plentiful, nearly indestructible, and typically pampered by their original owners. I have a soft spot for the ones with matching hubcaps and my love of station wagons is well documented. This 1981 300TD pulls especially hard on my heartstrings because it has the legendary turbodiesel 5-cylinder engine. And it's a manual. Yes, that's right, a 35 year old red Mercedes stick-shift inline-5 turbodiesel station wagon with matching hubcaps. I'm completely smitten. It's for sale by a dealer, which gives me pause, but their video is absolutely pornographic.



I would eventually swap out the clear fog lights for yellow ones, that's easy. I can live with the few interior flaws, but the hood ornament doesn't stand up straight which makes me wonder what happened to the front end over the past three-and-a-half decades. And it's in Michigan. If a little old lady in Bronxville was selling this thing though ... I'd be hurtling up the Henry Hudson with $9000 in cash instead of writing this post.

WWzD: I need this 504 convertible

I spend more time than I care to admit pawing through the Hemmings app. My desire for a vintage air-cooled 911 in a lurid hue is well documented. Unfortunately others in my age demographic share this desire, and the ballers among us have driven 911 prices through the roof. There are several other cars I'd like to own and that are within the reach of my relatively limited means. Foreshadowing for another episode of WWzD!

I've also considered buying a cheap but cool old car abroad--although many foreign cars are impossible to register in the US, once they are at least 25 years old you can import and register them legally. Now all the big-timers out there can get their 959s!

The ideal car would be good-looking (sorry all you homeless Lotus Europae out there), European (the entire impetus for availing myself of the 25 year rule), relatively uncommon in the US but plentiful abroad (so it's easy to get parts), convertible (natch--anyone who dislikes convertibles never owned one or simply has no soul), and cheaper than a Honda Accord (because I'm cheap).

That said, I always believed that the likelihood I would ever find something I would legitimately want to buy on Hemmings was barely more than zero. But then I found this 1978 Peugeot 504 convertible.

Only the French--those brilliant voluptuaries who brought us mayonnaise, brassieres, Laetitia Casta, champagne, tongue kissing, cabarets, fried shoestring potatoes, Bridget Bardot, foie gras, roulette, menages a trois, Catherine Deneuve, latex, bikinis, and the Statue of Liberty--could make something so aesthetically wonderful.

The proportions are fantastic and make ladies swoon. The front swells over the wheels and plunges down to meet the headlights, giving the front a serious and purposeful, but not overly/comically intimidating, mien. The front overhang is almost nonexistent. The interior is preposterously Gallic: the steering wheel has only two spokes (and they're at 3 and 9 o'clock for proper hand placement); none of the switches are labeled; the air vents are positioned so that they cannot possibly blow air on the driver or passenger; the most prominent control, other than the steering wheel and shifter, is the center-mounted cigarette lighter; and the windows appear to be raised and lowered via a knob (as opposed to a more practical crank).

According to this fool who also fell victim to the Peug's siren song, there are about a dozen 504 coupes and convertibles in the US. So this drop-top 504 ticks almost all the boxes. At 26500 Euros it's less than a fully loaded Accord, but it's still more than I'm willing to spend. Perhaps I should modify this particular requirement to a used-but-well-loved-and-maintained Honda Civic from the 20th century.

Further, I have no idea how much it will cost to get this beauty over here from the Netherlands. And my garage is too small to hold a car. And I wouldn't want to store this exposed to the elements in my driveway (which would be at max capacity with another car). And zwoman would not appreciate the expenditure (as opposed to saving up to remodel the kitchen or send zkids to college). A man has to have dreams though.

PS: I hope you enjoy the 6th day of the 9th month!

Virginia is For Lovers, Not Drivers

Driving on the highways of the northern Virginia/Washington DC area is like participating in a NASCAR event. Everyone drives really fast and really close, passing on either side and eschewing turn signals, driving etiquette, and any regard for the safety of others. Take these same Virginia drivers from the highway to a parking lot and, remarkably, they become timid. It is not uncommon to see, for example, a car bomb across your path from the left lane of Route 66 so that it can tear onto Spout Run Parkway and later fishtail into the Italian Store parking lot only to drop its speed to about 5 MPH and require a three-point-turn to simply pull into a parking spot.

And parallel parking is entirely out of the question. Seriously--here's a video from a cars-and-coffee event in Great Falls this past weekend.



DER BNZ!! Almost as bad as BR JEEP. What's up with Virginians and personalized plates?

I love the fact that the parallel parker doesn't realize what she's done until the 48 second mark. For the record, the car she parked on is a Ferrari 458 Speciale. The 458 is pretty speciale in general, but the Speciale limited edition makes 597 horsepower, sprints from naught to 60 in under three seconds, tops out at over 200 MPH, costs about $400,000 once fully configured ... and isn't immune to parking lot idiots.

So watch out for parallel parkers the next time you're at Katie's Cars and Coffee (which you ought to check out if you're local).

More Morgan EV3

I previously posted about the Morgan EV3. It appears that the design has been refined a bit since then and it is still gorgeous.

That said, I really wish they kept the headlight as a single off-center affair because the front end looks a bit like a cartoon clam now. As part of the launch, Morgan teamed up with Selfridges and nine other British companies to create a limited edition called "UK1909." So you not only get the car, you get customized luggage from Globetrotter, driving goggles from Linda Farrow, a white scarf from Alexander McQueen, and a shearling helmet from Karl Donoghue, and other similarly preposterous accouterments.

Here's an interview with Jon Wells, Morgan's head of design, explaining the project. I must warn you that Mr. Wells's youth will only exacerbate any preexisting inferiority complex you might have.



You should check out the photos of the cool styling details here. The reverse-neutral-drive selection knob absolutely kills me, it looks like something from a mad scientist's laboratory. The switchgear is marvelously steampunk too.

Don't start writing a check--only nine copies of this version will be made and all will be sold in the UK, which makes sense given the theme. Hopefully I'll be able to get the goggles, helmet and scarf separately.

I think I found the right 911

A few weeks ago I asserted that I will someday own a Porsche 911 but that I wasn't sure which one. I think I found the right one.

There's a British guy named Rob Dickinson who lives in LA and owns a company called Singer Vehicle Design. I'd say that Singer modifies 911s, but that's kind of like saying Michaelangelo painted ceilings. Singer turns old 911s into rolling art. Specifically, 911s made between 1989 and 1994. These are known as 964s and they occupy a special place in Porschephiles' hearts. They have the traditional air-cooled (as opposed to the heretical water-cooled) flat six engine and rear trailing arm suspension, and they were the first 911 to feature a coil-sprung suspension and a speed-activated rear wing. The headlights and windshield are also much more upright than newer models. All this means that they are a sweet blend of classic 911 characteristics with a few modern nods.

Singer then tears them apart and replaces the body with carbon fiber pieces that evoke 911 styling cues from the late 60s and early 70s. Every detail is compulsively scrutinized and perfected. The interior is sublime. Even the oil and fuel caps are beautiful. They also put in a new engine. You have three options, all air-cooled flat sixes, making 270, 350, or 390 horsepower. Expect to spend about $390,000 for the big bronski. Not a typo.

It's probably worth it. Here's the interior of a RHD Singer sold to someone in Manchester.

That houndstooth pattern is not fabric. It's strips of woven leather. Here's a closer look.

Note that the tachometer goes up to 11 because ... Spinal Tap.

They all look perfect no matter the color. Here's one in pistachio green and it's spectacular.



That said, if you're going to get one of these you really need to get some funky 70s color. Black or silver or white are colors for a Honda Odyssey, and these Singers deserve better. The Manchester car's interior is the best in their online gallery and the exterior color is beyond reproach. I'm not even sure if it's yellow or green or some other previously unseen hue. I want it in my life. And yes, it has Fuchs wheels.

This racing blue Singer sold to someone in Dubai has minimal interior carpeting, flaunting the zippy paint all over the interior.

And if you really want to see (and hear) the goods, fast forward to the 2:55 mark in this video.



I unfortunately do not foresee having the wherewithal to buy a $390,000 car so I'll have to get by with salivating over the Singer website. Unless we can figure out a way to make some money off of this whole blogging thing ...

zPorn Redux: WWzD Meets Mog EV3

It's time for our annual Morgan post. Last March rob blogged Mogs, specifically the Aero 8. I pronounced my love for the Morgan 3-wheeler in the comments of that post. Turns out I'm not alone.



I've spend hours building my own 3-wheeler here. But it's wildly impractical. It has no roof, windows or windshield ferchristsake. So I'm looking for something more usable on a daily basis. My commute is so short that I've considered buying an electric car, but Teslae are hideously expensive and most other EV's look like a clown's shoe. Seriously:



I wouldn't drive one of those if you paid me so I certainly wouldn't pay to drive one. Remarkably, Morgan, the oldest of old-school car manufacturers, decided to get in the EV game. They turned the 3-wheeler into an EV, called it the EV3, and it's so awesomely zpornographic that Justice Stewart would immediately know how to classify this video if he could see it.



It weighs about 1100 pounds, has a 150 mile range, carbon fiber and aluminum bodywork, and aside from the fact that it requires no petrol it's just as impractical as the V-twin version. But that tonneau though! According to Linda at Morgan Motors of New England, the EV3 will be available in the US sometime next year. She added "We are currently taking names for a wait list." Various sources state that the base price will be around $36,000. God help me if she follows up with an email dangling photos of one in BRG ...

zman Bouillabaise

I've been meaning to post a couple of things but haven't had the time to do a fulsome job so you're getting more zbouillabaise.

1. adidas stands for "all day I dream about Sketchers"

adidas received a preliminary injunction against Sketchers because Sketchers ripped off their Stan Smiths. I was really excited about this collision of sneakers and IP law, and I was going to write a lengthy post about trademarks and trade dress and what they are and how they work but all you need to know to decide this case is this:

I think the rule the judge applied was "you can't rip people off like that."

2. A Porsche cartoon!

The Porsche 911 is a pretty goofy design. The engine is in the back with a significant amount of weight behind the rear wheels. This setup is great for straight-line acceleration and braking, but it's a nightmare if you want to make a turn. Just ask Rootsy!

Regardless, I will own a 911 before I die. But which one? And does it really matter? As you can see from the video below, the 911 hasn't really changed that much over the past 50+ years (aside from the shift to water-cooled engines in 1999 which made a lot of Porsche fans clutch their pearls, and I'm not a snob about cooling systems).



I'll take mine in Gulf Blue.

3. Macklemore made a song with DJ Premier and KRS-ONE?

Macklemore released a new song yesterday called Buckshot. I was more than a little surprised to see that it was produced by DJ Premier and features a verse by KRS-ONE. If you aren't familiar with Premier, KRS, or their collaborations, you should check out Return of the Boom Bap. You'll thank me. Just ask Rootsy!

Primo hasn't lost a step and the Blastmaster will always be the Blastmaster. I just never expected them to appear on a Macklemore record. Which isn't to say I have any problems with Macklemore, but I wouldn't think that KRS-ONE would offer up 64 bars of hot fiyah to a guy with songs like "White Privilege" and "White Privilege II." This makes me feel even better about paying $15 for KRS's last album on Bandcamp when he was only asking for $10--it's so hard out there he's taking money from Macklemore.



I gotta admit it's a pretty good song though. Once again, Big Daddy Kane is right.

Ce n'est pas un rendezvous

This Saturday, while TR was griping about how the rain and wind ruined his golf outing, I drove 100 miles in a rainstorm to attended an "Audi driving experience" event at Monticello Motor Club. I'm not sure how I was deemed worthy of an invitation, but I assume it had something to do with being a subscriber to Car and Driver for almost 30 years, owning a plurality of Audis, and the data obtained from various tracking cookies.

I was the probably the youngest attendee, but for two trophy wives in their early thirties who dutifully attended with their wizened husbands. There were about 40 people total, all white, all but three male, almost all in their late 40s to mid 50s. It was like a partners meeting at a law firm, except everyone wore jeans.

The first leg of the event was a drive on public roads in an A3 and an A6. This was reasonably enjoyable, in no small part thanks to the 50-something guy I rode with, Dave. He had just bought his daughter an A3, and he used to run a BMW dealership. Now he drives a vintage 911, auto crosses a souped up Mini, and has a Cayenne S as his daily wheels. Apparently he gets invited to lots of these things.

The second leg was an auto cross course. First we drove an A3, 228i, and a CLA 250. The 228i was surprisingly unathletic. The CLA was zippy but uncomfortable and the shifter was ridiculously fussy. The A3 was the best of the group. Then we drove an A6, 535i, and an E350. We ran out of time before I could drive the Bimmer, but the A6 beat the pants off of the Merc.

Dave gave me a few auto cross pointers at the start and he laid down some great times. But it turns out that I'm fast as hell (which all the ladies already know).

Parenthetically, I'd never been to one of these types of things before but I nailed the outfit perfectly. Everyone wore a short sleeve shirt under a zip up fleece under a waterproof soft shell, neither of which were made by North Face, and a cotton twill cap that did not have the logo of a sport team. One guy in his mid forties rocked a 918 Spyder hat, implying that he did one of these for Porsche's 918 launch. Dooshey, but I was envious. I had the best kicks though, natch.

The third and final leg was what made me drive 100 miles in the rain. We drove an Audi RS5 on the big track at the race club. The RS5 is an A5 on steroids, and I'm talking Victor Conte's finest A-Rod stuff, not just the cream or the clear. The highlight is a 4.2 liter naturally aspirated V-8 engine making 450 horsepower. If you don't know much about cars, that's a lot of horsepower, more than double the output of an A5. Here's the video of my run. I ran out of talent at 3:34 but managed to keep it on the track. Unfortunately, Dave was no Claude Lelouch so the cinematography pales in comparison to Claude's.



Then we drove an R8, Audi's halo product. It's a legit supercar. It has the same engine as an RS5, but it's a lighter car with the engine located behind the passengers and in front of the rear axle. This mid-engine layout puts all the weight in the middle of the car and results in superb handling. Base price starts at $115,900 and it climbs precipitously when you add options (like the $9100 automatic transmission, for example). The one we drove was probably optioned out to about $150,000. To say it's a preposterous car is an understatement. As you can see, it repeatedly made me say "Jesus Christ" and other expletives of that nature.



I had tremendous fun and accomplished numerous first: my first drive in a 400+ horsepower car, my first drive in a supercar, my first drive on a track. All in the rain! It took great restraint to obey speed limits on the way home, and now I'm frustratingly trying to justify getting a used RS5 while remaining a fiscally responsible parent. I keep telling myself that zson will probably get a magna-tile scholarship (he's a wizard with those things) so I don't need to save money for his college tuition. zdaughter isn't good at anything yet so saving for her tuition is the reason why I can't join a track.

If you ever have the chance to go to one of these track days you should do it, regardless of the manufacturer or your lack of interest in fast cars. You'll have a blast, although you might end up resenting your kids.

The Duality of Man and Cars

For almost 30 years I've been following cars about as avidly as some of you follow sports. During that time I've seen some really cool cars and some really stupid cars, and I've realized that cars reflect the duality of man.



This duality extends to automotive accessories and features. One of, if not the, stupidest automotive trends ever is at its acme right now: matte black paint. Applying matte black paint to any car makes it look like shit. No cars look better in matte black. The other day I saw a Mercedes CLA45 with matte black paint and black rims in my parking lot. It costs over $50,000 and it's normally a pretty car. The one I saw looks like it has been beaten up and abraded all to hell. Here's the general idea.

Just plain stupid. On the other side of the duality coin, Tesla now equips their S P85D models with a feature called "Insane Mode." It does this (keep the volume down at work):



So if you're looking for a new car, get one that has shiny paint and Insane Mode.

Pandering

Mazda really wants me to buy a Miata again.



I'm sure this will inspire chuckles but my 1993 was the second-favorite car I've owned. Like driving a go-kart with air conditioning. Unfortunately, I don't see any new cars in my near future, and in the event I do get another car it will probably be a minivan. But this commercial is ... persuasive.

The Act of Making Love is a Car with 73,000 miles

People across the blogosphere have been crying out for another "What Would zman Drive" post. Today's your lucky day!

The BMW 8 series came out in 1989 and at the time it was remarkably stylish. Twenty-six years later it's remarkably dated.

The low beltline, small wheels, slab sides, and absence of chrome scream "1990s" and not in a great way. The absolute killer though are the pop-up headlights. Even GM gave up on the Corvette's pop-ups in 2004, a design feature on that model since 1963.

As a result, you can pick up a pristine 8 series with about 70,000 miles for around $11,000 according to kbb.com. And that's for the 850i, the one with the V-12 engine (as opposed to the 840i with a V-8) making 295 hp and 330 lb-ft of torque. It's certainly an affordable option if you're in the market for a 12 cylinder toy.

A guy in Indiana wants $14,000 for his 1991 850i with 73,000 miles. Seems like a pretty steep mark-up over book value until you read the ad. This car is, allegedly, the same 850i featured in LL Cool J's video for "Pink Cookies in a Plastic Bag Getting Crushed by Buildings"!



My favorite part of the ad is the last photo--the cover of "14 Shots to the Dome." If I were in the market for historic rides from "14 Shots" videos I'd go with the Pathfinder from "Back Seat (Of My Jeep)" especially if it still had that wood steering wheel and vanillaroma tree.



I expect a stampede of our midwestern readers (DB?) is heading to Indiana right this moment to get their hands on this gem.

20 Years, 36 Chambers

I was home for fall break sometime in September of 1993, my sophomore year at W&M. My dad kept an extra car around for me to use when I was home, a 1983 Subaru DL. It was a dusty blue with a massive chrome luggage rack on the trunk lid, which also had strips of real wood to protect the trunk lid's finish from getting rubbed by any hypothetical luggage. It looked just like this fancy GL-10 model:

It impressed no one who saw me drive by in it. My passengers were similarly unimpressed -- it had power windows and working AC, which was a bit of a big deal for me at the time, but everything else inside sucked. The whole interior was blue. The upholstery looked like fur harvested from blue mice. All of the plastic was hard and deeply grained, catching all the greasy grime and detritus that came onboard, and because the plastic was blue it provided a sharp contrast for most of this dirt, bringing the filth into clear focus. The steering wheel was a bizarre affair with two prongs at five- and seven-o'clock and small thumb hooks at three-and nine-o'clock for those who know where to properly position their fists. The controls for the lights and wipers were big black warts located outboard of the steering wheel. I've not seen such a setup anywhere else before or since, but they had a nice feel and were very functional. Kind of like tuning in Tokyo 90 degrees the wrong way. The dash had a surprisingly complete instrument cluster, including a voltmeter and oil pressure gauge. It was a lot like this, but with switches instead of window cranks.

It was a remarkably reliable car, if mechanically underwhelming. The engine was a tiny wheezy contraption better suited to powering peanut grinders than automobiles. The clutch had zero feel--push it to the floor to guarantee the gears are disengaged and slowly lift up until the tach starts spinning clockwise, otherwise there was no tangible feedback that a gear was engaged. And choosing a gear with the stupidly long shifter was more an act of divination than selection. I knew where third gear was supposed to be, but sometimes it simply wasn't there anymore. The shifter made painful crunching and clicking sounds when moved through its gates. They were so bad that I often wondered when the stick would simply snap off in my hand. Unlike all Subarus today and most from the 1980's it was only FWD, not AWD, so I once managed to beach it in a foot of snow.

It had an AM/FM radio but no tape deck. Factory beats, as TR would say. The knobs fell off before I even got my learner's permit so I had to use my thumb and forefinger as a pincers to twist the remaining metal spoke in order to make an orange needle slide left and right to select a radio station. There was a second bare spoke for the volume. In cold weather the spokes would become harder to turn, I guess because the grease in the mechanism started to solidify, so fine-tuning a station was nearly impossible after Thanksgiving. If you wanted to adjust the left-right balance or front-rear fade, you had to pull the spoke out until it clicked. Everyone on earth sets both of these parameters to the dead center detent and never touches them again. Except for my father, who loved a fucked up setting with a slight front-left bias. So every time I got the car back I had to grip these shitty spikes as hard as I could lest I go insane from the oddball sound orientation. Treble and bass adjustments were made by turning a collar behind the spikes--these fortunately did not fall off and always worked easily. It had five present buttons but pushing them merely slid the orange needle into the general vicinity of where you had previously set the button; you never knew exactly what you would get from the presets. Mercifully, it had four speakers (unlike my mother's 1986 Nissan Sentra and its one lonely cardboard mid) and acceptable sound quality. You can get an idea of it from this photo.

Despite my harsh characterization it was a fine car for my situation in the fall of 1993 and I have many fond memories of time spent inside it. You probably expect this to turn into a tale about a backseat misadventure, and a few of those definitely fall within the scope of my aforementioned fond memories. But the reason I remember so much about the radio in the Sube is because was driving it down Queen Anne Road one night in September 1993 listening to 98.7 (which sadly is now sports talk radio) when, as I approached the intersection of Queen Anne and Cherry Lane, this happened.



It was through that rattletrap device that I first experienced a Wu-Tang Clan song. Forties, shorties, White Owls, fat bags! Rub it on your skin like lotion?! Not an average Joe with average flow doing average things with average hos?! Oh shit that's the jam!! I had no idea who or what I just heard, but I wanted to hear that joint again and again.

I later conferred with some of my friends who stayed in the area and they informed me that this was a song called "Method Man" by the Wu-Tang Clan, and that they had another song called Protect Ya Neck which I heard soon thereafter. It was just as game-changingly dope as Method Man.



Parenthetically, I love this video. It looks like they made and edited it using equipment from their high school's AV closet. Everything was shot on top of or behind their project. The GZA is "The Jizah." Ghostface Killah is "Ghost Face Killer." I suspect the whole endeavor cost under $100.

Fall break ended and I returned to the Burg. Predictably, none of my fratres heard any Wu-Tang joints once during fall break, let alone again and again. So I sought out Schmandy, a white guy with dreadlocks who was considered to be an esteemed member of the rap cognoscenti by the guys in his hipper and more musically aware frat, and the fratty populace in general. I found him walking through the parking lot with a few of his brothers. When I asked if he had heard of the Wu-Tang Clan, he said no and coolly laughed and furrowed his brows as if to indicate that the name alone was goofy. I told him he needed to check them out and asked if he heard the song "Method Man" and he shook his head and stuck out his lower lip. So I said "you know, the song that goes" and spit the chorus that concludes with "M-E-T-H-O-D man!" and Schmandy replied "Anyone rapper who samples Hall and Oates must suck" and walked on.

You will doubtlessly read many deep think-pieces about "Enter the Wu-Tang (36 Chambers)" over the next few days because it was released 20 years ago the day after tomorrow. I could write at length about how unprecedentedly evil it sounded in 1993, how it called up images of places that nice people don't go and things that nice people don't do. How despite having big fat beats it was undanceable music, intended to be listened to very loud while very drunk and very high. And so on. Instead, however, I think the most telling thing I can write about the power of WTC's music is how I will always remember every detail of where I was and what I was doing when I first heard it. That I am also able to work in a distillation of why my time spent at William and Mary was culturally disappointing is mere gravy.

What Would zman Drive, Alternatively Titled zman Is Diesel

You probably read my last WWzD post and said, "Cool car, but I need something that gets better than 14 MPG ... jackass." I get that. Accordingly, I direct your attention the BMW 335d. You're proabaly familiar with the 335i, which has a twin-turbocharged version of BMW's brilliant straight-6 engine. The 335d is also a twin-turbocharged straight-6, but it's a diesel. Hear me out.



Modern diesels are much cleaner than the old Benzes you remember from the 1980's, kicking up roostertails of exhaust plumes like Pigpen's wake. Diesels are (and always have been) more fuel efficent and torquier than gasoline powered engines. The geniuses (genii?) at BMW applied all their engineering wisdom and came up with a car that gets 36 MPG on the highway but puts out 265 HP and 425 pound-feet of torque. That's more torque than the A6 from my last post, the one with the Lamborghini engine. It's even more torque than BMW's flagship M3. As a result, the 335d absolutely demolishes other people on the highway. I know this because I am so smitten with the 335d that I test-drove one on Saturday.

Taking off from a dead stop a stoplight is a brisk affair in the 335d, but going from, say 50-to-70 MPH on the highway is nearly instantaneous. I stepped out of the right lane to pass someone, goosed the gas, and nearly broke my neck. This driving style will not save fuel but I can see how it would become addictive. And I'm not the only one who feels this way--Warren Brown of the Washington Post wrote, perhaps a bit hyperbolically, that "I believe the 335d is the best midsize sedan ever. That's 'best' as in better than any midsize sedan I've driven in 42 years of driving and driving nearly everything there is to be driven."

BMW sold the 335d in the US from 2009 to 2012. Predictably, no one wanted this mix of power and fuel economy because it came in an unusual package. As a result these cars generally went unloved by the type of folks who want to lease a BMW, so there aren't a ton of them out there on the CPO market. Diesel fans likely won't ever part with them so good luck finding one. None are available with a manual transmission. All are rear wheel drive. So snow tires are a must if you live in places where you're expected to get to work on time despite slushy weather.

Despite the fact that I'm looking for a car and the 335d was a blast to drive, I probably will not buy the one I drove this weekend, even though it was a perfect black-and-tan color combo, and even though the car's built-in computer showed that it averaged a remarkable 29.7 MPG over the past 2300 miles. The reason, you ask? Because it has iDrive, a maddeningly complicated computer interface system that necessetates a PhD in electrical engineering to change the radio station or to switch from the radio to the CD player or iPod jack. Totally killed the car for me. I'd rather get a non-iDrive model and buy a TomTom for $100 for navigation.

So I guess this post should really be "What Would zman Almost Drive."

What Would Jesus, or at Least zman, Drive

My recent car post yielded an unprecedented outpouring of requests for more car posts. Exactly one person asked me for another car post and that is the biggest request for a follow-up post in my short tenure on the G:TB masthead.

But what to write?

I like cars and, as a result, am often asked for car-buying advice. My response is often that if you want a sedan there's no reason not to get a Honda Accord or a Toyota Camry; if you want a minivan there's no reason not to get a Honday Odyssey or a Toyota Sienna; and if you want an SUV there's no reason not to get a Honda Pilot or (if you want to go big) a Toyota Sequoia. All of these cars are reliable and sensibly priced in their respective segments, and the Accord can even be fun to drive.

However, no one is excited about getting any of these cars. They are transportational appliances designed to shuttle you, your family, and varying amounts of your possessions to work, school, and soccer games with minimal fanfare and inconvenience. If you don't like cars then you'll be fine.

For my money, I'd look elsewhere. Accords and Camrys can list over $30,000 once you option them up. The Pilot, Odyssey, and Sienna all start at about $30,000 and can get over $40,000 with exuberant optioning. And a well-dressed Sequoia can cost an eye-watering $64,000+! At these prices we can find something more interesting.

Like an Audi S6. Two certified pre-owned examples are for sale in Massachusetts for under $38,000. This is a cool car for a number of reasons but the primary allure, in my opinion, lies under the hood.



Volkswagen owns Audi and Lamborghini, and parts are shared between the brands in an effort to achieve economies of scale. So Adam Smith would be just as excited as I am about the V10 (i.e., 10 cylinder) engine taken from the Lamborghini Gallardo and shoehorned into an Audi A6, thereby creating the S6. The engine is actually slightly larger in the S6, rewarding the driver with 429 horsepower and 398 pound-feet of torque.

This means it is powerful, so much so that if you stomp on the gas it will slightly alter the Earth's rotation. Thus it is fast, but it's still a big comfortable luxury car that looks just like a regular A6, allowing you to glide along the highway in relative anonymity. Unless you do this:



Audi still makes the S6 but they dropped the V10 in favor of a twin-turbo V8 last year, so if you want the Lambo engine (and you do) look for one made between 2006 and 2012.

I can hear the accountants out there wondering about various practical things. Yes, it requires premium fuel. Yes, it swills gas like Clarence swills Dale's. Yes, you should get it serviced by a dealer. All this increases operating costs.

I can also hear the cogniscenti asserting that the new A6 has a supercharged V6 that is almost as powerful, probably just as fast, and comes with a full warranty (as opposed to the CPO remainder warranty). This is true, but it starts at about $50,000. Whether the warranty is worth an extra $12k is up to you.

My point is this: for less than a decked-out Honda Pilot you can get a 5-passenger Lamborghini. Every on-ramp will be a joy to attack. Every tailgating donkey will eat your dust when you have room to blast off. Every pimply fast and furious teen in a slammed Civic will be trounced from stoplight to stoplight. Even people who know nothing about cars will say "Oh, an Audi" so you'll increase your standing with valets and possibly your neighbors. And you get to listen to this whenever you want: