The Test Approaches Dave's Mental Age

Long ago, Whitney pegged my mental age at 92 . . . for those of you unfamiliar with this concept, your mental age is the age that most consistently reflects your behavior and personality throughout your entire life. He's probably spot-on: I can be irascible and stubborn and grouchy, I often act like a know-it-all, I struggle with change and technology, I find many of the things people do a waste of time and effort, I like to go to bed at 8:30 PM and get up eight hours later, I've seen it all, I don't mind being alone, and-- despite all these willful characteristics-- I'm fairly easygoing because I know we're all going to die soon, so it's not worth getting too upset over anything.

My podcasting partners, Stacey and Cunningham, are both much younger than me, but Stacey's mental age is 18 (and mentally she's a male) and Cunningham's mental age is somewhere around 64. On this week's show, we are joined by special guest Little Allie Hogan, who is chronologically rather young, but has the mental affect of a 42 year old Amish woman . . . from 1880.

Quite a crew.




If you haven't tuned in to The Test for a while, this is a good one. And now you can listen on iTunes, Google Play Music, Stitcher, etc. Please subscribe and give us a good rating. We're getting 12,000 or so downloads a month, which is in the vicinity of being real. Marls, you can subscribe and never listen, we won't be offended.

Anyway, we finally got back to "the studio," a little carpeted room in Stacey's house that is great for recording audio, and I've figured out how to compress and EQ everything so it sounds fairly professional. I've also made a stellar quiz on this one, the answers will most definitely surprise you, and probably make you a little embarrassed to be a modern American.  It's only taken 90 episodes to get it right, but I don't think I'm ever going to sound like this guy again . . .

Podcaster Makes Solemn Promise To Improve Sound Quality Next Episode

The Test . . . Season Two!

Believe it or not, Stacey, Cunningham and I have been recording The Test for a year now . . . we did a trial episode in Stacey's classroom last June (which never aired because of poor sound quality) and have produced an episode a week since then. We are very proud of us. You should be very proud of us too.

Season Two features some new recording equipment-- I sold my other stuff on eBay and bought one of these:

Instead of recording through USB microphones and adapters into my old MacBook Pro, I'm following the advice of the internet and recording into a fairly cheap digital recorder. This is ostensibly easier because the piece of gear is designed purely for sound recording, but I must warn you, if you don't press the record button, it doesn't work (which happened the other night . . . luckily the two episodes we DID record were the good ones, and the one that we didn't record wasn't all that wonderful).

Anyway, Stacey starts off season two with a meta-bang, and administers a test on tests. I perform quite well (though, ironically, I know the least about the thing I should know the most about) and-- season two plot twist-- so does Cunningham. There's also some new intermission music. Give it a shot, see how you do, and welcome to season two!

The Test 51: Dave Does a Song Quiz?

This week on The Test, after weeks of fanfare, I finally unveil my thematic song quiz to the ladies. Things do not go as well as planned, but Rob and Whit will enjoy the culminating song and the overarching theme. Definitely a shout out to room 306.

Listen to the seven clips and see if you can puzzle out the answer. Stacey does. Cunningham not so much. As a bonus, I secretly reveal my plans for the show next season.
 

The Test 50: Closing Lines

This week on The Test, Cunningham teaches us how to finish strong. She administers a quiz on the closing lines of seven famous novels, and then she delivers a rousingly inspirational peroration in the waning moments of the podcast.

Stacey and I prefer to start like balls of fire and then fizzle out. This is how we teach novels, and this is how we perform on this episode.

In a few weeks, we'll have completed a year's worth of the show. Not sure if we'll finish the year strong, or fizzle out, but hopefully you'll come along for the ride.

The Test 49: Where Do Bad Folks Go When They Die?

I feel like crap today: it's either allergies or I'm possessed by a malevolent spirit (and it's probably the latter).

For more spooky stuff, my reaction to the Tibetan Book of the Dead, and why Cunningham would rather relinquish control of her life, check out this week's episode of The Test.

It Is a Far, Far Better Butt-kicking I Give

Cunningam quizzes us on famous opening lines of novels this week on The Test.  Bonuses include Stacey's ukulele aspirations and a very special guest.

I also reminisce about a related sitcom episode which many Gheorghies will remember. And I slip two clips of this episode into the show. Perhaps this is an abuse of my power as audio editor . . . but why be audio editor unless you're going to abuse the power?

One More Thing to Listen To . . .

So when you're done listening to all Rob's recommendations (I liked The Weeds) then check out the newest episode of The Test. It's short and sweet, and I guarantee you'll go through some mental gymnastics to pass.

Stacey describes some things . . . little things . . . things that you're familiar with and know how to use -- but do you know what these things are called? Can you name them?

Cunningham and I get a few, but in the end, the Voice of God has to descend from his ethereal realm and clarify a couple of things.

We also learn that jokes are funnier when you're holding a puppy.

Check it out and see how you fare.

The Test 45: Borderline Insanity

I had an insanely productive Sunday today, and I'd like to commemorate it here at G:TB. In no particular order, I accomplished these tasks:

1) switched the laundry
2) purchased fifteen bags of black mulch (on sale) at Home Depot
3) did the dishes and cleaned the sink
4) swept and vacuumed
5) hung two hooks (for hats)
6) went for a forty-five minute run (with the dog)
7) coached a soccer game
8) watched my other son play in a soccer game (two victories!)
9) gave the dog a bath
10) helped my wife carry in the groceries
11) edited the newest episode of The Test

While I am very proud of all the tasks I accomplished on this beautiful and sunny Sunday, the only one you need to concern yourself with is the newest episode of The Test. I'm rarely this straightforward but:

YOU MUST LISTEN TO THIS EPISODE!

I introduce the topic with a musical riddle, and Stacey and Cunningham give it the old college try, but things go down a dark road fairly quickly. There's depression, disgust, self-reflection, and plenty of geography. If you haven't listened yet, this is the one to start with. If you're a fan, you'll love it.

So give it a shot . . . what's the worst thing that could happen? The only thing on the line is your self-esteem.

Who Will Speak For the Trees? Dave Will Speak for the Trees . . .

On this week's episode of The Test, not only do I speak for the trees, but I also speak for the birds and the salmon and the people who don't like to get their hands damp so they can't do the dishes. In other words, I read seven excerpts from famous literary works about nature, and-- despite their initial complaints-- the ladies do fairly well identifying what's what.

Not only that, but Stacey invents a new slogan for Trump, and Norman is fondly remembered.

Give it a shot and see how you fare.

The Test . . . Snow Day Edition!

There's nothing better than sitting by the fire with a cup of hot chocolate on a snowy day and listening to an action-packed episode of The Test. And this one is hot off the press, with real time references to the on-going blizzard from The Voice of God.

I've already done one round of shoveling, then I took a break to edit the podcast, and now I've got to get back out there-- six inches came down in the last two hours. I can't imagine there's going to be school on Monday. My younger son is out sledding in the blizzard, and I think I'm going to suit up and go check on him. It's wild out there. Good luck with the snow, stay safe, and happy listening.

The Test 14: Number of the Dave

I thought I had constructed a fun and easy number association quiz for the ladies (including the mysterious lady guest, Mrs. X) but apparently I did no such thing. In fact, judging by the amount of yelling, banging, slapping and vitriol thrown my way during the recording of this episode, I did the exact opposite of what I intended.

If you listen carefully, you'll hear the microphones clip out a couple times because things got so overwhelmingly loud. All this furor over a few numbers that I thought were memorable and significant. No math! Just numbers. But obviously Stacey, Cunningham and Mrs. X. feel the same way about numbers as Jackie Mason feels about cans.

Highlights include Stacey contemplating self-immolation, Mrs. X doing some creative math about football, Cunningham's indignance about an old song, and an incident that I claim is the greatest moment in podcasting history . . . especially if you're familiar with the first episode of the show.

Anyway, take a shot at it and see if you fare better than the ladies. And try to avoid banging and slapping things while you listen.

Dave, Stacey, and Young Cunningham Make a Podcast: The Test!

I am annoying. Luckily, this is a prerequisite for my job: I am paid to annoy sleepy teenagers . . . to pester them with questions, irk them with activities, and coerce them into reading, writing, and thinking. I've been doing this for a while, so I've gotten adept at it. But I've always recognized the subversive questions lurking beneath the surface of every high school class: Do we really need to learn this shit? Is it really worth the time? The frustration? Calculus? Seriously? Organic chemistry? Sex education? When am I going to actually use any of this crap?

We attempted to address these epistemological questions with something my friend Kevin invented: the Life Quiz. This is a set of ten questions that don't count towards your grade, but instead determine how you are doing at seeming to be educated. Art, science, current events, and common knowledge. Major events in history and psychology and economics. Significant sports stuff. No trivia. Just information you should actually know. Or probably should know. Who knows? I encourage the students to pick a partner of similar intellect and bet some push-ups. Then I pose some questions: what is the boiling point of water? How long ago did the dinosaurs live? What is the population of New Jersey?

You don't have to nail the answer . . . it's like horse-shoes and hand-grenades. Close enough counts. Within ten percent.

Sometimes the questions are broad: name a jazz musician and their instrument. Sometimes they are specific: what does it mean to "bury the hatchet." And sometimes they seem really obvious: what are the seven continents?

You end up with some surprising answers, and some surprising logic as well. And plenty of discussion about epistemology. What should we have rattling around in our brain? What do you need to know? Do you need to know anything?

The brain is a counter-intuitive instrument. It's not like a computer-- your memory doesn't fill up. In fact, the more things you know, the better your brain works. The more connections you have, the more connections you make, and the more you understand. So despite the ubiquity of Google, I think there is some value in knowing stuff. The question is: what?

A few of us were so enamored with this theme, that we decided to make a podcast about it. The concept of the show is simple-- it's ostensibly a quiz show, but it's the anti-Jeopardy-- one of us asks seven questions, and the other participants try to answer them. Or argue about them. Or declare them stupid. Stacey, Cunningham and I are the hosts, but we plan on having lots of guests. On the plus side, our voices are easily discernible and we cover three decades: Young Cunningham is in her twenties, Stacey is in her thirties, and I am forty-five. Not only do we ask questions and discuss validity, but we also crack a lot of jokes. On the minus side, I am annoying. I try not to be judgmental, with varying degrees of success.

We're calling the show The Test and we've recorded two episodes. We haven't had any guests yet, but they are coming soon. If you want to be on, just ask . . . I think we can even Skype you in. While we're certainly not pros at this yet, we've got original background music, an audio montage, and a theme song.

Good luck and have fun . . . you can play along at home, but no studying . . .