Bite Me, Mike Tyson?

Here's a sentence I read online this week:

"Mike Tyson's cannabis company is releasing an ear-shaped edible called "Mike Bites" almost 25 years after he famously bit off a chunk of Evander Holyfield’s ear."

There may be other sentences more purpose-written to elicit a response from this blog*, but that one's got a lot going for it: the weird and enigmatic Tyson, one of the strangest sporting moments in our lifetimes, the fact that I was 28 when that happened (passage of time, man, damn), edibles (most definitely edibles).

*Bert and Ernie gave Nathan Knight the key to Sesame Street after the W&M hoops coach led the school to its first NCAA Tournament bid, for example.

Here's a surpassingly weird Fox Business hit that starts with a shoutout to the genuinely heroic Klitschko brothers and pivots to convicted rapist/oddly rehabilitated hipster darling and weed entrepreneur Tyson shilling edibles after a tour through Mike's willingness to fight one of the brothers for charity. Read the room, loon-ass Fox host.

Tyson has spoken frequently of how cannabis has helped him deal with anxiety and provided mental clarity. According the Mike, "Cannabis has changed me for good both mentally and physically, and I want to share that gift with others who are also seeking relief." His Tyson 2.0 brand seems to be a serious player in the weed market. And as marketing stunts go, using one of his worst moments to generate interest is a nice bit of jiu-jitsu. 

Mike Bites are available in Nevada and California at the moment. They'll be on the market in Massachusetts soon. And I'm hoping that I might have a free second or two in a few weeks when I'm flying in and out of Denver to swing into a local and ask for them by name. 

See you at OBFT.

The Twelve Days of Gheorghemas: Day Nine

On the ninth day of Gheorghemas, Big Gheorghe gave to me:

Nine internet moments of levity

Eight Tribey moments
Seven books for reading
6.9 Non Sequiturs
Six All-Star Nods
Five podcasts for listening
Four posts zman meant to write but never did
Three French Hens
Two in-state rivalries
And a dork with a split personality

Anybody else spend Christmas day in the emergency room after thinking that they were having a heart attack? No? Just me? Crap.  Maybe we need to update the G:TB death pool odds.   Clarence may no longer be the odds on favorite.  In the end, the hospital and cardiologist advised that I need to get more sleep, drink more water and avoid some work stress.  Apparently getting up at 4 AM to head to NYC two days before Christmas for meetings and an 8 hour deposition is not good for the overall well being.  Who knew? 

Anyway, Big Gheorghe, being the giving sort that he is, decided to offer nine items of internet levity that he thought might bring a smile to an ailing heart. As always, Gheorghe's choices were just what the doctor ordered.

1.     Raccoon Meets NWA:   This one kills me every time.

Nothing more needs to be said.

2.    Roderick On The Line:  Earlier this Gheorghemas, Dave shamelessly plugged his own podcast as one of five indispensable listens.   While I actually enjoy The Test quite a bit, as well as the other podcasts that everyone's favorite master of self-promotion listed,  I thought Dave left out some really solid podcasts. Not the least of these omissions is Roderick on The Line, which can be found here or on iTunes.  Mr. Roderick, who heads up the band The Long Winters, uses the podcast to showcase his skills as a raconteur and I laugh every time.  Here is a good introductory taste.

Also noteworthy is that Roderick recently toured with Aimee Mann & Liz Phair, which means he actually lived Clarence's and Rob's wet dream.

3.  ORF Rock:  You have seen it in the comments every Monday night and tried to ignore it.    However, if you let it, ORF Rock is like a fungus...it grows on you.  Maybe it's the technical snafus, maybe it's Penny Baker's momentary flashes of cleavage, maybe it's Les Coole's rapier wit, maybe it's the idea of two well post collegiate professionals broadcasting a weekly college "radio" show on a station that is not actually on the radio (internet only)...whatever "it" is, ORF Rock is a weekly break that is worth watching and live texting if only to make fun of Whitney.  

4.     Yacht Rock Episode #5:   As the series that launched a million OBFT quotes, Yacht Rock has a special place in heart of many G:TB'ers.  This particular episode makes the list because of the inclusion of Vincent Price (the Act-tor), Skunk Baxter's love of the spirit world, and the fact that it is often the subject of late night texts from FoG:TB Greg/Joe Kickass.  Gheorghe, like most eastern Europeans, loved Michael Jackson so this one is a personal fave of the big man.  

5.     Robert Loggia selling orange juice:  This year we lost Robert Loggia.  You may remember him as Frank Lopez from Scarface, the boss from Big, the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs in Independence Day, or the coach that gave Kathy Ireland a chance to play in Necessary Roughness.  

All great roles, but Big Gheorghe and I will always remember him for this classic.

If the Academy Awards forgets to include Big Bobby L in the "In Memoriam" segment there will be hell to pay.  

6.     Scott Van Pelt and Tim Kurkjian: SVP's penchant for sending Timmy K into fits of laughter has been well documented in this space.  That does not make it any less funny.  Thanks Big G for the reminder...


7.     Schlitz Malt Liquor Ads:  I don't know why these ads make me happy, but they just do.  Maybe it is the fact that malt liquor was once marketed as somehow having "more taste" than beer or maybe it is just the guy from the Average White Band singing into the can.  




8.     Buzz Bissinger vs. Will Leitch:  I don't know how I missed this back in 2008, but I was only recent alerted to this back and forth between Deadspin founder Will Leitch and Friday Night Lights author Buzz Bissinger.  Buzz's seething hatred for the faceless "blogosphere" is fantastic, totally unbridled, and really takes off about the 3:50 mark. This one is awesome if only for the awkward tension and the repeated use of "balls deep".  

Will Leitch On Costas Now by Machochip

Buzz continues to tilt at windmills, as evidenced by his recent fight with Michael Moore, but this may be the high point of "get off my lawn" journalistic holier than thou-ism.

9.     Mike Tyson on a hoverboard:  Because this is what the internet was invented for.



Thanks Gheorghe, I knew I could count on you.

Entrance Song to a Lovemaking Session

I used to watch a lot of the MMA pay-per-views with friends a few years ago. We would compare entrance songs of different fighters and talk about what we would use in the unlikely (though slightly more likely after several drinks) event we become professional fighters. Of course, this was all done while acknowledging there was no topping old school Mike Tyson's entrance with Welcome to the Terrordome cranking in the background.

Anyhoo, I stumbled on the song below a few months back (thanks to our good friends on the Deep Tracks station at SiriusXM) and fell in love with it immediately. Earlier this week, as I navigated the subway to get to my train home, I tried to contextualize (in my own head, of course, where most of my conversations occur) why I loved this song. It took me a while, but I think I finally came up with the context in which this song was perfect.

What if men and women walked into bedrooms for lovemaking sessions like fighters walked into boxing rings for fights? What if there were 10,000 folks there to cheer you on? What if I was in a robe, walking slowly, while an entourage massaged my traps, carried gels, lubes, toys and sexual accoutrements, held my heavyweight champ lovemaking belt high in the air and whispered encouraging words into my ear to ensure the fires raged underneath my lustrous groin beard? What song would fit that scenario and get me fired up for a funkadelic romp under the sheets? Well, this song would.

So, um, yeah. That's what I have to say about this tune. Give it a whirl and try to forget the awfulness in the world for five minutes. 1970 side project by Jerry Garcia and keyboardist Howard Wales? Count me in.