This is What You Get in My House When You Spill Paint in the Garage!

Quick thoughts on sporting happenings that one overtired, underslept New York sports fan has noticed. The comments selfishly relate to the underperforming teams in the orbit of my fandom.

New York Knicks
Congrats to Larry Hughes! The starting point guard of the soon-to-be worst team in the NBA* made the first shot of the exhibition campaign last night against a team from Israel. Hughes went 1 of 3 from the field, and is now 1 for 20 this preseason. It's hard to raise your FG percentage by 5% in one game, but this Knick found a way to do it.

New York Jets
I am wrong about a lot of stuff, but my prediction for the 2009 Jets is getting more prescient by the week. The call from this guy was that the team would finish 6-10 and the coach would show his true stripes as an ignorant bully who is not fit to be a leader of men. Now that we're six weeks in, the Jets are 3-3 and face the following games: Miami, @NE, Atlanta, @Indianapolis, Cincinnati. They also face "easy" games against Oakland, Jacksonville, Carolina, Buffalo and Tampa. Of course, yesterday's game was supposed to be "easy," until the shocking news came out that Dirty Sanchez had never played nor practiced in cold weather. Sounds like a terrific marriage between him and an AFC East team. Rex Ryan has the classic look of an overmatched strategist on the sideline. After every penalty or call that doesn't go his way, he finds a way to drop 4 F-bombs (short for fuck-bombs) into a sentence that displays his disagreement, much like the plumber from Ronkokama who sits in front of me at the games does. We'll spare the audience a breakdown of how terrible the attempted 50-yard FG by Jay Feely in a giant wind storm in overtime was.

New York Islanders
The soon-to-be Kansas City ice dancers are still winless on the year. Here is the first paragraph of the beat reporter's take on Saturday night's loss to San Jose: "The loudest cheer at the sparsely filled Nassau Coliseum last night came when the scoreboard showed Derek Jeter's home run against the Angels." The team now stands at 0-3-3. And I'm not even sure what those numbers mean these days. What happened to the fourth number at the end to delineate overtime losses? No need for those anymore? Things are so bad that Long Island native (and Gambino crime family member) Timmy Marls has allegedly abandoned the team to root for the Blackhawks. We all love Stan Mikita, but this is a hard pill to swallow. Bobby Nystrom is crying in his beers, between shifts at the Hempstead Olive Garden where he bartends.

Carry on with your day, gents.

*Not an exaggeration. These guys are dreadful. You can expect a preview of the putridity in the next week. You may not get it, but you can expect it.