Whiplash

Proving that we're nothing if not diverse, we pivot this morning from Shlara's terrific work to one of the year's most sublimely ridiculous events. Our own TR is in training for the 2011 National Beard and Moustache Championships, to be held on October 8 in Lancaster, PA. The competition is fierce in the championship's five categories (moustache, partial beard, full beard groomed, full beard natural, and freestyle), but we've got a lot of faith in our guy.

Depicted here very early in his training regimen, TR's known for his creativity and improvisational beard skills. Importantly, he's also legendary in the community for the speed at which his facial topiary grows. He goes 0 to 60mm in less than a full business day. He takes shaving breaks like most of us go for coffee.

I've got a room reserved at the Lancaster Horse and Buggy Motel. I've got space for a few more folks. Let me know if you want in, and big ups to TR.

Guess Who's Back?

It's seven games and counting for the New York Yankees as they prepare to do battle with the Cincinnati Reds this weekend. As one of two Yankee fans (and the lone denizen of the Dirty Jerz) on the G:TB editorial staff, I felt compelled to throw some love to my boys in the Boogie Down Bronx for coming to life and rattling off some wins against the mighty Houston Astros and Whale's Vagina Padres. There have been many agents responsible for this recent run, so we give thanks and praise to Johnny Damon, Mike Mussina, Alex Rodriguez, Hideki Matsui, Jason Giambi's moustache and Mariano Rivera, among others.

But the purpose of this rambling post, cranked out between the bleary-eyed coffee chugging and occasional loose stool excretions that come when one has too much scotch on their sofa while watching bad TV the night before, is not to laud the famous Yankee veterans.

It is to let the world know that I have come to terms with my man-crush on one current Yankee hurler.

He is neither slim nor shady, but Joba Chamberlain is my Yankee hero.

The wife of Rhymenocerous and I both are infatuated with the chubby former Cornshucker from Nebraska. We welled up at the stories of Joba playing catch with his wheelchair-bound, polio-stricken father, Harlan. Father would catch and throw with his one good arm. If Joba made a bad throw, he would be the one to run down the ball. He forced himself to be accurate. A legend was born. Joba overcame poverty with Harlan, playing with used equipment his father could find at yard sales to help his son pursue his passion. And Joba overcame weight issues, developing from a chubby high schooler who couldn't get the attention of his baseball coach into a fireballer at the community college level who earned a free ride to the University of Nebraska.

After blazing through three levels of minor leagues in early 2007, his first twelve months with the Yankees have been impressive by any measure. He relieved when they asked him to do so. He switched to starting after they asked him to do so. But more impressive than anything else, he has stood up and faced the pressure of being a 21 year-old rookie phenom in New York better than most anybody else. Each stint as a starter has been successively better than the prior one. Joba yet may develop into the first "must-see" young starter in New York baseball since a young man named Dwight Gooden started mowing down the National League in 1984.

So I'll let you Sox fans have your Papelboners. I'm content with my fuzzy lion on the mound.

G:TB salutes you, Joba. Just keep laying off the donuts.