Much Like the Night the Ocean is Dark and Full of Terrors

I've never been scuba diving and I never will because the ocean is a scary place.  For example, a commercial lobster fisherman recently found himself inside a whale's mouth.  His name is not Jonah but his first mate is Josiah so perhaps it should've been expected.

Also scary: moray eels.  Click on that link and feel bad for the reporter who had to write that story.  Her LinkedIn profile says she graduated from Brown in 2016 so she's probably delighted to be writing for the Times, and she has sufficient license to come up with witty captions like "When an Eel Climbs a Ramp to Eat Squid From a Clamp, That’s a Moray" and "If the squid is so big, it still eats like a pig, that’s a moray" but the subject matter is nightmare fuel.  Apparently moral eels can crawl out of the water and hurl themselves at food which they catch in their mouths, and then their second set of "pharyngeal jaws" shoot forward from the back of their throat to drag the food into their guts.  

Reminds me of a Xenomorph.

A glutton for aquatic punishment, the same reporter also wrote about why walruses clap.  Apparently it's "a demonstration of strength and fitness to rivals and potential mates."  Sort of like the clapping at Robbie's wedding.  The walrus at issue, Sivuqaq (that's his name, not a typo), "started clapping as he approached sexual maturity and the behavior was often accompanied with a visible erection."  Imagine if this is your job, studying walrus erections?  Even worse, imagine paying all that money to go to Brown only to report on walrus erections?

That's not the terrifying part though.  "Walruses are able to clap underwater so hard that the water between their flippers vaporizes into a cloud of bubbles, which then collapse onto themselves to produce an extremely loud sound."  The sound reached 200 decibels!  That's some ferocious clapping.  This is a family blog so I won't add a gif like the clapping at Robbie's wedding.  Instead, here's Sivuqaq making it clap.

You should listen to this free Frank Ocean mixtape

And not just because he's savvy enough to stick an E30 vintage M3 on the album cover:


Frank Ocean is a member of Odd Future, which is really Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All, the gore/hiphop (sickhop?) group that famously appeared on Jimmy Fallon's show a few weeks ago and therefore made it impossible for me to write about them in this space (I won't take Jimmy's musical sloppies). I'm not that into Tyler, the Creator or Earl Sweatshirt. But Frank Ocean is on to something here. I don't know if he's related to Billy Ocean or Danny Ocean, but he makes interesting R&B/soul music with an indie rock sensibility and a Ghostfacian penchant for storytelling ("I blame it on the model broad with the Hollywood smile/Stripper booty and a rack like wow"), sort of a laid-back Kid Cudi vibe but with romance and heartbreak replacing all the psychoanalytical melodrama. This is both music to make love to your old lady by and music that will draw approving nods from beatnerds, sneakerfreaks, exurban teenagers, and (in about a month) hipsters alike.

And it's free. Get it now before Don Henley finds out about the sample on "American Wedding" and shuts this thing down.

Download Mixtape | Free Mixtapes Provided by DatPiff.com