The Twelve Days of Gheorghemas: Day Three

On the third day of Gheorghemas, Big Gheorghe gave to me 

Three Punk Rock Playlists 
Two Digits Throughout History 
And the debut of Mac McFis-ty 

On Friday, November 15, 2013, I unveiled a the first in a 5-part segment on punk rock. The quintet of posts would be a love letter to the music genre, as I hold punk in very high regard. (Clarence’s loves are known as the 3 P’s: punk, pilsner, and, well, this is a family blog, so we’ll leave it at that.)

I didn’t reveal the breakdown of the five posts at the time, but here’s what it came down to (click the links to review if you're killing time):

1. 1970’s punk, excepting three pillars 
2. The Ramones 
3. The Clash 
4. The Sex Pistols 
5. 1980’s through today’s punk 

Ah, the best laid plans of squirrels and men. Part 2 arrived on the G:TB scene in August of 2015. Reminiscent of the Cauc Hop final. But a hair better than Whitney’s still to-be-delivered Day 12 from last year. Or TR’s never-to-be-completed Topps baseball card review.

And so today I determine not to drag this out any further. It’s not all that fascinating a series of posts, and if this year has taught us anything, we just don’t know how long we have on this orb. I’d hate to have our intern have to finish this for me posthumously. Here we go, Parts 3, 4, and 5. In pieces. In reverse. Punk rock.


Holiday in Clarencia: Punk Chronicles Vol. 3 
-1980's until today-

Punk was preheated in the late 1960’s by The Stooges and MC5 and the like, prepped a bit in the early 70’s by the New York Dolls and T. Rex and friends, and then served up at the end of the decade by the horde of acts listed in Chapter 1 of this bus wreck and beyond. So what happened next?

The early 80’s saw some continuity; The Ramones, Dead Kennedys, and Black Flag kept on keepin’ on, while newcomers like X, Descendents, Minor Threat, and Social Distortion assumed the mantle. But… a number of bands previously punk now fell more into the new wave synth and melody, even they retained their punk f-u sensibilities. Devo, I’m looking at you. The Jam began flexing muscles that had a whiff of Motown. Blondie went pop, and for a second, hip-hop. Talking Heads got really good, but went to world music and a dozen other genres. And a bunch of groups who were pretty much punk could better be labeled something else. Bad Brains (hardcore), The Misfits (horror rock), The Cramps (psychobilly), and a whole lot of music that now got called “alternative rock.”

Hell, there are way, way too many categories and tons of crossover to where it’s pointless to even try: pop-punk, underground, indie, garage rock, post-punk, ska-core, 15 kinds of metal, alt-whatever, grunge, and just rock and roll. Random Idiots were as punk as they got, but the label filed them under “death reggae” and “folk speed metal.” What a mess.

So let’s not get hung up on rigid genre characterization. Let’s listen to some music. Enjoy the Spotify playlist below that is compiled of 69 Punk or Punkish tunes from 1980-2016.  There are the usual suspects (Dropkick Murphys, Green Day, The Minutemen, Fugazi), but more than a few random surprises.  Feedback and favorites welcomed.

It’s not really safe for work. You figured that, I figure.

Clarence Explains It All . . . Again

Clarence is not a role model. He’s not even human. He’s a cartoon. Some of the things he does could cause a person to get hurt, expelled, arrested, possibly deported. To put it another way: Don't try this at home. 

So the locals were aghast with an incident at ODU over the weekend.  Thanks to the pervasive nature of social media, now the world is aghast.

Some frat guy knuckleheads spray-painted some remarks on bed sheets and dangled them from balconies, remarks that are characterized anywhere from mildly obnoxious to criminally offensive, depending upon your mindset.  Here is Deadspin's take on it, with pictures.

I have a question not just for Zman Esq and the handful of other attorneys in our GTB midst, but all of you higher-minded cohorts of mine.  Here are the words that were printed on the sheets:
“Rowdy and fun [highlighting the O, D, and U]"
"Hope your baby girl is ready for a good time”
“Freshman daughter drop off [with an arrow pointing to the house's front door]”
“Go ahead and drop off mom too...”
Universally accepted as stupid, immature, and largely inappropriate, without question.

But, either taken literally or even infusing some suggestion in there, are they, as accused by many, words that espouse rape or sexual assault? 

It seems to me that as we elevate community awareness and the severity of the punishment that fits rape in America, we must also elevate our caution when labeling or accusing our citizens of this crime.  It's a complex issue that affected my alma mater in a case whose public opinion verdict rang louder than the actual facts or result of the case.  And whether or not the UVA story was debunked last year (as predicted), the problem still exists and remains a justifiably incendiary topic.  It's one not likely to fade away any time soon, simply because men have sexually assaulted women for the 100,000 or more years we have been on the planet, and we have yet to come up with the appropriate tools to fix ourselves.

As ODU seeks to mete out the proper punishment for this behavior, it's important to keep the furor within the confines of the act committed.  The university has responded publicly, using the likely words "outraged," "sickened," and "will not be tolerated,"  But they also reference "sexual assault" and "violence against women." Maybe it's a logical leap, but as a former fraternity knucklehead, the divide our guys kept between lascivious/crude and assault/violence against women was a huge one.

Anyway, as usual, at Gheorghe we like our grammar on point and our law and order to be argued and measured appropriately -- even when the idiots committing the acts are offensive enough not to warrant much defense.  I get to hear and read about this event plenty for the next week or two around town.  Just lucky that way,

Clarence Is a Punk: Vol. 1-2-3-4

18 months ago, I launched segment number one of a five-part piece on punk rock.  At this rate, you guys will have to write and read numbers four and five at my funeral.  In that piece, I ran through 25 punk rock classics from the 1970's.  Intentionally, I left out three individual bands worthy of their own post/playlist.  Here's a take on one of them . . .

Hey -- Ho -- Let's Go

The Ramones

Writing an excess of words on the band, while very Clarence, does not suit the Ramones. This is a band that crammed 5 minutes' worth of playing into two-minute songs for two decades.  Here's what you need to know, Cliffs Ramone style.

Essential Facts

• Jeff Hyman, John Cummings, Doug Colvin, Tom Erdelyi, later Marc Bell and some others
• Joey, Johnny, Dee Dee, Tommy, Marky Ramone, et al
• Supposedly "Ramones" had a link to Paul McCartney checking into hotels as Paul Ramon.  Also possibly linked to producer Phil Ramone.  Probably neither so much as just a random choice of a universal surname for all band members.
• Joey was on drums at first.  Tommy was the manager, then he took over behind the kit and Joey went out front.  Good call, dudes.
• Have you see Joey Ramone up close?  And considering how shy he was, he was a less likely candidate for successful frontman than Stipe, Ian Curtis, and Andy Partridge put together.
• The Ramones' eponymous debut was released in 1976.  It makes the G:TB list of best debut albums of all time.  
• Johnny Ramone stole Joey's girlfriend and married her.  This was never really resolved.
• Johnny Ramone was staunchly conservative in his political leanings.  Joey was diametrically opposed.  This mattered when it came to occasional lyrical content like in "Bonzo Goes to Bitburg."
• Dee Dee was the only original who really did many drugs.  Way many.
• Joey died in 2001 from lymphoma. Dee Dee finally OD'ed in 2002. Johnny succumbed to prostate cancer in 2004.  Tommy died last year from bile duct cancer.  Name another rock and roll band whose founding members are all deceased.  I know of two.  Because I googled it.

Essential Viewing: End of the Century - The Story of the Ramones.  One of my favorite rockumentaries ever.  Watch it.

Essential Listening: I bought Mania when it came out in 1988, then eventually went back to the first album and started working my way through from the beginning.  Not a bad way to do it, and it may be how everyone is doing it.  Mania was the only certified gold record The Ramones had, ludicrous as it seems to me.  Until last year -- when Ramones went gold, 38 years after its release.  Hundreds of years from now, watch for sales of Too Tough to Die to skyrocket.

In the meantime, here's Clarence's take on the music.  Come on, let's rock and roll with the Ramones.

What You Already Know

(or you damn well should)
1. "Blitzkrieg Bop," Ramones 1976
Hey Ho Let's Go

2. "I Wanna Be Sedated," Road to Ruin 1978
Hurry hurry hurry, before I go loco

3. "Sheena Is a Punk Rocker," Rocket to Russia 1977
New York City really has it all

4. "Rock & Roll High School," End of the Century, 1980
I just wanna get some chicks

5. "Do You Remember Rock & Roll Radio?" End of the Century, 1980
'Cause lately it all sounds the same to me

What You May Well Know
1. "We're a Happy Family," Rocket to Russia 1977
Siting here in Queens / Eating refried beans

2. "The KKK Took My Baby Away," Pleasant Dreams, 1981
Ring me ring me ring me up the President / And find out where my baby went

3. "Pinhead," Leave Home, 1977
Gabba gabba hey

 4. "Rockaway Beach," Rocket to Russia 1977
The sun is out, and I want some

5. "Pet Sematary," Brain Drain, 1989
I don't want to live my life again

Brilliance in Under Two Minutes
1. "Now I Wanna Sniff Some Glue," Ramones, 1976 - 1:36
All the kids want somethin' to do
[This might be the perfect rock song. It's like it sired "Wasted" by Black Flag.]

2. "Gimme Gimme Shock Treatment," Leave Home, 1977 - 1:43
Peace and love is here to stay

3. "Cretin Hop," Rocket to Russia 1977 - 1:59
There's no stoppin' the cretins from hoppin'

Top Ramones Covers
1. "California Sun," The Rivieras
2. "Surfin' Bird," The Trashmen
3. "Let's Dance," Chris Montez
4. "Needles and Pins," Jackie DeShannon
5. "Spiderman," TV Cartoon

3 Good Ramones Songs That Aren't Very Ramones-y
1. "Howling at the Moon (Sha-La-La), Too Tough to Die, 1985
I want to steal from the rich and give to the poor

2. "Danny Says," End of the Century, 1980
Listening to Sheena on the radio
Phil Spector... uh...

3. "She Talks to Rainbows," Adios Amigos! 1994
She talks to trees / She talks to bees / She don't talk to me
Bizarrely silly lyrics, but I really like this tune a lot.

Also: "Something to Believe In," Animal Boy, 1986
If people weren't such dicks and I never made mistakes / Then I could find forgiveness
I don't love the song, but a video worth watching, Ramones Aid, a USA for Africa parody with guest stars.

JDGRS (Just Damn Good Ramones Songs)
Teenage Lobotomy Psycho Therapy 53rd & 3rd Bop 'Til You Drop I Remember You Chinese Rock Too Tough to Die Garden of Serenity Beat On the Brat Glad to See You Go I Want You Around Havana Affair 

At the Boathouse in Norfolk

Clarence's All-Time Favorites
(In addition to several of the above)

1. "Judy Is a Punk," Ramones, 1976
Perhaps they'll die, oh yeah

2. "Commando," Leave Home, 1977
Fourth rule is: Eat kosher salamis
1:55 of pure punk rock, kicked off with vintage Dee Dee 1-2-3-4.

3.  "Here Today, Gone Tomorrow," Rocket to Russia 1977
Someone had to pay the price
Dispelling misconceptions that all Ramones songs are frenetic punk with shallow content . . .

4.  "I Just Wanna Have Something to Do," Road to Ruin 1978
Hanging out on Second Avenue / Eating chicken vindaloo
. . . but some are, and they are excellent.

5. "We Want the Airwaves," Pleasant Dreams, 1981
Mr. Programmer / I got my hammer / and I'm gonna Smash my / Smash my / Radio

6. "Bonzo Goes to Bitburg (My Brain Is Hanging Upside Down)," Animal Boy 1986
As I watched it on TV somehow it really bothered me

7. "Somebody Put Something In My Drink," Animal Boy 1986
Tanqueray and tonic's my favorite drink / I don't like anything colored pink / That just stinks
Inspired the Random idiots song "Someone Slipped a Mickey in My 27th Beer."

8. "I Wanna Live," Halfway to Sanity, 1987
As I execute my killers / The morning is near

But here's all you really need.

Clarence Explains It All

Clarence is not a role model. He’s not even human. He’s a cartoon. Some of the things he does could cause a person to get hurt, expelled, arrested, possibly deported. To put it another way: Don't try this at home.

"When Black Friday comes, I'm gonna stake my claim. I'm gonna change my name."  
--Donald Fagen and Walter Becker

"EAT BAT PRICK"
-- Donald Fagen

Some folks wait all year to get incredible bargains today.  For others, the thought of venturing anywhere close to stores today induces nausea.  Clarence, as you probably recall, loves to spend Black Friday waxing philosophical about stuff. This is in stark contrast to Rob's recent advice to do more listening and less talking. So be it.

Enjoy another edition of Clarence Explains It All.

Clarence Explains RGIII
For about a year now, I have held strong to one opinion on Robert Griffin the Third.  This man excels at one version of football offense, the read option.  Cue the 2012 overachievement footage.  Several disastrous plays that year led to two things: RGIII getting injured and Mike Shanahan getting vilified.  Cue the 2013 backlash footage. Save Robert by making him a pocket passer.  Except this isn't Rocky III and southpaws don't become proficient righties. My awesome hedge trimmer makes a crappy lawn mower.  Or something like that.  And this line can't hold blocks for more than 1.69 seconds.

Now that Washington is bottoming out yet again, Gruden's looming performance review is shaky at best, and Griffin either looks to be holding a clipboard or dumped for a song, please listen to what Clarence has been saying for a year.  Go back to the no holds barred read option melee.  Wouldn't each of the stakeholders involved throw most degrees of caution to the wind at this point and like to see what happens?  

Because here's what will happen otherwise:

• Colt McCoy gets bludgeoned, same as any QB behind that line
• RGIII is waived or traded for a 5th round pick
• Whoever takes him runs the read option and he wins Comeback Player of the Year

I know Gruden doesn't run that kind of offense, or at least he hasn't in the past.  But ask Zman how much fun it is to see Marshawn Lynch dominate these days. (Hell, the Bills should be first in line for RGIII.) It will pain us to see this kid excel elsewhere.  

Clarence Explains UVa

Sorry for the left turn, but let's not be afraid to tackle terrifying subjects, people.  And I only have one minor point here.  As a semi-staunch lefty, I see some of my R-voting friends often grimace at the let's-just-see-how-stupid-the-American-public-is, right-wing rhetoric that emanates from certain media sources.  Like the Washington Times linking every natural disaster of the 1990's to the Clinton Administration.  Or more recently, this. (The Bobby Jindal clip is mind-numbing.) It's a means to a GOP end, so I understand it, but it's a bit much, and my level-headed comrades often shake their heads.

Similarly, Rolling Stone magazine often makes me do the same thing on the other side.  The publication's journalistic indictments of Republican leaders and their ilk often stray two or three steps beyond what I would call a practical assessment of the situation.  I'll admit some negative bias owing to this magazine's acute divergence from the being THE authority on great music into a $10/copy ragsheet featuring slanted political commentary and oh, by the way, here's a puff piece on an overreported musical act 15 years past their heyday.  But even objectively speaking, Rolling Stone makes me grimace with some of their takes.

The UVa story? As I read it, I couldn't help my preconceived opinion seeping in.  That the reporting might have been embellished and too fine a point placed on trashing one university for a pervasive campus problem.  But, and it's a Kardashian-sized but, even if that were true, and I hope it isn't, it's a means to an end.  If the shredding of the University of Virginia's pristine image had to happen to shed enough light on a fucking horrible, seemingly repeated ad nauseum (literally) phenomenon of atrocity at that school, then I am all for it. And Rolling Stone may have been the perfect vehicle to do so.  I just hope that we don't see any lawsuits pop up that poke holes in the story enough to diminish the momentum emanating from this edition.  It's weird to say.  As much as I wish the UVA story were fiction, I truly hope that the magazine didn't inject its common brand of liberal bias, as it's called, fictionalizing any of it in any way in order to take the account over the top.

Clarence Explains Men
Reading the RS story makes most any man feel ashamed for his gender.  Knowing that the perpetrators couldn't claim to be a gang of people whom life had stepped upon, whom education and understanding had missed, is even worse.  Males have been sexually assaulting females since we did so in caves.  Otherwise reputable men are undone by libido every day.  Whether God or science is responsible for the makeup of man, the male of the species is flawed.  In order to keep humans on the planet, we are physiologically wired to want women.  The desire has populated the planet since our inception, but it also can be dreadful.  It compels men at each stop on the intellectual continuum; from cognitively challenged to genius-level men, it's the great equalizer -- the testosterone gets us all, and we want sex, and sometimes, we want it right now.  Most of us keep that desire in check, but at the very least it has made us look stupid and unsavory more than once. Clarence is no exception.  The fact that we aren't the type of people who would even consider gang rape an option in our drunkest, most vicious frames of mind doesn't mean we aren't part of this flawed gender.  Casual flirtations, torrid affairs, even obsessions to porn or prostitutes -- they hurt women, too. Hell, the fact that men simultaneously denigrate hookers and keep the oldest profession alive and well points to a problem bigger than us.  The biology sucks, and I don't have an answer.  I'll probably get drunk tonight, want some sex, and act like an idiot to get it.  But we draw the line somewhere, as foolhardy as that may seem.  I confess to sympathizing when men, particularly ones who have a track record of good deeds and helping folks, negatively and irreversibly alter their lives with sex, be it a backseat blowjob or a years-long affair.  But I couldn't possibly conjure anything but nasty bile for men who take pleasure in harming women, and I guess that's how Clarence sleeps at night.

Clarence Explains Bill Cosby

Holy fuck.  This one hurts.  It falls into the latter category of the last section; if the Cos had merely fallen prey to the typical male's sex addiction* and gotten his rocks off consensually with women not his betrothed for 40 years, I'm shrugging.  Drugging and raping is not in the same galaxy, Dr. Cosby, and I'm wincing.  Not for him -- fuck him, and may justice be served.  For me, and for the headache we all get when we wonder whether we are allowed to ever enjoy Dumb Donald or Theo Huxtable or Jell-o pudding pops or some hilarious records or my college graduation commencement speech.  Do I have to boycott all of those things?  Can I just enjoy them objectively while discounting the human associated with them? It's disappointing, any way you answer that.


*Okay, that's two things in a row I can't explain.  But I will explain this. It's my belief that any man claiming sex addiction is full of shit. In our circle of friends, an affair was recently exposed.  The woman has been completely trashed as a home-wrecking whore, the guy claimed sex addiction, got some counseling, and was relatively unscathed. Generally speaking, the female gets the shaft in the court of public opinion on these matters, but this is total bullshit.  Nearly every non-eunuch man has a sex addiction.  See the last section.  It's how we keep the species alive.  We want it all the damn time.  Like right now.  Seriously, right now I want to make sweet, sweet love to a woman.  Call me, ladies.  So, dudes like Tom Sizemore, Tiger Woods, Charlie Sheen, Eliot Spitzer, and many more: stop copping out and being a pussy, and just own it.  You are a stupid, stupid man who wants sex constantly like the rest of us. You don't duck the thunder on that crap pseudo-diagnosis.

Clarence Explains Scott Stapp
Creed lead singer Scott Stapp is apparently broke and homeless and deranged. Among other things, he texted his estranged wife: ""Florida is not safe. Biological weapons on the way. U have to leave with kids and meet me in Atlanta." Clarence tells you that he is spreading this anti-Florida message that to get back at Otto Wolfcastle for making fun of him and his shit music.

Clarence Explains Ferguson
The more you learn about this story, doesn't it seem like this is one of those cases -- as most are -- where the truth is somewhere in between? Like Michael Brown and Darren Wilson were both wrong to some degree, and it cost one his life and the other his career (most likely), and it was an unfortunate incident through which we should advance relations via education and a cautionary tale but through which we will actually regress because people take out their misdirected aggressions, far worsening relations?  This wasn't Rodney King.  And people should remember: in the Rodney King mess, 11,000 people were arrested, dozens were killed, and Rodney was drunk and did elude police -- and some years later he drowned in a pool jacked up on most every drug. The truth of these stories is always way more complex than you can put on a posterboard.  This media-stoked fire just temporarily covers up the grief of an unfortunate incident with a whole lot of anger and hatred... which fuel further incidents. Two wrongs don't make a right, people, but three rights do make a left. Think about it.

Clarence Explains Gheorghe
I've had a weak year of G:TB output, and I'm not alone. The blog has been held together by a few, most notably Rob. Let's get Gheorghemas going and make up for that in a big way.  The holidays aren't what they once were for Clarence, so a fun distraction is needed.

Well, that's about it.  Have fun this holiday weekend.  Now back to your regularly scheduled dipshittery.