TR recently lamented that he has to come up with a lot of gifts for Tiara over a relatively short time span every year. He's especially busy this year so he probably doesn't have time to come up with ideas and it wouldn't surprise me if you're similarly situated. Luckily for you I'm really good at gift ideas--just ask your mother. Here are a few you should consider that worked out well for me.
Yes, this seems stupid. Who needs a $100 heated coffee mug that you control from your phone? It turns out lots of women do. zwoman drinks her coffee really slowly so she ends up microwaving it twice throughout the course of the morning. Her friends are envious of her Ember mug, which makes her enjoy it even more. I did well with this one.
Your phone is filthy. You use it in the bathroom, you let your kids use it, you fiddle with it while you're walking the dog or mowing the lawn or fixing your car or running or whatever else you do with dirty hands. You should clean it from time to time. PhoneSoap is a case that shines UV light on both sides of the phone and you can charge it in there too. UV light is commonly used to purify water because it destroys DNA--even the Australians use it! Again, this sounds silly but it was well-received.
Sneakers
Ladies is pimps too and you should help style them accordingly. Like this if they're sporty and hip, or like this if they're preppy and crisp, or like this if they're French.
Yeah I said it. And I've been saying it for a while. Everyone needs a Toto Washlet. You know who wasn't seriously affected by the toilet paper shortage? zfamily, because we're one-wipe-done after the Toto takes care of business. I haven't researched Washlets in a while but my friend's wife asked me to help her pick one out for his birthday and I steered her towards the C200. She installed it herself as a surprise so you should be able to install one too. Key features are remote control (as opposed to controls mounted on the side of the seat), oscillating nozzle (oscillating is yooodge), heated water, and heated seat. Once a woman uses a heated toilet seat she can't go back. zwoman's homegirls always rave about our warm seat and never pass up a chance to sit on it. Floss the butt crack, make you shiny, spiffy in a jiff indeed.
Everyone should have a mechanical watch. The Timex Marlin comes in various sizes and functionalities, and this 34 mm three-hander is great for a woman's wrist. Swap out the leather strap for a metal bracelet to make it sportier or a nylon NATO to make it more adventurous. The funky Arabic numerals let you do a lot style-wise, and who doesn't want 34 mm of Marlin in their lives?
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22 comments:
dammit. i hate thinking about gifts . . . this post makes me feel guilty and lame
dave, i think you should install a toto in the shed.
Well, I failed to publish my post until now, and it doesn't work on any other day of the year, so...it stays up
to whit's comment yesterday about luke loewe, we now know that the tribe would've had three big ten-caliber players in '19-20 (loewe, chase audige, and andy van vliet) had tony shaver not been fired. that team would've been the one. not over it.
I have purchased two of Zman's suggestions for Mother's Day Gifts. The Toto was not one.
What message do you send to your significant other by gifting them a Toto Washlet?
Are the Bidens giants or have the Carters shrunk?
Even Prince Albert thinks JimmyCarter looks terrible
The message is: "I acknowledge that we all engage in certain bodily functions, and here is something that will make certain of them more pleasant and efficient. I love you and your backside."
I thought "the Carters" referred to Jay and Bey.
Here's an early Father's Day gift idea to ask for:
https://lbilimited.com/offerings/ex-mario-andretti-1981-alfa-romeo-gtv-6/
It would be the best 34mm of her life.
zman - If you every decide to give up your current employment, Hallmark could be an interesting second career.
working on the deck because it's nice outside. judging from the smell coming from my neighbor's back yard, i may have inadvertently moved to colorado.
are you doing your normal job out on the deck or are you actually working on fixing your deck? very ambiguous.
or perhaps you're practicing magic tricks?
when i shingled the shed the other day, i was working on the shed while i was working on the shed.
i was doing my regular work while on the deck, which is in fine shape and does not need any construction or refurbishment. i did build some deck furniture over the weekend. assembled, really.
Already decided shoes for the lady. She's been wanting Yeezy's so I'm wrapping up a stuffed animal goat and then letting her pick out her own pair off of GOAT. Oh, and her new couch came in today so I'd say she's set.
The Toto washlet will be coming to out house soon though.
This is the GTB content I didn't know I needed, but boy do I need it.
The controversial new casino soon to be built here in Norfolk has a name now: HeadWaters. Yep. Like the liquids in the bathroom. Get some.
Casinos should never be controversial.
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