We Have A Winner!

After carefully evaluating the one entry received for the First Annual G:TB Circus Peanuts Diorama Contest, we at G:TB are pleased to announce that we have a winner!  It is the sample entry, constructed by Mr. Truck, with toy soldiers, the requisite circus peanuts, and Sriracha hot sauce (which is much gorier than ketchup). Congratulations, Mr. Truck:  may you never have to eat a circus peanut again.

To be honest, I thought the circus peanut diorama contest was destined for the annals of "G:TB columns that  promise recurrence but then never recur."  For example, remember this one? But yesterday my colleague Stacey tossed a bag of circus peanuts on the communal food table in the office.  She was hoping someone might make a diorama out of them, but then something better happened: we got to watch a circus peanut virgin eat his first peanut. Within moments, he became angry, and despite my fun facts from the original post . . . America's oldest candy! . . . four million ponds sold annually! . . . very difficult to get the right consistency! . . . he was appalled that people actually ate them on a regular basis.  He described their flavor as "dusty Peptol Bismol" and complained of a strange "coating in his mouth."  Not bad, although I think my description was more poetic: "their texture, when fresh, is that of congealed shaving foam, and once stale, a hard plastic shell forms around their dissolving guts . . . they taste like rotten bananas sprayed with Clorox."  That's beautiful writing.

A few other circus peanut veterans went ahead and revisited the flavor of the circus peanut-- which was also entertaining-- and someone made the inevitable Freudian slip and called them "circus penis."

This got me thinking.  Obviously "icing" is the Epitome of Douche. But tossing a bag of circus peanuts on the table is not nearly as retarded, and you get some of the same entertainment value.  And, it is SFW.  So I am going to start carrying around a bag, and attempt to "peanut" people (which sounds a lot dirtier than "icing" someone).  I think the rules are similar to "icing" in that if they have some other kind of ridiculous candy on their person, they can force me to eat my own circus peanut and I will also have to sample their candy (those stupid dots of colored sugar on the roll of white paper would be an excellent parry to a circus peanut-- I deny that anyone can eat those without ingesting large amounts of the paper, which does not taste good at all.  Or those wax bottles of weird tasting sugar water . . . neither the wax nor the colored sugar water tastes very good.  Also an excellent defense against the peanut.)

I'm so excited by this new fad which I am sure will soon take the nation by storm, that I am re-opening the Circus Peanut Diorama Contest!  If you need to familiarize yourself with the rules, you can read them here. And if you have never eaten a circus peanut, you need to try one pronto.