Tremble Little Loudoun Man

On Tuesday evening at 10:30 EST, little Loudoun United FC take on mighty Los Angeles FC in the 2024 US Open Cup Round of 16. Loudoun, hometown team for me and Marls, are currently in 8th place in the USL Championship Eastern Conference table with a record of three wins, two draws, and six losses. LAFC have been to the last two MLS Cup finals, having won the first division title in 2022. It's a mismatch on paper, my friends.

As the cliche goes, they don't play games on paper. At least not soccer games. 

Loudoun have reached this point in the tournament by defeating the Richmond Kickers in a shootout before traveling to the west coast to vanquish Orange City FC, 2-1. LAFC beat Loudoun's leaguemate Las Vegas Lights FC by a 3-1 count to reach the 16s.

LAFC have World Cup winner Hugo Lloris in the net. Loudoun counter with Cannes native Hugo Fauroux. We see your Hugo, and we call. 'Cause a raise might be impudent.

2023 MLS Golden Boot winner Denis Bouanga leads LAFC with eight goals on the season, while the club awaits the July debut of Lloris' countryman Olivier Giroud. Chatham, New Jersey's own Zach Ryan tops Loudoun with three tallies through the club's 11 matches. There are no French forwards on the way to Leesburg, though midfielder Florian Valot is from Pau, and has two assists on the season. Seems pretty even.

Loudoun midfielder Drew Skundrich is married to USWNT and Washington Spirit midfielder Andi Sullivan. LAFC is part-owned by Drew Carey and Mia Hamm (in addition to Will Ferrell, Nomar Garciaparra, and Magic Johnson). Dammit, one-upped again.

LAFC are known for the 3252, the boisterous fan group that takes its name for the seating capacity of home field BMO Stadium's north end. Loudoun United officially averages 2,664 fans per game in its 5,000-seat hime, Segra Field, and I'm here to tell you that count is generous.

I can't find odds anywhere on the various betting sites, but I assume the touts would have LAFC at somewhere around -1000 to win. Can't really argue that. Loudoun United have never made the USL Championship playoffs, let alone won a title. Hell, the club's never even had a winning season, nor really been close to having one. In the club's five-year history, Loudoun has won 34, drawn 22, and lost 102. Not great, Bob.

Been a good run for the boys in red and white. Here's hoping LAFC coach Steve Cherundolo does the noble thing and rests his starters (and second team) ahead of their MLS match against Atlanta United. That's our best shot. Regardless, Marls and I will be hunkered down at Loudoun Brewing Company, the official matchday home of the Loudoun Stampede, United's supporters group. Let's go Loudoun!

Better Know Your Obscure Semi-Professional Soccer Clubs

The Lamar Hunt U.S. Open Cup is among the world's oldest national soccer competitions. Though slightly less well known than other domestic tournaments like the FA Cup and the Copa Del Rey, America's tournament nonetheless dates back to 1914, and pits amateur, semi-pro and lower-level professional sides against the best of the MLS.

After a spirited third round of action at the end of May,the original 91 entries have been whittled to the final 32. Fourth round matches take place next Tuesday and Wednesday, with the 17 MLS clubs joining the 15 third-round winners in the single-elimination bracket.

One of next week's matchups pairs MLS clubs, with Portland Timbers taking on the San Jose Earthquakes. But like all open domestic tournaments, the real fun comes from the matchups between lower-tier squads and the big boys of the top league. New York City FC, for example, takes on the NASL's New York Cosmos on Wednesday. Columbus Crew battles the Tampa Bay Rowdies, the latter another blast from soccer's first burst of American popularity. MLS-leading Colorado Rapids faces a Rocky Mountain derby clash against the Colorado Springs Switchbacks from the third-tier United Soccer League (USL).

While we're obviously pulling for all underdogs, all the time, we've got our eye on a pair of true longshots that have fought their way from the earliest stages of the competition. Tuesday night, mighty LA Galaxy, with Steven Gerrard, Robbie Keane, and Giovanni Dos Santos, host La Maquina FC, an amateur squad from the fifth-tier United Premier Soccer League.

Founded in 2011 and named in honor of the legendary Mexican side Cruz Azul, La Maquina had never before qualified for a U.S. Open Cup. They play their home games at Westminster High School in Los Angeles. And at the moment, they're not allowed to play in the UPSL after having been suspended for six games following a brawl in a match against San Nicholas FC in 2015. They're basically the Bad News Bears. Who, in a few short days, instead of playing in the Astrodome, actually play the Astros.

The other fourth round match relevant to our interests features the Seattle Sounders hosting Kitsap Pumas FC. While the Pumas, unlike La Maquina, are a professional side, they toil in the fourth division of American soccer, the USL Premier Development League. They knocked off the USL's Sacramento Republic, 3-1, to advance to face Sigi Schmid's Seattle powerhouse, which features U.S. Men's National Team members Clint Dempsey and Jordan Morris.

In a tournament where the occasional miracle does actually happen (just ask the 1999 US Open Cup Champion Rochester Rhinos), though it's been several years since a non-MLS side even made the semifinals (the Richmond Kickers in 2011), a La Maquina or Kitsap Pumas victory over an MLS team in the midst of Copa America and league play wouldn't be the strangest thing in history. But it'd be pretty damn close.

(In the course of 'researching' this post, I discovered some noteworthy facts. Most important of these, ghoogling 'open cup' results in some interesting results from Frederick's of Hollywood. My apologies to my IT administrator, and you're welcome.)