In Forty Hours, A Man Will Be Five Feet Deep In My Ass: Everything You Wanted to Know (But Were Afraid to Ask) About My Impending Colonoscopy

I won't be eating much on Sunday. Some eggs for breakfast, then a vanilla yogurt snack, and then some jello and Gatorade after that. The reason why, you might ask?  My first colonoscopy. Though I am a wee bit shy of 40, there is a history of colo-rectal cancer in my family, so I figured I'd combine two loves: avoiding cancer and having foreign objects inserted into the forbidden orifice.

One bit of good news is that my Dr. Assman tells me the laxative I have to ingest at 5 PM on Sunday and at 6 AM on Monday is less unpleasant to drink than the old stuff. I am curious to see the effects. I ate some absurdly spicy wings for no good reason for lunch today, so I wonder if it will depart in wave 1 or wave 2.

Keeping the fairway open is important because, after all, they're going five feet deep inside me. FIVE FEET. That's almost one whole Rob. But there's little to worry about. Dr. Assman tells me that there only complications with 1 in 200 patients. The common complication, you may ask?  Perforated anus.  But only half of the perforations require surgery.  That must be a fun message from the doc as you wake up. "So, um, about that procedure. Well, we tore your anus and had to fix it.  My bad." 



I will endeavor to keep you all up to speed on the comings and goings (mostly goings, actually, until one big coming occurs at noon on Monday) in casa de TR.