The Test Approaches Dave's Mental Age

Long ago, Whitney pegged my mental age at 92 . . . for those of you unfamiliar with this concept, your mental age is the age that most consistently reflects your behavior and personality throughout your entire life. He's probably spot-on: I can be irascible and stubborn and grouchy, I often act like a know-it-all, I struggle with change and technology, I find many of the things people do a waste of time and effort, I like to go to bed at 8:30 PM and get up eight hours later, I've seen it all, I don't mind being alone, and-- despite all these willful characteristics-- I'm fairly easygoing because I know we're all going to die soon, so it's not worth getting too upset over anything.

My podcasting partners, Stacey and Cunningham, are both much younger than me, but Stacey's mental age is 18 (and mentally she's a male) and Cunningham's mental age is somewhere around 64. On this week's show, we are joined by special guest Little Allie Hogan, who is chronologically rather young, but has the mental affect of a 42 year old Amish woman . . . from 1880.

Quite a crew.




If you haven't tuned in to The Test for a while, this is a good one. And now you can listen on iTunes, Google Play Music, Stitcher, etc. Please subscribe and give us a good rating. We're getting 12,000 or so downloads a month, which is in the vicinity of being real. Marls, you can subscribe and never listen, we won't be offended.

Anyway, we finally got back to "the studio," a little carpeted room in Stacey's house that is great for recording audio, and I've figured out how to compress and EQ everything so it sounds fairly professional. I've also made a stellar quiz on this one, the answers will most definitely surprise you, and probably make you a little embarrassed to be a modern American.  It's only taken 90 episodes to get it right, but I don't think I'm ever going to sound like this guy again . . .

Podcaster Makes Solemn Promise To Improve Sound Quality Next Episode

Happy Apocalyptic New Year!

I know Marls gets pissed when I post The Test here, but fuck him, we're still cranking out episodes (and filler is needed). This one is about the impending apocalypse, and it's a tour-de-force.

When we started this project, we assumed we would run out of topics fairly quickly, or get sick of hearing our own voices. Neither has happened yet. Our ignorance is boundless, as is our fascination with how we express it.

This one gets a bit dark . . . beware.

Dave Is Brilliant (according to Dave)

Although we've been a little slower pumping out the episodes since school started, we are still making The Test.

I haven't posted all the episodes up here, because my prolific creativity annoys Marls, but the newest episode is something special (and my favorite one so far). This is mainly because the final question-- which I conceived in my super-brilliant brain-- is a culmination of not only everything we've learned on the podcast, but quite possibly ties all the knowledge in the universe together, an enormous version of Lebowski's rug. The ladies might not wholeheartedly agree with my assessment, but they don't totally disagree either.

I also set a cunning pepper-related trap, which they fall into headfirst (and refuse extrication). And we solve a mystery.

It's an amazing tour-de-force. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll shoot mucous from your nose, and if you're not careful, you just might learn something (pepper-related).

The Test 56: Politics, Naps, and Canine Mating Rituals

While the producers of The Test are certainly not as knowledgeable as Rob in the political arena, we do our best (and we could kick his pansy ass in the actual arena . . . Stacey is six foot one in flats and Cunningham is very, very sarcastic).

On this week's episode, Cunningham asks some pointed political questions, both general and germane, and Stacey and I do our civic duty (with some help from God) and participate in the ongoing discussion of who should run our country and how they should do it. We attempt to unravel how our political process works.

While we're not Tom Torlakson, we're trying (although we do get sidetracked by important issues of the day: napping, how to mate a great dane with a Boston terrier, the benefits/detriments of exercise . . . pretty much anything to avoid explaining just what the fuck a caucus is) and we hope our efforts will be helpful to the voters come November. And, remember: three more months of this shit!

Give it a whirl, keep score, and see how you fare.

Stacey Can Name That Comic in One Note

Stacey professes to have an uncanny ability to recognize stand-up comics by their voice alone, and I put that claim to the test this week on The Test. She performs admirably.  Cunningam also decides that she has this uncanny ability, but you'll have to be the judge on she fares.

Enjoy the clips and see how fast you can name the comic and the theme. Stacey is tough to stump.

The Test . . . Season Two!

Believe it or not, Stacey, Cunningham and I have been recording The Test for a year now . . . we did a trial episode in Stacey's classroom last June (which never aired because of poor sound quality) and have produced an episode a week since then. We are very proud of us. You should be very proud of us too.

Season Two features some new recording equipment-- I sold my other stuff on eBay and bought one of these:

Instead of recording through USB microphones and adapters into my old MacBook Pro, I'm following the advice of the internet and recording into a fairly cheap digital recorder. This is ostensibly easier because the piece of gear is designed purely for sound recording, but I must warn you, if you don't press the record button, it doesn't work (which happened the other night . . . luckily the two episodes we DID record were the good ones, and the one that we didn't record wasn't all that wonderful).

Anyway, Stacey starts off season two with a meta-bang, and administers a test on tests. I perform quite well (though, ironically, I know the least about the thing I should know the most about) and-- season two plot twist-- so does Cunningham. There's also some new intermission music. Give it a shot, see how you do, and welcome to season two!

The Test 51: Dave Does a Song Quiz?

This week on The Test, after weeks of fanfare, I finally unveil my thematic song quiz to the ladies. Things do not go as well as planned, but Rob and Whit will enjoy the culminating song and the overarching theme. Definitely a shout out to room 306.

Listen to the seven clips and see if you can puzzle out the answer. Stacey does. Cunningham not so much. As a bonus, I secretly reveal my plans for the show next season.
 

The Test 50: Closing Lines

This week on The Test, Cunningham teaches us how to finish strong. She administers a quiz on the closing lines of seven famous novels, and then she delivers a rousingly inspirational peroration in the waning moments of the podcast.

Stacey and I prefer to start like balls of fire and then fizzle out. This is how we teach novels, and this is how we perform on this episode.

In a few weeks, we'll have completed a year's worth of the show. Not sure if we'll finish the year strong, or fizzle out, but hopefully you'll come along for the ride.

The Test 49: Where Do Bad Folks Go When They Die?

I feel like crap today: it's either allergies or I'm possessed by a malevolent spirit (and it's probably the latter).

For more spooky stuff, my reaction to the Tibetan Book of the Dead, and why Cunningham would rather relinquish control of her life, check out this week's episode of The Test.

Happy Mother's Day! Listen to The Test With Your Mom

This week's episode of The Test is rather apropos for today-- it's about how some things are based on other things, and there is no denying the fact (though many of you would like to) that we are all based (partly) on the DNA of our mothers . . . aside from our clone overlords, whom I welcome with open arms.

Cunningham nearly cries, Stacey does medium, and I determine that I am far better looking than Tina Fey (not everyone agrees). Check it out and tell your mom to listen too.

 

It Is a Far, Far Better Butt-kicking I Give

Cunningam quizzes us on famous opening lines of novels this week on The Test.  Bonuses include Stacey's ukulele aspirations and a very special guest.

I also reminisce about a related sitcom episode which many Gheorghies will remember. And I slip two clips of this episode into the show. Perhaps this is an abuse of my power as audio editor . . . but why be audio editor unless you're going to abuse the power?

One More Thing to Listen To . . .

So when you're done listening to all Rob's recommendations (I liked The Weeds) then check out the newest episode of The Test. It's short and sweet, and I guarantee you'll go through some mental gymnastics to pass.

Stacey describes some things . . . little things . . . things that you're familiar with and know how to use -- but do you know what these things are called? Can you name them?

Cunningham and I get a few, but in the end, the Voice of God has to descend from his ethereal realm and clarify a couple of things.

We also learn that jokes are funnier when you're holding a puppy.

Check it out and see how you fare.

The Test 45: Borderline Insanity

I had an insanely productive Sunday today, and I'd like to commemorate it here at G:TB. In no particular order, I accomplished these tasks:

1) switched the laundry
2) purchased fifteen bags of black mulch (on sale) at Home Depot
3) did the dishes and cleaned the sink
4) swept and vacuumed
5) hung two hooks (for hats)
6) went for a forty-five minute run (with the dog)
7) coached a soccer game
8) watched my other son play in a soccer game (two victories!)
9) gave the dog a bath
10) helped my wife carry in the groceries
11) edited the newest episode of The Test

While I am very proud of all the tasks I accomplished on this beautiful and sunny Sunday, the only one you need to concern yourself with is the newest episode of The Test. I'm rarely this straightforward but:

YOU MUST LISTEN TO THIS EPISODE!

I introduce the topic with a musical riddle, and Stacey and Cunningham give it the old college try, but things go down a dark road fairly quickly. There's depression, disgust, self-reflection, and plenty of geography. If you haven't listened yet, this is the one to start with. If you're a fan, you'll love it.

So give it a shot . . . what's the worst thing that could happen? The only thing on the line is your self-esteem.

Who Will Speak For the Trees? Dave Will Speak for the Trees . . .

On this week's episode of The Test, not only do I speak for the trees, but I also speak for the birds and the salmon and the people who don't like to get their hands damp so they can't do the dishes. In other words, I read seven excerpts from famous literary works about nature, and-- despite their initial complaints-- the ladies do fairly well identifying what's what.

Not only that, but Stacey invents a new slogan for Trump, and Norman is fondly remembered.

Give it a shot and see how you fare.

The Test 42: Literary Stuff

This week on The Test, Stacey quizzes us about her literary heroes. You'll certainly learn some anecdotes to brandish while you sip cocktails with your effete, hyper-educated friends. If you don't have any effete hyper-educated friends, then listening to this podcast will be the first step to finding some.

As a bonus, I make some half-baked jokes to mask my lack of knowledge, and Cunningham decides that in order to inspire her literary muse, she'll either need to live inside a computer or journey to Mars.

The moral? You don't need to read the book to seem educated, you just need to know some literary stuff. Good luck!

The Test 41: Zombies (and Zombeavers)

This week on The Test, Stacey and special guest Liz collaborate on a phenomenal and comprehensive zombie quiz. Cunningham ambitiously predicts an A+, but then realizes she is woefully unprepared. The two of us struggle (heroically) to come up with the correct answers. While we certainly don't earn high marks, we figure out a few. Apparently, we know a little more about zombies in film and TV than we think (but not much more).

As a bonus, Stacey gets scolded by The Voice of God for her hubris.

Spoiler: Zombeavers is not one of the answers.

The Test 40: More Theme Songs

Young Cunningham loves her TV shows, and she loves her TV Theme Song Quizzes. She even adds a movie outro song for good measure. Stacey and I perform better than last time (but that's not saying much). See if you can beat us to the punch.

Bonus material: I make some stuff up, and-- in order to educate Cunningham-- Stacey sings the Cheers theme song. Cunningham reveals that she learned about the ancient situational barroom comedy Cheers on an episode of Friends. All this and more on this week's episode of The Test.

If you're feeling generous, give us a rating on iTunes . . .

Why couldn't it be Tesla?

Chronological Fun for the Whole Family

Once upon a time, I had an idea for a Trivial Pursuit style board game. Something fun for the whole family. But instead of questions, each card would have three thematically connected things on it, and you'd have to put them in chronological order. Awesome!

For example, you might draw a card with Leonardo da Vinci's Mona Lisa,  Botticelli's The Birth of Venus, and Van Gogh's Starry Night. Kids would love this! Fun for the whole family! There could even be a sports edition, with exciting triplets such as: Mickey Klutts, Graig Nettles, and Clete Boyer.

Or maybe not.

It did make a pretty good test, however, and Terry, MJ, and Stacey tear it up. Give it a shot and see if you can hang with them.

Sports sports sports sports . . . sports sports sports sports . . .

In honor of Stephen Curry's stupendous final shot (and record breaking performance) last night, I humbly present this week's episode of The Test. It is dedicated to all things sporting.

Stacey designed the questions to torture Cunningham, who is not a sporting fanatic. I do quite well, although I get a bit choked up when I try to express my love and joy for all things athletic. Cunningham is stupendous-- her answers sound like they are coming from an alien who has been observing wild and crazy earth culture, and doesn't quite get it.

Give it a listen, keep score, see if you can beat me, and try not to cry when Stacey mimics The Locker Room speech (which is very different in tone than Draymond Green's locker room discussion last night).

The Test 37: Black (and White) History

This week on The Test, I administer a quiz in honor of Black History Month. The ladies perform well, and they are deemed "not racist." I include one question about white people, in order to be fair, and this question requires me to do several impersonations (of white people . . . I'm not insane). The ladies don't do so well on this section (but G:TB readers will have an easy time with it).

Also, be warned: Harper Lee fans might take offense at some of our commentary. Sorry Marls.

Give it a shot, keep score, and see if you are more racist, less racist, or exactly the same amount of racist as the gang.